by Kat Cho
It felt like one of those clichéd slow-motion reveals as she started to see the park above the escalator platform. The rides rising up, the lights, the colors. She saw the famous air balloon ride that hung in the sky, showing people the aerial view of the park. She could make out the tracks that wound through the air and led to the outside portion of the park, like a trail to more adventures. As she entered the park, she closed her eyes and breathed in the smell, mostly the scent of fried food and sugary snacks.
I finally made it. Happy birthday, Appa.
And for a second, she thought she saw a man in the crowd, holding his hand out as if he’d been waiting for her.
“Why would you want to come here voluntarily? How can you stand the crowds?” Junu whined. Somin jumped at the sound of his voice. She’d been focusing so hard on the man, she hadn’t heard Junu come up behind her. When she looked again, the man was gone, if he’d even been there at all.
But she did see other figures moving throughout the crowd. At least a handful of them that others didn’t seem to notice, or perhaps they didn’t realize these forms were floating instead of walking. Ghosts. Somin squeezed her eyes shut; she didn’t want to deal with the supernatural. Not today. But when she opened them again, the ghosts were still there and the parkgoers remained mostly oblivious.
“They really can’t see them,” she breathed.
“Most of them, anyway,” Junu said, gesturing to a little boy who stared openmouthed at an elderly ghost beside him. The boy seemed equal parts in awe and terrified, like maybe he thought this was part of the park’s offerings.
“They can’t hurt you,” Junu said, taking her hand. He squeezed it comfortingly, and it helped calm her. “Not if you just ignore them.”
“Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe this is selfish, coming here when the world is turning upside down.”
Junu sighed, “No, I promised I’d take you here. I keep my promises. Even when those promises lead to a day of torture.”
Somin laughed at his morose tone. Like he was being forced into hard labor instead of a day at an amusement park.
She craned her neck back to glance up at the glass dome above. It let in the sky and the sun while protecting the parkgoers from the elements. She’d just take today, no, just half of a day, and have fun. Then she’d return to the real world and the problems that plagued her friends.
“Fine, but no more complaining. I’m not calling you out for buying two youth passes.”
“What’s the matter with that?” Junu asked.
Somin gave Junu a knowing look. “You’re not quite a youth anymore, Junu. Haven’t been that for a few hundred years.”
“Well, the woman in the ticket booth didn’t care.” Junu shrugged. “And she seemed to like me. It’s almost like she wanted to give me the discount.”
“Everyone thinks they like you at first. Because people are innately shallow.” She playfully grabbed his chin.
“Everyone except you, my love.” Junu scrunched his nose playfully.
Somin stopped at that. She knew the words were said in casual jest. That they didn’t mean anything. But they made her heart stutter regardless.
“Come on, I want to go on the pirate ship,” Somin said, grabbing his hand, trying to ignore her erratic pulse.
“I don’t do fast rides.” Junu glared at the swinging pirate ship. Riders screamed in delight as it rocked back and forth, each time threatening to go all the way upside down.
“Why?” Somin teased. “Are you scared?”
“I’m just not willing to give up my breakfast right now.”
Somin laughed at the fear he couldn’t quite hide. She found she liked this new scared version of Junu. Made him seem more real. More human.
“Mortals love a thrill. They love to be reminded of their frailty. Nothing like knowing you’ll die to make you really want to live.”
“I can’t tell if you think mortality is a good or a bad thing.”
“I think it’s . . . limiting.” Junu shrugged. “I knew a boy once who was a disappointment. He couldn’t do anything right. He brought a lot of shame to the family. He was worth only what honor he could bring to the family name in his short lifetime. Everything, including his happiness, came second to the family honor. And when he rebelled and tried to find a sliver of joy, he was kicked out of the family. And he died alone. And no one remembers him now.”
“I don’t care how others measure my life. I care how I feel about how I’ve lived.” She gestured to a ghost standing by a trash receptacle. Actually, it was standing half inside the trash receptacle. “It seems like now more than ever, I’m being reminded that death is an inescapable fact of life, so why let the fear of dying stop me from living?”
That made Junu’s brows rise. “I can’t decide if I’m impressed by how cavalier you are or scared.”
“Well, while you’re deciding, let’s get in a line. I’ve heard if we want to ride the roller coaster, it’s a long wait,” Somin mused.
“No.” Junu firmly shook his head. “I refuse to get on that death trap.”
“Fine, let’s do the carousel first.” Somin turned toward the large carousel, with glimmering bulbs and gleaming horses. When she was younger, she thought that the carousel was a ride for princesses because of how the horses were decorated. She’d always wanted to ride one. And now she felt silly at the thrill she got from hearing the tinkling music. Wasn’t she too old to be this excited?
“Ah yes, a much more civilized ride.”
Somin laughed. “I can’t believe you’re scared of fast rides.”
“It’s not being scared when it’s a healthy aversion to potential bodily harm. I refuse to spend eternity with the crooked profile caused by a broken nose.”
“They’re perfectly safe,” Somin said, rolling her eyes as they lined up to wait for the next ride to start. “You’re just being a big baby.”
“Well, maybe I like the carousel because it allows you to do some secondary activities.” Junu wiggled his brows.
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”
“Why don’t you take a minute to consider it, at least?” Junu said.
“I don’t need a minute. You know, for a guy who claims to be so smooth, I don’t see it. You’d think after so many centuries on this earth, you could at least be a little persuasive.”
Junu laughed. “Somin-ah, you really know how to hit a guy in the ego.”
“Thanks.” She smiled brightly.
“Is that all you like me for?” Junu asked as they were let onto the carousel. “As a punching bag?”
“Maybe,” Somin teased, weaving in and out of horses frozen in various poses. She was in a weirdly playful mood. Perhaps it was the smell of fried amusement park food. Or maybe it was the laughter that lifted into the air, winding around her. She could even imagine it was the company. She was big enough to admit that she was starting to enjoy having Junu around.
She hooked her arm around a pole and let her forward momentum carry her around. She’d have gone swinging in a complete circle if Junu hadn’t caught her. He leaned forward so their eyes were aligned, their noses touching.
“It says a lot that I don’t mind being beat up on. I wonder what it is about you,” he murmured.
Her hands flexed involuntarily.
“Why do I let you abuse me like this? Why do I stick around?” Junu mused.
“Maybe you’re a secret masochist?” Somin breathed, her voice shaky.
She felt like the world was spinning and then realized the carousel had started, the amusement park swirling around them. Lights turning, the faces of other parkgoers becoming a blur. She heard the delighted squeal of a child from the other side of the carousel and thought, I know exactly how you feel, kid. This is thrilling.
Junu leaned forward, and she squeezed her eyes shut in anticipation. But instead of ki
ssing her, he whispered in her ear, “Maybe being close to you helps soothe away the pain.” He lowered his lips toward her neck. She craned her head back, an invitation, and she felt his lips curve as he pressed them against her skin. He’d won, and he knew it.
Somin had a fleeting thought that this wasn’t appropriate. They were in public. Little kids were around. But she couldn’t bring herself to care.
She looped her arms around his neck, fitting her lips to his.
She felt his mouth curl into a grin against hers as his arm tightened around her, holding her in place. But still she felt like she was spinning out of control. Like her body was a top that was dancing along an uneven surface. She’d have toppled over if he hadn’t been holding her so close. Then he leaned back, his eyes searching hers. She started to lift onto her toes, wanting more. He let out a chuckle.
“Ride’s over. I don’t think we’re going to be let on again after the show we put on.” His eyes slid to the side, and hers followed. She saw a group of disapproving parents ushering their kids away.
With a groan of embarrassment, she untangled herself from him and darted off the carousel. She couldn’t even look at the ride operator as she slunk away.
“Don’t worry,” Junu said, slinging his arm around her shoulders. “It’s a rite of passage to horrify a few parents when you’re a teenager.”
Somin shook her head and asked, “What’s next?”
34
AS LONG AS Junu had lived (and that was a very long time), he’d never regretted anything more.
As soon as the ride stopped, he lurched off the faux pirate ship and pushed through the crowd of exiting riders. Making a beeline for the closest trash can, he leaned over it and dry-heaved.
He heard the squeals of kids as they passed by. He’d never been more embarrassed in his life.
“Aw, poor baby,” Somin taunted as she walked up. There was laughter in her voice, and Junu vowed he’d get his revenge. One way or another.
“I never should have let you persuade me to get on that death trap.”
“I swear, I didn’t know you were so prone to motion sickness.”
Junu tried to straighten, but his stomach rolled and he leaned heavily on the trash can. He stared at Somin through narrowed eyes, silently daring her to laugh. “You’re enjoying this way too much.”
“No.” Somin shook her head soberly. “I think I’m enjoying this just enough.” Her giggle turned into a snort as she tried to hold it in.
“We will never talk of this again. Ever. Even to ourselves,” Junu said.
“I mean, I can’t promise that. I’m already planning a lot of late-night gab sessions with myself where we go over everything in detail.”
“You are a cruel person, Lee Somin. I rue the day I ever met you.”
“Go ahead, rue away. I’m still buying one of those ride photos of you screaming your head off. Wait here,” she said before skipping away. As if Junu could do anything but lean pitifully against the disgusting trash can. He watched her go and saw a figure standing in the crowd watching Somin as well.
Junu almost called out to the man. He wore a battered cap over salt-and-pepper hair and looked old enough to be Somin’s father. But before Junu could say anything, the figure disappeared. Junu blinked, then glanced around at a dozen more spirits, floating in and out of the crowd. Some of the children seemed to notice them as well. Pointing or staring with wide eyes. But their parents either didn’t notice or didn’t believe their kids’ exclamations of wonder.
One of the ghosts floated through a teenage girl, who squealed and clung to her boyfriend.
“What?” the boyfriend asked with a laugh.
“You didn’t feel that?” she said, still hanging on to him. “It felt so cold, I’ve got goose bumps.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll keep you warm,” the boyfriend said, hugging her close and guiding her through the crowd.
The ghosts were becoming bolder. Floating among the living, visible, at least to those open to believe. The tear was getting worse.
“Excuse me.”
Junu almost ignored the small voice, but there was a tug on his shirt. A girl blinked up at him with curious eyes. Her hand was still fisted around the bottom of his shirt. She couldn’t have been older than six or seven.
“Can I help you?” Junu asked, eyeing her hand and wondering what mystery sticky substances she might be rubbing into his shirt.
“I’ve never met one of you before,” the girl said, tilting her head as she stared at him.
“One of whom?” Junu asked, trying to make his voice friendly and not confused.
“A dokkaebi. You’re much more handsome than I thought you’d be.” Her small lips pursed as if she was contemplating this fact.
Junu glanced around furitively as he knelt down and lowered his voice to a low whisper. “I don’t know what someone told you, but—”
“My halmeoni wanted me to give you this,” she interrupted him, and held out a business card.
Junu was so surprised, he took it automatically. She was a precocious one. And didn’t seem at all scared to be talking to a fabled dokkaebi.
The card was plain white with only a phone number printed across it. He flipped it over in his hand, but the rest was completely blank.
“What is this for?” he asked.
“To call, duh.” The girl rolled her eyes like he was the child, not her.
It would have made Junu laugh, but suspicion had taken ahold of his chest. “Why would I call this number?”
“She says that you’ll be too curious not to.” She gave a smile that showed she was missing her two front teeth.
“I don’t usually go looking for things I know nothing about.”
The girl giggled. “My halmeoni said you might say something like that. She said if you did, I should tell you something else.” She scrunched up her face as she raised her eyes to the sky in an exaggerated thinking face. Then she smiled. “Oh yeah, she said when you find hidden the one that seeks to harm, you’ll call.”
Then, without another word, she turned and skipped into the crowd. Junu stared at the card in his hand.
“Thirty thousand won!”
Junu spun around, pocketing the card as Somin stomped over to him.
“What?” he asked, trying to push the strange conversation out of his mind.
“It costs thirty thousand won for just one photo. They’re thieves!”
Junu chuckled. “I could have told you that.”
“Well, I’m not wasting my money on that. Even if it was the greatest photo of all time.”
“You should have expected those kinds of prices at an amusement park,” Junu said, leading her away from the pirate ship ride. “You know, I could take you so many better places. You said you want to travel. Maybe we could just get out of here, travel the world. Go global like BTS on the hallyu wave.”
That surprised a laugh out of Somin. “You know, for a guy who’s hundreds of years old, you’re pretty obsessed with pop culture.”
Junu shrugged. “Being eternal doesn’t mean I have to be boring.”
“What’s it like?” Somin asked, her expression suddenly somber. “Being immortal.”
“Why? You considering a new lifestyle?”
“Is immortality an option for someone like me?” Somin asked, her eyes drifting to a spectral form in the corner. As if these ghosts were making her ponder her own mortality.
“No.” Her words worried Junu, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on why. “You shouldn’t be immortal. Your mortality is what makes you shine, Somin-ah. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.”
Somin became contemplative. “Do you regret it? Your immortality?”
“There’s no use regretting something you have no control over,” Junu said, a heavy weight settling in his gut. He lifted his shoulder
s, as if trying to shrug off the troublesome sensation.
“I’m sorry,” Somin said quietly. “How could she do this to you when she once claimed to love you?”
Junu hated the sorrow in her voice. “I used to ask myself that every day. And then I realized, I’m immortal. I don’t need to spend the rest of eternity worrying about things that don’t matter anymore.”
“Of course it matters.” Somin reached for him, but he didn’t want to be comforted right now. He didn’t think he could handle it. “She betrayed you. You loved her. That means something.”
“I thought I loved her,” Junu said, searching her eyes. But what he found wasn’t the pity he thought he’d see. He saw a fire in her, the kind she got when she tried to protect one of her friends. And now it was burning for him. But would it last? He couldn’t be sure. It was like standing at the threshold of a warm room after being out in a blizzard for too long, but being too scared to step inside. “Now I’m starting to think that maybe what I felt then wasn’t real,” he whispered.
“What are you saying?” Somin asked, her eyes boring into his, like they were trying to find all his secrets. It wasn’t the first time someone wanted to figure him out, but it was the first time he was rooting for them to. It was dangerous. She was dangerous.
They stood in this moment, both unwilling to move. Two bodies frozen in place as the sounds and lights of the amusement park still swirled around them. Junu had lived hundreds of years. He’d been with dozens of people. And none of them had made his heart stutter the way Somin could with one look. He wanted to haul her to him, never let her go. But at the same time, he knew that would be wrong. The thing that made Somin shine was how separate she was from his world. Untouched by the darkness he held inside him. If she knew half the things he’d done, she wouldn’t be looking at him with this soft look. So he’d have to accept that, no matter how much he wanted to keep her close to him, he couldn’t. And one day, she’d see him clearly enough to know that he didn’t deserve her. Perhaps that was for the best. For both of them.