by Danni Roan
“What will you do Barnaby?” Xenia asked as she began to pour the tea. “Won’t the money from the sale mean you can do something new?”
Barnaby took the only other chair in the galley and shook his head. “I don’t see what else I can do,” he mused. “The money should be good, but I don’t think it will see me through the rest of my days.”
Xenia pressed a cup of tea into Birch’s hands and turned to study the older man. “That means you’ll have to sail again.”
Barnaby nodded as Xenia handed him the next mug. “It’s all I know.”
Xenia could feel the blood rushing to her head. They’d just survived a terrible attack and betrayal, but it was all for nothing. When they reached shore she and Birch could leave; go back to their old lives, but Barnaby would still have to work with no place to call home.
“Is that what you want to do?” she asked quietly.
“It’s of little matter what I want,” Barnaby said sipping the hot brew. “I’ll do what I must.”
“What if there was something else?” Xenia pressed. “What if you had a home, a place where you could learn to do something new?”
Barnaby lifted his gray head and smiled wanly. “That’s a dream I’ll not realize,” he said, “but I thank you for the dream.”
Impulsively Xenia walked to the old sailor and wrapped her arms around him. “We’ll figure out something,” she said a harsh edge of determination entering her voice. “One way or another we’ll make it happen.”
Chapter 22
The next two weeks were a jumble of activity as the ship and its crew made their way to San Francisco.
Xenia worked as hard as any of the men with her duties and more as they had to take shifts on the small sloop that had attacked them as well.
Each night she crawled into her hammock exhausted, but still struggled to sleep as she wrestled with the thoughts that crowded her head.
There had to be a way to give men who wanted to leave their life on the sea a second chance. Every night she dreamed of Barnaby, and the endless labor with little reward his life would be if he couldn’t find something else to do.
She understood that there were those who were called to the sea, whose lives were tied to it like a lover, but there were others who wanted a new start but lacked the skills to move forward.
“If only there were a school for men like that,” she mused one night as her eyes grew heavy while she stroked one of the rambunctious kittens that now roamed the ships every corner.
“Birch, Barnaby,” Xenia called the next day as the three of them took their watch on the sloop. “I have something I’d like to discuss with you.”
Xenia loved their time on the smaller vessel every other day as it allowed her to be herself more than anywhere else. With the other sailors busy with their work on the schooner, she, Birch and Barnaby could be open with each other.
“What’s wrong?” Barnaby asked scanning the horizon for any sign of trouble.
“Nothing,” Xenia chided giving the man a harsh look. “I just wanted to talk to you.”
“Oh, what about?”
“What’s the matter?” Birch asked stepping up to Xenia and looking for any signs of trouble.
“Would you two stop that?” Xenia scolded. “Just because I have something to talk about doesn’t mean there is trouble.”
Birch grinned, he liked it when Xenia got sassy.
“Barnaby, what if you had the opportunity to go somewhere and live for a while to learn a new craft or skill? Would you do it? Would you start over in a job you’ve always wanted to try?”
Barnaby scrubbed the back of his neck with weathered hand thinking. “How’d I afford ta learn a thing like that?” he queried.
“Don’t worry about the money,” Xenia shot back, “just answer the question.”
“I think I would,” Barnaby finally replied. “I always thought I’d like to grow things,” he added with a shy grin.
“Good,” Xenia said squaring her shoulders. “When we receive our pay from this voyage, I propose we start a school where men and even boys who want to learn a new trade can come, so that they aren’t trapped into a life on the ocean. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that life, only that if someone wants a change they should have that chance.”
“And how do we get people to come to this school?” Barnaby asked. “Many’s the man what can’t read nor write nor cipher.”
“I could teach them that,” Xenia said, “and we’d find others, men and even women from the community who would teach them a trade.”
Birch studied Xenia for several long seconds. “Where would this school be?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” Xenia confessed. “Barnaby says that more men are shanghaied from the port of San Francisco than almost anywhere else, so it might be a good place to start.”
Birch placed his hands on Xenia’s shoulders and turned her toward him. “Your home is in New York.”
Xenia dropped her eyes not daring to look into Birch’s, as sorrow and longing warred with determination in her breast. “New York was my home,” she countered. “Now I have a new purpose. If I can do this then I must.” She looked up at the last moment gazing into troubled gray eyes.
“You can’t give up your life for a bunch of sailors,” Birch argued. “You’re a young woman who has a right to her own life.”
“What kind of life would it be if I turned my back on those in need?” Xenia said her eyes sparking.
“I’ve trained as a teacher. I understand the needs of a school and what it takes to start something that means something. How would you feel if you were trapped by ignorance and a lack of learning? What would you do if you had no options, but to go back to a job that you didn’t love?”
“Now you two young folks simmer down,” Barnaby barked snapping their eyes toward him. “Seems to me that Xenia has a good idea, and it is her idea. No one is trying to force her to do anything she doesn’t want to.”
Xenia crossed her arms over her middle and glared at Birch.
“You can’t do this all on your own,” Birch said.
“I won’t be alone,” Xenia said. “Barnaby is willing to be a part of it.”
Birch ran his hands through his hair, cringing as his thumb brushed the still tender tip of his ear.
“What about your precious Wiggie?” he asked. “What if men who consign others to work on ships find out about what you are doing and where you came from? They could go after all the ones you love back in New York.”
Xenia felt the blood drain from her face. Was it true? What if the crimps believed that her school was stealing their victims away, would they go after Wiggie’s school?
“Could that happen?” she asked turning to Barnaby with wide eyes.
“If they knew where you come from, I reckon it could. In San Francisco crimps and sailors are in high demand. If they think your cuttin’ into their business there could be trouble.”
Xenia rubbed her forehead with worry. “It doesn’t matter,” she said. “I can’t turn my back on those who want a second chance.” Turning she walked away her heart heavy but her path set.
“Barnaby, she can’t do this,” Birch said. “She needs to go home to Madam Wigg and the women who are like sisters to her. She’s trained to be a teacher and needs to get back to it.”
Barnaby laid a hand on Birch’s shoulder. “Son, I don’t think this decision is up to you, and I don’t think anything you say will sway that girl from doing what she’s set her mind to.”
“You could tell her you’d rather go back to sea,” Birch suggested guilt gnawing at his middle as soon as the words were out.
“Do you think that would change anything? For one Xenia would know I was lying, and for two she’s seen a need and won’t be turned away.”
“I swore to myself that I’d get her home,” Birch said his voice dropping with his heart.
“Perhaps you need to rethink your options,” Barnaby said as he turned away heading back to
his work.
***
Xenia stood at the ship’s rail looking out over the sea. It was vast, mysterious, and beautiful. She could understand the draw of it to many. The adventure, the danger, the reward, but she couldn’t ignore that there were those who wanted something else.
Still thinking of the conversation she’d just had with her two companions she struggled to calm her roiling heart.
If she started this school, if she made a way for those looking for a second chance to find it, she could never go home. Her heart squeezed in her chest, and a tear sprang to her eye like the spray of a rogue wave.
She had two choices, abandon Barnaby and the men like him who longed for a new life, or she could say good-bye to everything she ever knew and loved. Wiggie and the others would be safe believing she was dead and gone.
Xenia ran a hand under her nose and sniffed. In her heart she knew there was only one path she could follow, and steeling her soul she set her course.
“You’re really going to do this aren’t you?” Birch said stepping up beside her.
“I have to.”
“How will you manage?”
“I don’t know, I just will.”
Birch smiled. Xenia’s utter determination was one of the qualities that he had admired since the night she stepped into that dank little room in the bowels of the ship to save him.
“I thought you’d want to go home,” Birch continued.
“I do,” Xenia admitted, “but it has always been like this with me. If I see something that needs done, I have to do it. It’s what got me into this mess to begin with if you remember,” she finished with a smile.
“Is it terrible of me to say I’m glad it did?”
Xenia looked up at Birch. She knew he would be returning to his father’s ranch and she was happy for him though she felt he would take her heart with him.
“I guess if I had to get stranded on a boat headed to California, I couldn’t have asked for better companions,” she said.
“It’s my fault you’re here,” Birch said leaning his elbows on the railing and studying the waves. “If I hadn’t been so careless, none of this would have happened.”
“Birch you can’t blame yourself,” Xenia said. “Some of these men are professionals and very dangerous.” She shivered remembering the outlaws that were locked in the room they used as a brig aboard the schooner. “Look at what Gobbs did.”
“That’s why you can’t do this,” Birch said standing in exasperation. “You need to go home where you’ll be safe and cared for.”
“Birch aren’t you listening?” Xenia said wheeling toward him. “It doesn’t matter where I am. Anything could happen at any time. I was simply coming home from visiting an old lady who had been ill when all of this happened.” She gestured around her to indicate the vessel.
“No one is safe all the time. It’s an illusion. Life happens, and you might as well live with intention instead of just waiting for something new to befall you.”
“But Xenia, you trained to be a teacher, your life is in New York.”
“Why can’t my life be where I want it to be?” Xenia barked her temper making her cheeks flush. “Yes, I’m a teacher, but not every school is exactly alike. I want to help people, to see them learn, and if I can help people make a new start, then that is the type of school I’ll have. You can’t script learning. It has to be adapted to the needs of those learning, and with hard work and dedication, they can use it as the stepping stones to something better.”
“But you’re a woman all alone, how do you expect to manage?”
“The same way I’ve managed here!” Xenia shouted. “Haven’t I kept up with everything that this voyage has demanded? Have I shirked my duties?”
Birch shook his head. That last statement had not come out right. “I do not doubt your abilities,” he tried waving his hands in supplication. “I’m just worried about you.”
“Well don’t!” Xenia snapped, still seething. “You aren’t responsible for me Birch Oakem. I’m perfectly able to look out for myself. And sometimes others as well,” she added pointing at his ear. “So you just go on with you merry little life and leave mine to me.” She finished turning on her bare feet and storming away.
Birch dropped his head. He’d made a hash of this. Instead of convincing Xenia to go home to Wiggie he only steeled her resolve.
Perhaps she was right. Perhaps she wasn’t his responsibility, but oh, how he wished she were. He needed to think. He needed to figure out how to win her heart the way she’d already won his.
Chapter 23
Xenia walked away from Birch her heart aching as tears sprang to her eyes. Of all the people in the world that she thought would support her she was sure Birch would be the one.
How could he doubt her? How could he turn his back on Barnaby? She had believed that Birch was the kind of man who would encourage dreams not try to shut them down.
“Zeke,” Barnaby called making Xenia turned toward him where he was coiling rope.
“What do you need?” Xenia asked stepping forward to help.
“I need you to listen,” Barnaby said kindly. “That young man is worried about you.”
“I’m not his problem,” Xenia said with a snarl.
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Barnaby said with a chuckle. “I’ve never been fortunate enough to have what ails Birch there,” the old sailor said as he nodded to where Birch was heading below decks to man the bilge pumps.
“I don’t understand,” Xenia said watching Birch disappear into the hold.
“I don’t suppose you do,” Barnaby said handing Xenia a line to coil. “He worries about you because he loves you.”
Xenia turned startled green eyes to Barnaby, sure he’d gone mad. “No he doesn’t.”
Barnaby nodded slowly. “Be sure he does,” he said. “He’s been head over heels for you from almost day one. Now he just wants to protect you even if that means sending you away and never seeing you again. “
“That doesn’t make sense,” Xenia sighed.
“From what I’ve seen, love usually don’t,” Barnaby said with a chuckle. “Don’t change the truth of it though.”
“What do I do Barnaby?” Xenia asked. “I’ve made up my mind about this. It’s the right thing to do even if it isn’t easy.”
“Then convince him,” Barnaby said looking toward the hold. “Make him a part of it.”
A slow smile spread across Xenia’s face transforming her from a dirty faced boy to a lovely young woman.
“Well get on with it then,” Barnaby urged laughing as Xenia hurried across the deck and into the dark hold.
***
Birch kicked the bilge pump making it rattle then set to work priming it and starting to work.
He was angry at himself, and angry with Xenia for not listening to him. How was he supposed to protect her and care for her if she wouldn’t listen to reason?
Something deep inside turned as he thought of Xenia. She had such a big heart, such passion about helping others, and it made him love her more. He only wished that she could love him back. Then if she was still determined to start this school, he could help.
Birch froze, and then yelped as the rise of the pump handle rapped his knuckles. Grabbing the handles he settled back into the rhythm of the pump listening as the pipes siphoned water gushing it back out of the ship.
The sound of someone coming down the ladder made Birch look up from his work, and he gaped as Xenia scrabbled into the ankle deep water taking the other side of the pump.
“What are you doing?” he asked still not trusting himself to say anything more.
“I want to know why you’re so against me starting this school,” Xenia said taking the other side of the handle and picking up half of the heavy work.
“I’m not against the school Xenia,” Birch said wearily. “I’m against anything happening to you because of it.”
“Why?” Xenia asked her green eyes sparkling in the dim lig
ht.
“Because I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“Why?” Xenia said again struggling to keep the laughter from her voice.
“Because I want you to be safe.”
“Why?” Xenia asked again pushing the handle down hard and pulling Birch off balance so that his face was directly in front of hers.
“Because,” Birch whispered.
“Because?” Xenia asked again, letting the pump quiver to a halt.
“Because I love you,” Birch said breathlessly.
Xenia laughed. “Why couldn’t you just say that?” her voice was bright in the dark hold.
“Why?” Birch exploded in exasperation. “Why? How about because you’re going to do exactly what you please and no matter what you’ll leave me behind.”
“I don’t have to,” Xenia said gently.
“You don’t have to what?” Birch said pushing the pump back into motion.
“I don’t have to leave you behind. You could stay.”
Birch stopped his work so quickly that the handle rapped him in the knuckles for the second time that day.
“Xenia you are the most amazing, infuriating, exasperating woman I have ever met,” Birch said shaking his fingers to fling away the pain.
“Why?” Xenia said laughing loudly this time.
“Because you’re wonderful, and smart, and tough as nails.”
“And stubborn, belligerent, hard headed, and annoying,” Xenia added ticking each adjective off on a finger.
Birch smiled. “So you know already?”
“I’ve been told a few times,” Xenia confessed. “That doesn’t mean I’m not caring, or determined, or hard working too.”
“You are all of those things,” Birch said. “It’s how you stole my heart.
Xenia came around the double handled pump placing her hand on Birch’s chest. “Birch, don’t you know how I feel about you?” she asked. “You make me crazy always trying to do more so I can do less. Always trying to look out for me, protect me, care for me. It’s also why I love you.”