Easier said than done.
* * *
LOLA
Summer brought with it a whole new routine for the diner. There wasn’t an influx at certain times anymore. Instead, we had a pretty steady flow with no real slow hours. I wasn’t sure whether I liked it like this more or not, but it allowed me not to think about everything that was going on.
Jan asked if I was going to tell Sal about everything this morning, just like she had for the last week and a half. But I wasn’t ready. If I said it out loud to someone else, then it made it all the more real. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what I was going to do, because there was never a doubt in my mind, but I told myself I was waiting for the three-month mark. People always said that when you were twelve weeks along you were out of your danger zone. And it would give me four weeks to wrap my head around everything.
I was a jumbled mess. I’d gone back and forth, not knowing how to feel about everything that had happened. Things had gone from bad to good, then worse, then good, and then apocalyptic. And then I’d thrown myself at Brody hours after finding out I was pregnant. It was a stupid move, but at least he’d told me how he really felt.
You’re not enough.
I stumbled as I walked toward my section, his voice ringing so clear in my mind. He’d said he loved me, but that I wasn’t enough, and part of me wanted to hold on to the “L” word like a life raft and never let go, but the rational side of my mind told me to push it away and sink. The only thing I was sure of was I was keeping this baby and I loved it with everything I had already.
“Hi, can I take your—” I flicked my gaze up, and the first thing I saw was Cade’s grin. I had a millisecond where I didn’t glance anywhere else, afraid of what I’d see on the other side of the booth. But I didn’t have a choice, and my body already knew he was there without me having to confirm it. “Order?” I whispered out the last word.
“Hey, Lola!” Cade beamed up at me, his face a sweaty mess.
“Hi, Cade.” I tried to pull my lips up into a smile, I really freaking did, but he was here, with his family.
God, his family.
A throat cleared, and I whipped my head around to face Moira, who was staring at Brody who was...staring at me.
Shit. This was not good. Not good at all.
Don’t look him in the eyes, Lola. Don’t you dare do it, don’t you—
Crap, I looked him in the eyes.
His words, the last time we saw each other, had said one thing, but the way his gaze was focused on me, and the clench of his jaw, told me another. He was holding himself back from saying or doing anything. I wasn’t sure why that gave me the satisfaction I needed to say, “Have you looked at the menus yet?”
His head reeled back at the sound of my voice, and I raised a brow. Maybe he was fooling himself with what he told me, or maybe I was fooling myself into thinking I saw something in his eyes and the way his body moved. Either way, a genuine smile pulled at my face as Cade tried to order a burger.
“Cade,” Moira admonished. “What did I say about meat—”
“He needs the protein,” Brody replied gruffly. “He just spent two hours training. Let the boy eat what he wants.”
Moira huffed and shook her head. “You’re too soft on him.” Her voice was like whiplash, but what annoyed me the most was the way Cade’s shoulders slumped and the way he looked down at the table.
“And I told you if you don’t want to eat meat that’s fine, but you can’t push it on us,” Brody replied, turning his body toward her.
She scoffed. “Okay, Brody. It’s not like you’re here most of the time anyway. You let him eat meat for the next week or however long you’re home for, and then he can go back to not eating dead animals when you’re gone.”
“Not this again.” Brody huffed out a breath and ran his palm down his face. “I have to fuckin' work, Moira. Who the hell do you think pays for that big house? Who pays for those expensive clothes—”
“It’s fine,” Cade said, his voice low. “I’ll have the—”
“Are you seriously going there?” Moira screeched, her brows high on her forehead. She crossed her arms over her chest, but Brody didn’t make a move to look down at her. And I was here, staring at their argument in both horror and fascination.
“Yeah, I’m going there. You can’t be on my case about going away for work but then spend said money on shit you don’t even like!”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Moira ground out. “I do like that stuff. Not that you’d know, because you’re never home!”
Her shout brought me out of the trance I had been in watching them, and I glanced over at Cade. His chin was to his chest, his hands clenched on the table in the same way Brody’s was, and I...I couldn’t let him sit here and listen to this. They were off in their own world, but he didn’t need to be there with them—just like I didn’t.
I leaned forward and placed my hand on Cade’s arm. He jerked and stared up at me. “Come on,” I whispered, and tilted my head to the side.
He pushed out of the booth, and I spun around. “Where are we going?” he asked, following me through the diner and past the counter.
“I’m due my break, figured I could accost you to come and sit with me.” I shrugged as I stopped next to the pass and put an order in for Cade’s burger and an omelet for me—the only thing I seemed to be able to keep down right now.
“But I’m here with…” He trailed off, and I turned to see where he was looking. Moira’s hands were flailing in the air, and Brody was listening to everything she said. Neither of them had noticed Cade wasn’t sitting there anymore.
I grabbed two glasses, filled them with soda, and passed them to Cade. “Carry these for me.” He wrapped his hands around the glasses, and I hooked my thumb over my shoulder. “Follow me.”
He knew the way to the back room, but he needed a distraction, probably about as much as I did. It wasn’t his fault that his dad was away all the time—or that he was a lying cheat or that…
Or that I loved him.
Shit. I was meant to be distracting Cade, not getting inside my own head.
We pushed into the break room and took our normal seats, the silence washing over us, but the longer we were in here, the more his shoulders seemed to relax. “So…” he started. “That’s what happens when Dad’s home.”
“Hmmm.” I was being noncommittal. I was channeling the inner me who let someone else talk and didn’t put my own emotions into it.
“It’s been like that since I was a little kid.” He huffed out a breath and placed his palms on the table, spreading his fingers out. “I wish they’d break up already.”
My soda went down the wrong way and spurted up my nose. Oh, the burn. I was doing that weird laugh/cough thing, and all the while, tears ran down my face.
“Crap.” Cade tapped my back a couple of times. “Sorry.”
I waved my hand in the air. “It’s okay.” I coughed a last time. “Just went down the wrong way.” I hadn’t expected him to say what he had, and even though a part of me liked that he’d voiced his opinion, he was saying it to the one person who shouldn’t have been listening.
“I thought study sessions were over?” a deep voice said.
We both looked up at the door and stared at Sal. He had three plates balanced on two hands and a grin on his face.
“It is,” Cade said to him. “Mom and Dad are fighting.”
“Ahhh.” Sal nodded his head like he understood it. “Makes sense.” He walked over to us, placed the plates on the table, and sat in the last empty chair. “So, Cade, you wanna make some money this summer again?”
I frowned as I picked up my fork and stabbed the plain omelet. I was starting to really hate these things. All I ever ate were eggs and more eggs.
“Really?” Cade asked, his eyes alert and hopeful. “I can come work here again?”
Wait. Had I missed something?
Sal shrugged and picked up his burger. “Yeah.” And that
was the end of that because then he was stuffing his face, and no one talked to Sal while he was eating. He was like a dog with a bone, not letting up until every piece of food was gone off his plate. And apparently, now I had to work with the son of the person who I was in love with, who also happened to be his married dad. Crap. Today was going from bad to worse.
We all ate in silence, and I couldn’t help but wonder if that was better than being out there with an arguing Brody and Moira. The silence allowed thoughts to come forth that needed to stay hidden. Things like, did Cade really mean he wanted his mom and dad to break up? Were they breaking up? My hopes peaked and then dashed again as I remembered what Brody had said to me.
I was becoming one of those girls. The ones who waited around for any scraps that the person they loved would throw at them, and I hated it. Something had to change, something had to give, but then his voice rang out again. Why was he everywhere my thoughts were?
“Cade?”
“Dad.” Cade wiped his mouth, all of his burger having been demolished and the fries mostly gone.
“Sorry about that, son.” He flicked his gaze over to Sal but refused to look at me. I wasn’t sure if I was glad he didn’t or sad. “Sal,” he greeted.
“Brody.”
A silent conversation took place between them, and it wasn’t until I stood, the legs of my chair scraping against the floor, that either of them looked away.
“Head out front to your mom, Cade,” Brody said, finally looking at me. I hated being the center of his attention, but god, I couldn’t deny I craved it too.
“Thanks for the burger, Lola.” Cade placed his hand on my shoulder and smiled at me. “You’re the best.”
My cheeks heated, and I shuffled on the spot. It wasn’t that I was embarrassed with what Cade had said, but that Brody had witnessed it, and he was Brody’s son, which meant he was my baby’s big brother.
Shit. Shit, shit, shit.
I blinked several times, my hand twitching by my side, but I managed to keep it there and not move it to my stomach. That one move would have been all Brody needed to see, and there was no way I was going to tell him right now. Not when his wife and son were in the diner, and not when I wasn’t sure what was happening with anything else in my life.
“Lola,” Brody started, but Sal stood, blocking me.
“No.” Sal shook his head. “You’re not doing this. Walk out of this room right now and go back to your wife and kid.”
“Sal,” Brody ground out, and I felt him rather than saw him move closer. “Stay out of my business. This has nothing to do with—”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” Sal stepped forward, and I moved to the side, hating that they were face-to-face with only a few inches separating them. “Lola is my business, and she’s on the clock, which means you leave her alone.”
The atmosphere was so tense even I squirmed. I didn’t want any of this to happen. All I had wanted was to get out from Hut and start a new life. That new life wasn’t meant to cause me more stress than my old one.
I was meant to start fresh.
Brody focused on me, his gaze flicking over my entire face and finally stopping on my eyes. There was so much shining inside of them, but he concealed it all just as quickly as he’d shown me. “I only wanted to say thank you for bringing Cade back here.”
“You’re welcome,” I croaked out, gripping my hands in front of me.
“You can go now,” Sal growled. “And tell Cade his first shift starts at twelve tomorrow.”
Brody didn’t move for a beat, his feet planted to the floor, and part of me wanted him to fight what Sal said, to tell Sal he didn’t get to command what he did and he was sorry for lying, that I was enough for him. But the other part of me—the part that told myself I didn’t need a man—stood up taller and took over. That part wouldn’t stay in this room while the testosterone was rife. That part had my feet moving around the table and past Brody, not giving him a second glance.
Too bad that part only stayed for a few minutes, because as soon as Brody walked back into the diner, and toward Moira and Cade who were standing by the front door, it withered away, and left me more confused than I was before Brody had come in here.
Chapter Nine
BRODY
“What the hell do you mean he got bail?” I pushed my hand into my hair and gripped it as hard as I could. The burn of my scalp didn’t help though. It just aggravated me even more.
“It means,” Aaron said, “that the judge let him out on bail. He’s free to run the streets until his court date.”
My office had all the guys in it, as well as Aaron as he delivered the news we didn’t think we’d hear. That wasn’t what was meant to happen. We’d pulled way too much cocaine off the streets and had enough evidence that he shouldn’t have been let out at all.
“He must have connections inside,” Ryan growled from his position on the sofa. “It’s the only thing that makes sense. If he doesn’t, then he’s one lucky fucker.”
Aaron winced but didn’t deny the theory. “His bail was set at a million, and he met it.”
“Of course he did.” I stood and planted my fists on my desk. “They let him use drug money so he could get out onto the streets again.”
My mind was working overtime. We’d been able to get everything we needed to put him away for good, and he’d still managed to squirm his way out of it. It shouldn't have been possible—no way in hell. And yet he was practically a free man walking.
“What do we do now?” Jord asked from where he was leaning against my closed door. We’d all put way too much time into this case for Hut to just walk away. There was no way we were going to let it go. And from the way Aaron’s jaw tensed, he agreed. It was too personal for him to surrender at the first sign of trouble.
“What about Ford?” I asked, an idea starting to form. “Hut doesn’t know he was involved.”
“We promised him he’d get out,” Kyle reminded me.
He was right, we had, but I’d do anything at this stage just so that Hut wouldn’t be on the streets. “Where is he?” I asked. It had only been two weeks since Hut had been arrested, and Ford had been in this office when I told him exactly who I was. He may have already been starting his new life with his cousin, Jenna, but there may have been a chance...
“He’s in the next state over.” Ryan stood. “I took him there myself. I gotta say”—he walked over to the window and looked out of it, a frown on his face—“he reminds me of you.”
“Me?” I pursed my lips.
“Yeah.” Ryan turned to face me. “He has this raw need to not be who he’s always been. He wanted out, and a better life, and he said he’d do anything to have that. It was like I’d gone back a decade and was talking to you.”
I blinked several times, my chest moving on a slow breath. Was this what Aaron thought when he first met me all those years ago? He’d taken a chance on me and watched as my career soared. Maybe it was time I did the same thing for someone else.
“How fast can we get him in here?” I asked.
“Four hours tops.” Ryan moved to stand next to Aaron. “You want me to bring him in?”
“Depends,” Aaron said, tilting his head as he stared at me. “What are you thinking, Brody?”
“I’m thinking we offer him a new life to help us, but not just any new life.” I waited, leaving the rest unsaid, knowing he’d understand where my thoughts were.
Aaron stared at me for several seconds, and then finally gave the go-ahead to Ryan. The guys filed out of my office, and I sat down in my chair, wondering if I was making the right move. Would it backfire on me? Would he refuse what I wanted to offer him?
There was only one way to find out.
All too soon, Ford was walking into my office, Ryan on his heels. “Ford,” I greeted, standing up and offering my hand.
He raised a brow at it, his gaze flicking from my face to my hand several times. “Brody.” He placed his hand in mine, let go, and stepped bac
k. He widened his stance, and it was on the tip of my tongue to tell him to sit down, but I remembered what I’d felt like all those years ago when Aaron had proposed to me what I was about to offer Ford. I’d been wary, not sure if it was a setup, and with my stance widened just the way Ford’s was, I felt like I had at least a little control.
“Why am I back here?” Ford’s deep voice asked. “We had a deal—”
“Hut made bail.” I moved around to the front of my desk, pushed my hands into the pockets of my slacks, and leaned against it.
“He what?” Ford’s eyes widened. “Fuck!”
“Yep.” I nodded, already knowing what was going through his mind. “I want to offer you a new deal.”
“Wha—”
“Hut doesn’t know you’re our CI. All he knows is that you’ve been AWOL for two weeks.” I shrugged, getting straight to the point. “We want you to go back in.”
“No.” Ford backed up a step, his muscles tensing. “I’m not going back—”
“Let me finish.” I stood. “I was just like you. I grew up on the streets. I did everything and anything to survive. I dealt drugs, I beat people up, I slept in empty houses that weren’t mine.” I paused and cleared my throat. “Everything I told you of my past is true, what I left out was the man who helped me get out of there.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Ford’s eyes narrowed, his nostrils flaring, and I understood. I wasn’t making much sense right now, but I would.
“A man came to me with an offer of a new life. One where I could use the skills I’d gained on the streets and put them to good use. To be one of the good guys instead of another spoke in the wheel of the bad guys.”
“Are you saying you want me to become a fuckin' cop?” Ford growled, and however much his voice denied it, the hope in his eyes couldn’t be covered up.
Down Fall: Fallen Duet: Book Two Page 8