EDGE OF DARKNESS BOX SET
Copyright © 2020 Margaret McHeyzer
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-6483670-9-3
This book is copyright. Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of private study, research, criticism or review permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be stored or reproduced by any process without prior written permission. Enquiries should be made to the publisher.
Cover Design: Book Cover by Design
Editor: Debi Orton
Interior Formatting by Tami Norman, Integrity Formatting
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email: [email protected]
Table of Contents
Addiction
Mistrust
Drowning
Preview - Echoes of You
Preview - Ugly
Also by Margaret McHeyzer
Meth, speed, crank, ice, glass, fire, tina, chalk, crystal, or crystal meth.
Whatever you call it, it’s the same thing. Addictive.
Drugs ruin people’s lives.
I should know, they destroyed mine.
I’m Hannah, and I got hooked on ice. What started as a trickle ended as a tsunami, washing everything away — my family, my life, me.
I’m not sure you’re ready to read my story. It’s real and confrontational.
Open the book, read the pages and see how easily anyone can become addicted.
Ice affects all types of people. It doesn’t discriminate.
It will SCREW. YOU. UP.
Foreword
If you’re like me, you rarely read forewords. You want to get right to the story. Please make this foreword the exception and read it before you start Hannah’s tale.
Methamphetamine (meth) is a powerful stimulant. On the street, it’s known by many names. Its use has now become a pandemic, sweeping the world. And we’re virtually powerless to stop it.
With so many people seeking an escape from their everyday lives, meth production and distribution has become a criminal industry. Drug dealers outnumber the police, and drugs are available everywhere.
Meth use increases activity in certain areas of the brain and heightens central nervous functions. Heart rate, body temperature, respiration, and blood pressure all increase. Meth also elevates production of dopamine, which causes a “high” and the desire to recreate that feeling makes the drug extremely addictive.
For users, energy, attention, focus, pleasure, and excitement are enhanced. Inhibitions are lowered, which increases risk-taking, possibly suicidal behaviors, and libido. Long-term use can cause damage to the brain cells that produce dopamine and to nerve cells containing serotonin. Serotonin is known as the “happy chemical” because it contributes to feelings of wellbeing and happiness, and low serotonin levels have been linked to depression.
Dopamine is a chemical released by nerve cells to send signals to other nerve cells. Dopamine pathways play a major role in the motivational component of reward-motivated behavior, like the use of meth. Over time, the damage to dopamine-producing cells dampens the reward—the high—experienced by a meth user, and the user requires more and more of the drug to achieve the same high.
Over the long term, users can develop cognitive and emotional issues such as:
- Aggressive behaviors;
- Violent outbursts;
- Anxiety;
- Depression;
- Paranoia;
- Confusion;
- Visual and auditory hallucinations; and
- Delusions.
Physical effects include:
- Skin sores and infections from compulsive picking;
- Tooth decay and gum disease, also known as “meth mouth”;
- Weight loss;
- Increased risk for infection or sexually transmitted disease; and
- Respiratory damage (if smoked or snorted).
The statistics are startling. The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that in 2015, six percent of Americans aged 12 or older had tried meth at least once. In 2011, meth accounted for 103,000 emergency department visits, and was the fourth most-mentioned illicit drug by patients.
Thirty percent of law enforcement agencies see meth as their greatest drug threat, and the threat that requires the most resources. In Portland, Oregon, more than one in five burglars and nearly forty percent of car thieves were also charged with meth crimes.
In 2017, the United States Department of Justice issued a National Drug Threat Assessment stating that 897,000 people aged 12 or older currently use meth. Deaths from meth overdose rose 225% between 2005 and 2015. In 2015, 5716 people died of stimulant overdose.
So you see, Hannah’s story isn’t isolated. Drugs aren’t something only supplied to those with low socio-economic backgrounds. Unfortunately, drugs are easily available everywhere.
Hannah goes through so many changes, physically and mentally, once she’s hooked. She, like most who are addicted to drugs, have altered brain functions. The drug clouds an addict’s perception. There are a lot of times in Addiction where Hannah believes something other than reality, because she’s affected by her meth high.
Addiction will do to you what it does to a family of a drug addict.
It will frustrate and anger you. Especially when we catch Hannah in lies about what occurred, replaced by how she interpreted the same events. The inconsistencies in Addiction are deliberate, so we can fully understand how Hannah sees things from within her drug fog.
After the first experience taking drugs, a lot of people will say “no” and stay away. But some think “once won’t hurt.” Unfortunately, the first time is the ultimate high, and if they choose to continue, they will chase it over and over again. Meth is manufactured in “labs” where there is no quality control, no code of conduct. There are no safe practices. There are no government regulations. But once a person becomes addicted, the drug alters their level of comprehension and their only goal is to achieve the ultimate high they got from the first time using.
It’s hard to break the cycle of addiction.
It’s harder to integrate back into society as a productive member.
It’s even more difficult to look a family member you’ve wronged in the eye and apologize.
Please, while reading Addiction, remember Hannah is still a human being. You’ll be angry and frustrated, and you’ll want to shake her. You may even want to save her. Her journey is not uncommon. Hannah needed to hit rock bottom before she could break the chains of her addiction.
She needed to crash before she could save herself and become a warrior.
**Addiction is a hard book to read. It isn’t a young adult book, a sweet romance, or even a light read. It’s a dark story about a young lady who’s lured into a world where everything hinges around her next hit from the meth pipe. One bad decision starts her down a path that nearly leads to her death.**
Prologue
“Is she dead?”
Groaning, I try to roll over so I can see where the voice is coming from.
“She’s moving. We have to help her,” someone else says. Their voice is breathy, sounding panicked.
My limbs are heavy, my head is fuzzy, and I swear I can hear my mother’s voice.
“Hannah, are you high?” She aggressively holds my chin and stares into my eyes.
“No, Mom,” I respond, and giggle.
“Your eyes are bloodshot, and you’re barely looking at me.”
“I’m just tired,” I say and giggle again.
“What’s so funny?” she asks as she lets go of my chin and steps backward.
Shrugging, I look around the room.
“We need to call an ambulance,” someone says,
reminding me that my mother isn’t here with me.
My vision is blurry. I can’t focus on anything at all. Turning my head, I look straight into the eyes of a girl. She’s probably around my age, but I bet she hasn’t seen half the stuff I have. She kneels beside me, and behind her are another two girls and three guys. One of them looks bored; he’s scrolling on his phone.
“What do you want?” I bark toward her, but my voice comes out broken, and slurry.
“Jasmine, she’s a junkie. Look at her. Just leave her. She’s not our problem,” the bored guy says.
“We can’t just leave her,” she snarls back at him.
Suddenly, my stomach starts contracting, and my breathing becomes challenged. Gasping for air, my body tightens with spasms, trying to get oxygen into my lungs.
“Shit, she must be overdosing. We gotta get out of here before anyone finds us,” bored guy says.
“I’m not leaving her. She’s just a kid.”
“She ain’t my problem. I’m outta here,” the bored guy says and takes off, the others going with him.
The girl stays with me, and as I try to focus on her, all I can see is the pretty chain around her neck. It looks like it’s worth a lot, I’m sure I could give it to Edgar for some crystals. Man, maybe a few days’ worth. I need money big time.
“I’m going to call an ambulance,” the girl says as she takes her phone out of her pocket and dials it. “What have you taken?” she asks.
Everything is fuzzy. Her voice sounds disjointed and almost robotic.
Reaching for my pipe, I scream in pain. But she doesn’t seem alarmed by my screams, maybe I’m actually not moving. Everything hurts.
“I need an ambulance…” her voice is frantic as she tells the operator where she is.
My eyes keep drifting shut, and she screams at me to open them again.
“She’s frothing at the mouth, and she’s barely moving.”
I try to turn over, but whatever those fuckers gave me was strong. It’s weighing me down. I can barely move.
“Her breathing is shallow…”
If I can just get up, I’ll find my way back to Edgar’s. He’ll look after me. He always does. Sometimes he asks me to do stuff for him. “I’m alright,” I mumble.
“She’s trying to say something,” the girl says into the phone. “Okay, I won’t touch her.” Her eyes are filled with pity and sadness. I stare up at her, and can see how concerned she is. I can see her. Can she see me?
“There’s a syringe beside her. I think she might have injected something. There’s a pipe, too. Maybe she smoked crack or meth?”
Yeah, baby. Crystal meth. Meth. Crystal. Ice. Tina. Glass. I love it. I love getting iced. It’s the best feeling in the world. Being invincible, even when there are a million people in the room. Being free. Floating. That floating is what I love best. Anything can be happening around you, and when you smoke a bit of ice, you’re floating above everyone. Free and happy and high.
“I’m here!” The girl jumps up and waves her arms frantically.
“Thank you for calling, we’ll take it from here,” another woman says to the girl.
The girl steps back and continues to stare at me. I’m being rolled over, and talked at by someone in a uniform. “What’s your name?”
“Hannah,” I respond.
“She’s unresponsive,” the woman says as she looks up to someone. She presses into my chest plate with her knuckle, and a shooting pain rips through me. “She’s barely coherent. Heart rate is down, pulse is weak. She’s overdosing.”
“Get me back to Edgar’s,” I say.
“She’s crashing. Administering Narcan.”
There’s a tightness in my chest. Pain soars through me, every part of me is like someone is stabbing multiple sharp knives into my body.
A darkness overtakes me.
A blanket of warmth is thrown over my entire body. My last breath escapes past my chapped lips.
Suddenly, I feel weightless. This must be what heaven feels like. It’s so peaceful.
“We’re losing her!” I hear someone yell.
Who’s losing who? What’s happening?
“ETA sixty seconds,” someone else says in a calm voice.
I’m not sure what’s happening, all I know is I like the quiet.
“Breathe, damn it, breathe!”
“Great, another dead junkie,” someone snickers.
“I haven’t lost her yet.”
“She’s just a junkie, Sally. Who cares if she dies? It’s another one off the streets.”
“Hey, she’s someone’s daughter. You want to be the one to knock on her parent’s door?”
I hear a grumble from behind me. More like a pained sigh.
Who’s talking?
What the hell is happening?
As it turns out, this is far from the end of my story.
Chapter 1
“Mom, there’s a party on Saturday night at Kristen’s house. Can I go?”
“Will her parents be there?” Mom asks as I help with dinner.
“I have no idea. I can ask her if you want.”
Mom looks up from preparing the meat and tilts her head to the side. “I’d be more comfortable knowing her parents are there. If they are, then yes, you can go. Make sure you’ve done your homework first though. You’ve got that English paper due on Monday, so that has to be done.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I say as I give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Heading into my bedroom, I take my phone out of my back pocket and send Kristen a message. Mom wants to know if your parents are gonna be home.
Firing up my laptop, I open the document for my English paper. Reading over it, I begin making notes about what I need to do so I can get an A for this paper.
My phone vibrates, and I lift to see Kristen has responded. Yeah, olds will be home.
Smiling, I push up from the bed. “Mom,” I call as I leave my room.
“Yeah,” she responds from the kitchen.
“Kristen’s parent’s will be home. Can I go?” I smile at her, looking forward to Kristen’s party.
“As long as her parents are home. I’ll give them a call to make sure.”
“Okay,” I happily say.
Walking back to my room, I send Kristen another message. Mom said I can come.
Almost instantly she replies. Baby, need mommy’s approval for everything?
I let out a laugh, Kristen always teases me about the close relationship I have with my parents. She’s always rolling her eyes at me and telling me I’m a mommy’s girl. Hell, yeah I am. And damn proud of it.
Yep, totally do. ;)
I grab my laptop, take it to my desk and placing my phone down beside me. I’m reading over my English assignment, plotting it out, when Kristen replies. Baby.
Yep.
Must be nice being an only child. Always getting whatever you want.
I send her the middle finger emoji. But I’m really laughing. Kristen has eight brothers and sisters, and they all have to compete for everything. Her parents are super nice, but in a house with eleven people, her parents need to make a lot of things stretch. Like rooms. Kristen shares a room with her twin sister, Sasha. She likes coming over here because everything is so much quieter. There aren’t a thousand voices yelling while you’re trying to do your homework.
What’s this party for? She’s told me, but I’ve already forgotten.
25-year anniversary. They’ve been married forever.
Wow. That’s a long time. So, they’ll def be home. LOL
My parents have been married for sixteen years. They got married after I was born. They told me they were happy living in sin, but decided they should get married once I came along. Not that I care whether they’re married or not. I don’t think society really worries about that anymore. But they did, so they got married.
Yeah. Can I crash at yours the night before? It’ll be crazy here, and I need to get this stupid English paper done.
; Picking my phone up, I head back out to Mom. “Mom, can Kristen stay on Friday night? The party is for her parents wedding anniversary, and she said it’s going to be busy there. Can she stay and we’ll go together to the party?”
“That’s fine, as long as she tells her parents,” Mom says.
“Thanks, Mom.”
Walking back to my room, I text Kristen. Mom said yes, you can stay.
I turn my phone off and chuck it on my bed. I need to get this paper started, or I’ll end up getting a B or C on it. Moving the mouse, the screen lights up and I start researching.
“Dinner,” Mom calls. I look at the time and haven’t even realized I’ve been working on my paper for over two hours with no break. My shoulders are tense, and there’s a pain in my neck from the way I’ve been sitting at my desk. Standing, I roll my shoulders and try to release the stiffness.
“Hey, sweetheart. How was your day?” Dad asks as I start setting the table for dinner.
“Hi, Dad.” He stands and gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “My day’s been okay. Like any other. Went to school, came home, and now I’m doing homework.”
“You work too hard. You need a break every now and then.”
I help Mom bring dinner over and sit beside Dad. “I won’t get to be a teacher if I don’t study.”
“Yeah, but you’re only seventeen. You need to learn to relax.” I chuckle and roll my eyes. “What’s funny?” Dad asks as he places some of the fried rice on his plate.
“Most parents would be worried their kids are into partying, alcohol, sex, and drugs, and you’re worried that I study too much. Kinda funny, don’t you think?”
“Well…” Dad looks at Mom, who’s smirking. “Don’t do drugs,” Dad adds and quickly looks down to his food.
“And don’t drink, and try not to have sex until you’re ready,” Mom continues.
“You’re never allowed to have sex,” Dad grumbles. “Not until your sixty-five. Maybe.”
“So, by your standards, I can’t have sex, do drugs or drink alcohol. But I can smoke and go to crazy insane parties as long as I don’t do those three things. Check. Got it. I’ll keep that in mind for the party I’m going to at Kristen’s.”
Edge of Darkness Box Set Page 1