Keeper of the Heart

by Johanna Lindsey

  “You are welcome to try.”

  For once that phrase made her laugh instead of feel frustration, and she released it in delight. “So this is the freedom to express myself you mentioned.”

  And then she realized that he was taking away another of her objections to him, for she couldn’t imagine deliberately endangering herself. And if that was the only thing that would get her punished, she’d never have to fear it again. As for disobeying him in other ways ...

  “I think there are a few things about your country that I might like after all, Falon,” she said.

  “This I am pleased to know. Now do you tell me what we are to say to your brother when he asks were you properly punished?”

  “That’s none of his business,” she said.

  “In this case it is, for your offense was against his house.”

  Now she squirmed uneasily, realizing that he was going against inbred principles not to punish her for an offense they all knew she was guilty of. The men of her own family wouldn’t have let her get away with it, yet Falon had been unable to finish what he started.

  “Perhaps you could allow me one more untruth to assure him—”

  “No,” Falon cut her off with an admonishing shake of his head.

  “So maybe he won’t ask.”

  He sighed now. “In either case, Dalden must be told the truth.”

  “Ah—what exactly is the truth?”

  He leaned back to glance sharply at her. “Do you tease me, woman?”

  “No,” she said. “I know you stopped, Falon. I just don’t know why.”

  He lay back on the bed, drawing her with him, men arranging her so they faced each other. A finger came to one of her eyes and caught a single remaining drop of moisture, which he rubbed against her lips until she thought to kiss his finger. He removed it then to thread his hand through her hair. Obviously, this conversation was not to end in joining—at least not yet.

  He finally said, “The sound of your tears was too painful to bear. I could wish it were otherwise, or that you could have displayed a small measure of forbearance, yet did you not.”

  She blushed at that point, for his tone was definitely chiding, his expression chagrined, but more on the disappointment side. And she knew it wasn’t because he had wanted to hurt her. He hadn’t. His feeling was that he had failed her in not administering what she was due for her own good, but he had failed because of her own shameful behavior. Warriors never enjoyed punishing their women. It was a duty they saw as a further means of protecting their women from harm. Shanelle knew all this, which was why she was so amazed that her backside wasn’t on fire right now. But that her tears had affected him so strongly ... did that mean he felt more than lust for her?

  He was different from the average warrior, just like her father was, and maybe that included the ability to love. Just maybe there was hope for them after all, despite whatever problems remained.

  She dropped her eyes to his chest to say, “Falon, I’m sorry I’m such a baby when it comes to anything that hurts. I know you needed to—well, felt you had to, but I was just too afraid of being punished by you in particular.”

  “Woman, you are supposed to fear punishment. How else will it keep you from doing what you should not?”

  “I know that, and believe me, I don’t want to go through that experience again, even as brief as it was. So please don’t feel you’ve failed in your duty. I wouldn’t be lying to Dalden if I told him I’ve learned my lesson.”

  Falon snorted. “All you have learned is that your pain gives me pain. What you have yet to realize is that your offense was not against me directly this time when you endangered yourself, nor were you truly mine yet while you did so. Does the time come that it happens again, there can be no reprieve for you, despite my own feelings on the matter. No tears, screams, or pleading will keep me from my duty then. Take this warning to heart, Shanelle, for I will be extremely displeased do you force me to make us both suffer by your actions.”

  She shivered, and instinct compelled her to press her body to his in an age-old manner of amends-making. “Could we maybe talk about something else now, Falon?”

  His arm curled around her to press her even closer. “As I recall, you have more than one meaning for the word ‘talk.’ ”

  Shanelle finally felt like grinning. “I do, don’t I?”

  Chapter 33

  “How’s it going, doll?”

  “Martha!” Shanelle gasped as she stepped out of the solaray bath in Falon’s cabin. And then in an accusatory tone she asked, “Where have you been? We’ll be home in a few hours.”

  A rude sound came out of the intercom on the wall. “Where do you think I’ve been? It took Corth and me all this time to work on getting a little temporary boost for our thrusters so we could catch up. You know that farden ship you’re in is faster than the Rover.”

  “You shouldn’t have had to catch up. Are you telling me you didn’t notice when we left?”

  “ ‘Course I did. But how was I to know you weren’t still down on Sunder? After all, the last I’d heard, those women were planning on altering our warriors into leaving without you. I had to make sure, didn’t I? And it took me a while to locate your general friend so I could.”

  It didn’t occur to Shanelle that Martha would have had an easy time locating the only female on a ship, especially with so few other occupants on it. But she had other things on her mind that morning, so all she said was, “Does Brock know you’re visiting?”

  “I’m not that sneaky. But I’ve got a deal with him. He doesn’t listen in on our chat, and I don’t bar him from my housing for at least six months.”

  Shanelle’s brows shot up. “When did you figure out how to do that?”

  “With you not around to keep me entertained, I had nothing better to do this week. Besides, aren’t I always looking for ways to annoy my metal friend? And this was a beaut if I do say so myself.”

  Shanelle grinned. “I’ll bet he just loved that.”

  “About as much as a warrior loves females in bracs. Speaking of which, what have you been doing for clothes? Or has the big guy kept you naked all week?”

  “Real cute, Martha. I was fortunate enough to be wearing an outfit compatible with the solaray bath, so it at least gets cleaned every time I do. But I could definitely use a change, if you’re close enough to send me something.”

  “Why don’t you come over here to make your own choice instead?”

  “No, thanks. That could be construed as an attempt to run away again, and I’ve been warned what will happen if I try it. I’d rather go naked.”

  Martha added a dose of sympathy to her tone. “Was it that bad?”

  “It didn’t happen.”

  “Yet?”

  “At all. Falon started to, but I made such a Stars-awful fuss about it, he couldn’t go through with it.”

  “Well, I’ll be damned,” Martha said in genuine surprise. “The big guy actually pulled one that wasn’t on my probables list.”

  “Well, don’t go looking for shorted circuits, Martha. The first time I step out of line I’ll get what I didn’t this time, and then some.”

  “That’s only to be expected, kiddo, so why do you still sound so resentful?”

  “That’s not the immediate problem. In fact, I’ve actually been getting along with Falon much better than I could have hoped.”

  “Do tell,” Martha purred.

  Shanelle couldn’t help grinning. “Go ahead, Martha, rub it into the ground. I know you’re dying to, and for once I don’t mind hearing an I-told-you-so.”

  “He’s that good, is he?”

  Shanelle blushed. “I wasn’t talking about that— but now that you mention it, yes, he’s that good.”

  “So he got it under control?”

  “So far.”

  “I’m impressed,” Martha admitted. “I didn’t think he could do it this soon. But if you weren’t talking about having fun, what were you talking about?”


  “That I’ve discovered the differences between the Ba-Har-ani and our warriors are even greater than we first thought. Do you know, I can be as disrespectful to Falon as I like and he won’t even raise a brow, even if someone else is present? It’s such a pleasure being able to say anything that comes to mind without having to worry about it. And, Martha, he doesn’t hide anything behind a warrior’s calm, because he just doesn’t have that infuriating calm. I never have to guess what he’s feeling. It’s usually right there on his face, if he’s angry, if he’s happy—”

  “If he’s ready to share sex?”

  “That, too. And he’s so careful with his strength now, his tenderness sometimes makes me want to cry. He also really does get jealous, and of the silliest things. His own brother even has to watch what he says to me, or else Falon starts glowering at him. And possessive—Stars, I can’t be out of his sight for more than a few minutes before he comes looking for me.”

  “That ought to calm down as soon as he’s more sure of you,” Martha assured her.

  “You’re missing the point.” Shanelle grinned. “I don’t happen to mind any of that. He’s so different from Kan-is-Tran warriors, it’s almost like he isn’t one, which is how I wanted it. Then again, he can be exactly like one ... Am I making sense?”

  “ ‘Course you are. But don’t let that little reprieve you got go to your head, doll. That is a dyed-in-the-wool warrior you’ve got calling you his, and you’re heading for a big letdown if you don’t keep that in mind.”

  “The close call I had isn’t going to let me forget it, Martha, nor is Falon himself going to let me—not for long. But I’d be lying if I said he hadn’t proved some things this week. You said it would happen. He said he could do it. The man knows how to make me happy, so happy I’ve been hard put to keep a silly grin off my face this entire week.”

  “Stars, that’s disgusting,” Martha grumbled. “What is it with you humans that makes you lose what little sense you’ve got when you wind up in love? It’s bad enough when you get your socks knocked off, but this love business gets ridiculous when it has you thinking those warriors can do no wrong.”

  “You can turn off that disagree-no-matter-what program, old girl. I happen to know you’re probably blowing a circuit to keep from gloating.” Martha let loose a few chuckles at that, so Shanelle added, “But I said that he knows how to make me happy, not that he knows how to keep me that way. And who says I’ve fallen in love?”

  “You did. All those silly grins you mentioned and being soooo happy. And I knew all it would take for you to give up and let it happen was to be caught. So what did he say when you told him?”

  “I didn’t.”

  “Didn’t tell him, or didn’t figure it out for yourself until just now?”

  “Don’t play dense, Martha. My feelings haven’t changed on this matter. I’m not about to volunteer that kind of information to Falon until he comes up with a similar declaration of his own.”

  “You could wait forever for that to happen and you know it.”

  “I’m not so sure about that anymore.”

  “So you finally figured out that all that emotion needs more than one outlet?”

  “Something like that.”

  Martha chuckled. “So where is the big guy? I thought you weren’t allowed out of his sight for long.”

  “Consider today an exception. Falon got tired of looking at my long face and left in a fit of temper.”

  “Uh-oh, are we getting to the resentment I detected earlier?”

  “More like frustration in capital letters, and being reminded in a big way of a few things that warrior has managed to make me forget this week—his insufferable high-handedness, for one. Obviously I’ve been deluding myself that everything would work out between us, just because he’s put a few of my fears to rest. One lousy week and he shoots my hopes down. I’m never going to get along peaceably with that man. I should have known better.”

  “I hesitate to ask what brought this on.”

  “Well you might, because you won’t believe what that warrior dropped on me this morning. Here I was getting excited about going home and seeing mother, so I could tell her she doesn’t have to worry about me anymore, and Falon calmly informs me we won’t be stopping in Sha-Ka-Ra at all. He’s already asked Brock to approach the planet from the eastern hemisphere so we can Transfer straight down to Ka’al. And Brock is apparently under orders from my father to assist Falon in whatever way he requests, so he couldn’t refuse.”

  “ ‘Course he wouldn’t,” Martha said in disgust. “That brick-brain considers himself a warrior now, and a warrior wouldn’t disobey his shodan.”

  “Well, my warrior is proving to be about as stubborn as you can get. I argued until I was blue in the face, but he wouldn’t change his mind. He’d rather use Transferring, when I know very well he hates it, than land at Spaceport and take an airobus that could have him home in twenty minutes.”

  “Did he say why?”

  “Sure he did. He doesn’t want me seeing my mother at all. He blames her more than me for the trouble he was put to. But if you ask me, something happened between them that he’s not telling me about, because he gets annoyed if I even mention her name.”

  “Now that’s interesting. Hold on, while I ask Brock if he knows anything.” The intercom was silent for several minutes, but Martha’s chuckling announced her return. “My Tedra still manages to surprise me occasionally. She actually challenged your warrior in an attempt to keep him from setting off right after you.”

  “Falon fought my mother!” Shanelle said with a mixture of incredulity and horror.

  Martha kept on chuckling. “Relax, kiddo. She tried, but he refused. She even kicked him into your father’s bath, but he still refused. So your father stepped in and accepted the challenge for him, and you know the name of that tune.”

  Shanelle closed her eyes with a groan. “So she’s been under a challenge loss all this time and it’s my fault.”

  “Whose fault?” Martha snorted. “Don’t kid yourself. Your mother never does anything without her eyes wide open and knowing exactly what the consequences will be. She knew damn well Falon wouldn’t fight her. She also knew Challen wouldn’t allow it. What she was doing was stressing a point for your young man, on the importance of giving you some time to conquer your fears. I’d say it worked, since you got out of having to face one of your fears, didn’t you? And another one proved groundless.”

  “Still, if Falon weren’t so farden pigheaded, she wouldn’t have felt it was necessary—”

  “Take my advice, Shani, and don’t even think about bringing him to task for something your mother instigated. It’s obviously a sore subject with him, so much so that he doesn’t want to get anywhere near your mother, and that’s why you’re going straight to Ka’al instead of home. Consider it the punishment you didn’t get and let it go at that. And I’ll do all the reassuring that’s necessary, so don’t bother worrying about your mother fretting over you. When I get done reporting, she’ll be so pleased, she’ll probably even forgive your fath—”

  “What goes on here, Shanelle?” Falon demanded as the door slid open and he caught the sound of Martha’s voice.

  Shanelle merely stared at him, for his expression made her feel somehow guilty, though she’d done nothing wrong. Martha wasn’t so quiet.

  “Relax, big guy. I’m aware she’s yours now. I merely dropped by for a visit.”

  “Do you then leave as you came, computer.”

  “What are you so stiff-necked about, warrior?” Martha grumbled. “You won, didn’t you? When she was mine to protect, I did as I saw fit. Now she’s yours to protect, I’ll practice hands-off. You can’t get fairer than that.”

  “What I can do is forbid my woman all dealings with anything visitor-made; thus will she be punished do you not leave as you were bidden.”

  “Of all the underhanded, rotten, tyrannical—”

  “Martha!” Shanelle wailed in a panic.
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  “All right, I’m going.” Martha managed a near growl, and suddenly all of Shanelle’s belongings appeared at her feet. “You’ll have to sift through that stuff now to find whatever’s visitor-made so you can leave it behind—Stars, I don’t believe he said that,” she continued to complain, but then said, “Good luck, doll. I guess you’re still going to need it after all.”

  Shanelle stood there staring at her lifemate as though she didn’t recognize him, while he watched the intercom on the wall and waited. After a minute had passed and no more words came out of it, he started looking so smugly satisfied that Shanelle’s emotions took a giant leap for the angry side.

  “Punish me for something I have no control over, would you? How about for this instead?” She bent down, picked up her jewel case, and hurled it at his head. “Or maybe this?”

  She didn’t even wait to see if the first missile struck before she bent down for another. She never reached it. She was tackled off her feet, turned in the air, and landed when Falon did, with him on the floor and her on top of him and barely jarred—at least not until the laughter started. She tried getting off him, but the arm he’d caught her with was still tight about her waist. She then tried straightening up, but the hand she placed on his shoulder to do so slipped right off, he was shaking so hard.

  In exasperation, she dug her elbows into his chest and demanded, “Just what do you find amusing, warrior? If you think—”

  “Wait!” he cut in, but was still laughing too hard to say any more.

  Shanelle gritted her teeth and waited impatiently. Finally he was merely smiling up at her.

  “There was no reason for that splendid display of temper, kerima.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “You think not?”

  “I would never punish you for something that is not of your own doing. This you should have known. What was said was said only for your Martha’s benefit.”

  It took her a moment to digest that, and then her eyes flared wide. “You told an untruth?”

  “A small one to defeat a thing I cannot otherwise fight.”

  “Martha was right,” she said. “That was underhanded of you.”