by L. V Russell
My pink room had been painted a soft yellow, cream curtains flowing to the floor, held back by a string of golden beads. A double bed replaced my old one, overflowing with scatter cushions in every shade of cream and dusky pink. A different desk stood at the far wall, pristine and unmarked by my attempts at makeup.
The only essence of me in the room was a single shelf. Carefully-placed trinkets stood polished and shining, and I wondered if mum ever allowed them to gather dust.
I picked up a small teddy bear that sat between a sparkly unicorn and a music box, and held it close, breathing in its scent that should have meant more to me.
“It’s as if I was taken,” I breathed, still clutching the frayed bear. “As if you stole me away and not Niven.”
Laphaniel visibly flinched at the thought.
“Niven came back,” I continued. “She came back, and my family stayed together.”
Laphaniel moved closer, taking the bear from my hands and tossed it onto the bed. I stared at it, and its beady eyes stared back as if wondering where it knew me from.
“Why is she enough for them?” I asked, my voice hollow. “Where is my empty place setting? Do they keep presents in the loft for me, knowing I’ll never open them?”
“I didn’t know it would be like this,” Laphaniel said, “We can just grab a few things and leave.”
“Why didn’t they miss me like they missed her?”
Unable to give me the answers I needed, Laphaniel pulled me close and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Do you want to go? We’ll find somewhere else.”
I shook my head. “And go where?”
I didn’t know the house I stood in, nothing about it was familiar apart from its scent, and even that had been tainted. My memories didn’t belong anywhere within the newly painted walls and plush carpet. I didn’t belong.
“This reality is a better place without me,” I began, breaking away from Laphaniel. “My dad is alive here, I don’t think my mum is crazy.” I swallowed, wiping at my eyes. “The wallpaper isn’t hanging off.”
Laphaniel touched his forehead to mine, his breath soft against the bridge of my nose. He opened his mouth to say something, then paused, his head snapping towards the sound of the front door creaking open.
“Stay here,” he said, and cold panic seized my body at the thought of him confronting Niven again.
“No!” I caught his arm before he took a step onto the landing, tugging him back so frantically he almost lost his footing. “No, the last time you met Niven, you bled out in my arms. You can stay here.”
I walked down the stairs gripping the banister with a shaking hand, knowing I was not ready to see my sister again.
At our last meeting, I had been terrified. I had gone to her out of guilt and a sense of duty, to try to dull the shame that ate away at me, blaming myself over and over again for something that had never been my fault.
“I’ll pay for the window,” I said, taking the last step, watching as my sister knelt on the floor to study the shards of broken glass that were scattered across the hallway floor.
Niven stood to face me, an eyebrow arching. “With what? You look like a war orphan.”
If she was surprised to see me, she hid it well. Her blue eyes skipped over my tattered state, lips curling into a smile that revealed the loosely hidden cruelty beneath. She exuded a strange radiance standing there, watching me.
A simple clip held her black hair up, a few curls let loose to tease her face. The black dress she wore barely skimmed her thigh, showing inches and inches of pale bare leg despite the cold.
Sweat and stale alcohol mingled with her sickly perfume, the strange smoke I had noticed from her room, clung to her clothes. Despite her obvious hung-over state, nothing about Niven hinted at vulnerability. It only made her appear more dangerous.
“I just want to grab some clean clothes and some food. Then we’ll leave.”
Her head bobbed forward once, lazily. With a bored gesture, she motioned for me to continue what I was doing.
“I doubt you’ll fit in anything left in your room,” Niven smirked, bending down to unlace her boots so she could fling them off. Her smile widened as one of them struck my leg.
“Then, could I have something of yours?”
She shrugged. “Whatever, if it is lying on the floor, take it.”
I stared at her, unable to believe she could act like nothing had happened. Niven glared back, her too-bright eyes fixed on me as her smile slipped into a scowl.
“I don’t want to know why you’re not decaying in that castle with the corpse of your lover,” she hissed. “Take what you want and leave.”
“I gave everything up for you, Niven,” I said, the words pointless. They meant nothing to her. They never did.
“I don’t care.”
I nodded, turning to walk back upstairs. The sudden hand on my arm stopped me going further.
“Wait,” she said, her nails digging into my skin. “Who are you with?”
She didn’t know, and the thought sparked a new rush of fear through me. “Who do you think?”
She moved surprisingly quickly, slipping past me to bolt up the stairs before I could stop her.
“Niven, wait!” I slipped on the stairs as I ran after her. “Stop!”
I grabbed her arm as she stepped onto the landing, and she spun to face me. I let go at the look she threw me. There was no fear in Laphaniel’s eyes as she turned back to him.
“You should be dead.”
“I was,” he said, the words deathly calm. “Shall we call it even?”
Nothing human lingered in the way he spoke, the timbre of his voice sounding all wrong. His subtle accent had deepened into something strange and terrifying.
Pushing past Niven, I stood in front of Laphaniel, pressing my hand against his chest. His eyes flickered to mine, and I gave a tiny shake of my head, silently ordering him to calm down.
“I think we need to talk,” I said, facing Niven again. Her eyes dropped to my hand, covering the erratic thump of Laphaniel’s heart. I would never forget she had been the one to still it.
“I have nothing to say to either of you,” she said coldly.
“We wouldn’t have come here if we weren’t desperate, Niven,” I said. “We need somewhere we can sleep for the night, food, and clothing. I want to know why everything is different. You owe me that at least.”
“I owe you fuck all,” she spat, her head snapping to Laphaniel as a deep snarl rose from his throat. “Control him.”
I kept my hand against his chest. “He doesn’t need controlling; he wasn’t the one lashing out with a knife.”
Niven’s grin showed teeth. “I was in control when I stabbed him.”
I closed my eyes at the memory.
“You weren’t, though, were you?” Laphaniel said, pushing closer. The haunting edge to his tone slipped away into something softer…colder. “You aimed for Teya, I just got in your way.”
I withdrew my hand slightly, so only the tips of my fingers brushed against Laphaniel. “Please, Niven.”
I didn’t have the strength to fight on the landing.
“You can have ten minutes, then I’m done.”
She pushed herself off the wall and walked downstairs, leaving behind the odd lingering scent that surrounded her.
Chapter Three
The circle of steam snaked up from my mug, and I breathed in the comforting smell of coffee, not realising how much I missed it.
We sat at the dining table, Niven opposite us using her own coffee to chase down a couple of painkillers.
“So,” Niven began, after I finished explaining. “You made a bargain with Luthien to take my place?”
I nodded, taking a sip of my coffee before adding another sugar to it.
“You promised to spend the rest of your life alone in that miserable castle; instead, you ended up breaking a centuries-old curse binding mortals to the Seelie throne.” Niven tapped her fingernails against her mug. “All
because you two fell in love. How tragically romantic.”
“Yes,” I said. “I am the last mortal Queen of Seelie. If Luthien kills me, the natural line will be restored, and she will inherit the throne. It’s been a tough few weeks.”
Niven looked up from her mug, “You’ve been gone just over a year, Teya.”
“What?”
“Well,” she continued. “I know you have been gone only a year, everyone else believes differently. I was thrown from that cursed place like a rag doll and dumped back here. I thought I was finally home, but everything was different… everyone remembered everything differently.” She paused to take a breath, eyes flashing with sudden anger. “The timelines changed, and it was you that had been taken all along, not me. Dad is alive, and he remembers things about me that have never happened, do you know what that feels like? There are photos of me in places I have never been, and I have just had to deal with it and watch as they mourn for you.”
“They stayed together,” I said. “I couldn’t keep them together.”
The scowl on Niven’s face slipped into something far crueller. “Jealous?”
I took in the room around me, the neat stack of cookbooks above the range, the little matching spice jars. All the plates rested in the rack. “How could I be, Niven? My dad is alive.”
Laphaniel reached for me beneath the table. “What have you been doing for the past year, Niven?”
She shrugged. “Whatever I damn well please.”
“I can smell them on you.”
Niven leant forwards, steepling her fingers to rest her chin on them. “I bet you can.”
“What’s going on?” I demanded, “Niven?”
Laphaniel didn’t look at me as he answered for her. “Your sister is playing with the Unseelie.”
“And what business is that of yours?”
“You are a child dancing with shadows,” Laphaniel began, his hand resting against his untouched drink. “You know nothing of the madness of the Dark Court.”
“I know more than you can comprehend,” Niven hissed. “I have seen their shadows, and they welcomed me without flinching. I have found my place within the Unseelie and I will not sit here and be judged by you.”
“The Unseelie Queen will tear your head off.”
“The Unseelie Queen is dead!” Niven snapped. “The Barren Queen is gone…”
“Leaving behind no heir,” Laphaniel cut in. “You’re going to end up in the middle of a civil war, Niven.”
Niven leant back on her chair, a smile on her face. “There was a boy the Queen loved, a human infant she simply couldn’t resist snatching up for herself. You should see how the Court loves him, it’s like he belongs there. The Seelie have been too wrapped up in their own affairs for too long to notice the Unseelie were raising a King.”
“He’s human?”
Niven shook her head, lighting a cigarette and blowing a perfect circle of smoke at us. “Not anymore.”
“How?” Laphaniel asked, visibly unnerved.
“I wasn’t there to see it,” Niven answered, flicking ash into her empty mug. “But Phabian told me it was like being reborn. Just before the Queen’s last breath, everything that made her fey flooded into him. He found me shortly after I came back, surrounded by dancing shadows that listened only to him. He offered me a place within the darkness, and it felt like finally going home.”
Niven stood, her eyes focused upon Laphaniel. “You are looking at the Queen of the Unseelie. I may dance with shadows, you pathetic creature, but at least I know how to waltz with them.”
“They’re going to kill you, you stupid girl.” Laphaniel hissed back. “The Unseelie will sniff out any weakness…”
“They love him!”
“Do you?” I demanded.
Niven tilted her head, thinking for a moment. “Yes.”
“Enough to die for?”
“Enough to kill for.”
I looked at my sister, really looked at her. With a jolt, I realised I felt nothing for her but a crushing understanding that I had tried to save someone I no longer deemed worth saving.
“Maybe, Niven,” I said. “One day, you will learn to love someone more than you love yourself. Until then you have no idea what love feels like. You couldn’t possibly imagine the gaping hole left behind when it’s gone. I don’t ever expect an apology for what you did, because you don’t comprehend the pain you’ve caused. One day you’ll love someone enough, and you’ll finally get it.”
I stood, scraping the chair back against the wood flooring so it screeched. Moving to the kitchen, I rinsed the cups in the sink. It gave my hands something to do, so I didn’t throttle Niven.
“What do you want from me?” she asked from the doorway.
“I don’t know. Nothing.” I placed the cups on the draining board and dried my hands. “I didn’t come here to seek you out. Luthien is going to kill me, Niven.”
She rolled her eyes. “Phabian is still getting used to controlling the Unseelie…”
“You don’t control the Dark Court,” Laphaniel cut in, having moved silently to join us.
Niven ignored him. “We don’t want the Seelie to start sniffing around us.”
“So, what are you saying?” I asked.
Niven sighed, “We probably want Luthien on the throne as much as you do. It may well be beneficial for us if she didn’t kill you.”
“I do like being helpful.”
“It may be worth helping you keep your crown, little sister,” Niven said, smiling to herself. “I’ll have a talk with Phabian and see if we can work something out.”
“At what price?” Laphaniel asked, stepping into the kitchen beside me.
“I’m sure we can come to an agreement,” Niven answered.
“I am not bargaining with the Unseelie Court.”
“Then you will both die,” Niven countered, a shrug lifting her shoulder. “Without Phabian’s help, it is only a matter of time before Luthien finds you and rips you apart.”
“And you think he’ll help us?” I asked, “This wonderful new king of yours?”
“As I said, we don’t want Luthien on the throne, the Unseelie are too unstable at the moment to handle an outside threat.”
“The Unseelie are always unstable; it is a court of madness, and they would sooner slit our throats than help us,” Laphaniel snapped, stepping closer to Niven so he towered over her. Niven didn’t flinch as she tilted her neck to stare up at him.
“Do they frighten you?” she mocked. “Because they should. You should see what Phabian can do with his shadows, it’s wondrous. There is madness there, but can you really say that your own court is not controlled by it? The Seelie hide behind a veil of civility, but it is only a disguise. You are as feral as the rest of them. You are all monsters.”
“Niven…” I began, but she cut me off.
“Do you deny it?” she asked Laphaniel. “You are the monster that steals away children from their beds, are you not?
Laphaniel smiled, black eyes flashing, “You skipped beside me Niven. You took my hand without a thought. What kind of child follows a monster into the shadows with a smile on their face?”
Laphaniel caught her wrist as she made to slap him, holding it a breath away from his face.
“Are you going to break me?” Niven said, her words hissing through her teeth.
Laphaniel dropped her hand, shaking his head. “I’ll leave that to the Unseelie.”
“I wouldn’t stay long if I were you,” Niven said, stepping back. “Luthien may think to search for you here.”
“I don’t know where to go.”
Niven curled her lip, our barely disguised desperation likely disgusting her. “Mum and dad have this awful holiday cottage down in Cornwall, one they were going to fix up but never have. Stay there. I’ll send word after I’ve spoken to Phabian.”
“Where are Mum and Dad?”
Niven’s smile bloomed on her mouth, but there was something else mingling with the cold
twist of her lips, darkening her beautiful face. Only Niven could make scorn look lovely.
“They’re on a cruise with another couple they met from Mum’s Bingo club. I don’t blame you for forgetting about them.”
“I haven’t forgotten them.”
“Ever since you got here, you’ve barely taken your eyes off him.” She nodded in Laphaniel’s direction, her eyes filled with disdain. “You keep protecting him, unconsciously shielding him. Though you know, he is capable of killing both of us before we could blink.”
“You killed him before I could blink, Niven,” I said softly.
“I did, didn’t I?” she smirked, absently chewing on her fingernail. “The keys are hanging on the hook by the microwave, drive safely.”
“You want me to drive to Cornwall now?”
She looked down at my filthy clothes, and I hoped something stirred the humanity hidden within her.
“Stay one night,” she said finally. “Then go. There is a pile of clothes in the cupboard destined for the charity shop, help yourselves. You both stink.”
She gave one last hateful look at Laphaniel and pushed past, only turning to face me when I called to her.
“Where are you going?” I asked, though I was sure I knew the answer.
“I needed a change of clothes, then I’m going home.”
I blinked at her word choice, and for just a moment, her eyes softened.
“This is not our home, Teya. We belong to our monsters now. You seek happiness in the shadows as much as I do. Take what you want from this place, it means nothing to me.”
Niven disappeared upstairs without another word to either of us, and after a few minutes, I heard the front door click shut, leaving us alone in a house that should have meant more to me.
Back in the kitchen, I found a bag of dried pasta and dumped handfuls into a saucepan and waited for the water to boil.
“How does dinner and a shower sound?”
“There is nothing I want more right now,” Laphaniel answered, filling two glasses with fresh water and handing me one.
I found a jar of sauce in another cupboard, stirred it into the cooked pasta, and heaped it onto plates. We ate until there was nothing left, and I had to force myself not to make another batch so I could eat that too.