by Pride, Mia
“Well, how can I when ye willnae tell me!”
“Why should I? I do not owe you anything!” Juan countered, stepping closer.
Kat felt all the current heat leave her body, replaced by the iciness radiating off Juan’s soul. He would never let her in. Aye, he had told her about his wife and daughter, and she thought he was beginning to care for her and trust her, but now this. More secrets. More insults. “Ye are right. Ye owe me nothing. I am nothing.”
Kat pushed past him but felt his arms pull her back, felt her body crushed against his. She looked up at him, but before she could say or do anything, his mouth was on hers with a feverish need that startled her and caused her to gasp for air. His tongue slipped into her mouth and Kat was torn between pushing him away or pressing even further against him. He made her head spin with confusion. Whatever was going on between them was too complicated for her to resolve at the moment, so she decided to enjoy what she could. If Juan decided never to speak to her again after this kiss, at least she would have the memory of enjoying a handsome man’s embrace.
Twining her arms around his neck, Kat got on her tiptoes and slid her tongue against his, loving the feel of his grip around her, how his rough beard scratched against her skin. It was as if Juan had been fighting an inner battle and finally gave in, and Kat was his victory.
Juan tilted her head back and ran his tongue down her throat, causing her to shiver and groan at the sensations he was sending through her entire body. “You make me so… confused,” Juan murmured, continuing to move his mouth lower. “I want to be near you all the bloody time, yet when I am, you make me so…”
“Confused?” she sighed when his tongue dipped in between her cleavage and she felt the hardness of his erection pushing against her leg.
“Si,” he responded, burying his face further into her breasts, running his tongue over the tops of each mound with a groan.
“Excuse me for interrupting.”
Pulling away from Juan with a startled squeal, Kat looked up, heaving from all the blood rushing to her face and the air trying to fill her lungs. Niall stood at the door, looking neither amused nor angry at the scene before him. Juan simply stared at the man with annoyance, before shifting his gaze back to Kat. The look of guilt in his eyes made her stomach plummet. Not again. For whatever reason, Juan did not believe he deserved love, emotionally or physically, and though he attempted to deny himself both forms of the emotion, he continued to break down when he was near Kat, and she knew that tortured him, which made her feel like the source of his shame. It would do her well to remember that look the next time either of them grew weak again. She could not, would not continue to be a source of agony for Juan.
“Niall.” Juan raised a brow, challenging the man in some way that Kat didn’t quite understand.
“The evening meal is ready. I have come to take ye down to the hall so we may dine together and get to know more about one another. Ye look absolutely beautiful, my lady.” Niall stepped past Juan as if he were not even there and took her hand in his, kissing the inside of her wrist. He was a handsome man with a roguish smile, but Kat suspected Niall used his good looks and charm to woo most women into his bed. On this occasion, however, he seemed determined to woo Kat into being his wife.
Silently, Kat stepped away from Juan, not having words at the moment for either man, nor understanding why she wanted one man who seemed determined to push her away with breaks in his resistance from time to time, and another man who would marry her immediately even if she had no desire to do so.
Niall put out his arm and Kat slipped her hand through it, walking toward the door, wondering how she had begun this journey in hopes of discovering more about Juan but was only discovering more about herself.
Chapter Nine
What the devil was wrong with him? Why was he determined to avoid her one moment, then mauling her the next? Women threw themselves at him regularly, yet he always walked away, not even slightly tempted. Yet, Kat O’Malley, who was the one woman he should never touch, was the one who captivated him and drew him in. Every time Juan saw her, his stomach twisted and his cock twitched. But tonight, seeing her in that gown with her hair up in a twist looking so uncomfortable he wanted to smile, drove him mad with need. He wanted to rip her clothes off and taste every inch of her flesh. And now, she sat beside Niall, who hovered over her like she was a precious angel sent from God, sharing his trencher and serving her wine.
Possession gripped at him. He had not been done with Kat earlier and had Juan had his way, her gown would have been bunched up on the floor at her feet, her naked body sprawled across the bed and his head between her legs. He was done fighting how he felt about her. It was a losing battle and every time he was in the same room with her, he longed for her touch, and she responded. If she had to pretend to court Niall while here, Juan would put up with it, but as soon as they were back on that ship, he would make his true feelings known to Kat.
The guilt he had once felt over being with a woman other than Lucia felt diminished. Her face was a blur in his mind and when he closed his eyes, he saw a red-haired beauty with green eyes the color of the leaves in the spring. He had loved his wife more than anything, but Juan had realized something in the last few days. Loving another woman would never replace the love he once felt for Lucia. It was possible to love more than one woman in a lifetime.
Love. He loved Kat. The acknowledgment of that was both terrifying and freeing. She had freed him. His past no longer held him in shackles and his future, though uncertain, held promise. Laughter from the head table made Juan’s head pop up from his trencher. Though the food Niall had served him smelled savory and looked delicious, all he had done was stare at it, too distracted to enjoy it. But now, Kat’s apparent amusement at whatever Niall had said made Juan clench the knife he held in his hand. It was meant to cut his meat but he would rather cut off Niall’s bollocks.
Kat was not interested… was she? She was doing this to allow them to stay at Castle Dheomhan and to find more information out about the Spanish galleon. He had to continue to tell himself this repeatedly, or her wide smile and laughter would make him believe otherwise. She would not kiss him as she had earlier and then actually consider the suit of another man, would she?
Staring at her from across the room, Juan ignored the other conversations around him and tried to home in on Niall and Kat.
“Stare any harder and you may actually convince everyone else that you are truly getting married,” Alonso chuckled, bumping Juan in the shoulder and snapping him out of his thoughts.
“I am trying to figure out what they are saying. It is my future on the line,” he replied gruffly, knowing he was not fooling his father.
“Indeed, it is your future.” Alonso smiled before taking a long drink from his brass cup, then sighing. “I have not tasted a decent wine in many months. They do have fine taste here.”
“I am certain it is all stolen. Not that I may hold myself to a higher standard. I am a pirate, as well.”
“Si. Perhaps. But you are more than that, Juan. And you can offer that chica bonita a wonderful future if you consider your options.”
Juan looked away from Kat to turn toward Alonso. “If you are suggesting that I embrace my true birthright, become King of Spain and make her a queen, then you do not know Kat O’Malley. She would never want such a thing. She is not a typical woman.”
Nodding, Alonso smiled widely. “I was not suggesting that no. I meant you have more to offer than that. This man you speak of often, Tomas. He is a pirate, but he is also a knight and a governor. What I am saying is that you can be more than what you are and you have the education and skill for more. I do not judge the life you live, mijo. I know you must do what you need. However, as the man who raised you, I only ask that you seek some other happiness. Life is too short to be unhappy.”
Juan listened to Alonso and gripped his father’s hand. “I shall. I vow it.” And he did. He knew Alonso was right. And he also knew Kat wa
s his future happiness if she would have him.
Lawrence had been silent on the other side of Juan but decided to clear his throat and speak. “Kat and Juan are not in love, Alonso,” he said sarcastically and shook his head. “He is only protecting her from the other men until they get back to Clew Bay… or so he will tell ye.”
“Ah. Si, again, my instincts must not be as refined as they once were.” Alonso took another sip of his wine to hide a smile and Juan grumbled under his breath, doing the same.
The meal dragged on as entertainment came forth in the form of minstrels and many of the men and women began to dance. He wanted to leave, but as long as Kat was with Niall, he would stay all night until she was safely escorted to her bed… by him.
When he saw Niall stand from his seat and take Kat by the hand, Juan hoped that meant the evening was done… until he walked her onto the dance floor. When Kat flushed, looking delighted as he held her in his arms, Juan felt all the hope he had for happiness fading away. She did not appear to be acting. Mayhap she was truly charmed by the Pirate Lord of Scotland. He was handsome. Even Juan could see that and despite the den of sin he lived in, the man seemed charming and refined, rich, attentive, and most importantly, he understood the life she had been born into and was an ally to her family.
He had been a fool to think that Kat would not fall for such a man. Juan had pushed her away for too long, confusing Kat with every interaction, while Niall stepped in, immediately charming his way into her heart.
“It is time for me to retire.” Without looking at Lawrence or Alonso, Juan stood up and walked out of the hall, toward the spiral staircase. He wanted to protect Kat, but she appeared not to need his protection or anything else from him.
“Damned fool,” he groused to himself, stomping up each step until reaching the third floor where his room was. He had vowed never to love another woman, to never let another have the power to hurt him, yet here he was, a familiar ache of loss in his chest. Somehow, it was worse. Lucia had loved him back. She had been taken against her will. Kat could be with him if she chose but feeling the bite of unrequited love was not a sensation Juan was accustomed to, nor did he enjoy the grip in his belly that alluded to envy for another man.
Opening his door, Juan stepped inside and looked around, the hairs on the back of his neck rising, alerting him to a threat. Sniffing the air, he could sense another man had been there. The sconces he had left burning were snuffed out, leaving his room in the cold darkness. Bending over slowly, Juan slid a long dagger out of his boot silently, gripping the familiar leather-wrapped handle in his callused palm.
“I know you are in here. Show yourself, coward.” Juan stayed calm, honing his senses to any movements or sounds.
“I knew I recognized you, Ferdinand.” It did not matter that the voice had come from the shadows. Juan would recognize that voice anywhere.
“Ernesto, what are you doing here in Scotland?”
“Awe, so you did pay attention to me all those years. As my father’s favorite, I had assumed I was all but invisible to you, no?”
“I understand that you resent me. I came into your life at a young age. Alonso took me in and cared for me as a son at the behest of my mother. But I always tried to treat you like a brother, Ernesto. It was you who resented me, who pushed me away and ignored me.”
Memories of his childhood came flooding back to him. Ernesto scowling at him from across the room, shouting insults at him every time Alonso paid any attention to him. He knew Ernesto disliked him, but Juan had no control of his situation either. He had not asked to be born royalty nor to be hidden away for some unknown reason by his mother. He still did not know why his death had been falsified, nor would he, for his mother had passed away over fifteen years ago.
“You always thought you were better than me,” Ernesto said and Juan gripped his blade tighter.
“Why are you here, Brother? I have moved on from my past.”
“Perhaps you have. I have not. I spent my life watching my father love you, cater to you, fawn over you. Then I thought he was dead after the war, only to find him here with you. He left me, abandoned me, to find you.”
Juan sighed, starting to piece details together, yet keeping on his guard. “You were on the Spanish galleon and saw me arrive?”
“Si. With my father beside you, as always.”
“Ernesto. I thought Alonso was dead after the war, also. I went home. Lucia and my daughter died of the plague. I left Spain and was virtually enslaved by the Spanish government who could not afford to pay or barely feed its sailors. My ship was destroyed and I was saved by an Irishman who I have worked for ever since. I have believed Alonso dead this entire time. It was not until a sennight ago when I came upon a Dutch ship holding Spanish slaves that I discovered him alive.”
“You were always his favorite.”
“That is not true.” Perhaps it was, but only because Juan actually listened, behaved, and tried his best while Ernesto whined and grew bitter, preferring to be angry at the world. “Why did you blow out the candles, Ernesto. You know I shall not fight you. You are my brother.”
“Si. I know you well enough to know you will not risk upsetting my father. That is why I made certain your chamber is dark.”
Juan frowned in the darkness, not understanding what Ernesto was planning, but realizing a second too late that he was in more danger than he realized. The feel of cold, sharp steel touched his throat and Juan froze, not daring to move a muscle.
“Ernesto… you are making a mistake…” Juan warned. He did not wish to kill his brother, but he was not being given much choice.
“It is not I who holds a knife to your throat. I have two other men here with me, prepared to take you to the ship, dead or alive. The king, your true brother, wants you. There is a reward for your capture and I will have it. Come willingly or you will die here and now, your head being the only part of you returning to Spain.”
Breathing deeply, Juan considered his options. “I will go willingly,” he said, deciding he would have a much easier time of coming up with an escape plan if he was able to keep his limbs intact.
A spark lit up the blackness as a man in the corner lit a candle, his face looking ominous and demonic in the shadows. Looking around, Juan saw Ernesto several feet in front of him and the man who lit the candle to his left, while the third man still held a blade to his throat.
Now, he could act. He was not called the Beast for no reason. Three men, even one with a blade to his throat, was not an impossible fight for him. Looking straight into Ernesto’s dark eyes, Juan did not flinch as he twisted the wrist of the man holding the dagger, hearing a bone crack and metal clatter to the wooden floor just as the man wailed in pain. Throwing his elbow back, Juan caught the man in the gut, causing him to howl and collapse on the ground. Ernesto scowled and yelled in Spanish at the man, calling him all manner of foul words as the man holding the candle put it down just before Juan threw his dagger across the room, lodging it in the man’s throat. Gurgling, the man dropped to his knees, blood dripping from his mouth as he gripped the blade with his hands before succumbing to death at Ernesto’s feet.
Turning on his heels, Juan picked up the dagger the other man had dropped and slit the man’s throat before he could even get off the floor. Two men were dead in seconds and Juan stood up straight and looked at Ernesto’s scowling face. “Do not make me kill you, Brother. I do not wish to do so, but I shall.”
A strange smile slid across Ernesto’s face, revealing the crazed man within that Juan had always known existed. Ernesto had always been slightly mad. It was in his eyes, a wildness that always seemed to be looming just below the surface, and now that madness was unleashed and staring Juan in the face.
“As if I would only bring two men with me to take you down. I grew up with you, after all. I know what you are capable of, Ferdinand.”
A sudden and sharp pain tore through Juan’s skull, causing him to crash to the floor. Looking up, he saw two more men
hovering over him, one holding the candlestick that the dead man had been holding only moments ago. Juan realized he had been struck over the head, just as Ernesto stepped on the candle on the floor, snuffing out its fire and the entire room went black at the exact same second that his mind did the same.
Looking around the hall, Kat’s heart dropped when she realized Juan was no longer around. She was not certain if it was the knowledge that he had left her, simply given up on her after their shared passionate kiss, or the knowledge that she was now vulnerable in a castle full of pirates.
“Are ye well, Kat? Ye appear to have gone ashen,” Niall commented, looking her over with true concern. He seemed a decent man. Though she had wondered why her brother would have ever considered matching her with a pirate lord who seemed rough around the edges and had likely had his fill of women. But the more time Kat spent with him, the more she understood. Niall was a gentleman pirate. She had heard of them, yet never truly met one. Tomas was as close as she had ever seen, being a knight and giving so much of his plunder to the people. But Niall had impeccable manners, hygiene, and dressed like royalty with ruffles on his collar and sleeve, beneath a black velvet surcoat and matching black breeches. He smelled like cinnamon and cloves and had a roguish look that would make any woman swoon… any woman besides her, apparently.
“I… I am well enough. ’Tis quite hot in here is all. Tell me more about that Spanish galleon. My brother was very concerned about it being found in these waters. I would like to know as much as I can when we report back.”
“We?” Niall raised a brow as they danced slowly, Niall’s palm pressed flat against hers as they spun in a very slow circle. “I thought Juan was the one working for Tomas, not ye.”
“Well, I like to be of help. ’Tis why I decided to join Juan on his mission,” she responded breathlessly, hoping she sounded convincing enough.