He crushes me to his chest and we both sink to the floor and I sob uncontrollably.
“Ivy, we need to get you out of here,” the woman with the kind eyes says to me.
Turning my head to the side, I look at her through heavy tears. “Okay,” I stammer, still barely able to comprehend what’s happened.
“We’ll go together,” Tobias says. He lifts me and doesn’t let go of me as we head down the hallway and out of the blue double doors.
“My name’s Amber, and we’re going over to one of the ambulances. Okay?” she asks me.
I nod my head, unable to form a coherent sentence.
“When we get there, we’re going to check you out, make sure you’re not injured. Okay?”
Again, I nod my head.
“The police will want to talk with you both, too.”
Nod.
“They’ll want to talk to both of you separately.”
“No!” I yell as I cling onto Tobias.
“I’m not leaving her,” Tobias says tightening his arms around me.
“I’ll stay with her, and make sure she’s okay.”
“I’m not leaving her,” Tobias says again with more vigor and assertion to his voice. “Where she goes, I’m going with her.”
Amber looks between us both, and smiles. “We’ll do what we can,” she finally says. I don’t know what that means, and truthfully, I don’t care.
When we get outside, there’s an array of marked cars clustered together, only feet away from the front entrance. There are a number of ambulances, police cars, and even two fire trucks here. I don’t know how long it’s been since Tyler came into the classroom and started shooting.
It could’ve been minutes or hours.
All I know is Mrs. Richards is dead, and I still have her blood on my hands.
“Can you get up here?” a young paramedic asks as he holds his hand out to help me up in the back of the ambulance.
“I’ll do it,” Tobias snaps. Holding my hips, he helps me up and I step onto the small steps.
I sit on the gurney. Amber places a blanket around my shoulders and Tobias sits beside me. The paramedic looks between Tobias and me before turning to call someone else over.
Within a few seconds, Amber has left the back of the ambulance, and a police officer has taken her place while the paramedic shines a light in our eyes and checks us over.
“I’m Deputy Michaels, with the sheriff’s department. You’re Ivy and Tobias?” he asks.
I nod and Tobias answers for us both, “Yes.”
“Can you tell me what happened?” The deputy has a small black book and a pen and is writing everything down.
“We were in class…” I begin saying. My brain is playing a movie of those few seconds on repeat. The look in Tyler’s eyes. “T… T… Tyler slammed the door open.” My voice breaks, barely able to get Tyler’s name out. “He was angry.”
“How do you know? Did he say anything?”
More tears fall from my eyes. “He said something after he… shot Mrs. Richards.”
“What did he say?” Both Tobias and the police officer ask in unison.
“He said…” I take a few deep breaths. My body is trembling now, and the tears are spilling uncontrollably. “He said… ‘she deserved it. I can’t go to college because of her.’” I swallow back the lump in my throat, but my tears keep running down my cheeks. I’m ugly crying. My nose is dripping, and my chest is shallowly rising and falling. This is a screwed-up mess.
“Ivy!” I hear from afar. Looking up, I see my Dad break through the yellow tape and run toward me.
“Daddy!” I yell, jump out of the ambulance, and run to him.
He crushes me to his body, and I hug him tightly. I don’t want to let him go.
“Are you okay, baby? Did he hurt you?”
“I’m okay.” I sniff back the tears. “He didn’t hurt me.”
“You have blood on your hands. Are you sure you’re not hurt?” Dad pulls back and keeps turning my hands over in his. His eyes are everywhere. studying every part of me.
“Sir,” Tobias interrupts us.
“Tobias, were you there?” Dad looks at Tobias and answers his own question. “It looks like you were.”
“Sir, I couldn’t stop him,” Tobias says with a croaky voice. “But I made sure Ivy was protected.”
“He threw himself on me.” I move to hold Tobias’s hand.
Dad’s eyes travel between the both of us, finally locking on where we’re connected. “You shielded my daughter?” Dad asks.
“Of course. I’d do anything to protect her. I love her.”
I turn to face Tobias; his words jumble in my head. Did I hear right? Did he say what I think he did?
“Thank you.” My Dad holds his hand out to Tobias, who takes it and shakes it. “If you hadn’t, I don’t know what could’ve happened.”
“Ivy, Tobias, I need to ask you more questions while it’s still fresh in your mind,” Deputy Michaels says. “Sir, you’re Ivy’s father?” Dad nods his head. “Please, this way.” He leads us back to the ambulance Tobias and I were in.
“I thought you said you’re not hurt?” Dad asks me.
“The paramedic is just checking them over,” Michaels explains.
Dad nods his head and follows us back to the ambulance.
Once we’re sitting on the gurney, Deputy Michaels resumes his questions while the paramedic checks us over.
Michaels asks us to remember everything that happened in the classroom from the time we sat in our seats until after the shooting.
I sit quietly for a few moments as Tobias recalls the event from his perspective. He heard most of what I heard, but he didn’t see what I saw.
He was laying on top of me, shielding me from any bullet that Tyler might have shot over toward me. When Tobias finishes talking, Michael asks me what I saw and heard.
And the movie begins in my head again.
Tyler’s angry face will be etched into my memory until the day I die. “He only wanted to hurt Mrs. Richards.” I wipe a tear away as my breath catches in my chest. “He looked me straight in the eyes. He had no intention of hurting anyone else, just her.” A sob heaves out of my throat and I can barely contain my rapidly racing pulse.
“It’s okay,” Tobias says as he gently rubs my back in a circular motion.
“It’s not okay, Tobias. A boy I’ve known for years came into the class with a weapon and killed our teacher and himself. What pushes someone to that point? To snap and think it’s okay to take another life?”
Tobias lifts his shoulders. “No one knows the road Tyler traveled, Ivy. Only he does. We have no idea of his home life or the state his mind was in.”
“Sweetheart, if he bought guns into the school, it wasn’t a decision he came to easily,” Dad says.
“Does that mean we failed him?” I ask Dad.
“What do you mean, Ivy?” Michael asks.
“If maybe I reached out to him after he was suspended, maybe I would’ve known what he was planning and I might have been able to help him.”
“You are not responsible for the decisions other people make, Ivy. You’re responsible for the decisions you make,” Dad says. “Just your decisions and no one else’s.”
Nodding, I burst into tears again and bury my head in Tobias’s chest.
Tobias hugs me, but an overwhelming feeling of guilt overtakes me and his hug does nothing to console me.
I should’ve done more.
I should’ve done something.
Anything.
Ivy…
The hair on my arms stand to attention.
Azael’s here. And he wants me.
Tonight, when I get home and I’m alone, he can have me.
Once and for all.
Chapter 15
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
“The wound was deep, but we managed to stop the bleeding. She needed stitches in both her arms. Has she done anything lik
e this before?” I hear a strange female talking.
“No. But she’s had a difficult day at school.”
“Yes, I heard about it.”
“My daughter was in the class when it happened.”
“I’d suggest she get some good psychiatric help. She’s obviously not coping with it well.”
“I’ll do what I have to in order to make sure she’s healthy,” Dad answers gruffly.
“Everyone here knows who your daughter is. No one thinks she’s weak, but she probably does. We all think she’s a very brave person. She ran toward her teacher and tried to save her life. That takes courage.”
“Thank you.” Dad sighs heavily. “Will she be okay?”
“It’s lucky you got her to us when you did. A few more minutes, and I don’t think we would’ve been able to save her.”
I hear Dad puff in frustration. “I should’ve known this was going to happen.” His voice breaks and I can hear the hurt coming from deep inside him.
“I’m not an expert in mental health, Mr. Jones, but I do think after a traumatic event like Ivy experienced, this may be her way of calling out for help even if she says she doesn’t need it. Please, listen to her body and not her mouth. Kids think there’s a stigma attached to mental health. They hear of someone who’s seeing a counselor and immediately paint them as crazy. But you and I know that’s not what it’s about. Sometimes, seeing a mental health professional is a safe place to get everything off our chest without judgement.”
I’m not sure what happens next, except the room is empty and Azael comes to me.
You’re a disappointment to me, Ivy. I thought you were going to be my greatest achievement, but you’re useless.
“You’ve done your damage. Go away and leave me alone,” I say to him.
I gave you one task, and you couldn’t even do that right.
Turning my head, I find his faceless form in front of me. With tears in my eyes, but determination bursting through me, I grit my teeth at him. “You’re not welcome here.”
He laughs at me.
And he leaves.
And I’m left to suffer with my own thoughts.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
“Daddy?” I say. Trying to swallow is hard. My throat is irritated and scratchy.
“Ivy.” I feel his warm hand around mine gently squeezing it. “What did you do?” his voice is harsh. Opening my eyes, I look over and see him hanging his head down. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t scold you.”
Looking down at my hands, I notice the bandages wrapped from my wrists halfway up to my elbows.
How I got here is foggy in my memory, but from the fact Azael is nearby, I know he had something to do with it. “What happened?” I ask, though deep inside me I already know the answer.
Dad scrunches his brows, while his thumb gently glides over the bandage. “You went for a shower, and when you didn’t answer after I called you for dinner, I broke in… and found you.” Tears fill his eyes as he purses his lips together. “You scared me,” he whispers in a gravelly voice.
“I’m sorry,” I reply, my own eyes brimming with tears. I swallow hard, and try to make up an excuse in my head I can tell Dad. “… I…”
“Please, don’t lie to me, Ivy.”
My heart jumps as I take a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. What can I tell him? That I have a demon who lives inside me and tells me to I cut myself? I can’t explain that. He wouldn’t understand. “… I…” I take another deep breath, ready to tell him.
“You were in a terrifying situation, and it’s messed with your head.”
Blinking back the tears, I feel relieved. Dad’s unknowingly thrown me a lifeline. He doesn’t realize what he’s done. “Yes,” I say. But my heart is tearing itself apart. I’m ashamed of myself, and disgusted. But I just can’t tell him the truth. It’s humiliating. It’ll make Dad embarrassed to be my father.
Hell, I’m embarrassed for myself.
“I don’t care what you say, Ivy, but I’m going to get you help.”
“I don’t need help,” I protest. “I’m not crazy. Only crazy people see shrinks.”
“I didn’t say you were crazy. But with what happened at school, and with this…” He pointedly looks to the bandages. “You need help to get through this. Even I need help, Ivy. We’ll go together.”
My entire body becomes rigid. I don’t want to go to a shrink to begin with, but having my Dad in there with me is even more terrifying then going on my own.
“No, I don’t want you to go with me.”
“Then you’ll go on your own?”
Reluctantly I nod my head. If I have to see a head doctor, then I’m doing it without dad in the same room. I don’t want him hearing what goes through my head.
Don’t tell them about me, Ivy.
My monster is right, I shouldn’t tell them about him. They won’t understand. No one will. Not even the shrink. They’ll probably try to commit me to an institute under the guise of saying I’ll self-harm.
“I’ll go on my own,” I say to Dad. But I definitely won’t tell them about Azael. He’s my secret.
“I’ll find a doctor who can help you.” Dad manages a weak smile. His eyes tell a different story though, they’re sad and for some reason, it feels like he has his own secrets.
“Are you okay?”
Dad’s chin quivers and his eyes redden. “You scared me. I can’t lose you.”
A huge lump sits at the base of my throat. I’m so ashamed of myself. Here I am praying he doesn’t discover my secret. “I’m sorry.”
My mind has cleared, and I remember every moment of what I did. From the minute I arrived home, he was whispering to me.
He promised me he could take my pain away.
I locked myself in the bathroom and turned the water on. Getting my blade. I didn’t even have to think about it. I didn’t want to think about it. I just wanted everything to end.
He always makes empty promises, but nothing he pledges ever works out.
“I’m sorry,” I say again, this time in a much quieter voice.
Dad stands and leans over the bed, he presses a kiss to my forehead. “I know you are.” He kisses me gently again. “I’ll go get a nurse, tell them you’re awake.”
He walks out of the room, and I see him lift his hand to wipe at his face.
My heart shatters.
I’ve disappointed Dad. And that kills me.
The door closes and I’m left alone in this sterile white room. I have a drip in my arm and there’s a monitor beside my bed. There’s a small clamp over my finger and when I take it off, I notice the monitor beside the bed begins to screech.
The door opens and Dad and a young guy dressed in a uniform enter the room. I have no idea who he is. “Hi, Ivy. I’m Matthew, one of the nurses on duty tonight. I’d like to see how you’re doing. Is that okay?”
Dad sits beside the bed, while the nurse stands on the opposite side. “Sure,” I reply.
“I’m going to undress your wrists, and see how the stitches are doing, okay?” He’s talking to me as if I’m made of glass and I’m going to shatter if he uses anything more than his softest voice.
“That’s fine.”
I lie back in bed and close my eyes. I suppose he has to be careful around me. He has no idea how volatile I am, or even why I did what I did. I feel him carefully unwrapping the bandage. “We all heard what you did for Mrs. Richards,” he says as he continues his examination of my arm. “We’re proud of your courage.”
A tear falls from my eye. “It wasn’t courage that made me go to her.”
“Then what was it?”
“I was hoping I could help her. She didn’t deserve what happened.”
“No one deserves to be killed at work,” Matthew says. “But what you did…”
“Is what anyone would’ve done.”
“You’d be surprised. Some people freeze when confronted with a traumatic experience. Some people run f
rom it, and some people run toward it.”
“I just wanted to help her. I like… liked Mrs. Richards.”
The room becomes uncomfortably quiet, with no one saying a word. This continues until Matthew dresses my wrist and moves to look at the other one. “They’re looking good,” he says.
“Great,” I mumble under my breath.
“Are you disappointed?” My gaze flies to his eyes. Tilting my head to the side, I open my mouth to say something. What, I have no idea. “This would be all too much for someone who’s older, and with more life experience, to handle. I can only imagine how it is for you.”
Lowering my eyes, I opt to not respond. My demon is now hiding deep inside me. If only I could tell them, maybe they could find a way to make him leave me alone. But I don’t dare.
“This one is looking good too. I’ll be back tonight to dress them again.” Matthew stands and moves to the door. “I’ll see you this evening, Ivy.”
Nodding, I watch as he leaves. I’m too ashamed to look at Dad. I know he’s not judging me, but I’m judging me. I hate knowing I’m the one who’s put hurt in his eyes.
I move my free hand under the blanket to lay it on my thigh, and in that moment, I realize I’m not wearing my jeans covered in Mrs. Richards blood, which now they would have my blood all over them, too. Shock chills me to the bone. If they took off my clothes and put me in this gown, they all know my dirty little secret. Have they told Dad?
“I’m tired,” I weakly say to Dad as I turn away from him.
“Go to sleep, sweetheart.”
You’re such a disappointment, Azael sneers.
Tears pool in my eyes, and I silently cry to myself. This isn’t a pity party for one, it’s the fact I’ve let everyone down, and now they know it.
Dad.
Mrs. Richards.
Him.
And probably Tobias.
Tears fall from my eyes as I pray to God, if there is one, to take me and spare everyone else the pain I cause them. “Please God, stop my heart. I’m not worth anything to anyone,” I quietly pray. I don’t want my Dad to hear me and to worry any more than he already is. “Please…” I whisper again. The tears fall on the pillow as I quietly beg God to take me. I can’t keep going.
Edge of Darkness Box Set Page 78