by Lance Allen
***
I saw this asshole at the baseball game. Blonde hair. Black mustache. Giant green sunglasses and this big fucking round hat. Not a sombrero, just a big fucking hat. What a douche bag. Well fuck me he had this hot girl. On his arm! How the fuck does that happen? Either he's got cash in his pocket or a 12 inch satellite dish on the roof of his house. You understand what I'm talking about?
Anyway I get to thinking about this asshole and you know what? He's pretty smart. He's a loser like me but he got a ticket to the party and he gave everyone the middle finger and went on his terms. We're stupid all right. Like a fox.
***
We don't have to go she said.
I wish we wouldn't he responded.
Then let’s put it off and go next weekend.
It'll be too late by then. Besides it won't take long. We can stop for dinner on the way back. My treat.
She tosses his hair and settles down next to him, reaching around and pulling him close. She kisses his ear. Soon she too is asleep. And dreaming.
***
You know what? I don't care. I don't give a fufk. I'm a bad fufkin person. I was never there fir those kids. Never. I was always out here. Chasin ghosts. I wanted to be withem in the worst fufkin way. I still want to be them. Fufk it. -gulp, gulp, gulp- ahhh. Damn. I need another. What do you mean no? I ain't hat many. Look I only got one on my tab. Well fuck him too. Whatever. I hope you wipe your ass with this.
***
Oh my god I think I know!
Know what?
What he is, the baby. I think I saw.
What did you see?
You know his little thing?
Are you kidding me?
You didn't see it?
Hahaha that was the umbilical cord.
It was?
You are too cute get over here
***
Sweet Home Alabama!!! I'll be comin home to you!! Yeah play us some Skynard man!!! Now where the fuck are my cigarettes? Lord I'm coming home to you!!! Oh shit!!!