by Cameron Lowe
Malcolm turned in his seat, stared at his three children, his mouth hanging open, then looked at Gwen. “I think someone special was looking out for Mom.”
Gwen nodded slowly, her hand seeking his out. They stayed at the church’s curb for a long, long time before Malcolm pulled out onto the street and headed for their old apartment building.
* * *
A lot of cars greeted them in the parking lot of the old Eagle Nest. Some were familiar. Still thinking about the church, it took Gwen a long time to realize two of the cars belonged to her parents. One belonged to Nic and Alicia. Malcolm unbuckled as she stared.
“What’s going on?” she asked, finally undoing her own seatbelt.
“Why are Grandma and Grandpa here?” Roslyn asked, clinging to her dad when he undid her chair’s restraints. On the other side of the van, Marley did the same with Gwen, and Winnie slipped out beside them.
“Dad?” Winnie asked uncertainly.
“Oh,” Malcolm said, pretending to slap his forehead. “I forgot to mention Nic and Alicia are living here now. We’re just going to pop in for a minute.”
“Oh,” Gwen said, confused. “But… why are my parents here too?”
“Come on!” Malcolm said cheerfully, leading the charge up the sidewalk. Gwen glanced at Winnie, who was just as confused as she was, and they both followed him and Roslyn, Marley looking all around. Gwen cast a glance back at the van and for the first time noticed the tires weren’t quite so bald as they had been. Not by a long shot.
“This is where Mom and I used to live,” Malcolm explained to the kids. “We had a lot of good times here. A lot of crazy ones too, but it’s not so bad. Once upon a time, your cousin Juliet had a plate of pasta thrown at her from that window right up there.”
“Nuh uh,” Marley said, laughing.
“Uh huh,” Malcolm said.
“Is that true, Mommy?” Roslyn asked, peering back over her dad’s shoulder.
“It is, actually, yeah,” Gwen said. It was the first time she’d thought of that story in… gosh, six or seven years, at least. “And right up there on that stoop, your dad and I would sit out here and watch the sunset.”
“Awww,” Winnie said.
Malcolm took the stairs carefully. “Gotta be careful on the stairs. Amy told me they are better about de-icing them these days, but Mom knows firsthand how dangerous they are. So never run up and down them.”
“Amy?” Gwen asked. “Amy who?”
“Ammmmmy…” Malcolm said, drawing it out as he found the right button on the intercom and pressed it. “Wendell.”
“Amy Wendell?” Why was that name familiar to Gwen? She frowned but it dawned on her quickly. “Mrs. Sosa’s daughter? Oh, is she living here now?”
“She is,” a voice from the intercom said, amused. “And she’s the super.”
“Oh my gosh, Amy?” Gwen asked again.
“Be right there,” Amy said.
She approached the door a half minute later, a huge smile on her face. “Hi again, Mrs. Irving.”
“No no no, Gwen to you. I didn’t know you were living here. It’s good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too. Come in.”
Gwen glanced at her husband, a thousand questions written on her face, but he just grinned at her with that old devil-may-care glint to his eyes. She hadn’t seen that in years either. God, how it still set her world on fire.
“We just got everything ready,” Amy said, leading the way up the stairs.
“Great!” Malcolm said.
“Got what ready?” Winnie asked.
They didn’t climb the rest of the way up to their old apartment. Instead, they turned down a hallway and there in front of one of the apartments was Nic, dressed in slacks, a rumpled button-up, and a dingy bowler cap. He rapped on the door behind him three times, grinning at Malcolm and Gwen and the kids.
“Mr. and Mrs. Irving,” he proclaimed, and Roslyn giggled again. “I, your servant, Nicolas Chucklepants, am happy to welcome you back to the Eagle Nest Apartments.”
“Chucklepants?” Marley asked, now giggling too.
“What… what’s going on?” Gwen asked, smiling despite the questions raging in her mind.
Malcolm stopped, and rested a hand on her shoulder. “Your dad was completely fine with us staying with them. But he came up with a different idea and we… sort of worked some things out.” He searched her eyes as he cupped her chin with his free hand. “You say no to this, and we go to their place, no questions asked. But… just keep an open mind.”
She nodded tentatively, and followed him and Amy down the hall. Nic opened the door for them, kicked a leg out, and bowed as he gestured inside with his hat in hand. “After you, Mrs. Irving.”
Gwen stopped long enough to give Nic a kiss on the cheek, and then glanced inside. A sea of bodies, scattered all throughout the living room, shouted as one, “Surprise!” and Gwen turned, already crying, grinning. They set down the kids, and they ran inside, shouting for Daphne and Elliot, for Charlie, for Hugh, for Denise, for Granny and Grampa Irving, for their Minnesota uncles and aunt they rarely saw, for the half dozen distant relatives from Gwen’s side, and an army of cousins who could make it too.
“We’re going to give you a minute,” Nic said, and Malcolm nodded at him gratefully. He stepped inside with Amy and shut the door behind him.
“It’s our new place,” Malcolm said solemnly as chatter and laughter broke out in the apartment. He still smiled, but it was faint, worried. “If you want it. I found out that night Amy was the super, and our families offered to put us up here for as long as it takes for us to get our footing. It’s two bedrooms. It’ll be tight for the kids, but I think if we section off somewhere in the living room for Marley’s own space, it’ll work. I know it’s not ideal, but the cost is the same as the No-Good Hellhole and with everyone chipping in, no one’s sacrificing a lot to help us out. I think… right now, it’s what we need. But if it hurts too much to take it…”
“No,” Gwen whispered. “I think… it’s perfect.”
She wrapped her arms slowly around his neck and kissed him. They held each other for a long while like that until Marley flung open the door.
“Mom, Dad, there’s presents.”
“What?” Malcolm asked, confused.
“All over!” Marley said, nodding.
Winnie poked around a corner and said, “You guys have to see this. It’s…” Their daughter started sobbing, her whole body shaking back and forth, and she stepped away, fanning her face as Juliet ran to hug her, to pull her close and whisper soothing words into her ear.
Malcolm and Gwen stepped inside, and everyone parted to the sides, shouting hellos and greetings. Charlie, Hugh, and Denise stood in front of a comfortable looking leather couch. Charlie and Denise’s two little ones reclined on it, grinning up at their aunt and uncle.
“We might have gotten rid of some of your old stuff,” Charlie said. “Hope you don’t mind.”
“You guys…” Malcolm said, at a complete loss for words.
Hugh stepped forward and grappled him in a hug. “It’s okay,” he said. “It’s all right to find a little help in the world.” He glanced at his sister and smiled tentatively. “We love you both.”
“Hear hear,” someone said, and it was echoed around the room.
“I got rid of my old bed, too,” Nic said, coming up to clap Malcolm on the shoulder. Alicia joined them, sliding her arm around Gwen’s waist. “I think it was time.”
“The whole group chipped in for some new beds for the kids,” Alicia said. “But the two of us wanted to buy you a nice cozy one for your bedroom.”
“Got a pretty good deal on it, too,” Nic said, and waved someone through the masses. Bobbi, Gwen’s boss from the furniture store, stepped through and shook her head.
“Don’t tell them, but I charged them double what it was worth,” she said, wrapping up Gwen in a hug. “Hon, I wanted to come by and tell you that you’ve got a job waiting
for you whenever you’re ready. And you’ll always have whatever time you need to get to appointments and to take care of your kids.”
Gwen laughed, and kissed her boss on the cheek. “Thank you, Bobbi.”
“Is that the cue to…?” Bobbi asked Nic, and he nodded. Bobbi cleared her throat. “Ahem, ahem, paging Mr. Carmichael.”
“Oh hey,” Malcolm said as Calvin and his wife stepped out of the kitchen, glasses of wine in hand. “Glad you could make it, Calvin. Thanks for coming.”
“Thank you for inviting us,” Calvin said, and his wife nodded, smiling. Calvin glanced at Gwen. “It’s good to see you again, Gwen.”
“You too, Calvin,” she said, a pleasant, dull warmth spreading through her. She stepped forward and hugged him. It was brief, but heartfelt, and when they stepped away, they both took their spouses’ hands.
“I know I said I couldn’t give you any news until next month,” Calvin said to Malcolm, “but I’m a damn dirty liar.”
“What?” Malcolm asked.
Calvin grinned. “I want you to come in on the weekends. We’ll train you up, and then we’ll move you into a full-time position.”
“At the warehouse? Thank you. My God, Calvin, thank you.”
Calvin held up a hand. “At first, yes. And at the stores. And at my office. Because I want you working full-time in a management position in human resources, and I figure that means you’d better get to know all the aspects of the job.”
Malcolm’s jaw dropped. He could say nothing, but he brought the other man into a hard, thumping hug. Over his shoulder, Calvin caught Gwen’s mouthed, “Thank you,” and he smiled.
* * *
Someone had brought by their old three-foot tree and set it up in a corner. Wrapped gifts for the kids were being frantically opened by the trio as Gwen, Malcolm, Hugh, Elliot, and Daphne watched. Everyone else had finally left. Though it was nearing midnight, the kids were too excited to see what they got to go to bed quite yet.
As they pulled open packages of new clothes, new shoes, new toothbrushes, and little bags of candy they dove into immediately, Gwen nestled her head against Malcolm’s chest. Their new couch was as cozy as it looked, and she could take a nap right there, just watching the kids. “Thank you all,” she murmured.
Malcolm kissed the top of her head. “I’m just glad you’re here.”
“Same,” Hugh said, his hands folded between his knees.
Elliot sat forward. “I know I was hard on you at first, Malcolm. And I’m truly sorry that led to things getting so bad. But if you ever need help again, don’t hesitate to ask. What you two did for Hugh, not just the money, but…”
“Helping bring me back,” Hugh said, getting up to rub his parents’ shoulders.
“Yes, exactly,” Elliot said. “Maybe the world was never ideal, but anymore, it feels like we’re trying to grind down everyone who hasn’t already made it. People can’t live like that, not without help. So let us help you when you need it.”
“Okay,” Gwen said softly.
“Thank you,” Malcolm said.
Daphne smiled at her husband and kissed his cheek. “We should probably let them be, don’t you think?”
“We should,” Elliot said. They stood up along with Hugh.
“Give me just a minute?” Hugh asked his parents. They nodded and stepped out into the hallway. He turned to Gwen and Malcolm as Marley dug out a package of die-cast cars, showing them off to Roslyn who was ripping into her own. The adults stepped away so the little ones couldn’t quite overhear. Hugh took Gwen by the shoulders and murmured, “It’s the most cliché thing in the world to say, but it’s the truth. One day at a time.”
She nodded, understanding.
“I want you to call me. Like I did you. A message, every day. Doesn’t have to be long. Just tell me you love me or tell me some stupid thing about your day or what you had for lunch. Whatever it is, I want to hear your voice. Because when it was me, that helped.”
They embraced, and then it was Malcolm’s turn. Gwen’s brother knelt next to the kids, and told them he’d see them in the morning with Charlie and his family before they all flew out the next day. After a round of hugs and kisses, he left, and Gwen and Malcolm were alone with the kids.
Marley wanted his mom and dad to play cars with him and Rozzie while Winnie curled up on the couch, and they sat down on the floor with them, revving pretend engines and racing around a figure-eight track. Soon though, the children were cracking yawns. When they tried to put him to bed, Marley cried, but they soothed him by pointing out that the beds were new and very cool, like one last present he got to unwrap. That helped, and he eased between the sheets, his little eyes slipping closed before they’d turned out the lights.
Malcolm joined Gwen, and as silently as they could, they slipped on shoes and their coats. They eased out of the apartment, down the stairs, and outside, where another dusting of snow had fallen. The sidewalk, though still icy, was far less treacherous than it had been when they both made this trip just weeks before, and they linked arms as they made their way down the street until the church was in sight. No lights lit it from within. No one stirred. They stood there a while like that, needing to say nothing to one another.
In another fifteen years, when Malcolm and the now-grown children saw Gwen off to her first day back at college there in the Flats, she would think of this moment, of the quiet awe both of them felt and didn’t need to share. She was right that evening in the church, that life would never be easy for them, but standing together, they found enough good moments to help weather the bad. And as Gwen turned before she headed up to her first class in thirty years, she saw not the children she’d raised, but the people they’d become, life’s kindnesses and hardships etched on their faces. Her heart swelled, and yes, it broke a little too, but that was okay, because beauty was not forged by perfection or happiness, but by experience and love.
That would not be for years, though, and on that night, Gwen and Malcolm stared at a darkened church, thinking about only the next day and what it might bring.
Finally Gwen turned to him, and asked one simple word. “Ready?”
He kissed her softly. “Yes.”
They turned back around, and headed home.
Acknowledgements
This has been a deeply personal writing project.
While I do not have the same kinds of suicidal thoughts as Gwen faces down, I harbor a lot of guilt about the amount of time and money my family has spent on me throughout the years in regards to my various health problems. My well-being is in no small part their doing, and for that, I can never thank them enough. And to anyone who’s ever helped me get to and from an appointment or cared for me in any way, I thank you, from the very bottom of my heart.
I realize too that this novel seems highly critical of hospitals, but in reality, these places are staffed by men and women simply trying their best, same as the rest of us, who often work tirelessly and without thanks. My own mother, mentioned at the beginning of this novel in my dedication, used to work twelve-hour shifts at a minimum as a nurse, and would often come home to work more hours in other caregiving capacities around our community. What I’ve written here does echo some of the pains of our reality, namely the seemingly-insurmountable costs of medications and treatments, but this should not be taken as an attack on the wonderful doctors, nurses, CNAs, housekeepers, and general staff who keep the machinery working. Thank you to anyone and everyone who serves others by taking care of them. You are amazing.
A quick but no less heartfelt thanks to the people who have helped make this book a reality – my beta readers who help this novel shine, my cover designer Elizabeth Mackey, my formatter Ella Medler, and everyone who contributed a story to me in 2018 about their own healthcare-related financial nightmares. Thank you all so much for helping craft this novel into what it is.
A final thanks to you reading this. I realize the subject matter is grim, but I hope you see the love and light in this too. But if
in your own life you are facing down the darkness, please consider giving the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline a call at 1-800-273-8255.
About the Writer
Most known for his Rankin Flats supernatural thrillers, Cameron Lowe writes from his home in White Sulphur Springs, Montana. His pug Yoda and his Chihuahua Sadie – collectively known as Team Chug – keep him in line. You can read more about Cameron, his struggles and triumphs with his legal blindness, and all manner of nonsensical bullshittery over on his blog at www.RankinFlatsObserver.com, or follow him on Twitter (sparky_buzzsaw) or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/rankinflatsobserver. You can also nab a free novella via Cameron’s website just by signing up for his non-spammy email list.
Keep reading for more about his other novels!
Also by Cameron Lowe
The Rankin Flats Supernatural Thrillers
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For All the Sins of Man
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Band of Fallen Princes
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Plague of Life
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Just getting out the door is a struggle for Lauren Olmstead. Haunted by a decade-old abusive relationship, she spends her days healing and finding her way forward. When a kindhearted stranger with his own self-image problems comes to town, Lauren has a chance to face her fears and grasp happiness… if she can find it within herself to just say hello.