by Lindsay Peet
* * * * *
Two days later our speeder was fixed. We could have gone to the ship on horses earlier, but the Chugtallians kept telling us it was almost ready, almost ready, just about set … turns out that’s the way Chugtallians are. Thinking back on things I was surprised they’d shown up for the battle on time.
Sirah and I were drawn together again. She wore a brave smile. “So, it’s off to the big, bad universe for the fake adjutant and his Inspector General?”
“Not just as an adjutant. I’m a phony in lots of other ways, too, Sirah.”
“Aren’t we all? Fakes in this or that, some time or other?”
“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been close to real for years and years.”
“And what we had, Jaf? Wasn’t that real?”
She had me there. Maybe that’s what I was running from. “Yes, it was real. The most real thing I’ve ever felt, I think. But I’ve got a whole cardhouse of lies about to tumble down around my ears, and I don’t want you to get caught in it, my … Sirah.”
“It’ll tumble down once you’re gone, and I’ll be the only one to watch. What will be the top card in the pile, I wonder?”
“You and me both. Sirah, my .. . dear, I can’t stay, and you won’t leave. I don’t see any way we can work this out.”
Her smile turned crooked, it was painful to see, my heart was breaking as I watched her face working so hard to be strong. “I don’t see any way either, no. What kind of future would we have, Jaf? What do you do, really? Who are you?”
I shook my head. I had no idea. Gently her hands cradled my face, and with a tear in her eye she confessed, “Jaf, I wish I didn’t love you. But don’t worry, I’ll get over it.” And then the tears flowed freely as her hands dropped to hold mine.
I brought our clasped hands to my breast and thought seriously about telling her I loved her. But what would be the point? I was still going to leave.
Wanliet had approached at some point. When it was clear we were done he cleared his throat, I released Sirah’s hands, and she left me.