by C F White
“You hungry?” Callum asked, breaking the silence.
“Starving.” He hadn’t eaten all his lunch, having not had the stomach for it after listening to Raff telling him he’d back off and let Kez decide what he wanted, and hoped they could still be friends all the while. Kez winced. He’d made up his mind the moment he’d walked back to his desk. The only thing that made him not feel totally guilty about the whole thing was that Raff would be snapped up in no time, and by someone who hadn’t fallen in love at sixteen with his best friend and bided his time for five years to be lying next to him, fuck-spent.
“I didn’t know what you wanted. All I could see was meat in your fridge or I’d’ve cooked you something.”
“Right little housewife, aren’t you?”
“Less of the wife.” Callum slapped Kez’s leg.
“Do you eat meat?” Kez realised he hadn’t had that confirmed. The pizza last night had been a margarita.
“Sometimes.” Callum stretched out his lean body, his skin crusted with leftover semen. Callum bit his lip through a smile. “Went all veggie inside. Had a tip off you get better meals. So I put down I was vegan. You get it all cooked from scratch then.” He winked. “But since release, I started up with chicken again. Cheaper than all veg, innit?”
Kez wanted to ask more questions about what it had been like locked up. He’d seen way too many documentaries detailing life on the inside to be comfortable knowing Callum had been there. How had he coped? Had he made friends? Enemies? Had he had any—god forbid—lovers? Which reminded him of more pressing matters…
“You want to fill me in now about how you know you can’t top?” He’d always thought if they were to do this, it would be Callum wanting to top. What had just happened was as much of a headfuck as it was a grade A fuck.
Callum slid onto his side, capturing Kez with his hazel eyes. “Not sure you’re ready for that.”
“Try me.”
Screwing his eyes shut, Callum sighed. “I got my kicks. Probably not the way you did. But I got some.”
“Grindr?”
Callum laughed. “I wish.” He scooted out of bed and stood. He untangled Kez’s boxers from the trousers and stepped into them. They were too big on him, but Kez didn’t mind. Callum looked kinda cute with them hanging off his hips and bagging around his arse. There was always something tantalising about his men wearing his clothes. Even more so that this was Callum. “Want me to go rustle something up to eat?”
“Avoiding telling me, aren’t you?”
“No. I’m just famished. So are you. I can hear that rumble from here. Let’s get a bit of grub inside us then maybe we’ll have the energy for a second round.” He winked.
All right, that works. “How about a takeaway?”
Callum’s loose hair fell into tousled locks around his delicate cheekbones, but he flicked it away to glance down and Kez was hard pressed not to jump the man again. That whole act was as innocent as it was fucking desirable.
“Sure?” Callum asked. “’Cause that costs money and I already owe you.”
“You owe me nothing.”
“I do and I’ll pay it back, but if you wanna shout me a veggie chow mein I ain’t gonna argue that one.”
“All right. Done.” Kez smiled and rubbed his stomach. “There’s a menu pinned to the wall in the kitchen. Go order it while I jump in the shower.”
“Getting clean just to get dirty again?” Callum clucked his tongue. “Like it.”
Sitting up against the wall, Kez shook his head through a fond chuckle. Callum sauntered to the hallway. Kez couldn’t help but watch him as he went, with a strange sense of contentment. The dirty banter was new. Back in the day, it had been as if it had never happened between them. They’d never talked about it. Certainly not joked about it. This pliable Callum was definitely shiny new. And Kez liked it. A lot.
Shit. I really am screwed.
“Still go for your black bean shit?” Callum asked over his shoulder.
“Yeah.” Kez smiled. He remembers. “Chicken. Then you can have some.”
Kez stretched, easing his muscles back into some sort of order and listening to Callum downstairs, placing the order. It warmed his heart, not that he wasn’t already super-hot from the workout. But having Callum back in his life gave him a warm glow. He hadn’t realised quite how much he’d missed him. As a lover, yeah, but also as his best friend. Someone to hang out with, someone to talk to, someone to share in his life. He only really had acquaintances for that. He’d never developed anything as solid as what he’d had with Callum. He’d put it down to trust issues and to never have his heart crushed into tiny little pieces by someone who was all things to him—friend, brother, lover. He’d thrown himself into work, getting his degree and achieving something that he’d never thought possible. Friends came and went, lovers a lot quicker.
Was that all down to losing Callum?
Kez mulled it all over while rinsing himself off in the shower. He’d made a promise to himself to not get caught up in any crap again. To not be fooled. To not be taken for granted. As that was how he’d thought things had been with Callum. But the last half hour had proved that all wrong? Hadn’t it? Callum had felt the same. Still felt the same.
This grin isn’t ever going away.
A few minutes later, dressed in his lounging joggers and nothing else—easy access—he found Callum in the kitchen, getting out the plates and cutlery ready for their food’s arrival. His body was a sheen of glistening skin, stretched over a slender frame. His dark blond hair had been left in a ruffled mess to dangle into his eyes and he flicked it back with every movement. He had his back to Kez, rummaging through his cupboards, and it allowed Kez to stare at him. To ogle. To gaze with his heart swelling and knocking against his ribcage. Dr. Rawlings couldn’t fix this one. He wouldn’t want him to. Not anymore.
Kez wrapped his arm around Callum’s midsection and kissed his shoulder from behind. “I could get used to this.”
Callum smiled and leaned into him. “What? Having a naked man serve you dinner?”
“’Course. Although, you could lose these.” Kez slipped his fingers into the waistband of the boxers and slipped them down to reveal the curvature of Callum’s arse. “Nice.” He ran his fingertips along the bump, revelling in the feel of smooth, tight skin and knowing mere minutes ago his cock had been buried in that crevice.
“Didn’t think that’d be a good idea when opening your gate to the delivery bloke.”
“True.” Kez nodded out to the kitchen window. “Speaking of which.” A shadow approached from behind Kez’s gated yard, searching for the bell. Which was odd. Kez had ordered many a Chinese from Wok U Like down the High Street and they knew where to buzz. “I’ll go get it.”
Callum nodded and Kez left the kitchen to grab his wallet from the table by the door before walking outside. It wasn’t the usual delivery guy by the gate. This one was all covered up, in black puffer jacket and hood.
“All right, mate?” Kez flicked open his wallet, clutching it between his elbow and chest to rifle for the notes. “What’s the damage?”
“About two grand.” The man sniffed, curling a hand around one of the poles. “So you wanna let me in and tell me where I can find Callum Wright?”
Kez glanced up at that. He dropped his wallet, darting his gaze from the heavy behind the gate to Callum’s shadow reflected through the kitchen window. What the fucking hell is this?
“Come on.” The man’s face, not covered by the peak of a baseball cap or his oversized hood, glared at him through the gaps in the fencing. “That lock won’t hold this.” Opening his jacket, he revealed a heavy-duty hammer tucked inside the pocket. He closed it up. “So either you bring him out or you let me in.”
“I don’t know who you are or what this is about but—”
“Callum Wright. Know him?” The man’s voice wasn’t a question, more of a demand. A threatening one.
Kez narrowed suspicious eyes. “Why?”
“What does he owe you for?”
The man’s deep, sinister chuckle gave Kez the shivers and displayed the man’s broken teeth. “He was meant to sell some food for me. Out of town.”
Kez closed his eyes, hanging his head. No. He couldn’t. This cannot be happening. Not now! Not again.
“What’s taking so lo—” Callum stopped beside him with a jolt. He was back dressed in his joggers and T-shirt, but he shuddered. Kez doubted it was due to the wind chill and more that Callum had recognised in one instant a man who had half his face covered. “Fuck.” He stumbled back, then regained composure and stood steady. “Fuck off! How the fuck—”
“Callum. Nice to see you again.” The man smiled and adjusted his cap. “Be a dear and open this gate so we can have a proper chat. Your boyfriend’s bein’ a bit hostile.”
Callum swallowed but didn’t look at Kez. “Fuck off.”
“Now, now, Callum. Let’s not get off on the wrong foot. Your bloke’s already down one limb.” The man let out a sinister laugh. “Not much protection that, is it?”
Kez turned to Callum, frustration and anger seeping through his resolve. “What the hell is this, Cal?”
“Nothing.” Callum didn’t look at him. A tell-tale sign. “The man’s lost his way. And got the wrong bloke. Go in, Kez, I’ll sort it.” He shoved Kez’s arm.
“That’s right. Be a good little girlfriend.”
“Fuck off!” Kez pointed a menacing finger to the gate. Where he got his confidence from was beyond him. Years of being called the same thing, most probably. Plus he had a cast-iron gate between him and a metal hammer.
“Kez, don’t.” Callum pushed him again and turned a pleading gaze on him. “Go in. Please. I’ll sort it.”
“What’s going on?”
“How about I fill you in?” The man tapped the gate with the head of the hammer. “Cocksucker here owes me my ‘food’ back, nothing touched, or the cost of resale plus an extra for the no-delivery and interest for each day it’s been missing.”
It felt as if he’d been batted over the head with that hammer and Kez wanted to throw up. Drugs. This is all about drugs. Again!
“Kez, it ain’t what you’re thinking—” Callum grabbed his arm. “I was never selling. You know I wouldn’t.”
“What were you doing then?” Kez’s voice was a crackled, floaty breath of air, as though he really didn’t want to have to ask. He certainly didn’t want to know the answer.
“Holding it. Passing the baton.”
“Really?” Kez found his voice and stumbled back. “Like before?”
“Yes! No. Shit.” Callum gripped his hair, scraping it back from his face. “I was paying off a debt.”
“To me.” The man ran his hammer along the railings, the clang echoing along the hostile surroundings. “We agreed, Callum. And you didn’t keep up your end.” He cocked his head. “Is that always a problem for you?”
“The fucking place went up in flames, Baz!” Callum screeched, almost jumping in the air. “What could I fucking do?”
“That ain’t my problem.” The man who Kez now guessed was called Baz—real or pseudonym, Kez couldn’t have cared less—edged his face closer to the gate. “You should have taken it with you. You escaped, right? Saved your own arse, didn’t you, Cal? For him, I take it?”
“There was no time! It was out then or die!”
“But you left my valuable behind,” Baz snarled like a rabid dog ready to pounce. Thank fuck there’s a locked gate between us.
Kez shot Callum a confused glance. He hadn’t left straight away. Had he? He had gone back for something valuable. Eve. He sucked in a breath that he had to hold to prevent from actually throwing up.
“You left it to burn to ash or be taken by the feds.” Baz tapped the gate once with the hammer. “So, you owe. I’ll take five hundred quid—no less—down payment, with the other half delivered to base camp by the weekend. Or you can pay it all off now and you won’t see me again. Because, Cal, you’re a liability in this business. You won’t get another position in our company.”
“I ain’t got that sorta money.” Callum hung his head. “I can get it, but not today.”
Kez’s mouth fell open. That was some promise. Where does he plan to get hold of a thousand quid? He can’t even afford a Chinese takeaway! “Cal—”
“I’ll get it.” Callum waved him off, then focused on the man behind the gate. “I’ll get it.”
“I want assurances, Callum. Trust is an earned thing. Wouldn’t you say, girlfriend?”
“Go fuck yourself,” Kez spat.
“Be better than fucking you. What do you do, stick that thing up his arse?” Baz glided the hammer between them both.
Kez looked away in disgust. And he wasn’t sure who he was angrier with.
“Shut your fucking mouth!” Callum barked. “Leave him out of this. I’ll get you your fucking money. All of it. With fucking interest. Tomorrow.”
After a few tense moments, Baz lifted the hammer and smashed the lock several times. Kez flinched at the aggression on the man’s face. Callum shoved Kez behind him, holding himself steady as if ready to take action. What Callum could do against the menacing weapon and an insane brandisher was anyone’s guess, but the fact he’d put himself in front of Kez was both gallant and—not to mention—fucking stupid! Kez wasn’t sure how to feel about it.
Baz didn’t open the gate. He left it ajar with the padlock hanging on by a bent hook.
“Don’t bother getting a new one. If there’s no payment by tomorrow, I’ll come by and smash off his other hand. Get me?”
“You touch him, I’ll kill you.”
Baz laughed and it echoed along the balcony of maisonettes down to ground level. “You do that, and when the bossman finds you, your own mother won’t recognise you.” He cocked his head. “Not that she could anyway. She barely knows her own name these days.”
Callum gulped and Kez didn’t know whether to wrap an arm around him in comfort or snatch Baz’s hammer and smash Callum over the head with it. Rage bubbled in his chest and Kez had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself. This is exactly the sort of shit I wanted to avoid! And he had, since Callum had no longer been part of his life. Now Callum had brought it all back. In one fell swoop, Callum had managed to make Kez come back to him with naive open arms, then slam him back to reality with how fucking foolish it was to have ever trusted him again. He wasn’t sure who he was madder at—Callum, or himself.
“Tick, tock, Wrighty-boy.” Baz waggled the hammer through the bars, each ricocheting ting of the metal making Kez’s gums ache.
Footsteps scraped up concrete steps and startled them all. Baz shot a look to his left. Kez cursed under his breath and Callum stepped forward. The Chinese delivery bloke grunted on reaching the balcony landing. Baz stuttered back, not before brandishing the end of the hammer toward Callum.
“Tomorrow, Cal. Tomorrow.” Launching on his heel, he covered up the weapon with his jacket and skidded off, bashing into the delivery man as he approached Kez’s yard.
“Mr. Zakari, sir.” The bloke held up the plastic bag of piping hot food, the smell of which would have had Kez salivating if he hadn’t just feared for his life.
Callum scooped up Kez’s dropped wallet and slipped out the cash. He handed it to Kez with shaking fingers. After snatching it from him, Kez stomped over to open the gate and gave the man the money. “Keep the change.”
“Thank you, sir.” He handed over the bag.
Kez slammed the gate with his foot. Useless now the lock was broken, but it was more to make a point. He glared at Callum before angling his head to usher him indoors. In the kitchen, he dumped the food on the counter and rested on his elbows to cover his face with his hand. Callum approached, caution in every timid step. He slipped a
hand up Kez’s back. Kez couldn’t bear it. Not then. Not after all that. He shunted him off, then swivelled and faced him.
“What the fuck, Cal? What the actual fuck?”
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s all you ever say!”
“’Cause I am!”
“For what? For doing it? For not telling me? Or for getting caught? Again!” Kez’s throat scratched with the force of getting all that out.
Flinching, Callum stepped back. “All right. Calm down.”
“Calm down? Calm, fucking, down? Don’t you fucking dare tell me to fucking calm down! This isn’t a calm fucking situation!” Kez paced the kitchen, punching various surfaces as he went. “I can’t fucking believe this. How stupid are you? Do you have a fucking death wish?”
“No.”
Kez stopped, facing him. All he had was one question and his entire being deflated to ask it. “Then why? Why the fuck would you do this? Again?”
Callum fell against the fridge door behind him, a few magnets clanging to the floor. He looked beat. And sorry. And all the things Kez remembered him feeling the first time around. It hadn’t held much clout back then. The second time only made it worse to witness. Hanging his head, Callum shivered and his face contorted in pain. Kez waited. He’d wait all fucking night if he had to. He needed to know the truth. Most of all, he needed to know why.
“Are you using?” Kez forced the question out.
Callum lunged toward him, palms open. “No! No. Swear down. I’m clean. I never have. You have to know that? Seeing what that shit did to my mum? No bollocking way. I’m so fucking clean I piss detergent.”
Staring at him for a few intense moments, Kez searched for the tell-tale signs of the lie. It wasn’t there. Either he’d learned how to control it, or Kez had to believe him.
“It was my only option,” Callum mumbled to the floor.
“I’m going to need more than that. Imagine I’m one of the twelve.”
Callum peered up, his hazel eyes filled with a remorse Kez could not give in to. Not again.
“Mum. She owed them. A lot. Couldn’t even tell you exact. It’s why she did a runner. Turns out, debt don’t follow the source. It gets put on the ones left behind.”