A low murmur started that was unlike the somber quiet that shrouded the room since the memorial service ended and we’d retired to the living room for refreshments.
“Oh my God,” Joel gasped, the color draining from his face. “Is that who I think he is?”
I followed Joel’s gaze and swore under my breath when I picked out Gunner, who looked unsteady on his feet. Several people had already noticed him, which was the reason for the buzz. Gunner staggered, a large bottle of gin in one hand.
Fuck. I should have expected this, but I thought he would have better sense than to turn up at Dehaney’s funeral. He hadn’t even removed his cut out of respect for his former friend and lover. I blamed myself, though, for the spectacle he was creating. I should have spoken to him and ensured he stayed away.
He had tried to reach out, but given my hands were full with Jamie and the preparations for the memorial service, I’d never bothered to return his calls. He might have assisted the day we rescued Jamie, but we weren’t suddenly about to become chums. We had too much bitter history between us.
“Am I late?” Gunner bellowed, his eyes flickering around the room. “I would have been here on time, except no one invited me.”
I spotted Jamie in the crowd. He’d gone pale and touched the side of his throat, his face full of confusion. Shit. I knew I should have told him the whole truth. I couldn’t allow him to find out this way.
I pushed Joel in Jamie’s direction. “Stay with him, and don’t let him leave. I’ll handle Gunner and come by to pick him up and bring him back to the compound.”
“Where’s the chief’s son?” Gunner bellowed. “I need to give my condolences.”
This had gone too far now. I stepped around the bodies blocking my way until I was in front of Gunner. Aware of the different views in our direction, I tried not to make a scene as I took him by the arm.
“Gunner, don’t do this,” I whispered fiercely so only he could hear. “Don’t do this to Mason. Let them have their memories of him as we have ours of him.”
“Why the fuck not? He didn’t care that he hurt me when he left,” he responded, his voice way too loud. “He hurt you too when he broke our pact. Brothers. Lovers. Forever. That’s what we pledged.”
“Come on, let’s talk outside.” I didn’t give him an option as I shoved him none too gently out of the living room. Once we were out of sight, I pulled him into a headlock, and he elbowed me.
We crashed into the wall at my back. He swung the bottle at my head, and I barely managed to knock it out of his hand. The bottle crashed to the floor, and we both stared at the pungent liquid that marred the tiles.
“Fuck, Grimm, it was so long ago. Why does it still hurt?” he wheezed, clutching the front of his shirt as if he desired to rip his heart from his chest. “I willingly walked away. I betrayed you. Why does it fucking hurt?”
I placed a hand on his shoulder, walking him out of the house, forgetting the broken glass and spilled alcohol. Forgetting the betrayal and the lies. I had to get him out of there before he did something worse.
Gunner always had a destructive streak. As impulsive as I was, I’d grown into my own after Gunner betrayed me, but he’d not changed much. Mason had been the levelheaded one to keep our unit strong. We’d tried to hold on after he left us, but our falling-out had been inevitable.
Once outside, I continued walking with my arm over his shoulder. We walked along the driveway, past all the parked cars, and down the streets. Streets we had roamed as teenagers.
All three of us.
And now there were two.
“He didn’t deserve to die,” Gunner said more calmly as we plodded on, oblivious of our surroundings. “He was the best of us, and it should have been me.”
“Or me,” I agreed. “But we can’t change what happened. We can’t change Mason’s death nor our past. We can’t change any of it. We all made our choices, and we now live with the consequences.”
Gunner laughed, the sound bitter as he pulled away from my contact. “Mase would have kicked our asses for mourning him like this.”
“You don’t know shit about him,” I retorted, offended that after so many years he still thought he had a right to make commentary about us.
Gunner faced me, prompting me to stop. “That’s where you’re wrong. You can hate me all you want for what I did to you. You can hate Mase for quitting the Trio, but you know that nobody will ever know us the way we know each other. Fuck, Grimm, we grew up together. We lost our virginities with each other.”
“And then you stabbed me in the fucking back,” I reminded him. “You cost me my cut. Almost made my son an orphan.”
His throat worked furiously as he swallowed. “Man, I didn’t know they would do that to you. A legacy is supposed to be safe. I just wanted you to step down from the club presidency because we disagreed on how to run the club. I never thought they’d cut you out.”
“Look, that’s all history,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “What was your goal in showing up here? I’m not going to let you hurt Jamie more than he’s already hurting. People have enough questions about why I’m there. We don’t need you added into the equation to make matters worse.”
“I didn’t mean to cause trouble. I just thought I had to be there.” He hung his head, shoulders shaking as he choked on the words. “I loved him, man. It fucking killed me when he left. I’d see him across town, and at least I’d know he was there, you know, but now…”
I wanted to kick him while he was down. For years Gunner had been making trouble for me. He’d tried to undermine my club when I started fresh after he’d had me kicked out of the Bloodlet. He’d dogged my steps for years, but looking at him, I saw the fifteen-year-old boy I’d found living in an abandoned old car and had taken home with me. I didn’t want to hurt him any more than he already was.
For better or for worse. You fuck with one, you fuck with all.
That has been our pact. Always having each other’s back against anyone who wasn’t a part of the Trio.
Chapter Forty-Two
Jamie
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay with you?” Joel asked, frowning at me.
I gave him a smile, feeling tired and worn out from the day’s activities. My cheeks ached from keeping that same smile plastered to my face all day. I let it drop. This was Joel, and I didn’t have to pretend with him.
“I’m positive,” I answered. “I just want to hang out here alone for a while. Besides, I’m sure Grimm will be back for me any minute now. There’s something I need to talk to him about.”
“All right.” He kissed my forehead. “See you back at the compound, then.”
Joel left the living room, and I allowed myself to wilt onto the long sofa. My feet hurt, my eyes ached, my throat felt raw from talking, and I just wanted to sleep. It had taken a lot to plan and prepare the memorial service. I’d cried a lot, but with everyone around me supporting me, it had made the hurt better.
In some way, listening to everyone express their kind thoughts about my father helped me to accept the fact that he was gone. I’d never expected so many people to show up. My father never seemed like he had any close friends around him, and except for Uncle Ben, maybe he hadn’t, but he had touched a lot of lives. Lives of people who had seen fit to show up to recount one way or another when Dad had been there for them and helped them out of a situation.
I dozed off a bit but awakened when footsteps approached me. Knowing everyone had already left, I jerked up to a sitting position. Ever since being kidnapped, I was on high alert. Every sound that seemed misplaced startled me. Grimm said it would go away with time but also that it wasn’t a bad thing. My instincts could keep me safe.
“Jamie, I thought I’d find you here.”
“Uncle Ben.” I sighed in relief as he walked over to the sofa, and I scooted over to leave space for him. He looked awful, his eyes tired and red. His skin was blotchy, and I could tell he had been crying, even though he t
ried to smile for my benefit.
“How are you holding up, kiddo?” he asked. “I haven’t seen much of you lately.”
Partly because I felt guilty I couldn’t tell him all that had happened to my father. He hadn’t pried, and I hadn’t offered information. He might have been my father’s lover, but he was also a cop. If he was anything like my dad, he would report the events, and no good could come from that.
“I’ve been better,” I replied, placing a hand on his knee. “Grimm’s been great in helping me to cope. How about you? Who’s helping you to cope?”
“Your father. Memories that we had together. If I close my eyes, I can still see him. I just wish things hadn’t ended this way.”
“Oh, Uncle Ben.” I hugged him, and he returned the pressure of my embrace. A hiccup left him, and I knew he couldn’t do this alone. He had loved my father. We had both loved him, and perhaps that connection could help us to grieve together.
“He was such a hard man to love,” he said on a gasp. “He never wanted anything more than a sexual relationship, but I went and fell in love with him anyway. I thought I could get him to change his mind about us, but Mason was stubborn. For some reason, it was almost as if he didn’t think he deserved to be loved.”
I closed my eyes as hot tears I thought I was done shedding slipped beneath my lids. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save him.”
“It’s okay.” He patted my back. “I know you can’t tell me what happened, but at least tell me who was responsible. They need to be brought to justice.”
I pulled away from him, knuckling my eyes. “They have paid. I promise you that they have.”
“And now what?”
I shrugged, wishing I had the answer. “I know Dad would not have wanted us to sit here crying over him.”
That at least got him to chuckle. “You are right. He’s the most stubborn, most frustrating man I’ve ever known. But I loved him. I wish I never broke things off between us the day before he died.”
“And I wish I hadn’t been such a pain in his ass, but we can’t change all that. It has to be enough that he knew we loved him.”
He rose to his feet and kissed the top of my head. “I don’t know what happened that day, kiddo, but don’t be hard on yourself. You were Mason’s world, and he always wanted the best for you. You know he always bragged about your academic achievements at work? Always spoke about you with so much pride. I hope you don’t mind I brought his stuff from the office.”
“Of course not. Where is it?”
“Let me get it from the car.”
Five minutes later, instead of Uncle Ben returning, it was Grimm who entered the living room, carrying a box in his arms. I stood, glad to see him. He had disappeared with that Gunner character, and I’d had no idea what to make of that exit.
“Special delivery for you,” he said, kissing me lightly, then indicating for me to sit. He placed the box on the sofa next to me. “How are you?”
I smiled at him, reaching for the framed photograph sticking up from the box. It was a photograph of Dad and me at my high school graduation. He looked so proud, a wide smile on his face. He didn’t look at the camera but at me.
“I don’t know how I feel,” I replied honestly. “But I think it will get better, hurt less in time. You? Where were you?”
“Out with a friend. Somewhat of a friend.”
I frowned at him. “Gunner?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought you hated each other.”
“It’s complicated,” he answered.
I removed the box from between us and placed it on the floor, shifting closer to Grimm. I took his big calloused palms into mine. “Grimm, my father’s dead. We know who are responsible but can never let anyone know. We have the mayor’s son locked up in a room on the compound and a biker who’s still not completely out of the woods from being shot. I know complicated. Try me.”
He released my hand and cupped my face. Without a word, he explored the curve of my lips, the line of my nose, the arch of my brows. His face was conflicted with emotions of what he wanted to say.
“Jamie, I—” He stopped and swallowed, eyes boring into mine. He inhaled deeply and let out the breath on a sigh.
“I know,” I told him. “I know, and I feel the same way about you.”
He nodded, relaxing when I didn’t press him to say the words. I didn’t really need them. I saw them in action every single day.
“Your father and I haven’t been completely honest with you,” he started, shifting and pulling me against him with his arm around my shoulder. “He never wanted you to find out, and he made me promise not to tell you. I probably would have kept that secret, except Gunner’s unpredictable, as today shows. I’d rather you hear it from me than someone else.”
“Now you’re making me worry.”
“It’s nothing to worry about,” he rushed to assure me. “In fact, much of it happened years ago before you were even born. You see, we knew each other all this time.”
“Well, yeah, Smoky Vale isn’t exactly Chicago.”
“No, I mean really knew each other,” he replied. “We met in high school, and I guess you can say us three rotten apples stuck together.”
I couldn’t quite imagine my father as a rotten apple, but I remained silent and allowed him to finish.
“We grew close,” he continued. “Very close. And this part I’m going to gloss over. We were mere kids when it happened, but we were a mix of gay and bi guys who explored a bit.”
I pushed up from his shoulder and stared at him. “You had sex with my dad?”
“We’re not going to focus on that.” His face was red, and his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat like he was afraid of my reaction. “Truth is, he and Gunner were closer. They fucked around more, but then your father announced he was leaving the Trio. We never thought he was serious, but then he signed up for the police academy. He was supposed to pledge a Bloodlet with the rest of us, but he left, and in some ways, I don’t think Gunner ever forgave him. He was in love with your father.”
I frowned. Had Dad been in love with Gunner too and was that the reason he could never fully love Uncle Ben the way the other man always wanted? A question no one but him would be able to answer, and it was too late for that now.
Grimm’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts.
“Gunner and I were lovers for a while after he left us. We hooked up in secret because if anyone found out, we both knew we were in trouble, especially after my old man died and I was made the club’s president. By the time Joel was growing up, I didn’t want him entangled in the club, so I tried to change things. I tried to make our operation more legitimate, but Gunner and many of the others opposed that, so Gunner outed me as gay. It didn’t matter that I was bi. No one wanted to be a member of a club with a president who fucked other guys. I was brought up before the board of directors, stripped of my colors, given the thrashing of my life, and left for dead. It took me years to build this club from the ground up, but I did it, the way I always envisioned the club. We might not be fully legit, but it wasn’t as dangerous as the Bloodlet. I chose smarter men who wanted a purpose that went beyond the drugs and killing. Soon word spread about a gay biker club, and people who didn’t seem to fit in anywhere were attracted to what we had to offer. You can imagine how upset your father was when you and Joel became buddies. It was like history all over again.”
“Jesus,” I whispered, unable to voice any other thought. “No wonder Dad never wanted me to get close to Joel. Why didn’t he just tell me?”
“He tried to put our past life behind him,” Grimm answered. “You were the tie that kept us all together.”
I rose to my feet, needing some space to clear my mind. Grimm and my dad? The idea seemed absurd. My dad wasn’t even Grimm’s type. Why didn’t either of them tell me all these years?
“You have every right to be angry we didn’t tell you the full truth,” he said behind me.
I shook my
head and turned to face him. He had gotten to his feet as well but remained standing by the couch.
“I’m not upset,” I replied, realizing it was true. They had been so young when all that happened. Younger than me now. I would be stupid to make it a problem. “I just wish I had known earlier why he was so adamant about me staying away from you. Of course, it wouldn’t have stopped me from being friends with Joel or falling for you.”
With two strides, Grimm was right in front of me. He cupped my face and planted a kiss on my lips. “I can’t promise you being with me will ever be easy. Hell, I can’t promise you that you won’t lose your internship again. I can’t promise you that we won’t ever lose the ones we love. Maybe it will be me next time, but I can promise that as long as I breathe, I’m gonna take care of you, even when that means protecting you from you.”
The ache in my heart eased a little bit. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. “You, me, and whatever the future holds, Daddy Grimm. I can’t promise that I won’t be a brat, or that I won’t ever be kidnapped again. I can’t promise you I won’t be scared when you’re out, but I do know that none of that scares me as much as the thought of having to live without you. So, this is where I’ll stay, and you’ll be home. You are home, and your brothers are my family.”
His lips touched mine, and as much as my father had disapproved of him, I liked to believe that in the last minute he had a change of heart. He knew Grimm would go through hell to keep me safe, and that was all that mattered. That he was my biker daddy.
Epilogue
Jamie
8 weeks later
“Let me get rid of him.”
I placed a hand on Grimm’s tense shoulder to stall him. His eyes had gone hard, and I knew he was in protective mode. After all the struggle of the past two months though, I didn’t want the conflict today. The man standing over my father’s grave couldn’t hurt us anymore. In fact, there was talk that Gunner had lost a bit of his ruthlessness since my father died. Talks of trouble in the Bloodlet group questioning their leader.
Biker Daddy (The Grimm Tales of Smoky Vale Book 1) Page 34