by J. Sterling
Page 32
“Jack. ” Cassie pushed her chair back and wrapped her arms around me from behind. She planted a kiss on the side of my head. “Nothing about you is a failure, do you hear me?”
I wanted to believe her, but I knew it sucked handling everything alone. Whether she wanted to admit it or not. “I appreciate you saying that, Kitten. I do. But it’s hard not to feel like one. ”
“Well, knock it off. ” She smacked my shoulder before returning to her seat.
“Yeah, Jack,” Gran said sternly. “Don’t do that to yourself. You haven’t done anything wrong. You’ve been a good husband and a good father while you also juggled a demanding career. No one faults you for that. ” The wonderful woman who raised me looked at me, her eyes filled with an odd combination of pride and sadness, and I felt a little twinge in my gut.
“You’re a good person, Jack. I know you don’t always believe that about yourself, but you are. I’m proud of you, son,” Gramps added and I almost fucking lost it. If my brother and Melissa hadn’t been sitting at the table, I probably would have cried like a baby, but I refused to do that in front of them. Dean didn’t need to witness what a complete pussy I’d turned into.
“I want to be a better husband and a better father. And this is what I need to do it. I hope you all understand. ” I chanced another glance at my brother.
“Playing baseball on a professional level is intense, bro. You’ve given up so much to do it, you always have. If you think about it, you’ve never really had a normal life. You’ve always been busting your ass to make your dreams come true. And once they did, the work didn’t stop, it only got harder. ” Dean nodded thoughtfully. “It’s your career and I think it’s pretty awesome if you end it on your terms. ”
“Thank you. Do you think Marc and Ryan will be pissed?”
“Nah. ” He waved me off. “Surprised, maybe, but not pissed. They’ll understand. ”
“Congratulations, Jack,” Melissa chimed in. “You have no idea what you’ve been missing. ”
“But I do. That’s the whole point. ”
“No, you don’t. Not really. Do you even know what summer is? Aside from prime-time ball-playing season?”
I laughed. “I have a vague recollection of this thing you call summer. ”
Cassie squeaked as she inhaled sharply. “Oh my gosh! You’ll be here for the fourth of July. And we can have barbeques all summer long! And swim parties! Jack, do you know what this means?” Her eyes practically glowed as she stared at me.
“Yeah, Kitten. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I’ll get to have a life with you. An actual non-baseball-driven life. Better get used to me being around, because I plan on stalking you for quite a while. ”
“Dad, what’s stalking?”
I shot Cassie a freaked-out look. “Uh, it’s when you follow Mommy around the house all day. ”
“Oooh,” Chance said with wide eyes. “I stalk Mommy all the time. ”
Everyone at the table laughed and I felt like the luckiest guy in the world, surrounded by family and the people I loved. I couldn’t wait to start the next chapter of my life.
Our New Lives
I kept asking Jack if he was sure and he continued to insist that he was. If he changed his mind, I wanted him to know it was okay. The truth was, I hadn’t gotten my hopes up super high, just in case he decided at the last minute that he couldn’t retire. I would have understood. It seemed almost harder for me to grasp the concept that Jack was truly okay with quitting baseball, than it was for me to be mad at him if he reversed his decision.
But after he sat me down and told me he had officially decided to quit, his entire demeanor changed. It seemed like some virtual weight neither of us even knew existed had been lifted from his shoulders. He smiled more and got excited at the simplest things, like going to the movies. He couldn’t remember the last time we’d done that. And sadly, neither could I.
Even during those few months of the year when it was considered the off-season, Jack was never truly off. A real baseball player couldn’t be. This sport demanded so much of one’s time and mental energy. He was always focused and that put everything else on the back burner, especially having fun with no consequences or guilt. I’d never realized it really … until now.
Jack played his last game at Angel Stadium to a screaming, sold-out crowd. My parents showed up for the first half of the game before my mom complained about a migraine coming on and needed to leave. My dad offered to stay, but I told him that someone needed to drive Mom home and I wasn’t leaving. He nodded before taking her by the hand. It was nice to share this moment with them, however briefly, and I thanked them for coming.
Chance gave them both huge hugs and kisses on the cheek. He loved my parents and that honestly made me happy. No matter how they’d disappointed me in the past, I wanted my son to have a good relationship with them. They weren’t bad people at heart and I knew that. My dad seemed to be making an effort, and had been a man of his word lately. I figured now was as good a time as any to start mending those parental fences.
When the game ended, every single person in the stands rose to their feet and gave Jack a standing ovation. They chanted “Carter” throughout the innings and I was in tears pretty much the entire night.
Chance didn’t understand why I was crying, but he loved watching his dad pitch. His eyes were so focused and intense and I recognized that gleam. I was certain we had a future ball player on our hands. Although every time the crowd screamed for Jack, Chance covered his ears and exclaimed, “It’s too loud!”
Knowing this was the last time I’d ever be in this stadium watching Jack play made me want to throw up. The life we’d always known up until now was ending and I had no idea what to expect.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. It wasn’t that hard to think back to the time when Jack broke his hand and how mean he’d become. There was a part of me that was terrified to even entertain the idea of him acting like that again. What if he completely changed after tonight? What if he hated being free from baseball and didn’t know what to do with himself?
I worried.
But all I could do was hope he’d made his decision for the right reasons and that he never blamed or resented me or Chance for them.
Melissa reached over and grabbed my hand. “It will be fine. ”
“What will?”
“I know what you’re thinking. You’re worried. Your face always does this little crinkle thing right here,” she pointed at the bridge of my nose, “when you’re worried. It will be fine. Jack will be fine. ”
“What if he hates me and thinks I ruined his life?”
“Do you hate him and think he ruined your life?” she fired back.
I frowned at her hard. “No. Why would I think that?”
“Because you had to quit your job and move out here to be with him. You haven’t worked in almost five years. Do you blame him for that?”
“Not at all. ”
“He won’t either. ”
I closed my eyes and knew she was right. “Thanks, Melis. ”
“I don’t know why you don’t just talk to me in the first place. You’d save yourself a lot of brow-furrowing. ”
I chuckled. “Remind me next time. ”
“I shouldn’t have to remind you. Hell, if you don’t know how smart I am by now, you’ll never learn. ”
“Probably true,” I admitted with a smile.
“Let’s go get that husband of yours,” she said as she tugged me out of my seat and led the way to the tunnels.
The seven of us walked down into the corridor and waited for Jack to come out of the locker room. I worried that it might be a long night since it was his last. His teammates would want to tell him good-bye, and I knew that there were reporters waiting to interview him as well.
I stood in the corridor, holding my son’s little hand. At five years old, he still let me hold his hand in public, and I loved that
. I dreaded the day he’d pull his hand away from mine and tell me he wasn’t a baby anymore.
“Think he’ll be long?” Dean asked, carrying his two-and-a-half-year-old son in his arms.
I nodded. “Probably. It’s the last time he’ll be in there, so we might be waiting all night. ”
Chance tugged at Dean’s shirt. “Uncle Dean. Uncle Dean. ”
Dean glanced down at his nephew. “Yeah, little guy?”
“Put Coby down. I wanna play with my cousin,” he demanded and Dean leaned over to do exactly that.
“Be careful, he’s wobbly,” Dean warned.
“What does wobbly mean?” Chance asked with a frown.
Melissa leaned down so she was eye to eye with him. “It just means that sometimes when he runs, he’ll fall down. So don’t chase him too fast, okay?”
“Okay, Aunt Lissa. ”
Chance and Coby ran around in circles between the other players’ wives and relatives. The other families gave us sad smiles, each probably convinced that Jack didn’t get any offers worth taking and that was why he was leaving. I smiled back, a huge, happy smile, which seemed to puzzle them. They didn’t get it. But they didn’t need to. This wasn’t about them. It wasn’t about anyone other than Jack and our family.
When the door swung open, I found myself shocked to see Jack waltzing through it, carrying a large duffel bag.
“Daddy!” Chance pulled his hand from mine and ran toward Jack.
“Hey, you. ” He planted a big kiss on Chance’s cheek. “Did you like the game? We won. ”
“No. It was too loud and it hurt my ears. And Mommy cried. ”
Jack’s eyes were instantly on mine. “Why’d you cry?”
“I was moved, Jack. The way the crowd reacted to you. It was really emotional for me to watch. ”
He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “It was emotional for me to watch too. ”
“Did you cry?” I asked a little too loud and he looked around.
“No. Who do you think I am, Dean?”
“I heard that,” Dean called out as he chased his son around. Melissa snuck up behind Coby and grabbed him as he screamed.
“I got you!” She held on to the wiggly toddler as Dean bent down to kiss her. She reached for his hand and leaned into him, which made me smile. I loved seeing them so happy.
Gran and Gramps sidled up next to me, tears in their eyes. I nodded their way, saying, “See, I’m not the only one who was moved to tears tonight,” doing my best to divert the attention away from me.
“We’re just so proud of you, Jack,” Gran said as she allowed the tears to fall. Jack pulled her in for a hug.
“Thank you for being here. It means a lot to me. ”
Gramps slapped Jack on the back. “We wouldn’t miss it for the world, kid. ”
“Are you ready to go, babe?” I asked my husband and he nodded. “Jack’s ready,” I announced to our small group. “We’ll see you all at the house. ”