“What brought you here? I have this image of you as a college professor, mentoring little physics nerds. Why leave?” Madeleine stopped abruptly, as if she hadn’t meant to pose the question out loud.
Chloe worked to keep swirling emotions in check. How could she possibly explain everything without Madeleine losing any respect she might have for her? What could excuse her running away like a coward from a mess that was entirely her own making?
Madeleine seemed to sense her hesitation. How much more she could see Chloe wasn’t sure. “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too painful. I know all about things that are too fresh to discuss.”
Chloe was tempted to take the easy way out. It had been a long day, she was injured, Madeleine was offering her an out. She decided she should tell her something. Maybe it would help to put some useful distance between them.
“It’s pretty fresh and I’m still not sure if I handled it the right way, so yeah it’s tough to talk about.” She cleared her throat. “There was a lot of tension within the department that I was oblivious to when I started out. For me it was all about the physics. I ended up in the middle of a departmental…” Chloe stumbled for a moment, unsure how to explain the mess that she became entangled in. “Well, an issue, I guess you could call it. My advisor hung me out to dry and I took a leave of absence. I guess I’m hoping to take this year to get a little perspective on the whole thing.”
Throughout her explanation, Madeleine’s eyes never left hers. It was comforting. Maybe it was the shared understanding of pain? Chloe didn’t see any judgment in her gaze, which was nice, but Madeleine didn’t know the whole story. Chloe was terrified what she might see reflected back at her if she ever learned it.
“I’m sorry you had to deal with that, but I’m glad you ended up here. Even if it’s temporary.” A sadness entered her eyes. Chloe instantly wanted to take it away. “I know a little about loss, so if you do want to wade through it, I’m here to listen anytime.”
Chloe was touched by the offer. She could tell Madeleine was sincere, but she wasn’t sure she could handle opening up to her about the situation. She hadn’t even told Hannah the full story yet. Reaching for her mug, she took a drink, gathering her thoughts.
Madeleine had retreated into herself after putting up a good front while they ate. Chloe wasn’t sure if she should interrupt, but she recognized the grimace on Madeleine’s features. She was all too familiar with getting lost in the pain of her own thoughts.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Madeleine jumped at the sound of Chloe’s voice. Her fingers toyed with the frayed corner of a couch cushion. The surprise seemed to shake some of the clouds from of her features. “What do you mean?”
Chloe hesitated, unsure if this was something Madeleine wanted to talk about or something she wanted to talk about with her.
“Stop me if I’m crossing a line, but all this today took you to a pretty bad place.” Pausing, Chloe was hesitant to voice her hunch for fear of severing the bond growing between them. Following her gut, she forged ahead. “I’m guessing it has to do with you or someone you care about and a big injury. I’m here to listen too if you want to share.”
Madeleine’s face closed and Chloe thought she was about to shut down completely. Nervous that she had presumed too much, she frantically backpedaled. “Don’t feel any pressure to answer. I didn’t mean to make it worse. I want to be here for you too. Not that you necessarily need it…” Chloe trailed off.
Madeleine’s face was inscrutable. “It’s fine. I don’t handle concussions very well. Like I said they scare me. A concussion ended my career, and for some reason today put me right back there.” Chloe had had a feeling that might have been the case, but she wasn’t sure if Madeleine wanted to tell her any more about it. The silence stretched out between them, causing Chloe to second-guess herself with each moment. Finally, Madeleine went on.
“I haven’t really talked about it much since it happened. Something about seeing you go down tonight…” She stopped, focusing her gaze on the hands folded in her lap.
Chloe considered her options, understanding the pain she saw in Madeleine’s face. Could she offer her any comfort, considering the recent loss of her own career? Something that she considered to be her own fault? Madeleine’s soccer career might have been taken away from her by something else entirely. She could at least listen. “What happened?”
Locking eyes with Chloe, Madeleine began. “I had always wanted to play for the national team. From the first time I ever saw them play. But I never told anyone that. It was too precious a dream to share. By my sophomore year, though, the national team coaches had reached out to me and wanted me to train with them. I couldn’t believe it. It was more incredible than I had ever dared to imagine.”
Chloe nodded, understanding that type of passion.
“I played with them for two years. After my senior season ended, I was invited to train with the Olympic team.”
Unable to contain her enthusiasm, Chloe said, “That’s amazing, Madeleine.”
“It was literally living a dream. I got drafted into the NWSL in the first round. I couldn’t keep up with the reality of it all. I made the official Olympic roster.” She paused again, enjoyment lighting her face at this particular memory.
“Our first qualifying match was against Colombia. I was in the starting rotation. Things went really well. Syd scored in the twentieth minute off my assist. Then Carli put one in in the thirtieth minute. The Colombians were getting dirtier as the half went on. The left back was particularly nasty. She got a yellow somewhere around the fortieth minute, I think.” Madeleine stopped, remembering the woman, no doubt.
“We went on one last breakaway as the two minutes of extra time were ending. My teammate sent a cross flying into the box as I made my break. I laid out, trying to get my head on the ball, and everything went black.”
Madeleine teared up. Chloe wanted to reach out to her, but she decided she needed to maintain her distance—for Madeleine’s sake and for her own sanity.
“I have no memory of a lot of this part. It’s mainly from what people have told me. The back that had already been carded came flying across the box and kicked my head directly into the post. Apparently it was pretty clear she wasn’t going for the ball. She was ejected immediately. I was lucky, apparently, to escape with only a little bit of memory loss. She fractured my orbital and I had a Grade Three concussion. I woke up in the hospital and my soccer career was over. It was too dangerous for me to play competitively again.”
The tears Madeleine began to shed were too much for Chloe. She leaned forward and hugged her. She stiffened, but she eventually returned the hug. It was brief, but intense nonetheless. Chloe released Madeleine before she could enjoy the closeness too much and saw Madeleine’s face lighten.
“I used to be pretty bitter about it, but I’ve come to terms with it, I think. I love teaching and coaching, and I’m still close with the team. I get gear and I talk to the girls on the road sometimes, but it’s a little easier to retain my sanity if I maintain some distance.”
“I can’t imagine how hard it is to balance humoring people who want to know about your experience while trying to accept it yourself.” Chloe couldn’t help but reflect on her own current predicament.
“It’s been hard. I didn’t do myself any favors by trying to keep it to myself. Thanks for letting me unload some of it.”
Madeleine clearly was ready to change the direction of the conversation.
“You didn’t really unload all that much, but I’m really glad you shared it with me. It makes sense how my bloody face brought back a lot of memories,” Chloe added gently, trying to apologize without saying as much.
“Don’t even blame yourself,” Madeleine chuckled, shaking her head. “I broke your nose and you’re trying to comfort me. Always the brave one, huh?” Chloe grinned, glad to see Madeleine getting back to herself. A yawn surprised her. It was followed almost instantly by another winc
e at the shot of pain from the break that she had forgotten about.
“And that is my cue. You’re exhausted and fragile, so I’ll let you sleep.” Madeleine stood, touching two fingers to her forehead in a casual salute.
“Exhausted and fragile—I’m glad I’ve made such a great impression.” Chloe stood to let the laughing Madeleine out. Buttoning her coat, Madeleine shook her head.
“The jury’s still out. And not to split hairs, but I did also say you were cute and pathetic.” With that, she walked out the door to her car, leaving Chloe trying not to enjoy the way the offhand remark made her feel.
* * *
Climbing into bed, Chloe willed herself to relax after the eventful evening with Madeleine. It was difficult to process, though. Chloe could never be sure how to read Madeleine. The pain medicine tonight probably wasn’t helping, but she wasn’t wasting time feeling conflicted. What a pleasant side effect. Madeleine was always so composed, which in contrast made Chloe feel like a bumbling teenager. It was a nice change to be kept on her toes. The problem was she had absolutely no clue what, if anything, was happening between her and Madeleine.
Then there was the whole Landon question. He obviously was interested in Madeleine and they kept interacting with each other. That didn’t quite fit with the fact that Madeleine pinged Chloe’s gaydar. Though that was probably wishful thinking on her part.
The sound of guitar chords emanating from the top of her nightstand roused her from her musings. Seeing that it was Hannah, Chloe answered it. “You are so lucky you didn’t call me three minutes earlier.”
“Why’s that, studly? Were you sweeping your straight teacher friend off her feet?”
“Why do you assume everything is about her?” Chloe countered.
“It’s the way you try to avoid her in conversation and refuse to admit she’s straight. Even if she isn’t, you should convince yourself she is.” Hannah went on, dampening Chloe’s excitement. “Girls who are confused are trouble.”
Chloe couldn’t keep from interrupting. “It’s only trouble when someone like you manages to flirt with seventeen different women at the same time. Someone realizing they are attracted to women is great. The more the merrier. Also, get over your biphobia. You’re better than that.”
“You raise a good point. But you can’t blame me for not wanting something stupid to happen after everything you went through last year.” The worry in Hannah’s voice came through loud and clear.
If she knew the whole story she’d be even more concerned, Chloe thought. She had never found the strength to tell her everything about the reason she had left UMass. That would require allowing her to see how weak and dim-witted she had been.
Chloe resolved to dismiss whatever delusions she had been entertaining regarding Madeleine. She shook her head. It would be a struggle to quash the little crush she had been fostering, but she couldn’t afford anything like that now anyway, not with all the baggage she was already carrying.
“You’re right. So how was work?” she asked, redirecting the conversation toward Hannah’s day at the office. Refocusing her thoughts, she listened intently as Hannah recounted a tale about a “pompous douche-man” that had come in demanding to speak with the owner of the firm, in the process rifling off some creative insults about the guy that she clearly had held back earlier in the day.
“Shit, Hannah. Tell me how you really feel about him.”
“There’s not enough time…” Her voice trailed off wistfully. “I do have some actual bad news. I was assigned to a new client because one of our associates went into labor weeks early. I’m swamped now and there’s no way I’ll be able to make it out this weekend. Can you ever forgive me?”
Chloe, though disappointed, totally understood. She knew Hannah was as disappointed as she was, but that she was also under immense pressure at work until she could make partner.
“Hannah, it’s totally fine. I’ll miss seeing you, but I’ll have school breaks coming up, I’ll plan on coming to you.” Chloe paused, then decided it was time for another change of topic, and hopefully one that might lighten Hannah’s spirits.
“Oh, by the way, something significant did happen here today. You have to swear you won’t laugh,” she said, knowing full well that Hannah wouldn’t be able to resist when she heard about her newly broken nose.
“Spill!”
Chloe related the story of the shootout, filtering out any instances that Hannah might consider flirtatious. When she told Hannah about the backfire that caused the broken nose, Hannah struggled mightily to compose herself before she finally lost it.
“I’m sorry for laughing, but you know that’s something that would only happen to you, right?”
“Yeah, I know. Madeleine took me to urgent care to get it set. I still can’t believe it happened.”
“Well, now we have to come up with some great stories for you to tell the kiddos tomorrow at school. I think one option should be that you stopped to get gas and saved an elderly lady from a falling piece of the overhang, only to get your nose smashed in the process.”
The phone call quickly devolved into increasingly detailed, unlikely, and laughable accounts of heroism until, after twenty minutes or so, Hannah became distracted.
“Han, what’s up?”
“It’s nothing really. I need to find this paperwork for tomorrow, I know I had it earlier…” Her voice trailed off.
“Hannah, go find what you need. You should probably check the black hole you call your ‘bag’ again.” Hannah had been one giant unorganized mess since freshman year. Though her workloads had increased with each semester, her organizational skills never did.
“Good night you. I’m going to go shower.” Chloe was more than ready to relax and climb into bed.
“Take care of your nose and try not to beat yourself up for letting a lawn mower get the best of you.”
“Funny. Good night, Hannah,” Chloe said, cutting her off before she got any more insults in.
“Night,” Hannah replied, still laughing at her own joke. “I’ll talk to you later.”
And with that, Chloe hung up and called it a night.
Chapter Eight
Thursday
“How’s the schnoz?”
Chloe smiled at Taylor as she crossed the threshold of the classroom.
“Well, it definitely feels broken today.”
Nodding empathetically, Taylor hopped onto the sturdy black countertop of the island at the front of the classroom.
“You’re pretty badass with your double black eye combination. I overheard two students discussing the likelihood that you stole someone’s girlfriend.”
“Oh great. That’s totally what I want floating around the school. Don’t I come off more like someone who would save an old lady from a mugging?”
“These are high school kids, Chloe. Get real.”
Acknowledging the truth in Taylor’s assertion did not help her situation. She hadn’t been exactly thrilled at the prospect of telling her students that she’d taken a soccer ball to the face so during first period she told them she would award extra credit to students who presented plausible accounts of what might have caused her new look, incorporating any of the principles they had covered so far in class. That had generated some seriously entertaining guesses.
Unfortunately they hadn’t been eager to go back to work when Chloe wanted them to. In order to get them focused again she told them they had until the closing bell today to see if they could piece together the mystery, but if they kept talking about it in class she would add an extra, more difficult problem to the test scheduled for Friday. In theory it was a decent idea to leave them wondering, but in reality she was a little nervous about the outcome.
“In hindsight the extra credit scheme might not have been my best idea, but the kids were funny about it. I didn’t get any ‘soccer balls to the face’ as guesses, but more than a handful of students speculated about my LARPing tendencies.”
“Yeah, inviting
high schoolers to speculate about your life isn’t exactly encouraged in the teacher handbook. But neither is telling them you took a ball to the face.” Taylor laughed heartily, then changed tacks. “So I have some good news to distract you. Landon wants to interview you.”
“Sweet!” Chloe had no reservations about this particular interview. Coaching with Taylor was going to be amazing no matter what else happened, of that she was sure. Something was off in Taylor’s face, though. “Is there a catch or something? You’re nervous. Did you change your mind?”
“No, definitely not. There’s no time to stew anyway. Your interview is in twenty minutes. He came to the gym and told me his schedule opened up and he wanted to move quickly on this. In Landon-speak that means he wants to surprise you with it and catch you off guard.” Taylor frowned. “I don’t really understand why he’s being so ornery, maybe he…” She stopped herself, leaving Chloe curious about what she had been about to say.
With a shake of her head, she went on. “It doesn’t really matter. You’re going to nail this. I figured advising against taking his bait if he comes off as a chauvinist would be helpful though. I mean, he is one, but I need you to get this job. So be prepared for anything.”
Chloe should have realized this was too good an opportunity for it to be straightforward. “I’ve dealt with plenty of that in the sciences. I want this job so I can put up with anything. Why don’t we head over now?”
Taylor nodded, excitement lighting up her features. As they closed in on the gym, she nudged Chloe’s arm. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
Chloe knew Taylor wasn’t questioning if she was prepared for the interview itself. She wanted to know if she was ready for Landon and all the weirdness she had tried to warn Chloe about.
“I’m as ready as I can be. I’m going to interview like I normally would, but I’m prepared for anything and everything inappropriate to come my way. I’ll count to three before I speak if anything gets hinky. Sound like a decent plan?”
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