It seemed like a million years ago, but it had only been a little over a year.
How could so much have changed, so quickly?
How could I have changed so much? I didn’t even recognize myself.
I put my backpack on the floor at Gigi’s feet, closed the door and walked around the car and slid behind the wheel.
This was it.
I’d thrown away everything I’d ever known to escape this nightmare, once and for all.
Dove was dead.
Little Bird had drowned in the East River, along with every piece of identification and trace of the woman she used to be.
I was Samantha now.
And with any luck, I’d be able to move on, start over…heal.
I looked over at Gigi, comforted by her ever-present smile. If she could move on from all of this, I could, too.
“I love you, girl. You ready?”
Her tail thumped against the seat as she peered out the windshield.
“Right. Onward.”
With trembling hands, I put the car in gear and pulled out into traffic. Within twenty minutes, we were driving out of the city, leaving the horrors of the past year behind.
Chapter 14
SAMANTHA
ONE MONTH LATER
“I’ll try to come home and check on you at lunch,” I said to Gigi, as I knelt down in front of her to kiss her goodbye. She whimpered, clearly not pleased I was leaving her alone. I kissed her forehead and stood up, looking around at my apartment.
It wasn’t much, but it had potential. I’d done my best to make it as cozy as possible, but it could use a bit more furniture. I couldn’t risk getting my things out of storage in Portland, so I’d spent a week searching through the local thrift stores to find what I could once I’d signed the lease.
It felt amazing having my own space again.
Nate and I had spent so much time on tour, and all the hotel rooms seemed to look the same after a while. And when we were home, it was next to impossible to get comfortable in his cold, sterile homes.
I’d missed having my own place so much.
Being alone. Enjoying my privacy. Being safe.
It was the little things I was beginning to enjoy again, slowly but surely.
If only I’d stop looking over my shoulder…
That would come, though. I needed to be patient.
That’s why I’d decided to just throw myself into my new life completely, as fast as I could. I jumped in with both feet.
Moving to Chicago had not been my first choice, and while I was still dreading the winter months, I was determined to enjoy the warmth while I still had it. Surprisingly, Chicago wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be. Gigi and I were enjoying it, despite the constant feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop that I couldn’t seem to shake.
Time is all we need, I reminded myself once more, as I locked the two locks on my door. Before walking down the stoop, I took a look up and down the street, scanning the faces of everyone in sight, just in case. It had become a habit, and I hoped that maybe one day I wouldn’t be forced to be so vigilant, but if this is the price I have to pay now to be free, so be it.
I’d taken all the precautions I could think of.
With the help of an absolute angel — Rocco — I’d been able to do things most people in my situation couldn’t. I escaped. I was lucky. A lot aren’t. Yes, I had to do something that I never would have imagined I’d ever do in a million years, but I’d saved myself.
If it wasn’t for Rocco, I would still be there.
I owed him my life, if I’m being honest.
I could only imagine how angry Nate must have been when he finally realized I was gone. I hadn’t heard a word from him since I left — so far, so good. But I wasn’t naïve. I knew he wasn’t going to just let me go this easily. I had a feeling the worse was yet to come.
But, in the meantime, I needed to work. I needed to appear completely normal, in order for my plan to work. If I called too much attention to myself, I’d be in danger.
I jumped into the used car I’d bought a few weeks ago and headed to my new job. Today is my first day and outside of the day I’d left New York, the day I went to interview for this job was the most nerve wracking of all.
In the back of my mind, I wasn’t convinced anyone would believe my new identity. Sure, everything looked legit. I’d paid extra for that. But I was worried about the background checks and references and all the other verification needed to get a job as a pediatric nurse.
I could have done anything, sure. I could have waited tables. I could have worked in retail. I could have gotten a job working from home or something.
But I needed this. When Rocco told me how much it would cost, I almost had a heart attack. But I knew I couldn’t let him take every last part of me.
I needed to remind myself who I was before Nate Nash came crashing into my life like a tsunami. I needed a glimpse of the past to help me into my new future. And besides, if I was going to take the risk — to do everything I’d been forced to do in order for this to work — then I was going to make it worth it.
I wasn’t putting myself into this kind of danger to end up working as a waitress and hiding all my life.
However, to my grateful surprise, despite the massive doubts I had that it would — everything actually worked.
I longed to call or text Rocco and thank him profusely, but I knew I couldn’t. He’d helped me, just as he’d said he would, and everything he’d promised turned out to be true.
If Nate knew what he did to help me, he’d surely have him killed.
I parked in the parking garage of the Ann and Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital and turned off my car, the sound of my racing heart pounding in my ears. I looked in the rearview mirror, barely recognizing myself.
I’d cut off all my long blonde hair and died it black, leaving only enough for a pixie cut that barely reached my ears. Short of actually having plastic surgery, I’d changed my name and my appearance as much as I could.
I had everything I needed to start my new life.
All I needed now was a little luck, and a place to store the awful memories of my time with Nate that haunted my nights. Nate had turned into a heavy stone hanging around my neck and I needed to find a way to sink him and save myself.
Disappearing into thin air was the first step.
I’d been terrified each time I was required to show someone my new identification. I said my new name over and over in the mirror, trying to get used to the sound of it.
Samantha Brown.
Boring. Easy. Simple enough.
Dove had flown away and would never be heard from again.
Chapter 15
NATE
My brain swam in the haze of last night’s binge.
Shielding my eyes from the blinding bright sunshine streaming through the window of my bedroom, I squinted and took a look around at the remnants of the past twenty-four hours — or maybe forty-eight.
I wasn’t quite sure.
Life had been a blur since Little Bird left. I’d launched head first into a weeks long bender and hadn’t come up for air since.
The state of my penthouse reflected that.
Strewn across every square foot, knocked over empty bottles of booze and white sprinkles of cocaine residue told a story all their own. So did the three naked chicks tangled up together on my bedroom floor. I held my head and slowly got out of bed. My feet hit the cold floor and I groaned with pain.
The mornings were the worst.
Once I got going, had a shot of insulin, a shower or a dip in the pool, and then got a little something to eat to go with my morning beer, I’d start feeling better. Maybe today, I’d not drink as much. My doctor would be so pissed at me right now, not to mention the label’s insurance company. If they knew what I was doing to my organs, they’d drop me in a second.
I really needed to get my shit together.
Maybe today would be the day that Littl
e Bird would come back to me.
I missed her smile. The way the sun sparkled through her hair. The way she put up with my bullshit.
She’d stayed around longer than anyone ever had before.
She was stronger than the others.
More obedient.
Most of the time, at least.
Not now, though. No, she’d really fucked up this time, but I was willing to forgive her, if she came crawling back and sincerely apologized, of course.
I just needed to find her first.
She was good, I’ll give her that. She’d vanished without a trace and if it wasn’t for the fact that I had video of the bitch completely cleaning out the safe in my bedroom before leaving, I’d have been worried.
But I wasn’t worried.
I was furious. She snatched all the cash I had in the safe — almost two hundred grand — that I kept around to pay my dealer.
Sure, I’d forgive her.
Right after she received her punishment.
Because I don’t care how pretty Little Bird is, or how much I love her, or how much the glow of her pretty little eyes makes my heart beat and cock get hard — you don’t betray Nate Nash.
You don’t steal from Nate Nash.
You don’t leave Nate Nash with his cock hanging in the wind like a fucking chump.
No. That’s just not acceptable.
I mean, look at me, for fuck’s sake. What was it Little Bird had said on our first date? “You could steal a super model from Leonardo diCaprio’s bed if you wanted.”
I looked down at the lanky naked limbs of the three supermodels playing twister on my floor and scoffed.
“Damn right I can, bitch,” I snarled.
I spent the next few hours drinking myself into a rage, just like I’d done for days. Right now, I was just going to let her get comfortable. Make her think she’d gotten away with something.
But she was so terribly wrong, and she was going to learn that lesson the hard way. My father always said that if you didn’t want to learn, you had to feel.
Little Bird was going to be feeling a lot, real fucking soon.
“I hope you’re having fun on your adventure, Little Bird,” I muttered, as I stumbled around the penthouse, getting drunker and drunker by the moment.
I’d been talking to her all day.
They say if you love something, set it free.
Fuck that.
“You’ll be back in your cage soon, Little Bird. You’re all mine…mine, mine, mine…”
Chapter 16
SAMANTHA
Shimmering high in the night sky amongst the sparkling stars, the full moon hung heavy and bright, lighting my way as I walked along Rush Street. I’d just finished up a long shift and I was headed to meet my new friends for a drink at Gibson’s Bar.
Acclimating to my new life was turning out to be easier than I thought. I’d fallen right into step with my new position and I’d been welcomed with open arms by the other nurses. It would take some time to get to know them, but I was doing my best to stay open and yet safe, at the same time.
The biggest challenge so far was remembering to answer when someone called me by my new name. I yearned to pick up my phone and call Violet or my mom, but I still couldn’t risk it. Perhaps after a few months has passed, I can risk a quick phone call.
But we aren’t there yet. Not at all.
“Samantha!” Charlotte, Mike and Emma, my new friends, sat at the end of the curved bar, waving me over as I entered Gibson’s. I walked over and joined them, keeping my head down as much as possible. I was still worried about being recognized — I’d been in enough pictures with Nate over the past year that anyone paying attention might have seen my face. Luckily, nobody looked twice, which I was extremely thankful for. Probably because I’d stopped wearing all the makeup Nate convinced me to wear when we went out, as well as cut off all my hair. My bare face was a far cry from the mask I had gotten into the habit of putting on every morning for him.
“Hey, girl, how was your shift?” Mike asked. Mike was a beautiful Black man the size of a football player, with a muscular athletic build that made all the women stare. He was also gay and proud of it. I liked him the instant I’d met him.
“Hectic,” I said. “I think my head is still spinning.”
“Sounds like you need a drink,” Emma said, motioning for the bartender. “I’m having a whiskey sour, do you want one?”
My stomach churned at her words, Nate’s face flashing in my mind. It was his favorite drink, next to straight whiskey.
“No, I’ll have a margarita, please,” I said to the bartender. I was pretty sure I’d never be drinking whiskey again in my life. I dug through my purse looking for my wallet and placed my phone on the bar. Charlotte grabbed it and squealed at Gigi’s picture on my wallpaper.
“Is this your dog?” she asked. Charlotte was a busty blonde with a killer smile and a wholesome, clean ‘nurse’ look that made her skin glow like it was nourished with sunshine.
“Yeah,” I replied, smiling. “She’s probably pissed I’m not home yet.”
“God, she’s adorable,” Emma said, grabbing the phone from Charlotte. “What’s her name?” Emma was a petite little firecracker with pink hair that was a hit with all the patients. She was sassy and smart as a whip.
“Gigi,” I said, before inwardly cringing. I’d tried to change Gigi’s name, but she wasn’t having it. I’d called her a dozen different names and each time she’d totally ignore me until I actually called her Gigi. I’d told myself I’d introduce her with a different name, at the very least, when necessary, but tonight, I was tired and her name just slid past my lips naturally. I brushed it off, and took a good long drink of my margarita, the tangy lime juice and tequila hitting the spot.
“I want to meet her!” Charlotte said.
“Well, we’ll have to meet up at the park or something,” I suggested.
“I know this great Mexican place with a killer happy hour and outdoor seating,” Emma said. “Lots of people bring their dogs. We can go next week.”
“Sure, sounds good,” I said.
“Oh, my god!” Mike exclaimed, putting his hand over his heart and shaking his head as he looked across the room.
“What?” Charlotte asked, following Mike’s gaze. “Oh. Oh, yes.”
“What is it?” I asked, slightly bemused, attempting to follow along.
“Can you believe he’s here? You rarely see him out these days,” Emma said.
A handsome dark-haired man walked by and the three of them fell silent as he passed, but their eyes tracked his every step. He nodded and smiled at them as he walked by, his eyes kind and soft as he did so. Finally, he sat down at a table alone and began talking to a waiter.
“Who is he?” I asked.
They turned away, each of them with sly smiles.
“Dr. McDreamy,” Emma said.
“You stole that from Grey’s Anatomy,” Mike said, rolling his eyes.
“So what? He’s dreamy, isn’t he?”
“It’s more than that,” Charlotte said, her voice falling to a whisper. “He’s not a dream. He’s real…”
“Is anyone going to tell me who this guy is?” I asked.
“Dr. Dane Fazio, Head of Endo at Northwestern,” Charlotte answered. “Also known as the most eligible bachelor in Chicago three years in a row, aka Mr. Delicious, aka the nicest guy in town, aka McDreamy.”
I nodded in understanding, stealing a glance his way. Northwestern Memorial Hospital was right next to our children’s hospital, and the main teaching hospital at Northwestern University. It was one of the best hospitals in the country. So, I wasn’t surprised to see my colleagues drooling over this guy.
He was certainly dreamy, in a clean cut kind of way. He wore simple slacks, with a black button down shirt with no tie, left open at the neck. He was tall and slender, but not overly buff. His short, dark brown hair was swept back out of his face, displaying his warm brown eyes as he smiled at his
waitress as she brought him his drink.
“From the way you’re talking about him, I take it he’s still single?” I asked.
“Oh, yes,” Emma replied. “Not that it matters. Every nurse and doctor — male and female and in between — in Chicago has tried to date him, to no avail.”
“He’s married to his work,” Charlotte said. “Which is so hot.”
I nodded, even though I disagreed. Nate was married to his work and it turned out to be not so hot after all. I hated that I compared everything I experienced now with what I’d gone through with Nate. It was maddening. I longed to fast forward to the day where I didn’t have to think about him anymore. I doubted if that day was going to arrive anytime soon, though.
I looked over at Mr. Eligible Bachelor and wondered if I’d ever feel like dating anyone ever again.
First, I’d have to trust someone again.
I certainly didn’t see that happening anytime soon.
Chapter 17
DANE
I turned my attention to my phone after the waitress walked away, choosing to ignore the whispering and stolen glances coming my way from the group of nurses at the end of the bar. They were all beautiful in their own unique ways, and I’ll be the first to admit I’m a complete and utter fool for not being more attentive to them.
Another man would have taken full advantage of the situation.
I just didn’t have it in me.
Long ago, I’d been that guy. I’d welcomed the privileges and perks that came with being a surgeon at one of the best hospitals in the nation. As my reputation soared after I successfully completed a breakthrough study, discovering a promising new treatment for kidney failure, the gifts I was offered became more extravagant and excessive.
There were plenty of women I accepted that attention from back then, taking them back to fancy hotel rooms after fancy dinners after speaking at some prestigious conference, all completely paid for by the hospital or drug reps.
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