by K. S. Thomas
“Pretty public knowledge. At least around here,” she says, playfully jumping out from her seat into the snow below. “Of course, we all got invited for skiing lessons every year. First weekend after first snow, we’d all pile into a van he rented and drive up here. It was pretty awesome.”
“Yeah.” I clench my jaw, mulling over this information with great dissatisfaction while she helps Jax out of the backseat and down onto the ground. “Didn’t know about that either.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” she says, coming around the hood to meet me, Jax running just ahead of her. “After all, you didn’t even meet until the college years.” Her tone is dripping in mockery and her eyes are all but blazing at me, daring me to attempt a clever comeback.
“You know, you’re annoyingly cute while being a smug jackass.”
She stops briefly and her face does an undecided dance before she arches a brow at me and dryly says, “Well, played, BJ. Well, played.” Then she shakes her head at me and takes the lead, heading for the shoveled path leading up to the house. From the looks of it, Kaleaha and the others beat us here. Her SUV is parked a few feet over and all the lights are on inside the log cabin. I’m about to ask Lilan if she knows where the wood for the fireplace is stored so I can load up before we head in, when a side door swings open a few feet down from us and Teran walks out pulling on a set of grey work gloves. Lilan and I come to a stop at the sight of him, just short of making it to the front door.
“Perfect timing,” he says as soon as he sees me. “Was just getting to work on the fire.”
“Guess I’ll see you inside?” I ask Lilan.
She nods, an understated but definite smile creeping back onto her face. “Guess so.” Then she summons Jax who wandered off, distracted by some scent or another, and together they head in through the main entrance.
I watch until the doors close behind her before I willingly turn my attention to my brother again. “You guys been here long?” I ask, taking double steps to catch up with him at the massive log rack built into the siding of the house.
“About twenty minutes,” Teran says, grabbing another log and piling it onto the three he’s already got stacked on his arm. “You guys hit some traffic?”
“No.” At least not that I can recall. My attention wasn’t really on the driving though. Mostly just the driver.
“Stop for gas?” Teran asks, piling on another log as I reach for my first.
“Nope.” That I would have noticed.
He pauses. “Car trouble?”
“No, man. We just took longer. I don’t know why.”
Teran makes a face, resting his free arm over the logs in his other. Apparently, he’s done collecting. “Why are you being weird about this? Something happen between you two on the way here?”
“Like what?” Now that he’s out of the way, it’s much easier to get my own load of logs for the fire. Also, I much prefer having a menial task to focus on over maintaining eye contact with Teran while he interrogates me about Lilan. It’s the first he’s even asked about her, and I’d kind of hoped he’d be too focused on his mission to finally get Hannah’s attention to notice my interest in Lilan has only increased from the initial moment of attraction at the Blueshadow Marketplace. Hell, if I’m completely honest, I was hoping he wouldn’t even put together the two were one and the same woman.
“I don’t know,” he says, and I can see him shrug out of the corner of my eye. “You tell me. I know you’re into her. And you magically wound up making a three-hour drive all alone with her. Now you’re being all cagey after turning up late, so what gives?”
I stop what I’m doing, accepting that this conversation is happening whether I like it or not, and facing the fact that this is likely the most private setting I’m going to get to have it in, and turn toward him. “If you must know, she shot me down. Repeatedly. And then, to make matters more humiliating, I spent most of the drive trying to prove that I know Hannah better than she does because she’s set on being your own personal cupid. Apparently, she found your love-life far more interesting than the prospect of being part of mine.”
He grins. “Yeah. She said she was going to help me get Hannah.”
“Don’t get too excited. We haven’t determined a winner yet, so you may be shit out of luck.” I glance back and forth between the logs and Teran, trying to decide if this chat is over or if there’s still more looming. “Are we good? Can we finish this and get inside? Because I’m getting cold. California doesn’t make winter clothes for real winter.”
“Canada does.” He tugs the collar of his coat. My coat. “Found this in the bin with all your longjohns after you did that movie in Halifax last year.”
“Glad I could keep you warm this winter,” I mumble, “anything else we need to cover before we go in?”
His eyes slant and he looks to the left, out into the open, thinking. When he redirects his gaze to meet mine, his eyes are still narrowed. “Lilan really shot you down?”
“Multiple times.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah.” I laugh at my own predicament. “I guess now I know what you feel like.”
He nods, chuckling too. “Not so great, is it?” He shifts his weight back and forth between his feet and readjusts the load in his arms. “So, what are you going to do about it?”
“Respect her wishes and leave her alone?” I take a step back and sit on the edge of the logs layered onto the rack behind me. “Not easy when I’m pretty damn sure she’s just pushing me away because she’s scared, but I can’t exactly keep pressing the issue when she’s clearly telling me not to. And she is, clearly telling me not to.”
“So, do what I do.”
“What exactly is it you think you do?” Outside of constantly showing up uninvited, I’ve yet to see a strategy to his efforts. Unless of course his big plan is just to wear her down until she’s too weak to tell him to go away anymore. Which, if I’m honest, is exactly what I think he thinks he’s doing.
“I’m persistent.” He takes a step in to meet me again. “I show up. And yeah, it’s a big joke that I get publicly rejected every time I express any hint of affection for her, but I still do it, I play along. Because she needs that. She needs to know that she can push me away repeatedly, that she can define her space however she chooses, and that I’ll still be here, right beyond the boundaries she sets. So that someday, when she’s managed to convince herself that she can have me without having to compromise herself and her freedom, and that I’ll stay put independently, without commitment or hypothetical chains and such, she’ll finally invite me in.”
“And then what?”
He looks surprised by the question. “And then she’ll see what I’ve known all along. It’s real. Me and her.”
“You’re serious.” Maybe I’ve been underestimating my little brother this whole time. Maybe Hannah really does bring out a side of him the rest of the world couldn’t ever conjure. “You know, you may be the James brother who has his shit together after all.”
He grins. “Bet you never thought you’d hear yourself say those words, huh?”
“Never thought I’d support your quest for Hannah either.” I start back on the log haul. “But here we are.”
CHAPTER TEN
LILAN
“So, how was your drive?” Hannah asks, snaking up beside me just as I walk into the kitchen. Everyone else is curled up in the living room waiting for the fire, meanwhile, the kitchen always draws me in even when nothing is cooking. Yet. “Have a good chat with the hottest man alive?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” I return, “having just spent the last few hours with his equally hot brother.”
“Oh.” She makes a face, pulling out a barstool from the breakfast counter and listlessly dragging her ass up into the seat. “It’s like that, huh?”
“Yup.” I arch a challenging brow at her, a look Mona is most familiar with, as I proceed to unload a cooler Mama left in my truck, filled with what might b
e all the contents of our refrigerator. “It’s like that.”
“I was wondering how long it would take before you became hip to my match-making tactics,” she grumbles.
“I was fully prepared to blame my mother, actually,” I admit, “right up until about thirty seconds ago when you snuck up on me with that shit eating grin asking about my drive with Bodhi.”
She nods, biting her lip. “Yeah. I was way too eager. I can see that now.”
“You think it’s weird we’re both trying to force each other into something neither of us is willing to do for herself?” I ask, fishing around the cooler for a set of rogue apples that somehow escaped the linen sack the rest of their buddies are stored in.
“You mean romance? Love? Men? Fairy tale crap we think is...well, crap?”
I look up from the cooler. “Yeah. Basically.”
“Nah.” She flicks her wrist, and follows it up with a solid hair toss, her signature moves of indifference. “Not weird.” She dips her head to the left ever so slightly, her mouth wryly wiggling about as if undecided between expressing sadness or delight. “Probably not healthy though.”
I laugh. “Yeah. There is that.”
“One of us should cave. Give this love gig a shot,” she suggests. “Then report back to the other. You know, to see if it’s safe or not.”
“Good call,” I agree. “Let me know how it goes.”
“Whatever,” she scoffs. “If one of us has to do it, it should be you.”
“What? Why?”
She folds her arms on the bar top and leans forward, face getting all kinds of serious. “For starters, you have no childhood trauma induced fears to conquer. You’re good to go. Hell, you’ve already been married!’
“Ha!” I drop the lid on the now empty cooler and spin around to meet her. “In case you forgot, my marriage is precisely the reason I now have relationship induced fears around relationships!”
“Yes, but,” she jabs her pointer finger in my direction, “your marriage suffered a death by alcoholism. You know the signs now, you can avoid getting involved with another alcoholic. And more importantly, we’re talking about Bodhi, who I happen to know, is not now, nor has he ever been, someone who overindulges in adult beverages. Truth be told, I’ve only even seen him drunk once in my life, and that was our first year in college. Nothing since. Me,” she says, pointing her accusing, knobby finger inward, “I’ve got issues compliments of a charming yet damaging sociopath. Those assholes – not so easy to spot.”
“Uh,” I interject, preparing to argue why, it is in fact her, who should be taking that leap first, “Just because my first marriage declined due to my husband having a drinking problem, does not negate the fact that I clearly have poor judgement when it comes to men, after all, I chose him to begin with. You, however, have a perfectly clean record! And, your odds are in favor of staying that way, given the only man you’ve had even an inkling of real interest in since before I can remember is Teran, your best guy friend’s brother, who in all likelihood, is not a sociopath. Or an asshole.” I shrug. “Well, for his sake, I hope he’s at least a little bit of an asshole, otherwise, given your asshole tendencies, God help him.”
“Sounds like we’re tied then,” she snips. “Too bad. Guess we’re both dying together with a crapload of cats.”
“We’re not tied,” I inform her. “I won. You have to give Teran a shot. You just don’t know it yet.”
“How’s that exactly?”
“I still have the kid card.”
Her eyes narrow and her mouth turns into a line so thin and straight it nearly disappears on her frigid face. “You wouldn’t.”
“Oh, but I totally would.” I smile, rejoicing in my impending victory. “Because the kid card trumps all others. It’s not just me taking a risk on love, it’s also Mona.”
“What about Fizz?” Hannah asks, but it’s pretty clear she knows she’s lost this one.
“There’s no cat card in the game of love, Hannah.”
“Damn.”
“Sometimes I’m sorry I come looking for you two,” Kaleaha mutters walking toward us from the open doorway. “I assume this conversation has to do with the strapping young fellows building a fire for us as we speak?”
“Really?” Hannah.
“Strapping young fellows?” Me.
“Just trying to keep up with the crazy talk in here. Figured if we’d reached the point of cat cards and game of love, we were ready for strapping young fellows,” she says, gracefully gliding into the seat beside Hannah, who sniffs a bit, probably because she’s having second thoughts about her ass dragging efforts to get into her own seat earlier.
“It’s not as crazy as you think,” I inform her, making my way toward the stove. If there’s going to be a fire, there’s going to be tea.
“Isn’t it though?” I don’t have to turn to look at Kaleaha to see her expression. Years of friendship have seared her raised brows of mockery and pursed lips of snooty-ness into my mind’s eye.
“Not even remotely,” Hannah backs me up, though, not even remotely is a bit of a stretch. Our debate about who should cave first and give in to the prospects of romance banging down our respective doors, could be considered remotely crazy. Especially by Kaleaha’s standards, who has a shockingly low tolerance for crazy talk where avoiding love is concerned. Throw in a famous athlete of some sort, and all bets are off, but get a little weird about putting your heart out there and she’s all over you.
“Ignore her,” I instruct Kaleaha, trying to maintain some shred of believability in the room. “It could be a little crazy, just not as crazy as you’re implying. Possibly even semi-sane by some standards...other than yours.”
“Enlighten me. How does your current battle of who has to tell a boy they like him first come in under a semi-sane heading?”
“Um, because,” I state, using my most ‘duh’ worthy tone, “the important part is that we are admitting to liking boys and we’re even opening ourselves to possibly agreeing to the fact that liking said boys might not be terribly detrimental to our existence on every level.”
Kaleaha rolls her eyes in response. “I want to know who else you’re hanging out with when you’re not with me. If this bullshit you’re rattling off qualifies as semi-sane to them, I’m not sure it’s safe for you all to be congregating with each other.”
“That’s rude,” Hannah huffs.
“Yeah,” I concur. “You’re a pathological liar whose stalking habit frequently has us facing charges for trespassing. How come your sanity is never called into question?”
Kaleaha holds her hand up to stop me. “Don’t. No deflecting. I’m not here for that. You save that for your semi-sane-but-clearly-not friends.”
“I’ll cut right to the chase then,” I answer, before Hannah can beat me to it and come up with some convoluted version of our conversation and somehow weasel her way out of the as of yet unspoken conclusion we came to. “Basically...” I pause to open the cupboard, then I continue my tale, pulling down one mug after the other and lining them up on the counter until I have enough for everyone. “Hannah lost. Now she has to do the love thing so she can tell me if it sucks or not.” I stick my tongue out at her just in time to meet her scowl. Kaleaha just shakes her head at both of us.
“Wow. Those James boys are luuuucky.”
It’s hard to deny the level of sarcasm in her voice, but I do just the same. “Well, one of them anyway.”
“One of what?” Teran asks, Bodhi following close behind. “And, also, what are you talking about?”
“Goddammit, this kitchen needs a door,” Hannah grumbles, though I’m not sure anyone else hears.
“One of you,” Kaleaha explains, turning in her seat and leaning back far enough to see both men and be seen from behind Hannah. “And we were discussing the results of a game.”
“Oh. Did I win?” Bodhi pipes up. It’s in this moment I remember Hannah isn’t the first person I’ve dueled over potential romance today.
“You weren’t even playing,” Hannah says.
He looks at me, temporarily confused before he gathers, “There was another game?”
“There was,” I confirm, moving to the stove and wishing desperately to be saved by the whistling of a teapot. “And I won. Incidentally this makes the results of our earlier game irrelevant.”
Even with my back to him, I can feel him moving in closer. The sound of his footsteps gets both louder and deeper, I can smell his cologne and it’s to die for, and, even if all of those things weren’t bad enough, I can literally feel his energy as it collides with mine, making hot and cold chills run down my spine and unleashing a whirl of butterflies in my stomach I can’t begin to contain.
“How so?” he asks, voice low and dangerously close. So close, I don’t dare turn around to answer.
“Hannah lost. Losing means having to agree to go out with Teran.” I turn slightly sideways, just enough to spot him hovering around her at the breakfast counter. “So, get to asking. This is your golden moment, don’t blow it.”
Teran’s face lights up and he wastes no time taking her hand and practically dragging her from the room as he says, “Let’s talk.”
Meanwhile, Hannah puts on her most dramatic, most disgusted pout. She’s nearly whisked from the room when she turns back to grin at us and wink.
“Sucker.” Kaleaha snickers to herself as she slides from her seat.
“Which one?” I ask, busying myself with unraveling tea sachets while I wait for the water to boil. I swear, I’ve never waited for a pot of water this long in my life.
“All of you.” She grins. Then she walks out without another word.
For a moment, I think I’ve finally found a moment of peace. I take a deep breath. And I smell it. And I remember. Yummy scented Bodhi is still standing right behind me.