by Sabrina Kade
None of this excuses Dolan’s behavior, though. I thought he wouldn’t be such an ass. I thought I could… save him. I thought he’d be different.
But he’s still the same damn Dolan. He hasn’t changed at all. Shep probably hasn’t changed, either. And my father sure as shit hasn’t changed.
Fuck, I can’t save anyone.
Dolan, Exer, and Azan continue to fuss and argue like mean girls in a 90s movie, and I can barely take in the words. There’s a lot of hissing and Dolan saying this and Exer saying that. Honestly, it’s the most I’ve ever seen Exer and Azan speak, and it’s all because Dolan ventured to the waterfalls and the weather changed. Plus, Azan doesn’t like me. It’s a big mess.
I want to go back to the Gathering Room. I don’t want to share a room with Dolan anymore. Not with the way he’s acting. And sex is honestly the last thing on my mind while the males grumble and groan, and York tries to keep me from flipping out on all of them.
“So, how did things go at the waterfall?” York asks, trying to change the subject while the quarreling continues. “Was it pretty? Azan says they’re like liquid rainbows, but I think he’s exaggerating.”
I scowl. “Honestly, York. I can barely remember. A storm rolled in, and we had to take shelter. Dolan was pretty out of it. Does that interest you at all? That your Chosen’s little brother was sick in a tent overnight because the temperature dropped into the sixties? Doesn’t that strike you as a little more interesting?”
“She is mine!” Dolan roars over the group, drowning out my conversation with York. “She wanted to see the waterfalls. I took her. She claimed me. She sucked upon my cock, and I have tasted her juices.”
“And then you got sick,” Azan says accusingly.
“It’s only natural for See-Loan to wonder if the female is all right,” Exer adds. “They are fragile.”
“I bet Dolan was more fragile.” Azan shakes his head. “I knew that traveling was a bad idea. I should have stopped this trip from the start.”
“Do I look sick?” Dolan hisses. “Does Layla look ill?”
“I did not take a good look,” Azan hisses.
“How would we know either way?” Exer asks. “Dolan won’t let anyone near her.”
“Because she is mine! I have Chosen her! She has Chosen me! This female is lucky to have me, and you do not know what you’re talking about, Exer.”
Whoa. Now, this statement catches me off guard. Maybe I misheard him, but when Azan rechallenges his brother, there’s no mistaking it. Dolan’s saying I’m lucky to have him.
After him getting sick at the waterfalls. After taking care of him all night. After sharing so much with him and telling him about my family problems and how I want to keep working to protect Shep.
I’m lucky to have him.
“Asshat!” I scream at the top of my lungs. And finally, the aliens fall silent. Most of the others near the conversation do too. Oh, they’re probably thinking, this is getting good. I nearly stumble over from the look of shock on Dolan’s face when our eyes meet.
“Layla? Are you all right? Do not let my brother’s words bother you. Now that you are my Chosen mate, I will protect you always.” He reaches for me, but I slap his hand away.
“Do not touch me.” I’m all but snarling, but Dolan still doesn’t get it. “What you said earlier… do you mean it?”
His eyes are wide. Blank as a fucking beagle when dinner’s about to be served. “What did I say?”
“Layla,” York says in a hushed tone. “It’s meant as a compliment.”
“I don’t care, and it’s bullshit.” I snap.
“What did I say?” Dolan tries again. “What are you so upset about?”
“You said, I’m lucky to have you.” I can barely get out the words. They sting even now when they come from my lips. Dolan’s said obnoxious, presumptuous, borderline sexist things before, but now it bothers me because of how much I helped him. I don’t need protection. I want a partner and now seeing how Dolan views our relationship, I’m seething. “Do you mean that?”
His face shifts. He’s glancing at his brothers, but of course, they don’t say anything now.
Smart, boys.
“Did you mean it, Dolan?” I ask again. The fields beyond the lair are uncomfortably quiet now, everyone outside watching and listening closely. It feels as though someone’s hit the pause button on the streaming of my life, and the only people not affected are Dolan and me. I won’t back down. “You said it, didn’t you?” He nods. “So, answer my question. Did. You. Mean. It?”
“Layla…” He tries reaching for me again, and I back away toward the lairs before a single finger brushes my skin.
My eyes water. “You’ve said it in the past, but I didn’t think you would be so quick to say it now.” I can’t stand how much those simple words hurt. Months ago, I wouldn’t have cared. I wasn’t vulnerable. I worked hard, and I thought about Shep. I didn’t want to connect with anyone because connections and relationships are dangerous. And nothing proves more that I had the right idea than staring up at Dolan. I’m humiliated. Embarrassed. I’m no one’s property. “After everything that happened. The storm. The weather. You getting sick and tired. Me taking care of you and…” I shake my head, unable to get the words out. “After all that, you still think I’m lucky to have you.”
Realization of his fatal mistakes finally crosses his features. “I did not mean it like that—”
“Why couldn’t you have said that you’re lucky to have me?” I ask, voice cracking. Why am I so lucky to have everyone? Why isn’t anyone happy to have me?
“Layla,” York says calmly, trying to brush her hand across my back. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that. Did you, Dolan?”
He doesn’t answer quickly enough.
Bastard.
CHAPTER NINE
Dolan
My Chosen mate does not speak to me for several passings.
My heart aches when I catch glimpses of Layla’s soft curves and smooth brown skin, but no one will allow me near her. Prince Korben found out what happened at the waterfalls, and while he forgave me about that, he was most certainly not as forgiving about Layla’s reason for being upset with me.
“He is disappointed, Dolan.” Azan shook his head at me when delivering the news about the matter. “He says that you are not a true follower of his ideals. He worries that you taking her as a mate would not be a good idea.”
I tried explaining to Azan that I had changed. That Layla’s feelings had changed toward me. That I did understand that cruelty to females was in my past, but I may as well speak to the sprog in his mate’s stomach. Nothing went through. Azan only shook his head and said that Prince Korben’s words were final. I was no longer allowed to approach Layla.
“When she is ready to speak to you, she will, as will Prince Korben. You will not push either of them about either matter. Exer and I will make sure that you follow orders.”
And so, now Exer and his bloody-haired mate are constantly at Layla’s side when Azan isn’t hovering over me. Layla looks at me sometimes – waiting for me to make a move, but, how can I? Prince Korben’s words are final, and I certainly don’t want to spend the rest of my existence as an outsider. Layla has Chosen me, but because of my verbal slip, and possessive behavior, I cannot speak to the one female I want more than anything in the universe.
Verbal slip. This is a coward’s excuse. I am in the wrong, but until Prince Korben permits me to speak to him, there is nothing I can do but wait.
For the first few days, I am annoyed.
After that, I became quite angry.
Lately, though, I am sad. Defeated.
I miss Layla’s curvy body. I miss her dark brown eyes with their long, curled lashes. I miss her words, and I miss the stories about her past, even if they were painful ones. Each story allowed me to grow closer to her, but time stands still now. I cannot tell her how sorry I am because Exer and the bloody-haired female will not let me near her. My cock
aches with need, yes, but now, so does my heart. I not only long to claim my Chosen, but I also want her to know I made a mistake. She is not my property because she is my mate. I cannot put her in a cage. Not after hearing her fears of being trapped in one even now. If I don’t let Layla fly free, I am no better than her father or brother.
I refuse to let Layla see me the same way she sees them.
My face fills with longing as I see Layla out in the fields on a particularly bright day. Several females jog around the lair but stay away from the first triss. Hujun’s tiny mate is showing, and so he is continuously stroking her belly and carrying her around. I am so jealous that I can barely stand to look at any of it. I was so close to having what my brother has.
My brother has everything.
And as Azan comes in for the evening and sends York to their lair, I can no longer contain my fury.
“Why, brother?” My voice cracks. Azan stares hard at me, golden eyes dipping to my feet and then back up to my face.
“You look tired,” he notes. “Get some rest and speak to me when you are feeling more like yourself.”
“How am I supposed to feel like myself when you have stolen a crucial piece from me?”
He frowns deeply. I cannot stand how much he distrusts my Chosen mate. “You speak of Lay-lah?”
Despite his distaste, as the suns set in the distance, my brother still looks happy and well-rested. Why shouldn’t he? He has everything I’ve ever wanted and despite his complaining, he never really had to work for anything. He’s poisonous, but females were willing to take him as a pleasure mate back on the fatherland. He works for Prince Korben. His best friend is one of the strongest sparring males. Yet, he continues taking anything of importance from me. He took my parents’ minimal affection. He took my home because there was no way I could stay on the fatherland after his honorable exile.
And now, he has taken my mate. My Chosen. My Layla.
Does he care? Does he know how much my heart aches? Would he be so calm if I were to take his mate away and hide her in the frosty region for a few nights?
The thought is a tempting one, though it would likely kill me.
“Yes,” I hiss at last. “I speak of my Chosen, and yes, before you argue, she has said this to me. She has Chosen me, and yet, you take her from me. You take everything from me.” Azan looks surprised by my words, but I don’t think he has a right to. He knows how I feel. Everything I wanted, he took from me. “Why must you do this to me, brother? Why do you wish for me to suffer?”
Azan’s voice is low. “Is that what you think?”
“Is there something else I should consider?”
He frowns before sighing loudly. Pushing a hand through his overly long pale hair, he fixes me with an unreadable expression. “Come. I want to talk to you privately.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders, but I shake him away. “Please, brother. This will not take long.”
I am reluctant to move away on the chance of spotting Layla, but I cannot ignore my older brother’s expression. Something is lurking in his eyes, and, like the good, little sprog I will always be, I follow on his heels. The voices of the females and their mates grow softer and softer as we walk, and after a while, there is a pleasant silence. I swear I can hear the dilewilers late in the evening, but this close to their territory, Azan knows no one will follow us.
It pays to work directly for a prince, I suppose — even an exiled one.
Azan stops before the cluster of talas in the distance, and though a few of the dilewilers are roaming about on their six legs, they will not approach us. I stare up at my older brother as he observes the strange creatures, his eyes landing on a particularly odd pair: a large male and a much smaller one. The smaller one tries to spar with the larger one, and though it is an unfair fight, the large one rolls about on the earth while the smaller one howls with delight and triumph.
“You know,” my brother rumbles at last. “When I heard that the weather patterns had changed so violently, my heart about stopped.” He keeps staring ahead into the field. “Prince Korben and Hujun noted you are no longer a sprog, and that you would be fine, but I suppose old habits never completely fall away.”
“I was fine,” I mutter, some of my anger fading. “Layla took care of me.”
“I know that now. I should have never doubted your choice in a Chosen, but all I could think about was the past. I remembered the rare occurrences of rain and the temperature dropping in the same instance. Mother wouldn’t worry enough about you, and that bothered me. Father said you needed to toughen up. That bothered me as well. I worried that no one cared about you. And that was hard for me because a male should be detached from everything.” He shakes his head. “But I could not let you alone.”
“You were always protective.”
“Mother and father hated that. They worried about me because of my condition, but my condition was fine. I was in control of it.”
“Who’s to say I wasn’t in control of my weakness in the elements?”
“Lay-lah.” The corner of his mask tilts upward with a hidden smirk. “I was so worried that you wouldn’t survive the weather change, and it would have been my fault. If I would have followed my instincts and kept you here—”
“I still would have gone, Azan.”
Another shift in the mask. “Yes. I suppose that you would have.”
A long silence follows before my brother speaks again.
“I wanted to go to you, Dolan. As soon as I heard the weather report, I wanted to go to you. But Prince Korben would not allow it. I have a pregnant Chosen, after all, but my heart still did not like it. I wanted to take care of you. I fought with Prince Korben for hours as the storm threatened, but he would not let me leave. He said to have faith in the female you Chose for a mate. York told me to think of our child. I told her to let me think of my family as well.”
I gasp. “You wanted to go so badly? It was a storm, brother. I was with Layla. Humans can handle cold weather better than us.”
He nods. “Yes, I am aware. York has proven this to me many times. It is astounding, yes? Humans are so frail and fragile, and yet, if the temperature drops, we are the ones who are weakened. It is a scary thing to think about, and also something Prince Korben prefers is kept quiet.” He shakes his head once. “Perhaps, he thinks some of them are already aware. He is worried that some of the females are going to try to escape.”
I swallow, running through the female faces in my mind, but most are different shades of fuzzy. “Escape? To where? And who?”
“He will not say. Perhaps he does not know. But all those working closest with him have been asked to keep a sharp eye on the unmated females. If the outsiders should discover what we have… perhaps, they already know.” He pushes a hand through his hair before crossing his arm across his chest.
“I did not know you were carrying so many worries, brother,” I admit.
It’s true. I thought my brother lived a life of luxury, but hearing this, his life is not as glamorous as I once assumed.
“Is it difficult?”
“What?”
“Having a Chosen. Preparing to have a sprog. Worrying about the other females when they are not your responsibility. Is it difficult?”
He doesn’t answer at first, shifting his attention back to the dilewilers. The wind picks up, and though it’s chilly, it’s not as painful as I would have expected. My brother is right. I need to train. I need to build more of a tolerance, if not for me but Layla. And her future sprog.
Because she will be mine, and I will give her sprogs.
As many as she wants.
“It is the most difficult experience I have ever been in,” Azan says at last. “My patience grows thin. I worry about you, and the females, but most importantly, I worry about my York. I worry about the chai-eld growing in her stomach. I worry about if she will be all right delivering a sprog without human doctors. I worry about how the bay-bee will be after he or she is born. Will it be like York or me?
Will it receive the best of both of us or the worst?” He swallows. “Will the bay-bee carry my poison? Chentan says I needn’t worry, but can I trust his word? He’s never been around a mixed species alien bay-bee. Everything will be new to all of us. At least Prince Korben’s mate will be first.”
“So, you don’t like it.” My heart aches at the idea of Azan’s misery. Wasn’t this the whole reason my brothers chose exile? To move beyond a miserable existence? To find a life that was their own?
“I didn’t say I didn’t like it,” Azan reminds me. “I said it was difficult. It is also the most amazing time of my existence, and I would not change anything.”
I stare at my brother, seeing him in a light I haven’t since we were sprogs. When I was younger, I would look up to him as though he was the stars, the moons, and the suns. My brother was always perfect to me despite his mask. Despite his poison, he was perfect. He had everything, and I admired him. I was jealous of him. More than ever, I am jealous of him. To think, he will be a father soon. The word ‘Father’ will no longer remind him of the cruel male who barked orders and dealt out discipline. It will be the name his sprog will call him. I swallow hard, hoping to one day have the life he has. I want a family. A home. A warmth.
“I want so much of what you already have, brother. So badly,” I mutter.
Azan nods. “I do not blame you. Human females are strange, complex, spectacular, and entirely different than the females we saw growing up. And so, when I heard you calling them primitive, I did not like it. I did not want you to have a Chosen if you thought so poorly of the ones that Prince Korben graciously provided us. Still, I will admit, I did not think Lay-lah was worthy to have you as a mate.”
“I am lucky to have Layla. She is good to me. She has my heart,” I fill in, resting an open palm against my chest. “Everything I have is hers now.”
“Yes. I believe you now. I am relieved to find out that these feelings are returned, but you must be more careful with your words. They are not the lucky ones, Dolan. We are. And they are not our property. If anything, we are theirs. I will do anything for my York. If someone ever tried to control York, I fear what she would do. York is mine, but she is still free. I am not her owner, I am her mate. I am lucky and blessed to have her. The ancestors must have been smiling upon me when she was brought into my life. I swear to you, brother, I will do everything to keep her. If I have to live on Hethdiss in true exile, I will stay with her. Even if I must betray Prince Korben, or lose Mother, Father, and you. I will choose York and my bay-bee. They are my life now. My blood. My family.”