by S M Mala
‘I love you. Feel my heart.’ She put his hand on her bra covered breast. ‘It beats very fast when I’m with you. You’re wonderful for making me fall in love again.’
‘Oh Suri,’ he said and turned her over, so she was on her back.
He pulled down the straps of her bra and kissed her breasts before resting his head against her heart. Joe smiled and looked up.
She reached behind her back and undid the strap, throwing it to the side as he pulled down her knickers. Suri put his head in her hands and started kissing him, feeling his tongue in her mouth.
All the time he looked at her.
Suri was overwhelmed with love.
His hands explored her body, squeezing her breast as his mouth travelled to lick and nibble each nipple. The sucking was sexy, and she could have had an orgasm through that alone, but his other hand was rubbing her gently.
Spreading her thighs wider, Suri waited for his mouth to return to her lips. They did and this time she felt the tip of his dick pressing against her hole. She looked up at him, knowing he didn’t have a condom on.
They stared at each other as he kissed her slowly; his tongue gently flicking against hers, and he moved closer. Suri stroked his back and waited to see what would happen next.
He pushed in as she gasped, knowing they were taking a risk.
But she didn’t care.
Every inch of him she felt, the ridges and the hardness, moving inside her slowly. He propped himself up on his arms, the hips thrusting hard. She stroked his face.
‘I love you,’ Suri said as he started to pick up speed.
Her legs wrapped against his back; feet intertwined so she could hold onto him. Her breast was being squeezed and sucked while he moved deliciously with her hips.
Suri climaxed, gyrating her groin so he could fill her up and then she heard a very throaty groan into her neck, but still he was screwing her hard.
She didn’t want it to stop, feeling him shiver and shake, but he pulled out quickly, still his head embedded in her neck. He put his fingers on her nub and started to rub her. The juices of their sex being used and he was going so fast.
The orgasm started to build up, and the stretching and throbbing in her couldn’t be stopped. He was forcing her to come again, and she couldn’t hold on.
Couldn’t stop the pulling, and the final seizure in her body, making her swollen lips throb as if it they had their own heartbeat.
Moaning out her orgasm, she couldn’t breathe. Again his mouth suckled on her breasts.
Suri was in heaven.
‘It’s sorted.’
Suri held her breath when she spoke to Joe on the phone the following day. ‘I took the morning after pill. Don’t worry.’
‘We were reckless last night,’ he whispered. ‘Twice.’
‘I know.’ Then she hesitated. ‘But it was wonderful.’
‘It was more than wonderful,’ he groaned. ‘Tonight, can I come round?’
‘Do you have to ask?’ She let out a sigh. ‘I want you so much.’
‘Same here.’
‘Maybe I should get a coil fitted or go back on the pill again.’
‘We’ll stick to what we’re doing and be a little bit more careful. I better go. I have to assist Jack on a wedding. We’ve been invited to the reception. I’ll go for a drink then I’ll come back to yours.’
‘Where is it?
‘By the river.’
‘Shall I meet you nearby?’
‘That’d be great.’ There was a massive sigh. ‘You know I love you.’
‘I love you too.’
Eventually they hung up, after the copious amounts of sighing.
She did feel like she was walking on clouds. That was the only way to explain it. He was amazing. Every time they made love, it got better.
She’d found him, her one true love and she had no intention of letting him go.
Suri even contemplated joining the church to make the man see she’d do anything for him.
But still Joe was cagey about them being seen together. He wanted to make sure that there’d be no comeback given her relationship with Janet Peters. She was very powerful in the local community, which annoyed Suri.
For years she never asked about her but Joe filled in the missing gaps.
Janet Peters had made it her purpose to be on every board possibly going. From the church to the local council and charities. You name it; she had something to do with it.
Anywhere she could inflict her opinion and power.
Suri being involved with Joe would open up a black hole for the young Vicar, so she agreed to keep everything under cover until he was sure.
She wondered if he ever would be.
All she knew was that she was sure.
One hundred percent.
Heading off towards the French café, she looked at the glorious trees and sky. Everything was wonderful, and that’s how she wanted to keep on feeling.
Happy and in love.
But when she saw Naomi sitting at the table, she knew not everyone felt the same way.
‘Hey, are you all right?’ she asked, sitting quickly down and looking at Naomi. ‘What happened?’
‘He ended it,’ she said, trying not to look pissed off. ‘Len said he didn’t want to get serious.
All flicker of happiness and love disappeared from Suri as she realised there was a downside to all of this.
The potential of heart break.
That’s what she would try to avoid at all cost.
‘Oh, my!’
Suri was lying on his single bed a few weeks later while Joe was inflicting his sexual technique on her. Today he was doing it from behind and holding her arms above her head.
‘You’re on fire,’ he groaned, moving his hand to squeeze her breast. ‘I love making love to you.’
She couldn’t talk. She was too turned on.
‘Hello!’ a voice say from outside. ‘Are you there?’
They both froze.
‘Oh shit!’ Joe said, quickly pulling out and putting a finger on his lips so Suri would keep quiet.
She sat up in the bed and watched Joe scramble around for his clothes.
‘I’m here. I was having a lie down,’ he said and went bright red. ‘I’ll be out in a minute.’
They heard footsteps walk up and Joe looked devastated when he glanced over at her.
That’s when Suri realised it was Janet Peters.
‘Sorry to disturb you but I didn’t think you’d be in. The Reverend said you were out for the afternoon.’
‘I was feeling a bit under the weather, so I stayed home,’ Joe replied, running his fingers through his hair and walking out of the bedroom.
Quickly, with a sheet wrapped around her, she tip toed to the door, listening to what was going on.
‘Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,’ Janet Peters replied. Suri realised her tone was a little flirtatious. She wondered if the woman was slightly inebriated from the vague slurring. You could never tell from her voice. ‘I don’t usually let myself in but-.’
‘You’re not supposed to come into my flat.’ He sounded very serious. ‘I know I’m a Vicar but that doesn’t mean it can be trespassed whether I’m here or not.’
‘I didn’t mean to-.’
‘Mrs Peters, you need to give me the keys.’
‘We have a set so we can help clean up,’ she said, her voice getting higher.
‘Keys, please?’
There was a jangle and Suri wondered if Janet Peters let herself in on a regular basis.
Maybe she sniffed his sheets like Suri was currently doing.
‘What can I do to help you?’ he asked politely. ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’
‘I can’t stay,’ she snootily replied. ‘Not if you’re feeling under the weather. Oh, what’s this?’
‘Ah!’
Pushing her ear against the door, she wondered what Janet Peters was talking about.
‘That’s a friend’s,’ replied Joe.
‘She must have left it here.’
‘Your friend likes to walk around without a bra?’
That’s when Suri realised her clothes were flung to the ground, and Joe must have kicked them out of sight but forgot to get her bra, which was hanging off the back of the arm chair.
‘Shit,’ Suri mumbled, knowing he was going to be given the third degree.
And if Janet Peters realised it was Suri, then hell was the next point of call.
‘Are you avoiding your responsibilities so you can frolic with someone on a Monday afternoon?’ she asked, her tone sharp. ‘You do have a responsibility and, considering your previous behaviour, do you think it’s wise? I take it someone is in the bedroom.’
‘Mrs Peters, I am not scheduled to work today, and if I remember correctly, I am allowed to see people. I work for the Church of England not you.’
‘You have an example to set and cavorting with some woman is not a good one, is it?’
‘Are you confusing a Vicar with a monk?’
Suri wanted to laugh.
‘You already had a close shave with the affair in your last parish. As you know, they’ve given you a second chance, and it would be a shame that your behaviour could over shadow anything good you’ve done so far.’
‘Are you threatening me?’
‘I’m warning you. Choose wisely Reverend Isley.’
‘I’m a single man and everything I do is discreet.’
‘This is how things start. A rumour here, a rumour there. You need to keep a clean sheet. You’re still answerable to the parish. A word in the right, or wrong direction, could put paid to you ever being a permanent feature in our church or anywhere. I’ll bid you a good afternoon.'
Waiting for the footsteps to fade and the door to shut, Suri stepped out of the bedroom, and the expression said it all.
Joe was worried.
‘You need to go,’ he said, looking anxiously around and grabbing her bra.
‘But she’s gone,’ Suri, replied, letting out a sigh of relief.
‘Please can you leave now?’ Joe put it in her hand and turned around.
Seeing he was upset and not wanting to cause further trouble, she got dressed very quickly.
‘I’ll go,’ she said, trying not to show she was upset at how he was behaving.
‘I need to check the coast’s clear,’ he said sharply. ‘I don’t want people to see me with you.’
It felt quite horrible, the comment, but Suri bit her lip and knew he was panicked by the impromptu visit. As he walked out and looked around, Joe beckoned her to come down, and she did.
But just as she was going to kiss his cheek, he turned his head and looked away.
The devastation was instant.
‘Please can you call me?’
Suri had called and texted Joe, but he wasn’t responding.
She felt wretched because she knew Janet Peters had put the wind up him. Even though Jack would stick up for Joe, there was only so much he could do. And if Suri’s name came into it, Joe’s career in the church was as good as dead. She knew Janet Peters would pull strings in all sorts of directions for that to happen.
But she was still reeling from his reaction that afternoon
How he acted made her feel used and unwanted.
Sitting in her office, she wasn’t concentrating on work.
And she could feel period cramps.
This only confused her because there was a fleeting thought that she might be having his baby. And it made her feel happy.
But now all she could think about was that Joe wasn’t happy.
As she looked up, Ted was speaking to Denise and glanced over.
Since he’d met Joe all those weeks back, the man had backed off. Now all Suri got were pained looks. Ted started walking towards her office, so she put her head down.
‘Hello,’ he said, opening the door and smiling. ‘How are you?’
‘Busy.’
‘Listen, I was talking to Denise and told her about this conference I think a few of us should go to. It’s in Leeds for a couple of nights. It’s about the digital platform and how channels have to look at keeping the audience, as well as adding to it. It covers the presentation side including how we use social media to enhance the viewing figures.’ He then took a deep breath. ‘You have to go as you’re head of continuity for the channels.’
Knowing not to create a scene and not wanting to go anywhere with Ted, she carried on working.
‘Suri, I’m not asking you, I’m telling you,’ he said, the tone slightly sterner than before. ‘It’s a week on Friday, and we’ll all fly up together.’
‘Who’s ‘we’?’ she asked, raising her eyebrows.
‘Denise, you, Greg, Martin, Leila and myself. There might be a few others, not sure. Can I take it you’ll be able to tear yourself away from Joe for that long?’
‘I have no choice. I have to go,’ she replied, her heart sinking on hearing his name.
‘How’s it going? He said it was serious. I see you’ve taken a few afternoons off, here and there.’
‘For working extra hours. It’s owed to me. I’m not skiving.’
‘I never said you were,’ he laughed, holding up his hands. ‘Are you sure about this guy?’
‘I hope so,’ she said then noticed her phone vibrate. Glancing down, it was a message from Joe. ‘Look, I need to crack on so can you get your personal assistant to email me the details for the conference, and I’ll be there.’
‘Good,’ he said, a sly grin coming to his lips. ‘I look forward to it.’
She waited for him to walk out before mumbling, ‘I won’t.’
Then she looked at the text message.
‘Can you meet me at the church at 6.15pm?’
Suri froze. He wanted her to go into the place knowing how she felt.
Taking a deep breath, she knew she had to do it.
That way he’d see she really loved him.
‘Hello Joe.’
Suri walked in apprehensively. For fifteen minutes, she stood outside, pulling herself together. Her period cramps were distracting, and all she wanted to do was take a couple of pain killers and lie down.
Hopefully, with Joe.
She slowly walked to the spot where Rory and Felicity had died. Bending down, she touched the grass where she held her old love. Usually she avoided it at all cost but today, there was no pain, just the sense of fear of what would happen next.
Something told her a new heart break was just around the corner.
The church was rarely open in the early evenings. The sun was shining through the glass, creating beams of light across the space. Her favourite window, with the angel, had sunshine coming through it.
Then she spotted Joe at the front.
He was dressed in his Vicar attire and turned to look at her. From his expression, she knew something was wrong.
‘Hello,’ she said, holding her breath. ‘I know it must be urgent.’
‘It is,’ he replied, turning away. It looked like he was holding his breath. ‘Thanks for coming.’
She knew something was up.
‘Shall I take a pew? Reverend Jack used to say that all the time and it made me laugh,’ she whispered. He turned to give her a painful smile. Right then, she wanted to run away knowing what would come next. ‘I’ll sit.’
Walking to the second row, she watched him take a seat in front, his back to her.
‘This doesn’t look good,’ she said feeling a stabbing pain of despair. ‘I was worried when you didn’t return my calls and texts. After you evicted me from your home, I think I had good reason to be.’
‘I’ve got to tell you something. You have understand, I never wanted to hurt you.’
‘I don’t want to hear it,’ she said, dreading his words, knowing what he was going to do.
‘I have to concentrate on my job. I told you this months ago. It comes first. And it’s not going to work, seeing you and doing this. I’m sorry.’
It was
what she feared, him realising she wasn’t up to scratch.
A bad person without a shred of hope.
‘Oh,’ was all she could mutter.
‘I can’t muck this up. It’s my last chance to redeem myself, and I’m already failing. Seeing you isn’t going to be good for me.’
‘Why?’ she asked, trying to control the disappointed sob coming up to her throat. ‘Is it because of me? Who I am?’
‘You know Janet has a thing against you. Even though she doesn’t know it was you in the bedroom, she made it very clear she’ll put a complaint in, even over Jack’s head.’
‘Have you told him?’
‘Like me, he thinks she's irrational but I’m being held to ransom, so to speak, to redeem myself.’
‘But I’m not a parishioner. Joe, you can’t be ending it because-.’
‘I can’t risk getting involved with you.’ All the time he kept looking ahead. ‘I’m sorry Suri.’
‘You don’t think I’m good enough? Is that what you’re saying? I'm not worthy of loving?' It was a tragic pain, twisting deep inside. ‘I can’t compete against God,’ she said, her voice faltering as the tears fell. It was heart breaking. ‘But I thought we had something very special.’
His head dropped forward.
‘I thought you loved me, Joe. I thought it was something so much more.’
‘I think you should go.’
‘Because if you’re throwing this all away because you think it looks bad, then that’s not fair.’
‘Suri, please don’t.’
‘If you never loved me, just tell me. Don’t let me believe something that isn’t true,’ she said, a sob breaking in her voice. ‘Please let me know. Joe, did you love me?’
He put his head in his hands and didn’t move.
That was all she needed to know as the tears pelted down her face; her heart crumbling. She knew she’d collapse with pain. If only she could fight her case and make him see, she was worth taking a risk for.
But she knew, deep down, she wasn’t.
He didn’t love her.
Neither did Rory.
Maybe it was her after all and not their fault.
It could be it was incapable for someone to fall in love with her.