“It’s all my fault,” she said.
“Nothing we can do about it now. He doesn’t approve and just wants us to be family. That’s what he wants to build here.”
Nandy looked at the floor, her shoulders sagging. “What do you want to do, Tyson?” She already looked defeated.
“Well, first I wanna refrain from being homeless,” I told her, “and second...” I stared at those nice lips of hers. “I wanna kiss you again.”
My confession took her by surprise.
I liked and respected Parker, but I couldn’t leave Nandy alone. “I like you, Nandy. Going forward as friends or family is not an option.”
“Maybe he just needs more time.”
I shook my head. “He’s completely against this. He probably thinks I plan on knocking you up with a bunch of nappy-headed babies or some shit.”
Nandy wrinkled her nose. “I’d make sure their hair was tamed. God knows your braids are forever embedded into my memory.”
I rolled my eyes. “I was recovering from a bullet wound and taking care of my grandfather. I ain’t have time to be looking cute.”
Nandy came up on me. “You were still cute, Tyson.”
“Uh-huh, sure.”
Nandy wrapped her arms around me, staring up at me with a smile. “You’ve always been cute.” She kept moving closer until I backed away and fell onto my bed. She sat on my lap, appearing victorious in her stance over me. “I know my dad pretty well. We have ten minutes before he comes up here to give me my round of a lecture. So for the time being, you’re mine.”
She leaned down and brought her mouth to mine, taking the lead.
My arms tightened around her and held her body closer; I knew that what we were doing was both inevitable and dangerous at the same time.
A part of me found it sexy as hell when Nandy was bossy and in control, and another kinda got the tick and urge to—
I grabbed her by her waist, seizing her and laying her down beneath me, pinning her in place with my hips.
Nandy put up no fight.
She lay back, running that pink tongue of hers over her bottom lip. “Nine minutes.”
The air between us had gotten hot quick. The material of our clothing was thin, and parts were close. With my hand on her shorts, I could feel that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath them, along with her braless state in her T-shirt.
It had been too long.
I leaned back and stared down at her. “We should cool it.”
Her brows pushed down in confusion. “Why?”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been physical or messed around, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to need longer than, what, eight minutes to get the job done.”
Nandy’s eyes widened and she sat up. “Oh.” She bit down on her lip. “Promise not to get mad?”
“Sure.”
“I like you, a lot. I like the way you talk, the way you carry yourself, the way you move in this town. I like it all. The thought of having sex with you sorta...scares me. I just haven’t with anyone but Chad, and we didn’t really hook up this summer. You’d be a new feel, and I’m kinda nervous about that. I don’t want to rush it until I’m sure, okay?”
Her response put everything in perspective for me.
“Do you still think of the future?” I wanted to know.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you still wanna have two girls and name them Miracle and Mexico?”
Nandy closed her eyes and groaned. “I was seven!”
I smiled at the sight of her embarrassment. When we were kids, she was determined to have two daughters and stick them with those names. And at one point, she’d demanded that we all call her “Nay.” Nandy had been a precocious little girl and I couldn’t wait to keep learning what type of young woman she’d grown into. “You wanna see where this can go?”
Nandy nodded. “Yeah.”
I leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. “Me, too.”
* * *
Nandy was at the kitchen table the next morning eating a bowl of fruit while I stood at the island counter eating Fruity Pebbles. Max stood at the counter across from me, sipping on coffee and going over spreadsheets. The room was quiet except for the sound of Nandy’s fork hitting her bowl and my spoon digging into my cereal.
Max cleared her throat as she began tucking her paperwork into her bag. She turned from the counter and eyed me and then Nandy. “Let’s not pretend that I didn’t speak with Parker over what happened last night, shall we?”
Nandy gave her attention to her mother. “How do you feel about it?”
Max shrugged. “Honestly, I thought it was bound to happen once you two started pestering each other. At first, I thought you’d never get along, but once you did, I’m not surprised this is where things ended up. But Parker’s right. We’re building a new family, and it would be inappropriate for you two to see each other.”
Nandy made a face and poked at her diced pineapple. “This is completely unfair.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you just break up with Chad?” Max challenged. “I don’t think you’re making sound decisions right now.”
“I am, Mom.”
“If Trice never came here, would you have left Chad?” Nandy didn’t respond, and Max seemed to take that as her cue to go on. “It would be foolish to hurt someone over temporary feelings. You and Chad had a nice thing, and you were good together.” Max turned to me. “And Shayne’s a lovely girl. You two have just been cooped up in this house together too long. You need to get out and explore.”
Max seemed a little more understanding than Parker. For that, I took a stab at explaining our situation. “You’re not against us, but you’re siding with him, I get it. I don’t think it’s right to patronize us, though. We’ve barely spent a minute together without fighting, and now we just wanna see what’s beneath the surface beyond the initial attraction. Shayne’s my friend, and Chad’s just a redheaded—”
“You’re right, Mom,” Nandy cut in. “I did just end things with Chad, but that doesn’t have anything to do with what’s been lingering for Tyson since I was a kid. It’s not about a rebound, it’s about curiosity, and like he said, seeing what’s there. Like it or not, we don’t see each other as family. The least we can be is honest with you and Dad about that.”
Max pursed her lips, staring between the two of us. “It’d be wise to take my advice and heed my warning. Parker does not approve, nor do I. This could get very ugly, very fast, Nandy.” Max regarded me. “Dating is hard enough, but under one roof? There’s too much temptation, let alone risks. If you two were to date and it ended badly, that would spoil the atmosphere. Besides—” she gathered her bag to go “—we’re not running a free-for-all around here. Take my advice and let it go.”
Max left the room and promised to see us after she got off work. The only beauty of the situation was the fact that she and Parker both held impressive careers where the hours were long and varied. Their laborious work ethic often kept them away during the week, and they’d be blind to what was going on between Nandy and me.
At the table, Nandy sat poking at the remains of her fruit, her face twisted up.
“They’ll just take more time to convince,” I assured her.
She only looked at me, and I knew she was upset from more than just Max’s words.
“What?” I asked.
Nandy rolled her eyes. “Enough with insulting Chad already.”
Now I was smirking. “I don’t like him.”
“Clearly.” She scoffed. “Technically you already won, so this little pissing contest between you two can stop at any time.”
Her annoyance made me curious. “You agree with your mom, that this is temporary and Chad’s more long-term?”
Nandy shook her head. “Do I want to be with you and explore? Y
es, but I’m not about to put up with you insulting Chad. It’s rude and uncalled for. He tried to be nice to you, and you always saw him as nothing. High-fiving Travis over my lack of wearing clothes and being standoffish. Don’t put him down when he at least tried.”
I was surprised at the prickle of jealousy I felt at the reality before me. Nandy actually loved Chad. She had sacrificed a lot to give in to being with me. She hadn’t been miserable and he hadn’t been an asshole to her, she just wanted me more. I hated the idea of Max being right, that Nandy was giving up her relationship for something fleeting. I didn’t know about forever and the long run, I just knew about the now and the moment. The more I thought about the situation, the more I hated feeling inadequate compared to Chad.
Standing from the counter, I was suddenly ready to go and speak to Lydia, anxious to talk about anything else.
“Tyson.” Nandy sighed.
“Don’t,” I replied. “Let’s just let it go for now.”
She got up and stood in my way. “You have to meet me halfway with this.”
“Why were you with Chad?” I wanted to know.
Nandy took a moment to think. “Honestly, because he was popular and safe. It was easy to be with him, blend in, and be part of the crowd. He liked me, and I liked the feeling of being wanted by him. It made me feel worthy, like cotillion.”
“So Chad was just convenient? I don’t want to be convenient.”
“You’re not—you’re someone I don’t have to put up a front with, someone I don’t have to worry about looking perfect next to. You make me feel flawless just as myself.”
Maybe I had been an asshole to Chad. From the first moment I’d seen him, I’d deemed him a fuck boy, and his own snide remarks hadn’t helped, either. “If you were standing here talking shit about Asiah, I wouldn’t like it. I guess I can see where you’re coming from.”
Nandy nodded. “I just want the best for the both of them, and for us.”
“Asiah has that with Read.”
“Yeah? Do you think he’s safe?”
“Not everyone’s doomed to die there.”
“I’m glad she has someone. She seems like a very thoughtful girl.”
“And Chad’s a nice guy?”
Nandy narrowed her eyes. “You just can’t say anything nice, can you?” She shook her head. “I hope he finds someone better for him than me, someone who can be herself around him and his parents, and who makes him happy.”
“You being yourself would’ve made him happy.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“You make me happy.”
Nandy’s lips turned up. “Really?”
I wrapped my arms around her. “When you’re being petty or bratty, I kinda just wanna laugh and kiss you. I mean, when I first got here, you really thought a box of cornflakes was going to shield you from me?”
Nandy laughed. “Leave me alone.”
“Nah, that was straight childish.”
Nandy stood on her toes and kissed me. “I like that you’re tall.”
She was probably five foot nine or ten, not too far down from me, which I liked as well. Asiah was much shorter than Nandy.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, or what you want from me,” I admitted.
Nandy ran her hands up my chest. “I just want you. It’s okay to be yourself and not this tough guy from Lindenwood. I’ve seen you act so genuine and kind with Travis, Kyle, and Shayne—be that way with everyone. Or at least try.”
I still didn’t care for Chad, but out of respect for Nandy, I would stop talking shit about the guy. In a way, Nandy was right. I had the girl, my own friends, and I was making my way. Our paths wouldn’t have to cross, and that was more than fine by me.
* * *
At Cross High I sat before Lydia, marking down my courses for the upcoming school year while she sat behind her desk reading my composition. Every once in a while, she would emit a response, an “oh,” a laugh, or a sigh. I tried not to let her reactions distract me as I picked out each class I wanted to take. Cross High seemed like one of those schools where you had to excel in something and do more than just attend class. Smart or not, I just wanted to graduate. Extracurriculars did not interest me.
“All finished?” Lydia asked as she peeked up from my book.
I handed her the course catalog and my selections and sat back as she read them over. I knew by the way she looked at me upon finishing reading that she had something to say.
First, she held up my composition book. “I love this.”
“Thanks.” I’d felt weird about her reading it, but then, I figured, why not.
“I love how you’ve written it as a story and not a journal.” Lydia leaned over and winked at me. “Bonus points for writing in first person. I hate the feeling of a third-person narrator when I’m reading a book.” She flipped through the pages of my notebook, having so much left to read from her place toward the beginning. There were plenty of nights where I’d stayed up writing, and I had nearly filled up the entire book. “I just love how you paint the world that Tyrin lives in and his family and friends.” Lydia looked up at me. “Can I ask who Queen’s character represents in real life? I admire how you describe her.”
Despite my best effort, I couldn’t fight the small smile that managed to escape my stoic expression. “She’s just a brat.”
For the first time in my life, I found myself leaning on someone to guide me, because with Nandy I was completely vulnerable, trusting her with my thoughts, fears, and anxieties. With Asiah, I’d been closed off, and I’d come to realize that I hadn’t a clue how relationships were supposed to work. With Nandy, I still wasn’t sure, but it was a relief to have someone to confide in, to be there and listen, and to comfort me.
Beyond writing the story, having Nandy had kept me sane after Lindenwood and my final goodbye.
Lydia made a face. “You describe her as always getting what she wants when she and Tyrin are seven. Now that time has passed, I wonder if there’s a possibility that they’ll be more. Her character really brings out the boy in him.” Lydia fingered a page of my book. “It feels like Tyrin was forced to grow up too fast and has emotional issues, yet with Queen he’s finally able to be a kid and be happy. I wonder what lies ahead for when he’s seventeen.”
I was just writing my world as a story; I hadn’t seen it like Lydia described. I couldn’t help but be curious about what lay ahead of me as well.
“Who knows,” I said.
“Nandy’s a nice girl, Trice. She does a ton of after-school work for this school and I’m sure she’ll be the one who shows you around more once school starts.” She flipped a page of my book and began reading aloud from one passage. “‘My childhood was full of history lessons and self-awareness. At one point we started in Africa. We were kings and queens, as Mom said. She told me that, one day, I’d meet my very own queen, and I would be her king, and we would reign together. Staring at Queen for the first time in ten years, being around her, felt more than just familiar, it felt like kingdom come. I’d always remember Queen. She was home.’ That’s probably my favorite line so far. Not only is this a coming-of-age novel, it’s a love story you can’t help but root for.”
The smile she gave me made me feel embarrassed for the way I’d had Tyrin’s character describe Queen’s. The way he looked at her, the way he listened to her, the way he felt about her, the way he did whatever she wanted—it was all written out, as if the pages were linked to my veins and thoughts, bleeding out what I wouldn’t say.
Beneath Tyrin’s coldness, after the haze that had been his childhood, his emotions were coming to life. He felt angry, passionate, crazy—he felt, despite believing that his heart had shut down the moment he lost his mother. With Queen, whether she was driving him crazy or making him smile, he felt alive, with every pitter-patter of his heart beating deep within his chest.
>
It was autobiographical, and Lydia could see it, clearly.
“You have a way with words, Trice.” She handed me my book and held up my course selections. “You need at least one or two more electives for your senior year. Might I suggest either literature—there you will read and discuss classic novels—or creative writing, where you can explore an emphasis on fiction writing. Or both.”
I didn’t want to add another class, especially one that wasn’t essential, but I had a feeling there was no fighting Lydia.
With a scowl, I grabbed the course catalog, flipped through the pages and pointed to Creative Writing. “This one.”
Lydia smiled. “Nice choice.”
She typed on her laptop for a while before turning back to me. “Well, you’ve completed your semester of summer school and aced your exams, and that makes you an official Cross High Knight. I look forward to seeing you during the school year, Trice. And I especially hope you continue with your writing. I like the story—let’s see if Tyrin gets that happy ending.”
* * *
I was due to hang with the guys after my meeting with Lydia, and a quick text confirmed they were at Matt’s.
The Smiths’ location was very convenient. Everyone lived so close together—Travis and Warhol were next door, Kyle across the street, and Matt right around the corner along with Ashley. It made driving redundant, and the walk was quick enough that I didn’t mind.
The only thing, though, was that not only did Matt and Ashley live around the corner, Chad did as well—right next door to Matt.
Chad was in his driveway washing his car when I walked by. He noticed me, and I noticed him.
Nandy wanted me to try, and for her sake, I offered him a nod.
Chad kept staring, squinting at me into the sun. He shook his head and went back to washing his car.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” I told him.
Chad shrugged. “Don’t say sorry. Just enjoy the ride, man.”
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