by Lindsay Peet
CHAPTER ONE
I was alone with the IG when breakfast was brought in. Sirah apparently had gone off with Aspe to ‘see the big city’– at any rate, both were gone.
Like a crazy conical helix, this whole thing just kept getting bigger and crazier and chaoticer and dangerouser. At the narrow tippy-top of the cone was stealing a treasure from Wanliet on behalf of my Mr. Stanley, a simple and fairly routine process. Then I’d looped further out and down, compelled by some perverse gene that it looked like Death was working all its wiles to eradicate from the pool, I’d decided to pair up with Wanliet and rip off Mr. Stanley. But the treasure hadn’t been a ‘treasure,’ and if anybody knew what it really was it was probably Stanley, who’d turned out to be Basoolah who walked like a man and smiled like a reptile, and who’d come chasing after us.
Momentum swelled in the next, larger loop that took us to Caliuga and as ‘emissaries of the Emperor’ to a small forgotten outpost of civilization. Then, swinging wider, wilder and faster, we went to the capital city to carry on our charade. And now here we were, lost, in a foreign culture full of blindside surprises, running a monster con game on some power-hungry arms smugglers. Whether they thought we were from the Empire, or frauds, they had reason to kill us either way. Also, frauds or not, we might be valuable to them, if things were handled amicably and calmly. I was always ready to negotiate, especially when the alternative was dying.
And always, there were women. What was going on with Sirah, and me, and Aspe, and Pex-al-Pex? How much was love, how much lust, how much contrivances and conspiracies of diplomacy and spycraft? Or was I imagining the complications, and simple lust and opportunity would explain everything?
And don’t forget the jokers in this pack, Jedub and Lordano. Like some poorly understood force, they seemed to pull us ever farther from the center of the cone, into ever-more eccentric orbits. Whatever they were doing, wherever it was, the best I could hope for was that it wouldn’t hurt me. And Wanliet. Because it would be only by on the greatest and most improbable good fortune that they could do anything to help us.
So, Wanliet and I had something more than an excellent breakfast to chew over. As usual on Caliuga, our words were guarded, as the PU wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to bug our quarters. There really wasn’t much we could say to each other, though; both of us knew that neither had any answers to the too-many questions, chief among them where the hell were we, and what the hell was that treasure we still had waiting for us back in Caliuga City? Oh, and, how the hell might we escape with our skins intact?
There was nothing for it but to go ahead and brazen it out, so after we’d breakfasted and brushed, I told a servant that we were ready to receive the delegation from the community leaders, whether they called themselves the Planetary Union or the Solip City Lollipop Guild, although I think I left off that last part.
Wanliet arranged himself in a chair, and I stood at his side, trying to look formal and official. Wanliet carried it off fairly well, I only hoped I was as convincing. I think his secret was that in a way he wasn’t acting, he was just being W, relaxed yet oddly regal. The outfit Caliuga City had provided him made people account his peculiarities as eccentricities, his odd insights as pronouncements of hidden high-policy. It was my duty to translate these into effective intimidation and inducements.
As I said, Aspe was off cavorting or something with Sirah, so this delegation had a different aide, and I saw in his darting unsure eyes that behind their bluster and bravado, the PU still wasn’t all that comfortable and confident in the role it had assumed, and they feared being ‘outed’ by me even more than I worried they might reveal my game. Sure, they could buffalo a bunch of shipwrecked settlers, but when it came to high-stakes thrust-and-parry they weren’t positive they even held the blade correctly. It was at that moment that I read how to play it – I would assume the upper hand, in an offhand, underhanded way. By ignoring their unvoiced doubts about our legitimacy we would compel the PU to voice them; without undeniable proof of our fraudulence to raise the issues would prove embarrassing should they be wrong. To accuse a legitimate Inspector General of being a fraud, to try to pull off the beard of the real deal, would do serious harm to future amity between the PU and the Empire.
But rather than get their backs up by lording it over them, I would be low-key, somewhat condescending I would keep them comfortable with things as they seemed to be. No reason to force the issue now. I saw no need to make them too eager to sort out just who we were in truth. It would be a double-bluff, but I would have the edge because I knew it was, and they weren’t sure, and couldn’t afford to commit yet to the bold play.
I was reminded again that there’s little difference between running a con and politics.
To myself I smiled -- Jaf Daskal was back in his element! I’m sure my eyes sparkled in the moment as I saw how to mold the proceedings -- I would be conciliatory and friendly, putting them in their place and at their ease, as only a true officer of the Empire could do.
We received their delegation –the man in charge was Ranak an-Tine, a tall, thin, bloodless sort with receding dishwater blond hair, and the Planetary Union’s ambassador to the Empire. How awkward for him I thought, ambassador on his own turf. And what had been his job four days before, I wondered.
“Ambassador An-Tine, His Excellency the Inspector General accepts your gracious greetings, and thanks the Planetary Union for its hospitality, and, further, for helping to advance and protect the welfare of Caliuga and its citijects until re-connected with the Emperor.
“The Inspector General would like very much to accept your offers of tours and inspections, but he must beg off for now, as his most pressing duty is to examine the accounts of the revenues the Union is holding in escrow for the Emperor.” First check the accounts – that always put them on their heels! Also, if any larceny or bribery were to be considered it helped to know the stakes first. “Having completed that, he shall be eager and delighted to see more of Caliuga and to greet her citijects on behalf of the Emperor, as they are welcomed back into the Emperor’s arms.” Keep rocking them back, and don’t let up for anything, but be gracious about it.
“It’s a small matter, but His Excellency is also desirous of having his two orderlies, Lordano and Jedub, brought to him, as he has need of their services.
“Finally, the native of Caliuga City, by name of Sirah Rekaburb, has also been a great assistance to His Excellency. Although she is not an official part of his party, he would like to see her soon.” Okay,having Jedub and Lordano loose made me uneasy, so it made tactical sense to reel them in. The stuff about Sirah – well, that was for me. She’d been just a tumble, but as I spent time and learned she, too, was working on more than one level – I’d become smitten. And now that I felt that Aspe was pulling her away I was feeling something uncomfortably like jealousy.
“Please, bring us our orderlies and make arrangements for us to audit those escrow accounts as soon as possible, Ambassador An-Tine.” If I thought that would put a fear into him I was wrong. From his lack of reaction he believed the accounts would be in order, but still I wanted to see the accounts and safeguards. An-Tine opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.
“And now, His Excellency and I have things to discuss. Please let us know the moment the records are available for auditing, and when we might see Sirah Rekaburb. Ambassador An-Tine, the Inspector General would be very happy to lunch with you – “ (just then I noticed the time -- it was mid-afternoon already) “—excuse me, dine with you in his quarters tonight. May we count the invitation as accepted?”
“Mr. Daskal, please convey to the Inspector General our gratitude for his visit, our intention to fully cooperate with efforts to re-integrate us into the Empire, and my personal thanks for the invitation.”
“Thank you, Mr. Ambassador. The Inspector General is still weary from his travels, and looks forward to putting in a full day’s work tomorrow, after which he would like to see more of Solip City, learn about the
Planetary Union, and meet more of her people.
“And, Mr. Ambassador, if I might make another request on the Inspector General’s behalf – he’s expressed to me that he feels so at home here that he’d prefer to do without some of the formalities and protocols that normally are demanded in these circumstances, and urges you to try to consider him less as an officer of the Empire, and more as a friendly advisor, an uncle, if you will.” Somewhat confused at the rapidly-changing rules, An-Tine nodded uncertainly. “I shall forward his requests,” he finally murmured.
“Until this evening then, Mr. Ambassador – or, if I may, Mr. An-Tine. Thank you,” I concluded the interview. After a moment’s hesitation, the party bowed themselves out.