“Ivy!”
The coldness enveloping me suddenly disappears.
“Ivy!”
Startling, I look around and to see I’m shrouded in darkness, with only the bathroom light illuminating my room. “What’s happening?” I ask as I try to blink awake. Reaching up I touch my throat, it’s rough and scratchy like I’ve spent the night screaming at a heavy metal concert.
“You were having a nightmare. Are you okay?” Dad asks.
Blinking, I try to focus on Dad’s words. But I can’t help looking around me, and noticing my t-shirt and shorts I’m wearing. “I had on a white dress.”
“When? In your nightmare?”
Nodding my head, I swallow back the dry lump in my throat. “Yeah, I was under water, and I was wearing this white dress. It looked like a prom dress. It was white and flowy and it was sticking to me, weighing me down.”
“Oh,” Dad replies. Something flashes in his eyes. For a split-second I get a feeling this means something to him. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I weakly smile at Dad, and watch his face carefully. But he doesn’t give anything else away. I must have imagined it.
“You okay to go back to sleep? I can stay in here with you if you like. Like Mom used to when you were a little girl and had bad dreams.” He tucks some hair behind my ear and waits for me to answer.
“No, I’m alright. Sorry for waking you, Dad.” I lie down again and draw the covers up over my body.
“Goodnight, sweetheart.” He leaves the room, closing my door.
The branches on the tree outside my bedroom window move, casting dancing shadows on my wall.
My eyes focus on the hypnotic movement. It’s cathartic, watching the shadows and knowing they’re watching over me. They know my truth, my secrets. They’re always near, watching me and never passing judgement.
Turning, I search for the stars. My curtains are drawn, but there’s a small sliver through which I can see a few stars twinkling in the darkened sky.
“Can I escape this life?” I ask the stars. They flicker with brightness.
Ivy. Azael calls me. Reminding me of the hook he has in me, and how I belong to him.
“Please,” I whisper to the stars while ignoring him. “When will this end?”
Ivy.
Closing my eyes tightly, I bring the blanket up over my head and count to ten in my head. He will not get the better of me tonight. I refuse to listen to him.
When I open my eyes and peek from under my blanket, the stars continue to twinkle up in the sky.
I concentrate on the show they’re presenting, watching the silver sparkles in the sky. The monster in my head quiets for a second. He doesn’t call me, or try to lure me into his nasty web of lies.
I know he promises me happiness, but I also know he’ll say whatever he can to manipulate me.
Maybe if I make friends with him, stop fighting and try to listen to him, then maybe he’ll stop trying to seduce me with the blade.
My eyes become heavier as I watch the stars continue to glisten in the sky.
Ivy. He calls once more.
But I ignore him, and drift off to sleep.
Morning, Ivy,” Dad says as he stands from the dining table and heads into the kitchen.
“Morning, Dad,” I reply following him.
“I’ll make you breakfast. You can go and sit.” He smiles at me, then quickly gives me a kiss on the cheek.
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, and I’ll take you to school once you’re ready, too. I’m working late tonight, and I won’t be home ’til after midnight,” he shouts from the kitchen. “Cereal?”
“Cereal’s good, thanks.”
Quickly I head back to my room and grab my phone off the charger. Turning it on, there’s a message from Jared telling me he can pick me up this morning. I text him back letting him know Dad’s dropping me off at school.
When I get back to the dining table, Dad’s eating his cereal and has my bowl waiting for me. “Thank you,” I say as I sit and start to eat.
“Have you got any money or do you need some for lunch and dinner?”
“I think I have money.”
Dad takes his wallet out of his back pocket and opens it. “Damn it, I haven’t got anything on me.”
“It’s okay. I think I have a few dollars. It’ll do. I’ll make something here for dinner tonight.”
Dad reluctantly puts his wallet away, looking worried. “How did you go with your camera?”
“Good. I went to the cemetery with Jessica. She’s an interesting person. Do you know she’s lived in her house for over fifty years?”
Dad nods his head. “Sometimes when I’m coming back from work in the mornings, I see her walking with a bag of groceries. I stop and give her a ride home.”
“Do you?” I ask, not knowing my Dad did things like this.
“She’s an old lady, Ivy. I’ve told her if she needs any help around the house, she can call me and I’ll come help her.”
Aww, Dad has a heart of gold. Finishing my breakfast, I stand and head over to him. I wrap him in my arms and give him a kiss on the cheek. “You’re a good man, Dad.”
He pats my arm wrapped around him and smiles. “I try to be.”
Grabbing our bowls, I take them into the kitchen, rinse and stack them in the dishwasher. “Dad, I’ve got a question for you.”
“Shoot. But get ready, because I need to be at work in forty minutes.”
Heading down the hall, I quickly get changed into a t-shirt and jeans and make my way back to the kitchen where Dad’s getting his food ready for work. “Do you think you’ll ever date again?”
Dad’s hands still while he’s packing a banana into his lunch bag. He turns slowly, and narrows his eyes at me. “I have no intentions of dating anyone ever again,” he says with absolution.
“But aren’t you lonely? Don’t you want someone to come home to?”
He places the banana in his lunch bag and shakes his head. “What your mother and I had can never be replaced,” he says in a quiet, somber voice.
Something behind his words worries me. Is he afraid to love again? “Dad, if you’re not dating because of me, then you have to know, I’m okay with it.”
He steps closer to me, and rubs his hands up and down my arms. “What we had can never be repeated. Ever. Your mother was and still is the greatest love of my life, and the only woman who’ll ever hold my heart. It would be unfair of me to try and start a relationship with anyone else when the only woman I’ll ever love has passed away. It’s not fair of me to mislead anyone.”
“But, you’ll be alone.”
“I’d rather be alone than live a life I wasn’t meant to live. I’ll never be able to commit to anyone else fully because I still love your mother more than anything in this world.”
“Don’t be afraid, Dad. It’s okay to try.”
His lips draw up into a smile. “Don’t think I’m afraid to try. I don’t want to try. I’m happy with the way life is for me.”
“But one day I’ll leave here, and I don’t know if I can, knowing you’ll be on your own.”
“My life is here. Yours isn’t. You’re only at the beginning of your journey. You need to experience the world, and live your life. Don’t worry about me. I’ll always be here when you need me, and this will always be your home. But no one will ever have my love the way your mother did.” He hugs me and kisses me on the head.
Dad’s words are controlled and deliberate. He means what he says.
“Okay, Dad,” I reply and hug him back. “But just in case you ever want to date again, I’m okay with it.”
“Good to know. But here’s the thing—I’m not and never will be okay with it.”
“Alright.” I shrug my shoulders as I step away from Dad. “I just wanted you to know if the time ever comes and you want to date again, I’m cool with it.”
“Thank you. Now, hurry up, you’re going be late and so am I.” It’s his way of saying
he no longer wants to talk about it.
“I’m ready.”
Slinging my bag over my shoulder, Dad and I head out.
“Here,” he says handing me his credit card. “Considering I forgot to get money, buy whatever you want for dinner.”
“Dad, I have money. I still have some cash and some money in my bank from the last time you put money in there.”
“Sure?”
“Yes!” I nearly shout.
“I thought girls wanted to spend money by buying things they don’t need.”
“Seriously? You’re going to stereotype us? I’m seventeen, Dad. I’ve never been big on spending money. Has it really taken you seventeen years to figure this out?”
Dad pulls out of the driveway traveling toward school. “Good to know. Not a typical girl.”
“Ugh, stop saying that. Not all of us like to shop.” He glances sideways at me, and smirks. “I do know a few at school who do, but not all of us.”
The rest of the car ride is spent with Dad singing an Elvis song. When we pull up to school, he leans over and offers me his cheek. Giving him a kiss, I get out of the car and start walking into school.
“Hey,” he calls as he slowly drives beside me.
“Who are you and what do you want?” I tease.
“Love you!” he calls with a huge smile on his face.
“Yeah, you’re alright too.” I wink at him and wait a second before saying what he wants to hear, “I love you, Dad.”
His face lights up, that’s exactly what he wanted. “With all my heart,” he replies.
He sounds his horn once and drives away. Jared’s walking toward me and he waves to my Dad. “Dad’s wanting attention?” Jared flicks his chin toward Dad’s retreating vehicle.
“I think he’s a bit sensitive this morning. I told him I’d be alright with him dating again.”
“Really?” Jared’s brows rise in shock. “How did he take it?”
“Like I thought he would. He said he’ll never date again because he’ll only ever love one woman.”
“Gotta give that man credit. He loves hard and isn’t a manwhore.”
“He’s a good father,” I say as we walk down the corridor.
“Hey,” Katie calls toward Jared and me as she approaches us.
“You’re looking mighty fine today,” Jared says to her as he slings his arm over her shoulder. Katie giggles and her cheeks flush. “I love this skirt.” He pulls on her skirt. “But seriously, can it get any shorter?”
“Just want to show Tobias my best features.” Man, she’s really trying to land him. Doesn’t she get it? He’s not into her.
“What? You recorded yourself sleeping?” Jared teases.
“Hey,” she protests and lightly smacks him in the upper arm.
Shaking my head, I head to my locker. “See you in class,” I call to Jared and Katie.
Opening my locker, I push my bag in and take out my laptop and my math book. Slamming the door shut, I startle when I catch the gaze of dark eyes standing behind the locker door. “You scared the shit out of me, Tobias.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
We both start walking to math even though the first bell hasn’t sounded yet. “Nah, I just wasn’t expecting you.”
“So, I was thinking maybe I can take you over to my place this afternoon after school, considering you bailed on me on Saturday.”
Fire rises to my cheeks because I feel guilty that I didn’t ask Tobias to meet me. I knew he wanted to hang out, but I did what I always do. I hid away and didn’t involve anyone else. I can’t risk him knowing my secret and looking at me with judgment, or worse still, pity. My secret is exactly that, my secret.
Trying to avoid his eyes, I hesitantly shrug. I kind of don’t want to get involved with him. I don’t want him asking questions. I think that’s why Jared and I work so great as best friends. He’s always around, but I don’t have to tell him. At the same time, I know if I do tell him, he won’t judge me.
“I don’t know,” I stretch out. “I’m not sure.”
“Mom and Clara will be home. And I know you said Clara sounds like a cool grandma, so I want you to meet her.”
“I don’t know,” I say again slowly.
“Besides, she said if you don’t go to her, she’ll come here. And remember, she’s a motorcycle-riding old lady who will call you on it.” Smiling, I really love the sound of this woman. She honestly sounds like an awesome person.
“Ugh,” I grunt in frustration. He’s got me. I really do want to meet the woman who acts like a teenager instead of a grandmother. “Okay, but I want to be home by five.”
“I’ll make sure you’re there by four fifty-nine,” he answers.
“Okay then.”
“Oh, and one more thing.”
“What?” I look at him sideways.
“Well actually two more things. First, have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle before?” I shake my head. “Just hold on tight and don’t move around a lot.”
“Wait… what?”
“I came to school on my bike, so you have to come home with me on my bike.”
“Um, is it safe?” I ask worried.
“Safe and sound. I promise. I won’t do anything to freak you out.” He crosses his heart with his fingers. “Because Clara would kick my ass if I did.”
I can’t help but laugh. “What’s the second thing?”
“You can’t call her anything but Clara. Man, she’ll lose it if you try to call her Mrs. Baxter. It’s just Clara.”
“Okay, and your mom? What do I call her?”
“Call her Justine. She’ll insist on it.”
“Sounds easy enough.” The bell rings and we take our seats in math.
“Hi Tobias.” Katie calls as we walk out of school.
“Hey.” Tobias flicks his eyes toward her, then back to me. “Here, give me your bag,” he says as he tries to take it off me.
“I can carry it.” I sling it over my shoulder while we walk to the parking lot.
“Hey, Tobias. I’m having a party on Friday night, and I’m wondering if you’d like to come?” Katie persists.
“Nah, sorry,” he cuts her down immediately. “Got other things on,” he says to her.
“Oh, um.” Katie’s still walking beside us, but she seems to have gone quiet. This is so awkward. The tension between us all is stifling. She’s not getting it. She keeps showing interest in him, but he’s not reciprocating with the same enthusiasm.
I discreetly hit his arm, and he turns to look at me. ‘What?’ he mouths. Widening my eyes, I quickly look toward Katie and back to him. I’m trying to tell him to be a bit nicer to her. She’s trying, and he’s not.
Taking a deep breath, he turns to look at Katie. “You look nice today, Katie.” Her entire face brightens as if she’s seeing the sun for the first time in her life. “I’d love to come to your party, but I have to work. I gotta help my grandma with a few things.”
She smiles at him and takes a deep breath. “Oh, that’s cool. Just wanted to see if you wanted to come. But yeah, you gotta help your grandma. Anyway, see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
She breaks off and heads in the opposite direction. We get to Tobias’s bike and he grabs a helmet and gives it to me. “There are two helmets,” I say eyeing the other one.
“Yeah.” He shrugs not realizing where I’m going with this.
“Presumptuous much? What if I’d have said no to meeting Clara and Justine?” I put the helmet on and secure it in place.
“Nah, that was never going to happen,” he cheekily replies.
“Oh, really? I’m that predictable?”
“Not at all. But I know how much you want to meet Clara, and I know how much she wants to meet you. She would’ve ridden down here herself to kidnap you.”
I really can’t wait to meet Clara. She sounds like so much fun.
Tobias starts the bike, straddles it, and holds his hand o
ut to help me climb on behind him. Once I’m on, he turns to me and says, “Hold on tight, and don’t move too much.”
“Yes, sir.” I mock-salute.
I can see the mirth in his eyes. He finds it funny. He slowly takes off with both my arms tightly around his waist. I close my eyes; I’m way too petrified to open them.
He’s not going fast. We’re in a residential area so the speed limit is low anyway. Opening one eye, I peek around his broad shoulders, and find he’s being careful. Becoming more brazen, I open both eyes and watch life go by as I sit on the back of Tobias’s bike.
He lets go of one of the handlebars, and cups his hand over mine. The touch is unusual, though not unwelcomed. My stomach flips with excitement, but I can’t quite work out if it’s because of him or the thrill of being on the back of his bike.
Whatever it is, I’m pushing the rush of adrenalin to the side. I refuse to give into it. Slightly moving my hand, I silently tell Tobias his touch—although not unwanted—isn’t something I’m ready for.
Tobias’s hand goes back to the handlebar, and I feel his body lean forward. I can tell he’s disappointed in my lack of a positive response.
It only takes another few minutes before we reach his house. It’s secluded enough so it’s not too close to his neighbors, although there are houses around. The front yard is neat and well-kept, and the house itself is made of weathered stucco with pale shutters on the windows and a gray tin roof.
He pulls up beside another motorcycle, a nicer one, but not too over-the-top. Holding his hand out to me, he helps me climb off the bike before taking his helmet off. He powers it down, pegs the stand down and gets off. “Did I scare you?” he asks while I pull my own helmet off.
“Nah, it was fun.”
A tight smile stretches his mouth, and I can tell he’s disappointed in how I pulled my hand away from his. “That’s good,” he says as he steps back and grabs my bag off my shoulder.
“Is that my grandson?” I hear someone call from inside in the house.
“It’s us, Clara. Ivy’s with me,” Tobias calls in return.
Suddenly I become nervous. My stomach knots and the palms of my hands sweat. My heartbeat quickens as I follow Tobias up the steps to his front door. I’m not sure what to expect of Clara, except, from what Tobias has told me, she’s a cool granny.
Edge of Darkness Box Set Page 68