by L. V Russell
Grace finished her song with a graceful curtsy and a breathless shout of thanks. From where we sat, I could see the flush against her cheeks, the glimmer of sweat on her skin. She curtsied again, and without warning, jumped from the table into the arms of the dark-haired fey, who caught her as if she weighed nothing.
“Another drink?” the waitress asked, appearing back at our table, waving to Grace as she and her lover escaped upstairs.
“I think I would really like a bath first,” I said, already feeling my head swim from the two large mugs of cider I had drank.
“Of course, anything else I can get for you?”
“We are looking to find a witch; I don’t suppose you know of any local to here?” Laphaniel asked, and the waitress’s smile faltered.
“Is it a charm you’re after?” Her voice was hopeful. “A wish? Because Old Anna Crow lives not far from here, she’s wonderful at herbs and trinkets.” She paused, closing her lovely brown eyes. “You don’t want herbs and trinkets, do you?”
“No,” Laphaniel answered, and the girl began to wring her hands. “I need a Hag Witch.”
The waitress sighed, pity spreading over her face. “Arabelle lives close to the moor. Be careful how you offer payment because she’ll take more than you can give. Unless you truly have no other options, don’t go to her.”
“We don’t have another option,” I told her as she plucked a key from her apron and handed it to me.
“You shouldn’t get any bother here, whatever it is you are running from. Allow yourself a brief respite. Rest up, gather your strength, and good luck to you both.”
“Thank you,” I said, almost weeping at the kindness she was showing us.
“If you need anything while you’re here, shout for Darby.”
Darby’s hooves clicked on the scruffy wooden floor as she walked away, handing out more drinks and clearing tables as more faeries came and went.
I climbed the narrow staircase with Laphaniel following me, stopping on the landing as Grace dashed past me, carrying a change of clothes and a slightly grubby looking towel.
“Shared bathroom I’m afraid,” she said, darting into the bathroom. “Hop in after me, lovely Briar can wait. You look like you could do with some hot water.” She looked at Laphaniel and gave him a sweet smile. “It’ll be a cold shower for you, handsome, sorry.”
She closed the door, and I heard the latch slide in place. Briar was standing outside his room, leaning against the doorframe, watching Grace disappear into the bathroom. He nodded at me when I walked past, and I smiled back, but then his entire demeanour changed when he glanced at Laphaniel.
He bared his teeth, a soft growl rumbling from somewhere deep within his chest. His eyes narrowed, the deep green darkening to black as he backed away. Laphaniel’s fingers curled tight around my waist as he pushed me forwards. A snarl slipped from his lips when he passed Briar.
“You’re not solitary,” Briar hissed, and Laphaniel whirled around to face him.
“What business is that of yours?”
Briar straightened, matching Laphaniel’s height. “Why would a Seelie brat be lingering around here?”
“For my own purposes,” Laphaniel answered. “Back off.”
Briar didn’t move, his lips twisting into a sneer. “Finally tired of being ruled over by little girls?”
I thought Laphaniel was going to lunge at him, but to my surprise, he caught himself. A wicked grin crept onto his face. “Oh, it’s still better than the fate befallen you. Don’t the Unseelie burn their traitors? What did you do to deserve your exile?”
Briar’s fist collided with Laphaniel’s face. He made to retaliate, but I grabbed his arm to stop him. With a furious snarl, he shoved me off, swinging a punch at Briar.
The space was far too small to brawl in, but it did nothing to deter them from trying to tear each other apart. It was a sudden, ancient rush of hatred, both feral and unstoppable as if they were both hardwired to do as much harm to the other as possible. I yelled for Grace, who came running from the bathroom, utterly naked and dripping in bubbles. She launched herself at Briar, giving me a chance to grab Laphaniel, hauling him back.
“Are you both children?” Grace berated. “This is a place where it doesn’t matter where you’ve come from, why you’re here or what you’ve done. Briar, you should know that better than anyone here. Both of you should be utterly ashamed of yourselves. Shake hands and make peace now. Hurry up because I’m bloody cold.”
Grace was smaller than I was, a slim waif-like girl with her dripping blonde hair trailing over her naked breasts, but she had an authority I could never mimic. She stood there, in the cold, dark corridor, stark naked without an ounce of shame. Tattoos covered most of her body, more vines snaking over her hips and down her legs. No vines decorated her back, however, but a pair of beautiful blue and purple butterfly wings.
“When these two have kissed and made up,” she said to me. “Come and meet me up on the rooftop. Do you smoke?”
“Um…no.”
“That’s okay, I’ll teach you how.” She waved me off and turned back to Briar and Laphaniel. “Shake hands before I rip your arms off and beat you with them.”
Briar was broader than Laphaniel, but with one glare from Grace, he held his hand out. Laphaniel hesitated until I kicked him, reluctantly taking Briar’s waiting hand.
“Grace was a quiet little thing when I first met her,” Briar said, as they broke away. “I had no idea what a spitfire she was going to turn into.”
Laphaniel nodded, taking a step back. Both had blood on their faces and knuckles. “Well, I’ve had no end of trouble since the day I met Teya.”
“See, and now you’re bonding over your lovers!” Grace cried, clapping her hands with manic glee.
Briar rolled his eyes. “For the love of the gods, woman, put some clothes on!”
Grace disappeared into the bathroom, and after giving Laphaniel a wary look, Briar retreated into his room, leaving us to walk up to the loft together.
“You deserve your cold shower,” I said, examining his bloodied fist as I sat on the bed. “What the hell came over you?”
“I just really needed to hit him.”
I was relieved when Grace called my name to say she had finished with her shower. “We are going into the Unseelie lands, so are you planning on fighting everything that moves there?”
“No.”
“I’m taking a shower,” I said, plucking a towel from the stack in the cupboard. “Why don’t you try and get some rest? You didn’t eat much earlier, are you sure you’re okay?”
He nodded, lying back against the pillows, though I knew he wouldn’t sleep. I closed the door and made my way to the bathroom, feeling I needed more than hot water to wash my troubles away.
Chapter Eleven
The bathroom was cramped and grubby, with cheap plastic tiles peeling away from the floor. Black mould crept up the far side. The tub stood avocado green against the wall, a grimy rim around the edge, suggesting it hadn’t been scrubbed since its installation.
I ran the water, waiting for it to warm up, and stood beneath the weak spray. Despite what Laphaniel had said about my natural scent, I poured a generous glug of shower gel onto a sponge and scrubbed the dirt away. It still felt good to be clean.
Tipping my head back, I drowned out everything except the rush of my blood in my ears. I needed that moment, that quiet stillness away from the chaos, the barbed words, the tension, and the fights. I needed time to comprehend I would never live a normal life, that Laphaniel…no matter how much I loved him, would always be volatile, a wild being that made no claims on being human.
I had to accept there would always be a part of him that enthralled me, overwhelmed me, and pushed me to be someone I never thought I could be. I knew I pushed him too. Most likely, more than anyone had ever done before, and he had yielded for me. There was a gentleness to him that had not been there when I had first met him in the woods, but he made it too easy to f
orget how dangerous he truly was. I doubted I would ever get used to how quickly his eyes blackened.
With the water growing cold, I got out and dressed, passing Briar in the corridor as he made his way to shower. I peeped around the door into our room, seeing Laphaniel shift and sit up on the bed, the speed he had moved telling me he hadn’t slept.
“I’m going to meet Grace up on the roof. Will you be okay on your own for a bit?”
“I’ll be fine,” he answered, swinging his legs over the bed. “How was the shower?”
I shrugged. “The bathroom is pretty nasty, though it’s nice to be clean. I just needed some space and time to think.”
Laphaniel cocked his head, waving a hand absently over the candle on the nightstand, igniting it with his fingertips. “You don’t need an excuse to want some space to breathe, Teya. What were you thinking about?”
I smiled, but it felt forced. “How I keep forgetting you’re not human, then being surprised when you don’t act like it.”
“Do you want me to act human?”
I thought for a moment, and Laphaniel waited. His violet eyes caught the candlelight, the ring of silver shining against the deep black of his pupils. He waited patiently, and tears pressed against my eyes, falling quickly onto my cheeks before I had a chance to scrub them away.
“No.”
“What do you want?” he asked gently, as I picked paint off the peeling doorframe.
“Just you.”
“Are you sure?” he asked with such uncertainty that it broke my heart. I took a step into the room, then another and another until I was in his arms, and he was holding me tight against him.
“I want to stop being frightened,” I said, my voice breaking on a sob.
“Of me?”
I shook my head. “Of something taking you away from me…of all this constant bickering driving a wedge between us.”
Laphaniel pulled away. “I’m not going to leave you, Teya.”
I looked down, away from the intensity of his gaze. “You left Luthien.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, his hands coming up to frame my face. “When it got too hard when everything was so hopeless, I left Luthien. She didn’t want to come with me, and it hurt, but I was able to walk away from her. I never could walk away from you, Teya, not from the moment I met you. I will be by your side when you are crowned Queen of the Seelie Court, or I will die by your side if after everything, we fail.”
“We always seem to argue…”
Laphaniel smiled, leaning forwards to kiss my forehead. “Well, that’s nothing new, is it? You have challenged everything I say, and I don’t like being told no. Pair that with the tension of running for weeks, then being cooped up, I think we’re doing pretty well.”
“Thank you,” I breathed, needing the reassurance more than I realised. “I just want this to be over.”
“I know, so do I,” Laphaniel said. “Go and meet Grace on the roof and spend a few hours talking to someone that isn’t me.”
“I think I need that,” I said, feeling more weightless than I had in a while. “Will you get some sleep after you shower?”
“Possibly.”
I gave him a look telling him I didn’t believe him but headed up to the roof garden where even though it had stopped raining, the air was still damp and cold. Someone had attempted to make it look appealing with a few plant pots scattered over the small space, but they had been left to wither, so it just made everything look even more sad and depressing.
Grace sat on the edge, her legs dangling over the stone, a thick cloud of smoke drifting around her head like a halo. She didn’t turn but patted the space beside her, and I sat, accepting the worn blanket she passed me and wrapped it around my shoulders.
“I’m sorry for what Laphaniel did,” I said in way of greeting, but Grace just barked a laugh that was so at odds to her elfin frame that I jumped.
“I have no doubts Briar threw the first punch,” she said, taking a slow drag on her cigarette, blowing out a stream of greenish-blue smoke. “I think, no, I know, he was just jealous that you belong to a court. It’s pretty shit being solitary.”
“I’m not sure where we belong yet,” I replied, shaking my head as she offered me the cigarette. The sweetness of it filled my nose, tickling my senses, smelling of wonderful things, and forgetfulness.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I would rather talk about anything else.”
Grace smiled, her hazel eyes almost black. “Faerie is intoxicating, isn’t it? How it draws you in, promising the world for the small cost of your soul. It is not for everybody, though, only for those who can see the light beyond the shadows.”
My hand moved to the star around my neck, my fingers running over the curled points. “It makes coming home a lot harder, doesn’t it? I feel like I don’t really belong here anymore.”
“I miss it more than I thought I ever could,” Grace said, drawing her knees up to her chest. “We’ve been back here for a few years now, but before that, the last time I saw England was in 1942.”
“You’ve aged beautifully,” I said, earning a wonderful grin from Grace.
“Why, thank you.” She laughed, before seriousness spread over her face, her eyes seemingly gazing at something far away. “The years won’t touch you in Faerie, I’m guessing you know that, and I spent decades there. I went looking for adventure, and I sure as hell found it.”
“What happened?”
“Come here.” Grace beckoned me closer before sucking on the end of her roll-up, puffing her cheeks as she held onto the smoke. I hesitated before leaning forwards, tensing as she covered my mouth with hers and blew.
I coughed and staggered back, tasting the strange spiciness against my tongue, a cloying heat that coated the back of my throat and made my eyes water. The warmth melted through my body, taking everything away until there was nothing left but wonderful softness.
I took the joint when she offered it again, less hesitant, more curious. The smoke fizzed against my lips, and I breathed it in until I slouched against Grace, barely remembering my name.
“It won’t hurt you,” she said, her voice a lulling whisper. “You won’t even wake with a hangover. We call it Fizz, from what it feels like against your mouth. Like popping candy. You looked like you really needed it.”
The taste lingered on my tongue, little sparks of life. “Is it anything like Ember?”
“How do you know about Ember? Don’t you ever touch that,” Grace said sharply, eyes narrowing. “It’s for whores and gutter rats and will burn through you until nothing is left but ashes.”
Oh, Laphaniel…
“Tell me about your adventure,” I said, my words slow and soft.
Grace pulled me close, dragging the blanket I had shaken off back around my shoulders. “You’ll still get cold, even if you can’t feel it. You want to hear my story?”
I nodded, the world around me slowly nodding too.
“Everything started when I went looking for trouble and found Briar,” Grace began. She smelled like apples and woodsmoke. “I was evacuated from London when the war broke out. A group of us were sent to this sprawling mansion in the middle of Yorkshire, you could explore the rooms for days and still not see it all. It could have been a wonderful experience…a haven away from the horrors back home. It should have been wonderful.”
Grace smiled, a forced twitch of her lips before continuing. “We all learned quickly to stay out of the way, to stay hidden. I favoured the woods at the edge of the estate because they were dark and creepy, and no one liked to go down there. In the middle of this copse of trees stood a beautiful old labyrinth which had crumbled so badly you could see into the middle. In the centre was a well, fed by a spring that ran through the woods, but the water was always tinged orange and growing darker each day.”
“Rust?” I asked, and Grace nodded.
“You can see where I’m going with this. I didn’t know Briar was a faerie, didn�
��t really believe they existed, but I knew something was different about him— you just know they’re not like us, don’t you? I found him by the well, and he looked like he was trying to vomit up his spleen. He was a mess, covered in bile, and heaven knows what else, convulsing on the ground. Briar is completely colour-blind, so didn’t notice anything was off with the water until, exhausted from a hunt, he filled his canteen and drained it dry.”
“He didn’t smell the iron in the water?”
“He later told me he could scent iron but had no idea it was from the well. He had drunk from it many times before. The railings up further had been damaged by a storm, breaking off into the water supply. Have you ever witnessed iron poisoning?”
Something punched through my foggy haze, a nightmare I would relive for every moment of every day. “Yes. How on earth did you save him?”
Grace grinned, looking utterly pleased with herself. “Charcoal, and lots of it. A friend of a friend once drank too much of her papa’s homebrew and nearly killed herself, charcoal worked for her.”
“You didn’t get help?”
Her lovely eyes darkened. “And risk a beating simply for existing? No, thank you. I found lumps of charcoal in the bonfire, and had no idea if it would work or not…but I wasn’t willing to get the shit beaten out of me for a dying stranger. I found fresh water and a bowl, mixed it all up and force-fed it to him, unsure if I was just going to kill him off quicker.”
I turned to watch as the sun began to sink below the rooftops, the last rays reaching out to set the sky on fire. “You saved his life.”
“I did,” Grace answered, blowing more smoke against my lips as I turned to face her. I brushed my hand over hers, and she squeezed it back, keeping hold of my fingers. “It’s hard being surrounded by them, isn’t it? We delight in the world that they show us, the magic and the wonders, but there will always be a part of us that seeks this, a human friendship, and that’s okay, Teya. Never forget that it’s okay to be human.”