by Jim Hallaux
Merri watched out of the bus window as the world passed by. The same world that came crashing down on her again. Men had failed her… again. She opened up to Tom. He let her down. She needed to forget about it. Re-evaluate what she was doing. Maybe this whole Job Corps thing wasn’t for her.
As the bus pulled over at Eighth and Bond, she stepped down and turned up her collar to the blustery offshore wind. She wandered, no destination in mind.
What’s wrong with men? Or is it me? I can’t have faith in them. They are all liars. They fail me every time. I’m sick of their promises.
She walked by the Golden Star Chinese restaurant as a couple exited the bar door in the back. Laughter filled the air. She decided she needed that now.
The place was busy. Only bar seats available. Merri sat down and studied the people through the mirror that lined the back bar. A local’s bar. Relaxed. Casual. Not a lot of sake served at the Golden Star. Mostly a beer drinking crowd. Or whiskey shots.
“Hi. What can I get for you?” Barb was a career bartender. Twenty years at the Golden Star. She knew everyone that came in more than once.
Merri ordered a burger & a coke.
“Honey. It’s a Chinese restaurant. A burger, really?”
“I don’t know a thing about Chinese. Surprise me.”
Four boys sat on bar stools near Merri. Not really boys, she realized, all at least her age. She heard laughter, chatter, and attempts at humor. The oldest of them, the quietest one, turned to Merri.
“I’m Scott.” There was one empty stool between him and Merri.
“Merri,” She smiled.
“Where you from?’ Scott asked to keep the conversation going.
“Portland,” Merri lied, finding it easier than explaining `the Job Corps.
Barb brought Merri her coke and she and Scott chatted in that kind of fun, kind of awkward way of first meetings.
Then Barb brought the meal. She served Merri pork fried rice, fried shrimp, chicken subgum chow mein or as they called it at the Golden Star, Dinner #4.
“Thanks. But this is a lot of food.” The delightful smell overwhelmed Merri. She realized how hungry she was.
“It is a lot of food and all of it good. You look like you could use a filling meal and a little cheering up,” was Barb’s quick reply. “Hon, do you want chopsticks?”
“I’m not sure…”
“I’ll bring both chopsticks and a fork. Tastes better if you use the chopsticks. The effort makes it better.” Barb left Merri with her new utensils and enough food to feed a small army.
Mary fumbled with chopsticks. How on earth do the Chinese get through a meal? None of the food got to Merri’s mouth.
“Can I help you with those?” Scott moved to the stool next to Merri and took the chopsticks out of her hands.
Scott showed her how to use the chopsticks and gave them back to Merri. She fumbled and then got a little better. She tried the fried rice first, no luck.
“The rice is too tiny, try for something bigger. Go for the shrimp.”
She did, and the first shrimp landed in her lap. The next one made it to her mouth. Then she got cocky and went for the chow mein. In the lap again.
“Scott, can I offer you some of this great food? There is way too much for just me.”
Barb brought Scott chopsticks and a fork.
“I didn’t realize you two were sharing.” She had seen this a thousand times over the years.
“Hey, Merri thank you for your generous offer,” Scott said as he dug in using his fork.
“Hey, wait a minute. A fork? Really? No chopsticks, come on!”
“Chopsticks are great if you want to lose 50 pounds fast. If you want to get fed, a fork is the only way. Everybody knows that.”
“Everybody but me and the Chinese.” Merri put the chopsticks in her purse as a memento and picked up the fork.
The conversation went on and Merri and Scott—truly a man now that Merri had learned he was 24— got to know one another.
“You should have white wine with this dinner. Can I get you a glass? I’m having another beer.”
“I don’t know. I’m—”
“Come on, Merri, It’s Friday Night. Let loose a little.”
Merri agreed. Letting loose was exactly what she needed. She was not about to open up to Scott, but it felt good to escape her troubles. She liked the wine too. It had been a while. Suddenly, she remembered the curfew at the Job Corps. Merri checked her watch. The last bus left soon. She had to go.
“Thank you, Scott, for the glass of wine.” It was still half full. “Sorry. I have to go.” She gave him a frustrated look.
He asked for her phone number. Merri said she was traveling a lot and would be hard to reach. But said she would be back in Astoria soon. Scott gave her his number and she promised she would call.
Merri made the bus in plenty of time. She spent the ride thinking about her nice evening and her new friend. The bus let her off at the Job Corps gate.
As she waited in line with the other JC kids returning from town, Merri flashed on the zero tolerance for drugs and alcohol and the random testing. She would play it cool. What could half a glass of wine do?
When she reached the guard, Merri was chosen for testing.
Job Corps tested in a small building by the front gate. Merrie blew a .05 on the Breathalyzer. Barely a bump on the dial. But enough.
The woman doing the testing called the front gate. The front gate informed the Security office and the Head Administrator, and Merri was escorted to her room. The head of Security and the Administrator were waiting for her.
“Merri, as you know the Job Corps has a zero policy for alcohol and drugs. You were told this when admitted. You signed the application agreeing to abide by this policy. You have chosen not to follow it.
“Remove all of your belongings and put them in these two boxes. You will spend the night in Zone 5. We will have a termination meeting tomorrow at 9 AM.”
It was a long night.
Described as the ‘disciplinary area’ of the Job Corps, Zone 5 served as the Brig when Tongue Point was a Navy base. Merri spent the night on a thin mattress in a cell. No lock on the door but the sound of the cell door closing horrified her.
Merri hoped to cry herself to sleep, but sleep didn’t come.
December 2
The ‘termination meeting’ began in the administrator’s office. Present were the Security Chief, the Admissions officer, Merri’s counselor Larry, two Student Representatives, the Administrator, and Merri. The room was small and windowless; everyone except the Administrator stood. Defenseless, Merri felt alone in the crowded room.
As painful as the meeting was, it was brief.
“Merri, you have broken the rules of the Job Corps. Your stay at Tongue Point has been terminated. In this envelope is a one-way ticket to Portland. Also enclosed is a voucher for three days at Grace Gospel Mission on Burnside in Portland. After that, you are on your own.”
The Administrator slipped the envelope across the desk. Merri, shattered, only stared at it. Everyone was crying.
One of the best students the Job Corps had produced was getting kicked out.
The Administrator finally broke the silence. “This second envelope I’m handing you contains a one-way ticket from Portland back to Astoria. After your stay at the Mission, if you decide to come back and adhere to every rule, use the ticket to get back to the Job Corps. If you decide not to come back, turn the ticket in at the Greyhound depot. It’s worth $18.”
“Also enclosed is $50. The ticket and the money are being given to you by the people in this room, in the hope that you will come back and finish the success you started.”
Merri was driven to the Greyhound bus depot on the side of the John Jacob Astor Hotel in downtown Astoria.
December 14
Merri didn’t know what to do. Couldn’t think, couldn’t concentrate. Exhausted, her mind kept going, whirling in a circle. Faster and faster.
In
a moment of clarity, it came to her, she should call Miss Silver. Someone she trusted, someone who understood. Miss Silver would know what to do.
Merri crossed the lobby to a bank of four built-in phone booths of dark stained wood that framed etched glass inserts. She grasped a sculpted brass handle and opened a booth. As she entered, a domed, overhead light came on. She stood, her finger shaking as she dialed “0.”
“I need to make a long distance collect call to Redmond, Oregon to the Redmond Grade School. Person to person with Miss Eunice Silver, from Merri Sue Morrison.” Merri said all this in a high, wavering voice she did not recognize as her own.
“Thank you, placing the call now.”
Merri felt better already. Except the person at the grade school office wouldn’t take the call.
Merri tried again.
“We don’t take collect calls here.”
Merri tried again, crying now.
“Tell her its Merri Sue, I have to talk to her.” Merri screaming now, her voice heard all through the lobby. People were looking.
At the Redmond Grade School, the aide in the office told the principal, Mr. Sanderson, about the repeated calls. He walked down to Miss Silver’s classroom.
“If she calls again please, come get me. I’ll reimburse the school for the call.”
“No need for that Miss Silver. I’ll send Jennifer down if there is another call. She can watch your class for you.”
Merri left the phone booth and went to the lobby restroom. Washed her face, calmed down. Then waited five minutes and called again.
“Redmond Grade School, Jennifer speaking. Yes, we will accept the call, please hold the line and I will get Miss Silver for you.”
The sound of Miss Silver’s voice sent a wave of relief flowing through Merri Sue. And she told her everything. All about Tom, how wonderful everything had been and then how he had betrayed her. And then Scott, nice and friendly, forced her into drinking. Her counselor, Larry, was supposed to help her. He had helped her alright, right out of the Job Corps—
“Give me your number Merri. I need to think about this and call you back in 5 minutes.”
It didn’t take her five minutes.
“Merri, it is Miss Silver and I want you to listen to me carefully. You were given a wonderful opportunity. The help you needed was put in front of you. And what have you done with it? You have placed blame for your misfortune on everyone but yourself.”
“But I— “
“I have helped you all I can, Merri. Now the help must come from you. From within you.”
“But I tried and then Tom— “
“Merri, haven’t you heard what I’ve said. Look within for your answers and— “
But Merri couldn’t take anymore. It felt like her world would split. She softly rested the receiver in its cradle.
27
December 2
In the evening, Sammi came back to the dorm room she shared with Merri Sue. Except Merri was not there and her belongings… gone. She ran over to Penny’s room. Merri not there either. Penny had not seen her since the morning classes.
Penny and Sammi went over to the student lounge. There were still kids hanging around. No one had seen or heard from Merri Sue.
The two women spent another hour scouring the Job Corps campus looking for Merri. Their last stop was the security gate. The attendant not all that helpful.
“I will note you reported Merri not in her room at curfew and will notify the Security Chief in the morning. Thank you for bringing this to our attention.”
December 3
At breakfast the next morning a million different rumors concerning Merri bounced around the cafeteria. Arrested, kidnapped, caught in the men’s locker room, drinking & drugs, and on and on. With each retelling, the rumors became more lurid.
Tom was the last person to hear about Merri’s disappearance. After the 20th wild story, he headed to the one person that should know. Larry Alred.
Tom arrived at Larry’s office, out of breath and more than a little out of his mind.
“Larry, you got to tell me what’s going on with Merri. Where is she? What happened?”
“I can’t give you any specifics, Tom. Job Corps policy doesn’t allow me to divulge personal student information to other students. This is a personal matter.”
“Cut the shit, Larry. Just tell me what happened.”
“First off watch your mouth. And remember who you are talking to. For the rest of this conversation, which will be brief, you will address me as Mr. Allred.”
“OK… OK… I’m sorry. I’m worried, really worried.”
“Understandably so. Sit down, collect your thoughts and we can talk.”
Larry busied himself with some papers on his desk. Tom sat stewing and fidgeting, but finally calmed down.
Larry seemed to sense the calm and gave what little information he could.
“The Job Corps has very stringent rules and Merri broke one. The outcome is that she was removed from the campus.”
“Where is she now? No one’s seen her?” Tom struggled to keep his voice even.
“I can’t tell you that, I’m sorry Tom.”
“How do I get in touch with her?”
“I don’t know. If she chooses to, she knows how to get in touch with you.”
“I could call her parents. She probably went home. You have an address and phone number. Right?”
“That’s information I can’t share with you, Tom. I must go by the book on this. I’ve told you more than I should have.”
And in that instant, Tom realized how little he knew about the most important person in his life.
‘I have counseling sessions beginning right now and then staff meetings after that. Stop by after 5 tonight and we can come up with a plan on how you can deal with this.” Larry’s new concern was Tom.
But Tom didn’t stop by that afternoon. He retreated to his room and stayed there for two days. Didn’t leave. Tom asked his roommate to tell everyone he was sick.
And he was. Tom’s body shut down, but his mind would not stop spinning.
What rule did she break?
Where is she? Who is she with?
My fault? Merri was one in a million.
I lost her.
28
December 1
Andre and Pete had moved on from the Portway, down Marine Drive, and across the street to the Worker’s Tavern. So far this week it was their 5th night of non-stop drinking.
“I need you to do me a favor.” Andre snarled at Pete.
“Sure, what do you need?” Pete’s reply was quick.
“I need you to shut up and do something.” Andre’s eyes were bloodshot and his voice was harsh. “For the last two weeks, all you have done is talk… and talk and talk. Now you need to do something.”
“Do what?”
“What’d you mean what? You’re the one talking about making a statement. Showing the Man.”
“Yeah show —"
“Enough talking. You want to blow up this Astor Hotel. Well… stop talking and do it.”
Andre had put Pete in his place and Pete knew it.
“But we don’t have the explosives.” Pete started to sweat.
“You get the C-4, I’ll pay for it, and we’ll blow the damn thing up.” Andre showed every sign of being done with Pete.
“I have a bunch of questions about how—.” Pete’s voice sounded high and weak.
“The only question that matters is are you and your boys in or not? You have until I finish this drink to decide.” Andre threw his MacNaugton shot back and slammed the glass down on the bruised bar top.
29
December 3
The blue and silver Greyhound bus turned the corner into the station in downtown Portland. The last time Merri was here was the day she left for Astoria and the Job Corps.
Now she was back. Defeated.
She looked at the address and decided to walk the three blocks to Grace Gospel Mission. She turned off
Burnside. The narrow side street was lined with three-story buildings, weathered, and stained with age. Sculpted dual-lamp street lights stood like soldiers up and down the road.
Merri stared at the shelter in front of her, shabby suitcase in hand. A fire escape ladder hung from the side of the nondescript building. Blackwater stains painted the siding beneath the small, wood-framed windows. The white-painted wood siding needed attention. A sign, rocking with a rusty, rhythmic squeal, hung above a door; Grace Gospel Mission. Merri glanced at the information Job Corps had given her.
Is this the right place?
The dark wood door resisted opening as Merri tugged hard on it. Inside, a room 150 feet long held row after row of bed pads laid on the floor, each with a single wool blanket folded on top. The high ceiling had a row of windows that let in weak light casting a dank aura over the room. A woman in her forties in a dark dress with a full, white apron, mopped the floor. She stopped, leaned on the mop’s handle, and stared at Merri. The woman raised her arm and pointed to a room in the back with a large window. Inside the room, another woman busied herself shuffling papers. Merri walked through the open door. The woman looked up, smiled, and welcomed Merri.
“Good afternoon. Come in. Sit, please.” The woman pointed to an old, second-hand desk chair with sculpted arms in front of her desk. Merri sat and handed the woman the paper Job Corps had given her. “My name is Nerissa.” She looked at the paper. “Merri. Welcome to Grace Gospel Mission.”
Merri nodded but said nothing. Nerissa had dealt with all kinds. She was patient.
“Well, this will be your home for the next three days. You understand you need to arrange to stay somewhere else after that?”
Merri nodded.
Nerissa noticed Merri was clean and moderately dressed. Above average physically for Grace Gospel Mission. But emotionally? That was another matter.