by Calista Fox
“Impossible not to. Right, Doc?”
Her gaze narrowed on him. “Don’t take liberties with me, Jude. The bottom line is, I have always commiserated with Annalise’s plight, once I’d read her journal. I have also always comprehended that what she did to you, while proving to be an act of desperation, also served as a selfish reaction meant to hurt you. Detrimental to both of you, but in the end… She escaped the consequences. Leaving you with all the demons. I know you contend I don’t judge, Jude, but in this instance… I’ve struggled with… I’ve hated that… I’ve wanted to…”
Kate’s fists balled at her sides as her frustration mounted.
She was a professional, yes. She also felt things for this man. And every injustice she bore witness to on his behalf, every ounce of his torment she absorbed rocked her to the core.
Kate shook out her hands. Tried to breathe.
“This is going in all kinds of wrong directions,” she confessed, striving for that stability everyone lauded her for. “What needs to be addressed right now, Jude, is your case. Your closing argument. You have to give one. The correct one, for your client’s sake. You are obligated to do so, not just professionally, but ethically. Morally.”
“I’ve urged Stevens to take the settlement from the beginning, Kate,” he said, still eyeing her as though he might pursue their other line of discussion, but for the moment, latching onto this one. “It’s a ridiculous sum of money. No one I’m associated with wants to shortchange this man or sweep him under the rug. The problem is—”
“Admitting fault when there is none on their part can damage your clients’ reputations. Can undermine the security their customers have in their products. Can look suspicious on so many levels.”
“Yes. And I have a fiduciary duty and legal responsibility to safeguard all of that.”
“While supporting, in a humanitarian way, someone you fully identify with.”
They stared at each other again.
Kate’s brow arched. “Yes?”
“Yes, Kate.”
“Okay. So… Find another way to help this man while fulfilling your obligations, Jude.”
“What the fuck…?” His shoulders bunched and his hands lifted.
“I know, I know…” She sighed. “A lot to process. But, Jude. You’re being paid to do your job. Do it. Then find a workaround to save Mr. Stevens in some capacity. I will certainly help. But beyond therapy, he needs a reason to continue on.”
“Such as?”
“Such as…” She wracked her brain. “Such as…”
“Kate, he doesn’t want the money. He wants justice.”
“There is no justice here!” she vehemently reminded him. “Unless one of those multitude of experts can conclusively pin blame on your client, there is no blame. These things happen, Jude. Insane anomalies. They exist. And we mere mortals have to cope with them. So find another way to…to… Wait! Okay…hold the phone.”
She started to pace, her mind working quickly.
Kate said, “What the hell does this man have left, right this very second? The memory of a beautiful woman. The memory of his life with her. The memory of all their past pains…and future hopes and dreams. Things that will never come to fruition or be fully realized. For them. But for someone else? For several someone else’s…?”
She got right in Jude’s face, gazed up at him and said, “Find out everything about this woman that you can. Her hobbies. Her passions. Her talents. And then consult with her husband. Be open with him, Jude. Be honest. Be genuine. Tell him you want to help him start a foundation in his wife’s name. The money your clients were offering… Come on, Jude. If they were willing to go to such an extreme when they knew they had a case they could win, you can be damn sure they’ll put up at least a portion of that money for a great cause.”
“They are civically minded,” he concurred. “They conscientiously arrived at that sum with Nathaniel’s best interest at heart.”
“Then they’ll want to help him honor his wife’s memory.”
“Kate… It’s a lot to—”
“Figure out, concede to, coordinate, orchestrate, execute… Yes to all of the above.” Her fingers curled around the material of his robin’s egg-blue dress shirt as she insisted, “But that’s what makes endeavors like these so special, Jude. So worthwhile. You have a case to win. Nathanial Stevens can win as well. In a different capacity, but what matters most is that no one discards him or his pain. No one casts him aside as they praise your victory. Partner with him, Jude. Don’t leave him destroyed…give him reasons to get up in the morning long after the dust has settled on his lawsuit.”
“Holy shit,” Jude muttered. “What the hell are you doing, Kate?”
Her heart plummeted to somewhere around her knees. Had she completely misread the situation? Sent it spiraling into some catastrophic realm that not only impacted Nathanial Stevens, but also screwed with all the progress Jude had made?
“Jude, I—”
“Have a stellar idea, Kate.”
His arms were suddenly around her and he lifted her up, kissing her with a fiery furor that had Kate instantly clinging to him.
And returning the kiss.
There was an intriguing shattering of tension within Jude that was replaced with an enticing effervescence…that gave way to his more aggressive nature.
Kate absorbed all the various shifts in his demeanor, reveled in them. As he strode to the sofa and eased her down onto it, she was mesmerized by the vastly different type of intensity he exuded. The sexual kind, accompanied by the tightening of his muscles, the deepening of his kiss.
She walked a very fine line. Lines she blurred, actually, because whether she was a therapist, a confidant or a strategist for Jude was becoming less clear. What did resonate was the term lover.
He wanted her in ways she was more than willing to assent to. Would be begging for once again, except that Jude was already peeling away their clothes and sinking into her. Thrusting deep. Propelling her into that darkly sensual bliss where all the rational roles and definitions were forgotten.
Where all she could think about and focus on was Jude.
His thick cock stroked forcefully, seeking and finding her G-spot. Rubbing frantically so that Kate could barely breathe. So that all she wanted was to free Jude from everything that haunted him and coax him into that mindless oblivion that would release him from this fresh round of torment.
Kate grasped she had a need to cure him on a level she’d never been able to contemplate until they’d entered into a passionate relationship. She’d never been able to consider or employ a holistic approach to his healing. Until now.
Now, at this very moment, she could be everything to Jude.
Even if only for this very moment…
“Jude,” Kate whispered as her pelvis undulated and she matched his assertive pace. Her hand gripped his ass cheek, her nails digging in. “Fuck me. Pour every ounce of angst and desire and the dismay over the endless issues you can’t resolve into me.”
“Jesus, Kate,” he groaned. And thrust deeper, harder.
“I want it all, Jude.” One of her legs lifted and her foot pressed into the small of his back, keeping their bodies sealed. “Give it to me.”
16
“You are so fucking tight,” he ground out. “So wet. So amazing.”
“And I want you, Jude. I love how you feel, every inch of you filling me, stretching me. Pressing so far into me…”
“Kate.” The hitch in his voice was the undeniable sign she recognized. He was damn close to losing it.
So was she.
“Yes, Jude,” Kate whispered. “Just like that.”
They moved together, quickly, frenetically. Kate urged him on with her vise grip on his body and his cock. Jude upped the ante with his relentless aggression. Their labored breaths filled the room. The sensations surrounded Kate, making all thoughts shadowy and inconsequential as one prevailing and all-consuming emotion ensnared her.
> Desire tore through her and Kate screamed Jude’s name. She clenched him fiercely as her orgasm raged within her. Her body quaked and she just might have drawn blood from her nails biting into Jude’s ass.
His body tensed. He swore under his breath. Then murmured, “Kate…” A second later, she felt him convulse, his cock surging inside her, his liquid heat flooding her pussy.
Intensifying her own climax. “Jude!”
His hot seed filled her, seared her.
“Oh, God!” She’d never felt anything so decadent, so close to a branding, it left her breathless…while making her spirit soar on a level she’d never before experienced.
And once more, Kate wondered how the hell she’d ever recover from Jude McMillan…
Jude let the release engulf him with all its electrical currents and sizzling aftershocks, keeping all thoughts from his brain aside from the most prominent one: Kate.
Kate.
This incredibly gorgeous, smart and sensitive creature that captivated him. This unbelievably sensational, insightful woman who riveted him.
Grounded him.
That notion had occurred to him before. At the moment, the thought expounded in his head tenfold.
What Jude had been reeling from all evening, she helped him sort out, helped him find different avenues and outlets for his angst and pain and scattered thoughts. Then she’d embraced him intimately and with so much heated passion and enthusiasm, so much genuine desire, he’d been able to separate out the impossible from the possible. The dark from the light. The things he had no control over from the things he did have control over.
Dawn Stevens’ death was an uncontrollable outcome.
Annalise’s death was an uncontrollable outcome.
Accepting her reasoning for her actions, however, was a controllable outcome. If Jude chose for it to be.
Helping Nathanial Stevens move on from his personal tragedy was a controllable outcome. If Jude chose for it to be.
It was a lot to contend with. But what taunted him the most was how he might turn this intermittent, on-off-on affair with Kate into a controllable outcome. A positive outcome.
He was considering this when her sweet sigh tickled the shell of his ear.
“That was surreal,” she murmured. “Sublime? Self-indulgent?” She laughed softly. “Maybe I should just stick with wicked. Typical Jude McMillan, being scandalous.”
“There you go again, stroking my ego.”
“Warranted, I promise.”
He kissed her, then shifted slightly, pulling almost all the way out of her. But an errant realization slammed into him and Jude groaned.
“Oh, fuck. Kate.” He stared down at her. “I’m so sorry. I got carried away. I was totally reckless. I—”
“Jude,” she gripped his forearms.
“Kate. I’m not wearing a condom.”
“I know,” she said, giving him a small smile. “I felt it—all of it. You inside me. You coming inside me. It was… So good, Jude. So spectacular.”
“For me, too,” he said. Too good, too spectacular, really. He skipped over that. “I just—”
“Don’t worry,” she said, her expression relaxed. “I have an IUD. Additional protection for peace of mind.”
“Not often necessary?” he optimistically inquired with a quirked brow.
“Not often, Jude. Rarely ever, in fact.” She sighed. “I know it’s strange to hear someone say they can turn off the need for physical intimacy. It’s a deeply psychological manifestation that—”
“Yes?” Jude caustically prompted.
Kate let out another long, rasping breath. “I’m preaching to the choir, aren’t I?”
“You know what didn’t happen with Britney Collins. You know I can abstain from actual penetration. You know why I have. What you don’t know,” he explained, “is that I still needed some sort of confirmation, validation, that I can please a woman…because the one I truly wanted wasn’t giving me the time of day.” He gazed more pointedly at Kate.
Who, in a very careful tone, ventured, “You found reassurance simply by getting other women off?”
His brow crooked further. “Too shallow? Does that make me an asshole? I mean, I never gave any indication we’d be embarking on a romantic journey. It was just sex with them, Kate. In the pared-down form, obviously.”
Kate’s fingertips skated over his temple and swept into his hair. “As it pertains to me…I find that terribly romantic. In the oddest way.” She gave a slight shake of her head and a faint laugh escaped her parted lips.
“It’s difficult to understand,” he conceded. “I get that.”
“Not entirely. You wanted me. But knew you couldn’t have me. However…on that off-chance the opportunity arose—”
“Had to make sure I was still at the top of my game.”
Her expression turned shrewd.
“Fuck,” Jude mumbled. “You see right through me. Yes, it was critical to maintain my confidence. But—”
“I can’t fathom for a second you having doubts about your skills in this area, Jude.”
“It was a rough haul, remember, Kate?”
“True,” she agreed.
“But I also wanted to relieve some of that tension I harbored, because of you. It just wasn’t an option to achieve that…with you. Not physically, at any rate. Mentally, however… Well, those showers certainly came in handy.”
“You couldn’t find the release you needed with those women, but you did with me…in your fantasies.”
“Every single fucking time.”
“Jude…” Her hand glided along his strands of hair, down to the side of his throat, her feathery touch teasing him senseless. Making him restless. Making him move inside her. Languidly. Leisurely.
Kate gasped…ever so softly.
“What?” he murmured. “You don’t think I can be hard for you again in a heartbeat?”
“It’s just…this is bordering on dangerous.”
“Bordering?” he countered with a serious look.
“Neither one of us are well-equipped to deal with this sort of entanglement, Jude.”
“Don’t analyze it, Kate.” His head dipped and he kissed her as he pressed deeper into her. Then he whispered, “Just give into it.”
Kate did. And after he made her come again, Jude kissed her, so blazingly hot, she remained locked in his intensity. His raw and passionate desire for her.
Even as Jude eventually and slowly withdrew from her, more ripples of pleasure ran through Kate, surprising her. There literally was no evading how thoroughly he affected her.
Though…when Jude stood and she admired his powerful physique, every magnificent inch of him, Kate couldn’t overlook how her adoration for him transcended her attraction to him, the chemistry that sparked so naturally when they were together.
Kate had become emotionally invested in this man years ago. Clearly, it was a two-way street.
While Jude ducked into the restroom adjacent to her living room, Kate grabbed the fringed ice-blue satin throw from the chaise-lounger attached to her plush, white sectional that faced the tall windows. She wrapped the material around her body and tucked an end in at her breasts.
Her mind churned with thoughts of how their relationship had progressed, and Kate knew she had to explain to Jude the more complex details of her career evolution. Her extensive, impending travel plans. He deserved to know the whole truth from her, including all the risk factors inherent to the venture, which Nikki had never glossed over and which Kate accepted as part of their mission.
As Jude sauntered back into the living room, Kate scooped up a few articles of his clothing, handing over his briefs and pants.
Accepting them with a contrite look, he said, “You know I have to work on my close tonight, right?”
“Of course, I do.”
“I’m not just skipping out—”
“Of course, you’re not.” She stretched on tiptoe and kissed him. Then she said, “We’re both dedicated t
o our careers. Nothing alters that, right?” She stared up at him, perhaps a bit hopeful. Maybe even willing him to affirm her plight—without him even fully knowing what it was.
With a nod, Jude said, “I didn’t mean to interrupt your evening.” His gaze slid to the stack of folios divided out by topic and prioritized by importance on her coffee table.
“Some research I’m in the throes of,” she vaguely stated. And felt the ensuing gnawing of guilt over having no idea how to broach this subject with him.
Really, it might not even be the appropriate time to bring it all up. Jude was dealing with something heavy at the moment…a new demon to traumatize him.
She stepped away and gathered up his shirt. The urge to hold the material to her nose and inhale deeply taunted her so that she did just that. Breathing in his unique scent, his expensive cologne.
“Kate,” he said on a low groan. “You are so goddamn arousing.”
Her gaze lifted to his molten one. “Funny how the brain truly does respond to pheromones.”
Jude took a step closer to her. “You want me again?”
“Yes.” Despite her words, she conceded, “When we’re both on a more even keel.”
He spared a glance at her coffee table once more. “The international project?”
“Yes.”
His tone indicated what Kate had suspected all along—Jude considered this to be some sort of glamorous, and safe, undertaking. She couldn’t bring herself to burst that bubble just yet.
“I’ll get through this close, Kate. Because of you. And then…” He let out a long breath. “Maybe we should go away for the weekend. What do you think?”
Anxiety swelled within her at the same time a thrill ribboned along her spine.
A weekend away with Jude.
Kate didn’t indulge in fantasies such as that—involving any man. This one, however, enticed her. Not only the fantasy…most definitely the man.
But she didn’t exactly have the luxury of leaving behind the reality she lived in; those folios awaiting her were tangible proof she needed to remain rooted in this world.