by Leddy Harper
“Then what is it? Please, Brogan…explain it to me. Because I don’t understand any of this, and the more I try, the crazier I feel.”
I’d trusted that the right time would show itself, so I had to believe this was it.
“Do you remember when you asked about Jessica and if I thought she was my soulmate?” I waited for her to nod before I continued. “Well, I guess the only way I can explain it is to say I believe we have many soulmates. But to me, they are nothing more than people who come in and out of our lives for a reason. Everyone has more than one.”
“So you don’t think there’s only one person out there for each of us?”
“I do. Just not the same way you do.”
Curiosity brightened her eyes as she leaned forward. “I don’t get it.”
“Picture a quilt that’s made up of a bunch of squares of different patterns—the patchwork kind. Each square represents a complete soul, and as a whole, they all become soulmates to each other. One could be a life partner, another a best friend. Some might even be relatives. But the pieces that make up that one blanket are all cut from the same cloth.”
Mercy barely blinked while I tried to paint the vast picture for her.
“Now, imagine taking one of those squares and cutting it in half. You’ve now taken one complete soul and separated it into two. They are each half of the other, a mirrored image. A twin, if you will. And that’s the only person who will ever complete you.”
Her head bobbed slowly, the information settling in. “I guess I don’t understand how that’s any different than what the rest of us would call a soulmate.”
“I just see it on a bigger scale. I don’t think we have only one person made specifically for us in this life. I think that person is the same, life after life after life. They are meant to make us the best possible versions of ourselves, to help us grow as individuals, and in the end, when we come together again, it’s solid.”
“Interesting theory.” She nodded while twirling her fork in the pile of noodles on her plate. “So, to back up a little…you what? Think I’m the other half of your soul or something? How would you even know?”
“You’ve heard people say, ‘when you know, you know,’ haven’t you? That’s exactly how it is. It’s the other half of you, a mirror of you. You recognize that person, and it’s instant. It doesn’t require time to develop feelings or learn to love them. It’s innate. It’s powerful and unstoppable and more significant than anything you can feel for anyone else. The love is there from before you meet; the rest of it is simply falling in love.”
“This might take some time to wrap my brain around.” Her honesty was all I could ask for. “So please, forgive me if I come to you asking a million questions. I want to understand what you believe. Whether I agree or not.”
“Feel free to ask as many as you’d like. I’ll answer them all the best that I can.”
I had assumed there would be a shift between us once I thoroughly explained it to her. I’d worried she would run. Hoped she’d feel the same and it would click for her. But more than that, I was scared shitless that she’d press pause while taking everything into consideration. I didn’t want to live in static. I didn’t care for the glitches or grey space.
Noise, I could handle.
Silence would kill me.
I stood against the far wall of the shop and watched person after person enter, scan the crowd, and then leave once they realized there were no cameras here. It pissed me off, but there was nothing I could do about it.
“You should just put a sign in the front window saying we’re not filming. That way, they won’t waste their time.” Indi handed me a beer and settled against the wall next to me. “As much as I’ve appreciated the business the show has brought in, I have to admit, I can’t wait for it to be over.”
“You and me both.” I took a swig of beer and glanced around the room, taking in all the attendees dressed in stripes. I wasn’t the kind of guy who cared much for events or fancy functions, but this one was special to me.
“This is the last season, right?”
“Yeah. Though I’m pretty sure they’ll be coming back with a new contract.”
Indi groaned. “I know the other guys in the shop want to keep going.”
“Of course they do. Even Kickstand gets laid.” I pointed to the skinny guy leaning against the front desk, talking to some top-heavy blonde. His name was Daryl, though we all called him Kickstand because that kid did nothing but hold up the walls and furniture around here, always leaning on something.
“But you’re not gonna sign it, are you?”
“Fuck no. I’m already having a hard enough time convincing Mercy to stay; I don’t need to add to her reasons to take off.” Just thinking about her leaving made my chest constrict. Then I flicked my eyes to the front door, waiting for her to arrive.
Indi tapped her beer bottle against mine, catching my attention. “She’s going to stay. Stop worrying about it. And she’s going to show up, so stop watching the door like you’re some Secret Service agent or something. She’ll be here. I have no doubt.”
“I don’t doubt it, either. It would just be nice if she’d hurry up and walk through those doors.” I had to smile at my own eagerness. I’d always been one who could wait something out. But when it came to Mercy, I didn’t have an ounce of patience.
“Well, when you’re tired of standing back here by yourself, staring at the door, come join the rest of us. After all, this is your event. I’m sure the people writing checks would love to mingle with the man who set this whole thing up.”
Laughter bubbled in my chest as I shook my head. “I do this every year, Indi. They don’t come to rub elbows with a guy named Wrong. They come to give back to their community. I doubt anyone cares that I’m not mingling.”
She waved me off and then walked away. I may have been the one who set this thing up every year, paid for it and made sure it was a success, but Indi played the part of the hostess perfectly. She was beautiful and friendly, and she knew how to work a crowd. I wouldn’t doubt it if she was the reason we’d exceeded our goal three years in a row.
While watching her stop and talk to a young couple, my entire body flushed. A layer of intense heat covered me from head to toe, and my heart rate accelerated. I glanced to the front door and caught sight of Mercy coming in, dressed in a pair of black pants, a black-and-white striped shirt, and the same teal heels she’d worn the night we’d met.
She was a candle in a dark room.
Soft and gentle. Yet unmistakable.
A smile crossed her lips as she made her way farther into the shop, silently greeting those around her with a simple nod or shining eyes. I should’ve gone to her, but I couldn’t stop staring long enough to make my way across the room. I was frozen in place, mesmerized by the most incredible sight.
I didn’t need to see her mouth to know she wore a grin on her lips. Her eyes gave it away. Real joy shined bright like gold reflecting the sun, and I believed with my whole being that it was meant for me. Only me. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in the room thought the same—that her smile was aimed at them. But I knew better. In that moment, standing against a wall with an entire room between us, I’d convinced myself that she was aware she had my attention.
And there was no doubt in my mind who she smiled for.
Then she found me. Locked eyes with mine. The sparkle in those two pools of whiskey made me want to drown in them. Drown in her. Dive in and let myself go. Forget everything. And just…be. For in that moment, there was no chance she’d leave. There were no obstacles between us. It was only her and me. Me and her. And that smile.
11
Mercy
The way Brogan rested against a graffiti-laden wall, eyes on mine, and his lazy, panty-melting smirk made me swoon. It also made everything infinitely harder. There was no question in my mind how genuine it was. It was aimed at me, meant for me. No one else.
“Hey, babe,” he whispered seconds bef
ore closing his mouth against mine, as though we were the only two people in the room.
As I parted my lips for him, the noisy chatter and clinking glasses disappeared. His warm tongue touched mine, and the heat that radiated between us hijacked the evening. Nothing else mattered or existed.
I pulled away from the kiss and touched his face, keeping my forehead to his. Never wanting the moment between us to end. “Hey, baby.”
“Oh, before I forget…these are for you.” He picked up a bouquet of flowers off a small table and handed them to me. “You don’t have to carry them around all night. I just wanted to make sure I gave them to you before I got carried away and forgot.”
I pulled an open lily to my nose and breathed the fragrance in, ignoring the question in my head about how he knew what my favorite flower was. It reminded me of all the things Jordan didn’t know, regardless of how long we’d been together. Which didn’t surprise me, if I were being honest. In order to truly know someone, you had to pay attention to them—or at the very least, talk to them. And considering Jordan had always seemed content going long stretches of time without contact—this last week was proof of that—it would be difficult for him to know much of anything about me. However, I didn’t want to think about him right now. I wanted to enjoy my time with Brogan.
“I have to be honest,” I said after putting the bouquet on the front desk so I wouldn’t forget to take them home. “With all the people here, I assumed this was being filmed for the show. I got a little worried when I first walked in, but I was happy to see no cameras around.”
Humor rumbled in his chest as he placed his hand on my lower back to lead me around the room. “Nah. They’ve tried to film it before, but I won’t let them. I don’t do this for publicity, or for a fucking pat on the back. This is something that means a lot to me, and I refuse to taint it.”
“At the risk of sounding dense, why does it mean so much to you?”
He stilled and moved to stand in front of me. “You already know that I didn’t grow up with much. But I guess what I didn’t tell you is that the people I grew up with had even less. We lived in a very poor part of town, and over the years, I’d witnessed many families leave—and not for something better. I had friends who ended up in the system because their parents were living on the street. A few were there due to addiction, but most were in that situation because of money—not being able to afford the basics in life.”
“So what’s with the stripes?” I used my question as an excuse to touch his shirt, run my fingers down the vertical blue pinstripes that colored the otherwise pressed, white fabric. Brogan always dressed well—usually a pair of jeans with a nice fitted tee that showed off his body and accentuated his ink. Or maybe that was just how I saw it. It was rare to see him in a button-down with a collar, though I had to admit, I liked it a lot.
“I do a different theme every year. This year it’s stripe away the hunger.”
“What did you do last year?”
His smile lit a flame in the pit of my stomach and set my entire body ablaze. Little things like that caught me off guard the most. It was as though his dimple or the feathered creases next to his eyes called to me from a long-lost memory. A part of my brain that had been locked away, untouched until Brogan Daniels had come along with the key.
“It was black tie, big heart. You should’ve been here. I wore a penguin suit.”
“I would’ve loved to see you all dressed up.”
The spark in his eyes warned me of an idea. The last time I saw that, we got married. “Yeah, well…I’d love to see you all dressed up, too. Maybe we can make that happen by having a real wedding. One where you walk down an aisle to me. Where we actually exchange rings and vows and all the good stuff. What do you think?”
Contemplating my response, I ran my tongue along the sticky gloss that coated my bottom lip and glanced around the shop. It’d been almost a week since our discussion on soul mates, and even though I’d given it a lot of thought since then, that didn’t mean I was ready to let go of my fears and jump in with my eyes closed.
Before I could speak and give him any sort of answer, he cupped my jaw and guided my attention to his face. “Your hesitation worries me, Mercy. I guess I assumed you were starting to come around to the idea of us actually being together the way we promised in Savannah. Please don’t tell me I was wrong about that. Don’t tell me we’re not on the same page.”
“Brogan…” I huffed and glanced away for a moment, steeling myself against the pain I’d undoubtedly see in his eyes once I got these words out. “It’ll take more than a few conversations about soul mates before we can both be in the same book, let alone on the same page. I’m doing the best that I can with the hand I’ve been dealt. This isn’t an easy situation to be in.”
He brought his lips closer to my ear and whispered, “It would be a lot easier if you stopped fighting this and just accepted it the way I have.”
It’d been days since he’d expressed his belief and, essentially, told me I’m the other half of his soul. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around that one. Especially since he all but refused to say he loved me.
Figure that one out.
While I hadn’t given in to Brogan’s theory, I hadn’t fully dismissed it, either. There were a lot of pieces of the puzzle that made sense, some I’d even experienced firsthand. I couldn’t deny that. Albeit, they could’ve easily been explained as coincidences. Some were so powerful they gave me goose bumps. Others left me scratching my head.
It’d become one more item on the growing list of things I needed to figure out. And I feared I was running out of time. Brogan wouldn’t be patient forever, but it would be foolish to dive in without processing it all. Considering everything up until this point could’ve—and rightfully so—been classified as foolish, I didn’t need to add to it.
“Brogan, this isn’t the time or place to have this conversation.”
It seemed he’d make the time and find the place, because he took me by the hand and led me to one of the rooms in the back. Once he closed the door, we were draped in muted silence, nothing more than soft mumbles reverberating through the walls. But that wasn’t what caused my heart to still.
Brogan’s thin lips, hard eyes, and furrowed brow had done that.
“Okay, now that we’re alone, answer me. Please,” he all but begged.
“I don’t know what you want me to say. I have looked into it. I’ve read through the books and checked out the websites you told me about. And while it all sounds amazing, I can’t ignore the fact that most of it can also be explained away as something else. Coincidence, or the high everyone experiences during the honeymoon phase. You can’t say that just because our meeting was random and unconventional, it somehow means anything more than being in the right place at the right time.”
“Have you ever been in the honeymoon phase?” His brows pulled together, and what I assumed was rejection darkened his eyes. “Because I have, and I can honestly tell you that this isn’t it. This is more. What we have is lightyears beyond that. If you can’t see it…” He shook his head and took a step back.
“That’s not what I mean.”
“Then what do you mean? Tell me, because I’m not understanding.”
My heart was in my throat. Just the thought of hurting him killed me. Like I could feel every ounce of his pain. “The last thing I want to do is read too much into this. To get my hopes up, only for them to come crashing down on top of me. I’d rather look at this logically so that I’m prepared.”
“Prepared for what, Mercy?”
I swear, my every heartbeat was controlled by him, by the organ beating within his chest. Because I had absolutely no power over it. I couldn’t slow my heart down or ease the ache. Only he could, and if we continued this conversation for much longer, I’d likely die of heart failure. “I don’t want to believe this is what you say it is, and then find out it’s not.”
“You’ll never believe it is if you keep one foot out th
e door, either.”
“I don’t have one foot out the door,” I argued with tears shredding and burning the backs of my eyes, begging to be released. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Yeah.” He shook his head and took another step away. “You’re sleeping in my spare room. You haven’t unpacked a single box. And you’ve yet to make a decision about one goddamn thing. But yes, Mercy…physically, you’re here. I guess that’ll have to be enough—until you’re not physically here anymore.”
And with that, he walked out.
He’d reached into my chest, grabbed ahold of my heart, and taken it with him. For there wasn’t a single detectable beat inside. I was numb. Empty. Lost and confused. I wanted to chase him. I wanted him to come back. I wanted to run and hide…and hold him close.
Instead, I slid down the wall and wrapped my arms around my legs. I tucked my chin to my chest and allowed the hurt and love to battle it out. I prayed for a sign. For something to tell me what to do. I wanted to believe him, believe every word spoken. To feel what it was like to love someone without doubt. To trust in the universe and not question anything.
I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself. Brogan was out there somewhere, and I needed to find him. Preferably, before he lost hope in us. I had seen it in his eyes before he left. He'd pulled away, effectively closing himself off in order to protect his emotions. Which I understood. I couldn’t blame him for that; I could only blame myself.
I’d done this.
The gaping hole in my chest was my doing.
I had to find him. I had to make this right before I ruined what my heart believed was the best accident that had ever happened to me. I still wasn’t a hundred percent sure that this thing between us was what he’d said—fate designed by our souls and carried out by the universe, painted in the sky and sealed by the stars. But that didn’t mean I was ready to give up on finding out the truth.