Grabbing it, she’d sloshed hot wax onto the table, splashing it on top of the warped tapers she’d just made. Carefully, she moved the pan and set it down out of the way in order to wipe up the hot wax before it cooled. She successfully smeared it across the wood and now-charred circle on the beautiful table that was the centerpiece of the living area in Colton’s small home. Gaping, she began to scrape at the wax with a dull knife, but was only marring the surface further. Yellowish wax had filled every crevice of the wood table-top giving it a speckled or striated appearance in places. A large black circle looked almost like an outline for a place setting.
Staring at it in absolute horror, her boot tapped against the hot pan on the floor and Alice realized she’d done it again! Her skirt had wax on the bottom where it had dipped into the pan that currently was smoking on the plank-board under her shoes. Alice yanked it up off the flooring, her hands burning painfully just before she dropped it onto the stone hearth. A splash of wax flopped over the side of the pan onto the rocks beneath it. She stared at her reddened hands and noticed a blister coming up – only to see that her hands were not the only thing marred by this fiasco.
A dark charcoal circle was now embossed onto the floorboards and Jacob’s bright head was peering right over it. His berry stained hands were leaving marks as he cheerfully pointed at her mistake. Alice sighed heavily and put her hands in cool water as the damage was done.
“Circle! Circle!”
“Yes, Jacob. There are two permanent circles now, aren’t there?”
Unfortunately for Alice, that wasn’t the only mess she’d made in trying to help around the house. She had no idea what she was doing and pride kept her from asking for help again. Her sister’s advice echoed in her mind. She was going to try her hardest to figure out how to be a good wife to Colton and an excellent mother to Jacob.
She’d tried to make stew one afternoon for the family. Carefully cutting up the vegetables into tiny pieces, she’d found a decent sized piece of dried beef in the root cellar of the house and a bag of beans. Putting everything in a pot with water, she’d cooked it for hours on end but it didn’t resemble the thick stews they’d had back in Maryland.
Back home, having stew was almost an event to her and one of her favorite meals. She felt her mouth salivate at the memory of thick, dark gravy surrounding soft turnips, potatoes, and carrots. They always had fresh bread with it to absorb up the juice and that had to be her favorite part. What was in the pot in front of her didn’t resemble stew in the slightest.
The vegetables seemed to look okay, but the beans were floating in what looked to be a greasy mess. She’d never seen a stew that had foam on the top. Even the beef she’d cut up didn’t look right. It was odd colored and not browned or caramelized like she remembered. Grabbing a spoon, she stirred the pot and took a slight taste, shivering in disgust.
It was greasy beyond recognition and had a strange salty taste to it.
Alice found out later that the meat had been packed in brine made up of saltpeter to preserve it. The meat was beyond tough to chew and the beans in the stew were crunchy. She found out later from Mrs. English that you had to soak them and tenderize the beef heavily before browning it to give it a heady taste.
The widow was right – she would be Alice’s ally! After one disaster after another, she found herself on Prudence English’s doorstep asking for help cooking. If she couldn’t be a wife to Colton – she would at least try to comfort her agonized soul with some halfway decent food. She’d once heard her mother say lovingly to her father that the key to their happiness was through her husband’s stomach.
Her father had loved a hearty meal with the family because it focused on being together with each other. They’d discuss parties, events, politics, and even gossip among themselves at the dinner table. That was what family did according to Alice – not this isolated mess she was immersed in.
She wanted conversation, camaraderie, and friendship. She would prefer that her husband develop a tendre’ for his new wife – but so long as they could be courteous to each other and begin a bond between them, she’d settle for that. The loneliness was unbearable, and spearheading a plan in her mind was a way to reach the solitary man she’d married.
Colton had no idea what he’d gotten himself into.
His new bride was indescribable. She’d cried when they’d married and he vowed to leave her alone. He remembered how Grace had cried on their wedding night. It left him feeling horribly guilty, and it took some time before things were better for them. He would give Alice all the time she needed to prepare herself.
Alice was absolutely beautiful to the point that it scared him. He’d been struck by how lovely she was when he’d met her on the street in front of Chance Redburn’s home. Her large brown eyes made him feel like he was drowning in a cup of coffee. He hated to compare her eyes to coffee, but it seemed appropriate. When she looked at him, he felt nothing but searing heat that filled his soul and he found himself craving it daily.
Yep. Alice’s eyes were like the darkest coffee you could brew.
When she looked at him, it made up for what she lacked - which was everything. His new wife could not cook or keep house in the slightest. His shirts were wrinkled and a little tighter from where she’d washed them. The small garden near the house was easily getting overgrown. He found himself picking vegetables in the dark by lamplight just so they didn’t lose anything. She had yet to split any rails and with as blistered as her soft hands were the very first day, he didn’t want to ask her to either.
No, he did everything he could to avoid his new wife because he was afraid to hurt her feelings or impress upon her his desires. He wanted to kiss her again, to see that desire flare in her gaze. He could forgive anything just to see that smile – including the damaged table and flooring. He didn’t know what had happened but could only imagine. Bless her heart, she was desperately trying to do what was needed.
The candles she’d made were laughable.
Half of the meals were inedible.
She’d cooked beans one day and they were still crunchy. Most of the food they ate now was either not cooked long enough or burnt – yet he ate it. She had no idea what beef jerky was and he found it floating in a soup one evening. Even the butter was runny from where it had not been churned long enough.
Colton didn’t want to embarrass Alice either. He thought about asking her sister or Prudence for help and decided against it. He knew that her pride would be hurt if someone found her lacking. She seemed very sure-footed, but he’d seen glimpses of an insecurity in her. He wanted her to feel like she belonged with him, and going to anyone about the matter would just set back any progress she had made in being comfortable enough to make their marriage real in every sense of the word.
He would give her time to find her place in his home, his life, and his heart, and then he would claim Alice as his own, once and for all.
Chapter 10
Alice was going to take more than just recipes from Prudence English to heart – she was going to cut a blazing path straight to his heart! She’d tackle the problem of winning over her husband like the North won the war! This would take some investigative work, some planning, and skill to find out how to infiltrate her husband’s emotions. The man didn’t have to love her… but by golly- he was going to like her! She could only hope for more and didn’t dare let that secret slip out.
No, it was buried deep in her mind where only she could fan that tiny little flame. She wouldn’t allow herself to be hurt anymore and was going to pull herself up by her bootstraps if she had to! Her secret would stay safe inside of her mind where she could dream of them laughing or talking together, as a couple, lying alone in her bedroom.
Borrowing a few favorite recipe cards from her former chaperone, she’d excitedly planned the assault on Colton’s heart. Alice stayed up several evenings that week in an attempt to get a glimpse of her absent husband. She wanted to see him- and for him to see her! There was no bett
er way to work your way into someone’s heart than with a sneak attack.
Alice would pounce like a cat ready to play! Give a little wiggle, bat a few eyelashes… oh yes! He would be hers someday- she just had to be patient. It was almost comical at how happy the idea of stalking her husband made her at this point.
Wiggle!
Wiggle!
Wiggle!
One evening, she’d been humming in her room when he’d arrived late. She’d placed a flower on the table near his plate and one of her newly stitched napkins under his utensils. She’d stitched their initials on the corner in different colored threads, intertwining them. She had made a set of four matching ones and planned on surprising him for Christmas later that year- but instead opted to utilize them now. She could practically see his smile in her mind as he noticed the detailed work. She hadn’t thrown down a gauntlet per se- it was more of a linen napkin between them.
Alice expected him to knock on her bedroom door and comment on the fine stitching or the fact that she was wholeheartedly a part of his family now. She’d committed herself to becoming the best wife she could be and wanted to show him that. Sitting there in her nightgown and wrapper, she’d mentally prepared herself to be surprised when he knocked, and to fall into his arms as he kissed her. Her heart hammered in her chest as she heard his footsteps moving about the room…
… and his bedroom door shut softly.
He wasn’t coming.
Opening her own bedroom door, she tip-toed to the table and noticed the untouched flower and wadded up napkin. A smear of something where he’d wiped his mouth after eating was present in the moonlight streaming through the kitchen window. Sighing, she padded back to her room and crawled into bed, planning tomorrow’s escapade.
Alice was certain Colton was playing hard to get!
The next evening as she heard him walk into the house, she boldly walked into the room in her nightgown and wrapper. It was buttoned up to her collar, but she felt scandalous walking in front of him barefoot! Women just didn’t do that, but she wanted to tempt him and give a reminder that he was now married to her.
She walked over to where she kept a pitcher of water and poured herself a glass. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she silently took several sips like nothing had happened. She knew he was there because the scraping of his fork against the plate had stopped the moment she walked into the room. Saying nothing, she finished her water and flipped her loose hair over her shoulder, placing the cup down onto the counter. Turning back, she padded silently to her room and shut the door behind her.
He would most certainly want to demand his husbandly rights since he’d seen her in her nightgown and robe! She would be his wife in every way and they would absolutely fall in love. She could picture him kissing her like he’d done when they sat in the parlor at Chance Redburn’s. That single show of affection had caused a desire she’d never imagined – she wanted to be held and cherished by Colton.
Almost giddy, she barely restrained the happy laughter as she hopped into bed. She yanked the blankets up to her arms and smoothed out any wrinkles. Fanning out her hair onto the pillows, she laced her fingers over her pounding heart. Her husband would walk in here, be overcome with emotion, and profess his adoration of her. Alice would, of course, admit her own tender love for him- because that is what a wife would do!
Any moment now… she thought, wildly excited…until she heard his bedroom door shut with a thud. It sounded almost like gunfire and made her jump at the hollow sound. He’d slammed it closed.
She didn’t understand.
Her cotton gown and robe were beautiful and discreetly feminine. Her ankles showed and the pearl buttons would compliment any woman’s eyes- even her own dirt brown ones. She wished she had beautiful warm eyes like Abigail’s. Her sister’s eyes were so loving and tender, with tiny flecks of gold hidden in the shades of brown that reminded her of a perfect hot chocolate on a winter’s night. Alice might not be as beautiful as Abigail, but how could Colton not be interested at all in her?
The next evening, she decided to raise the stakes, playing her ultimate trump card! She’d prepared a bath and literally sat in the small tin tub for almost two hours in her chemise. Her thought was to have her husband come into the house, become overwhelmed with desire for her, and tell her that he loved her.
She even had an apple cut up on a plate for him for dessert. She wanted to tempt him like Eve had tempted Adam. It was shockingly scandalous and she knew that Prudence or Abigail would have a fit of vapors if they knew her plans but bravery only went so far! Perhaps this was a bad idea?
Alice heard the steps on the front porch before she could back out of her sneaky plan and hide in her bedroom. Quickly, she slumped down in the tub and pretended to be asleep. Hearing the door open, she gasped slightly and pinched her eyes closed tightly. She couldn’t help the shiver as the cold water seeped into her bones. She heard Colton’s soft curse and several quick steps across the room.
He was leaving?
Opening her eyes, she saw his untouched plate of food and heard his bedroom door slam shut. Flinching, she sat up in the water and stared at the empty room around her. She could hear the soft thud of his boots as they dropped onto the floor in his room.
Getting to her feet, she wrapped a cloth around her shoulders and ran into her own room, ignoring the water that was dripping onto the floor. Teeth chattering, she quickly removed her chemise and threw on her night gown and wrapper. Opening her door, she stepped out nervously. Her hand clutched the robe to her chest in an effort to warm up from being submerged in the cooled bathwater for so long. Knocking on Colton’s door, she heard another muffled curse from behind the panel.
“Colton?”
“Go to bed, Alice.”
“Colton, please come eat your dinner,” she said, placing her hand on the door. She wished she was laying it on his arm or chest. She wanted to reach out to him, explain why she kept throwing herself in his path – but could barely admit it to herself. Alice wanted his love because she had fallen in love with the man she’d married.
“I am so sorry.”
“Alice, I’m tired and going to bed. Why don’t you get some rest too?”
“Aren’t you hungry? You’ve been gone all day again.”
“I’m a lot of things apparently,” she heard him mutter before he cursed again. This time she felt herself taken aback at the ferocity of it. Surely he didn’t intend for her to hear that- did he?
“Go away, Alice. Please? Just go away.”
“Of course, Colton,” she whispered painfully and headed back to her room. Shutting the door, she ignored the wet chemise on the floor where it lay and crawled into her bed. Yanking the covers over her head, she let the avalanche of emotions hit her. He didn’t want her and barely tolerated her.
Alice could only hope and pray that the quilt over her head would muffle the sound of her tears. Her heart was shattering into a million pieces. How much more disappointment or rejection could a person handle before they broke?
Colton clutched at his chest to calm his beating heart.
He had never been faced with such temptation in his life. When Alice had walked out the other night to get a drink of water in her nightgown, he thought he might swallow his tongue seeing her bare feet and her delicate ankles. He found himself wondering what the curve of her calf or thigh looked like – making his mind wander carnally.
Tonight was… indescribable.
He’d walked into the house, certain that Jacob and Alice would be in bed asleep. He wasn’t sure how much more temptation he could take from his little bride simply being herself, and felt like a moonstruck young boy around her. As he’d entered the house quietly, his mouth dropped open.
Alice was sound asleep in the bathtub near the fireplace. Her chemise clung to her in every way leaving nothing to his rampant imagination anymore. He’d crossed himself and immediately left the room- running for his very sanity! Was she a succubus sent to tempt him? H
e was trying to do the right thing by his wife yet she was bombarding his every thought and invading his dreams.
Slamming the door behind him, he broke out in a cold sweat as the image of her burned behind his eyelids. He nearly moaned aloud as he pictured her standing there in her wet chemise. He could hear the pain of rejection in her voice as she pleaded with him to come eat his dinner. He knew that if he left the room and laid eyes upon her again, he would take her- making her his wife in every way. He felt helpless against the desire raging in him and the best thing to do would be to stay far, far away from Alice. He wanted her heart and that would require him keeping his distance for as long as she needed.
Abigail joined Alice for tea the next day. She had hastily threw a sheet over the table that was damaged to hide the black burnt circle from her sister. She hoped it looked like a tablecloth and Abigail wouldn’t notice. She was glad to have the company of her sister and carefully broached the subject of her beau, not wanting to damage the progress they had made in restoring their relationship.
“How are things with your Mr. Stillwell?”
“I imagine it’s very similar to how you are doing with Mr. Farmer. I am glad you are happy sister.”
“Very,” Alice smiled and nodded enthusiastically, feeling like a charlatan. “He is so sweet and tender towards me.”
Sipping on her tea, Alice was suddenly struck with an idea.
“Abigail, what do men like in a wife?”
“Why are you asking me that,” Abigail questioned, looking confused. “You are the married woman, not me. Is something wrong?”
“Oh no! Not at all,” Alice said with a falsetto voice. “I just thought I might surprise my husband since we are so happy together. You know?”
“I think that is a wonderful and kind thought. I know mother used to cook father’s favorite meals or wear a perfume that he liked.”
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