by Elena Graf
“Actually, Bev Birnbaum wrote the protocols. I’m just arranging for them to be executed.”
Alina stopped eating, realizing there was a confrontation underway. She put down her spoon and looked from Liz to Sophia.
“Phi, why are you being so hostile? Liz has been so kind to Mom. Stop it.”
“Don’t you think it’s weird that Mom is letting an old college friend she hasn’t seen in forty years take so much control over her life?”
Maggie set the melting sundae on the table and reached under the table for Liz’s hand. “Sophia, I thought you admired Liz.”
“I do. In my world, she’s a god.”
“Then what’s this all about?” Maggie gave her daughter a hard look.
“There’s something going on here that I can’t figure out. I want to know what it is.” Sophia sat back and crossed her arms on her chest. Her dark eyes firmly held Maggie’s.
Liz drew breath to say something, but Maggie squeezed her hand, so she sat back.
“Liz is a great doctor, and I trust her.”
“That’s not what I mean, Mom. Something’s going on between you two. What is it?”
The long, tense pause that ensued was as brittle as glass.
“We’re lovers.” Maggie gripped Liz’s hand.
“What?” Alina blinked as if sand had blown in her face.
“We’re lovers,” Maggie repeated. “We were lovers in college. I left Liz to be with your father. Grandma wouldn’t let me go back to school to be with her. She said they wouldn’t pay for college unless I gave her up. I never wanted to leave her. I’ve always loved her.”
Alina stared at them. “Mom, you’re kidding. Right?”
“No, I’m serious. Absolutely serious. And for the first time, I’m in control of my life. Except for the fucking cancer, that is.”
Liz couldn’t keep her brows from shooting up. Evidently, the young women were also shocked. Mouths open, they both stared at Maggie. Probably, they’d never heard the F-bomb escape their mother’s lips.
“Liz, would you please give me some time alone with my daughters?”
Liz felt conflicted. Should she stay to support Maggie or go and give her the privacy she’d requested? She silently prayed that her decision was the right one. “No, Maggie. This conversation concerns me too. I’m staying.” Under the table, Maggie squeezed her hand.
“You can ask your father,” Maggie said. “He knows all about it.”
“Mom!” exclaimed Alina.
“Don’t ‘mom’ me.”
“That’s crazy!” Alina repeated.
“It’s not crazy to be with the person you love.” Maggie fiercely gripped Liz’s hand under the table. “Is it crazy for you to be with Jeff?”
“He’s my husband.”
“And Liz is my partner.”
Oh, shit, thought Liz. Now they’re going to ask me what my intentions are, and I don’t have an answer. As if they’d heard her thoughts, they both trained their eyes on her.
Chapter 29
Maggie saw that her daughters’ eyes were riveted on Liz. She pulled her hand, linked in Liz’s up to the table top and stared back at them defiantly. “It’s true. You see? We’re a couple.” She could feel Liz glancing at her, waiting for cues. Maggie heard a buzzing in her ears exactly like when she told her parents about Liz. Maybe her daughters would never speak to her again.
Then something unexpected happened. Alina went to her mother and put her arms around her. “I love you, Mom. I just want you to be happy. Really. I don’t care who you love.”
Sophia continued to glower at Liz.
Liz steadily held her gaze. “I’m sorry I’m no longer your hero. Now that we’ve gotten past that, maybe we can be friends.”
Sophia approached, her eyes never leaving Liz’s. “Take good care of my mother. That’s all I ask.”
Then they were all talking at once and hugging. Meanwhile, the ice cream was melting, and Liz suggested they go back to it.
“Mom, have you really known Dr. Stolz since she was seventeen?” asked Sophia.
“Liz,’” Liz interjected.
“Liz.”
“Yes, and she was very much like you, sweetie, very serious. A brooding philosopher quoting existentialists at every opportunity.” She gazed at Liz fondly, seeing the younger version clearly in her mind’s eye. As much as she sometimes missed that girl, this gray-haired woman, who laughed quickly, was even better.
Liz slapped her thighs. “Does anyone want champagne? I think we should celebrate.”
“My God!” exclaimed Alina, clutching her belly. “I couldn’t eat or drink another thing!”
“I’ll have some champagne,” said Sophia brightly. “We should celebrate that Mom finally found someone!” Maggie hadn’t known her daughters had been concerned until now. Her eyes followed Liz as she went into the kitchen, and she could see that her step was a little lighter.
“When’s the wedding?” Alina asked just as Liz returned to the room with the champagne. Liz’s look of apprehension was instant and obvious. Of course, they had joked about getting married, but now it was a serious question and a real possibility.
Maggie affected calm. “We need to get through the treatments first.” Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Liz visibly relax.
“Of course,” agreed Alina in a sympathetic voice. “It’s a lot all at once.”
Maggie looked at her daughter, surprised as always that someone who’d endured such trauma had such quick perceptions, but her younger child had always had wisdom and emotional depth beyond her years.
Fortunately, the girls’ second wind blew out early. They both went off to bed, leaving Maggie and Liz with a half empty bottle of champagne losing its fizzle. Maggie leaned against Liz.
“That went better than I expected.” Maggie reached for Liz’s hand.
“It only took you forty years, but you finally came out. Congratulations.”
“I’m sixty years old. What I am waiting for? There’s no time to waste.” She sighed. “Especially now that I have cancer.”
Liz sat up straight and gave her firm look. “The cancer is gone. The radiation is just a precaution to kill any stray cells.”
“You always sound so confident and optimistic when you talk about my cancer. Are you sure it’s not just for my benefit?”
“I am confident,” said Liz in an upbeat voice. “Your prognosis is excellent.”
Maggie squeezed Liz’s hand. “Promise you’ll always tell me the truth about my condition. Promise me.”
“I promise, but you need to promise you’ll believe me and not second guess everything I say.”
“Deal,” said Maggie.
“You picked up that expression from me.”
Maggie smiled. “Yes, I did. We’re growing into each other. Like tree roots.”
Liz kissed her, then pinched her thigh lightly. “Let’s go up to bed. Someone propositioned me earlier, and I expect her to make good on her offer.”
Maggie had been so grateful when Dr. Connelly had cleared her to take a real shower. Now, in Liz’s enormous bathroom, she enjoyed the deliciously hot water spraying on her chest. She didn’t hear Liz step into the shower behind her and was startled to feel her arms suddenly around her waist.
“We’re too old for this,” said Maggie, enjoying the wet embrace. “What if we slip and kill ourselves?”
“Then we’ll die happy.” Liz reached for the soap and lathered Maggie’s buttocks. “Want to try something new?” she asked in a seductive voice on a warm breath into her ear.
Maggie’s eyes widened when she realized what the question implied. She was shocked and titillated at the same time. “Not tonight, but another time, I might take you up on it.” She turned and lathered up her hands to wash Liz in return, sensually lingering over all the s
ensitive places.
Despite her obvious impatience, Liz finally agreed to wait until they were in bed to make love. She was especially careful not to touch or bump the breast where the lump had been removed. Maggie was grateful because despite her brave words, the surgical site was still tender.
She loved Liz’s exquisitely gentle lovemaking almost better than when she was forceful, but it was hard to decide which she liked better, and after all, why did she have to choose? It was all wonderful, especially the intimate kiss between her legs. Her male lovers never did that. Well, Barry had a few times when they’d first married, but only because she’d asked. Tom, never. She took herself to task for thinking about men while Liz’s sensitive tongue was doing amazing things. Finally, she just gave in to the sensation and let the climax flow through her. The skin above her breasts flashed with heat.
Liz cradled her and whispered endearments while Maggie caught her breath, but she was still excited and she could feel how much her lover wanted her after almost two weeks of abstinence. “It’s a good thing I’m right-handed, so I don’t have to worry about my sore breast,” Maggie whispered into Liz’s ear as she slipped her fingers inside her. Maggie loved to explore inside, a place of mysteries that was always changing. She especially liked to feel the muscles contract around her fingers, holding her inside. “I love you so much,” Maggie whispered into Liz’s ear.
Liz moaned softly and rolled on her back to invite her deeper.
The knock at the door made them both jump.
“Mom?” Sophia’s voice. Maggie reluctantly withdrew from Liz and sat up.
“What’s the matter, honey? called Maggie.
“Alina won’t stop crying.”
“What the fuck?” exclaimed Liz in an angry whisper.
Maggie laid a finger on her lips. “Shhh. This happens sometimes when there are big changes. It triggers the trauma of that horrible orphanage. It was really difficult when Barry and I separated.”
Liz sighed. She got up and put on her pajamas. Maggie slipped her nightgown over her head. “I’m coming, honey.” She kissed a scowling Liz. “I’ll be back soon,” she promised and lightly tweaked her nipple. “Don’t go away.”
Maggie went out into the hallway and closed the door behind her.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I let her into my bed and the crying stopped for a while, but now’s she’s having a full-blown panic attack.”
Maggie cringed. Alina’s attacks were terrifying to witness. Her child paced and panted until she declared she couldn’t catch her breath and she was dying from suffocation. No one could comfort her during these times, not even Barry, whom Alina adored. He would stand there, watching with wide, frightened eyes, his hands at his side—helpless, as they all were.
“She went off her meds without telling her doctor,” Sophia explained. “I said that was stupid, and that made her cry harder.”
“It was stupid, but it was also stupid to say that. You’re a doctor. What were you thinking?”
Sophia looked sheepish. “When it comes to my family, I don’t think like a doctor.”
“Well, maybe you should!” Maggie hadn’t meant to sound so harsh. “Never mind that now. Let’s see what we can do.” She headed downstairs, followed by Sophia.
Alina was pacing back and forth. When she saw Maggie, she threw herself into her mother’s arms, pressing against the newly-healed breast wound. It hurt, but Maggie gritted her teeth rather than flinch in case Alina would perceive it as a rejection. That would definitely send her over the top, and it would be hours before she came down again. She led Alina to the bed and sat down beside her. “It’s all right, sweetie. Mommy is here.” Alina buried her face in Maggie’s shoulder, again bumping the tender spot in her breast. “Please be gentle, sweetheart. Mommy’s still a little sore from the surgery.”
Alina’s head shot up. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Mom,” she said in a mournful voice.
Her response came as a relief to Maggie because it meant Alina wasn’t so deeply into the attack that she couldn’t think of someone else. Maggie gently brushed Alina’s hair away from her eyes.
“Why did you go off the Zoloft?” demanded Sophia in an angry voice.
“I told you. I was feeling better, and I was tired of feeling like a zombie all the time.”
“This is better?” asked Sophia, hands on her hips.
“I was doing it gradually…like the website said.”
“You were following advice from a website instead of asking your doctor?” asked Sophia, incredulous. “That’s nuts.”
“Now, now, girls, that’s enough!” Maggie raised a hand in Sophia’s direction. “Sophia, please be quiet.”
“Do you have your medicine with you?” Maggie asked.
Alina shook her head. “I threw all the pills down the toilet at home.”
Sophia stared at her sister. “You flushed psychotropic drugs into the water system? How stupid is that!”
“Mom, get her out of here,” begged Alina.
“It’s my room!”
“All right!” said Maggie, raising her voice. “That’s enough. Both of you! You’re grown women. Now, act like you are.”
At least, the argument had completely snapped Alina out of the panic attack. She glowered at her sister, which meant she was grounded enough to feel anger.
There was a knock at the door, and Liz poked her head in. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Come in, Dr. Stolz…Liz,” said Sophia. “My sister went off her meds without talking to her doctor.”
Liz stepped into the room. “What was she taking?”
“Zoloft.”
“I may have some.”
“You do?” asked Maggie surprised. “I didn’t know you took antidepressants.”
“I don’t. You’d be amazed at what family docs carry around in their bags…just in case. Let me see what I have.” She left.
Maggie eased Alina down on the bed. “Sophia will stay with you tonight, won’t you, honey?”
Sophia made a face, but she nodded.
Meanwhile, Liz had returned. “What’s your usual dose?”
“Fifty milligrams,” volunteered Sophia.
“Thank you, Sophia,” Liz replied in a patient voice. “I was asking your sister.”
“She’s right,” said Alina, nodding. “Fifty milligrams.”
Liz glanced at the label of the brown pharmacy bottle. “I happen to have fifty milligram pills. I can give you enough to last until you get home. Then I want you to see your doctor. Maybe you need an adjustment or a different medication but going off an antidepressant abruptly is not a good idea. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” replied Alina in a meek voice.
“Good.” Liz turned to her sister. “Sophia, please get your sister some water from the bathroom. There are paper cups in the dispenser.” Sophia left to get the water. “Alina, do you need a sedative to calm the anxiety? I have some clonazepam.”
“What’s that?” asked Maggie.
“An anti-anxiety drug and sedative,” said Sophia, returning to the room.
“Yes, please. I really need to sleep,” said Alina. “I’m exhausted.”
Liz shook out a pill into Alina’s hand. She counted out some pills from the bottle of Zoloft. “That’s enough for the next few days, but I want you to see your doctor when you get home. Promise me.” Alina nodded. Liz watched while she downed the pills. “Okay,” she said, closing her bag. “Do you think you can sleep now?”
Alina nodded. Liz patted her arm. “That’s good. Don’t worry. Your mother and I are here for you, and so is your sister. Right, Sophia?”
“Yes, I am.” Sophia got into bed beside her sister.
Maggie marveled at how her daughters responded to the sure authority in Liz’s voice. Maggie breathed an enormous sigh of relief.
“All right
, now, let’s all get some sleep.” Liz got up from the bed. “Good night, ladies.”
When they were upstairs, Liz put her medical bag on the dresser. “Thank goodness those pills weren’t expired. I have to check my bag more often.”
“You were amazing!”
“Excuse me while I take off my cape,” said Liz with a quick laugh. “I’m glad I was able to help, but what were you fighting about?”
“It was really just a sisterly spat. They don’t usually argue. They’re so tight. They needed to be to survive in that orphanage.”
Liz pulled off her slippers and got into bed. “What’s Alina’s diagnosis?”
“PTSD, anxiety disorder, depression. You name it. It was hard when they were growing up”
“Is Sophia on medication too?”
“I don’t think so. Sophia always seemed to deal with the bad memories better.”
“She made herself responsible for their survival. That probably gave her a purpose and helped her keep her balance.” Liz shook her head. “What am I saying? I’m not a shrink. I have no idea.”
Maggie got in beside her. “Where were we?” She slid her hand into Liz’s pajama pants.
“Oh no.” Liz trapped her hand through the fabric with a strong grip. “I can’t go back to sex that easily, especially not after all that. Let’s try again after your brood leaves.”
Maggie felt a little hurt when Liz rolled over and pulled up the covers, but she snuggled against Liz’s back. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” said Liz, “but you sure do have a crazy family.”
Chapter 30
The patient jumped when the buzzer on Liz’s watch sounded. She’d set it to remind her to pick up Maggie for her radiation treatment. “Don’t worry, Mrs. Delaney,” Liz assured the elderly woman. “That alarm has nothing to do with you.” Liz finished entering her notes into the office system and escorted her patient to the front desk.
“You’re all set, Mrs. Delaney,” Ginny said with a smile. “Happy Thanksgiving.”
“Thank you, and you too, Dr. Liz. Enjoy your turkey.”
“You bet I will.”
Ginny gave Liz a meaning look. “You need to leave. And I mean now.”