“How do we get past this?”
“We keep breathing, Ivy. You pick up the phone and make an appointment, and I hope everyone else in the class does the same thing.”
“I’m not sure I can go back.”
“Then don’t. See if you can finish school another way. It’s not worth putting yourself in a situation where your feelings overwhelm your ability to concentrate. I’ve already talked to my parents, and I’ll be transferring to another school. I can’t go back there.”
“Maybe finishing my senior year at a different school is a good idea.”
“Now, what’s really happening with Tobias?”
“He…” I exhale and stare at the back fence. “He cares about me.”
“What’s the problem?”
“I tried to get some answers from him, and he started shutting down.”
“Shutting down? How?”
“I was asking him some questions, and he was avoiding them.”
“What were the questions?”
“I can’t, Jared. I can’t tell you, it’s not fair to him. Just like I wouldn’t tell him anything about you.”
“Okay. Look, I have no idea what you two fought about, but remember, he threw himself on top of you to protect you. Whatever you two have going on, sort it out, because that’s one of the bravest acts I’ve ever seen—along with you running to help Mrs. Richards. He’s a good guy, Ivy. And even though he’s handling it differently than you, that doesn’t make him unworthy of being in your life. I can tell you right now, that guy will be my friend forever, because of what he did for you.”
The sun moves further overhead, and we both remain quiet.
You know when you’re around people and suddenly it goes quiet and it feels weird? Jared and I can be quiet the whole day, not say a word to each other, and still feel connected.
We sit outside for ages, until finally Dad calls us in for dinner.
Jared’s going to be okay. Already, the stress on his face has eased. He’s going to fight his way through it.
I hope I can find peace too.
And I pray Azael never comes back to me.
Chapter 18
Can we talk?
Tobias’s text says.
I can’t avoid him forever, and I think he wants to set everything right with us. It’s time. It has been nearly two weeks since the day in the hospital where nothing was resolved, and even though we’ve been talking through text, it’s been light and impersonal.
Okay.
I respond.
Want to go out somewhere?
Sure.
I know I’m not saying much, but I think when we go out I’m going to get everything off my chest.
I’ll pick u up in about an hour?
I’ll be ready. Nowhere 2 loud.
K.
“Dad,” I call as I leave my bedroom.
“Garage,” he yells. Heading out through the kitchen, the garage door is open and Dad’s sorting out some boxes. “What’s up?” he asks as he’s looking through a box.
“Tobias is going to come and pick me up so we can go out.”
Dad looks up from where his focus was. “You sure you’re okay to go out?”
I pull my sleeves down over my arms, hiding the bandages and fidget in the doorway. “We’ve got to talk about things, Dad.”
Dad regards me for a few seconds. I know he’s not happy about me going with Tobias. But I need to do this, for me. “What time is he coming over?”
“He’ll be here soon. About an hour or so.”
He walks over to me, and rubs his hands up and down my arms before placing a kiss to my forehead. “Take your phone and if you need me, call.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Let me know before you leave.”
“I will.” I turn to go get ready, but before I go, I return to the garage. “You can go back to work.”
“What’s that?”
“I said you can go back to work. I’m okay now.”
“Are you?” he asks.
“I am,” I say with no conviction. “You can’t stay home and watch over me forever. So, it’s okay, you can go back to work.”
“I’m not going back to work until I know you’re really okay, and truthfully, I don’t think you are. It’s only been a couple of weeks since… that day. And until I know you’re okay, and settled back into school, I’m not going to risk anything else happening to you.”
“I won’t try to hurt myself again,” I say.
“I want to believe you, and I want to say ‘I know,’ but this is all still so raw. Not only for you, but for me too. I’m not ready to go back to work, any more than you’re not ready to go back to school.”
I avert my gaze from his, but I understand his logic… kind of. He’s protecting me and himself. “I’m going to go get ready.”
“Okay, sweetheart.”
I walk into my room and begin to pull myself together.
I hear the car driving down the street.
Standing from his favorite seat in the family room, Dad heads over to the door. He opens it and waits for Tobias.
The engine of the car dies, and I hear him take the steps up the porch. “Mr. Jones, how are you, sir?”
“I’m well, Tobias. How are you?”
Dad opens the door fully, and Tobias heads inside. The moment he sees me, his eyes light up and he smiles at me. “Better now,” he honestly admits. He walks over to me, and lays a kiss on my cheek. “Hi,” he says in a low voice.
My stomach does that flip-flop with elation when he leans in to kiss me. Every part of me comes to life when his sweet apple pie aftershave invades my senses. His aroma is familiar, and will never be forgotten.
“Hi.” I drag my gaze across his beautiful face. He looks how I’ve been feeling. Sad.
“You look perfect.”
I give him a small genuine smile. “Thank you.”
“Are you ready?”
“I am.”
“Take your phone, Ivy,” Dad says.
“I’ve got it in my pocket.”
“Do you need money?” Dad asks.
“I’ve got some.”
“I won’t bring her home too late, Mr. Jones.”
Dad looks between us, and I can see how hard this is for him. He’s struggling with letting me go. I suppose it would be difficult. He woke up one morning, went to work like any other day. His daughter went to school. Then he heard on the radio there’d been a shooting. A boy we’ve known for many years walked into class and shot his daughter’s teacher. Anything can happen, anywhere, any time; nothing and no one is safe.
“I’ll meet you out at the car,” I say to Tobias.
“Okay.” He gives Dad a smile before backing out and leaving the house.
“Are you okay, Dad?”
“I’ll be fine, but promise you’ll stay safe, wherever you go.”
“I will.”
“And stay by Tobias.”
I know he’s concerned. “I promise, Dad, I will.”
“Please come home to me.” He grabs me and hugs me tight against his body. “I can’t lose you too,” he whispers with a broken voice.
“You won’t.” I hug him back. A terrible rush of emotions must be going through Dad. So, I’ll make sure to send him a couple of text messages to ease his worry. “Love you.”
“With all my heart,” Dad responds. He finally lets me go, and I walk out to Tobias who’s sitting in the idling car.
“Everything okay?” Tobias juts his chin out indicating Dad.
“Yeah, he’s worried.”
“He doesn’t like me much anymore. He’s concerned about me.” Tobias reverses out of the driveway but manages a peek at me sideways.
“Actually, no. He’s worried about my safety. He’s already lost Mom, and he doesn’t want to lose me too. He told me to stay close to you. He knows you’ll protect me.”
Silence cloaks the inside of the car, and suddenly I begin to feel uncomfortable. Tobias hasn’t respo
nded, and this makes me think maybe he’d never protect me again.
“He’s right. No matter if we’re together or not, I’ll always make sure you’re safe.”
“Why?” I ask with curiosity. “Why would you protect me if we break up?”
“Because I love you. I don’t think I can ever stop loving you.”
That awkward silence returns. This is now the third time he’s told me he loves me, and I don’t know how to respond. So, instead of ruining the chance of what can be, I choose to remain quiet and not say anything.
Tobias leans over and turns the radio on, Johnny Cash plays in the background and I scrunch my nose at the choice of music. “Seriously? Johnny Cash?”
“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a great like Johnny Cash. Or Elvis Presley. Or even Dolly Parton.” I turn my head in record speed and stare at Tobias. He glances at me and breaks out into a laugh. “The look on your face.”
“Dolly Parton?”
“Oh come on, tell me you don’t love ‘Jolene.’”
“What decade do you come from? Have you traveled here in your time machine? If so, does it have enough gas to take you back to the early nineteen-hundreds?”
“Are you kidding me? You telling me you don’t love old music?”
“You telling me you do?” I shoot back.
“Clara listens to the greats, she always has. You know how families will turn the TV on and everyone congregates around it? Clara turns on the radio and tells me if I put the TV on she’ll chop my fingers off. We used to play board and card games all while the music was going on in the background. I suppose I like it because it’s what I grew up with.”
“I like that.”
“Which part?”
“All of it. I think Clara and your mom have done an amazing job raising you. You’re like an old man in a young body.”
Tobias slowly turns his head to look at me, his mouth is turned down into a scowl, his brows drawn together. “An old man in a young body? That’s the best you can come up with?”
“I meant it as a compliment. You know, you have old-fashioned values. People usually don’t. They’re all about themselves, whereas you’re not. I like that.”
He nods his head and reaches over to take my hand. We entwine our fingers as he drives along.
“I like it when we’re like this,” he says after a moment. “We’re good together.”
We still need to have a difficult conversation, so we’ll see how good we are together after that. I don’t want to lead him on and for him to think everything is fine, because everything is not.
“Where are we headed?” I ask as he heads into a neighboring county.
“iHop. Thought some pancakes might soothe the soul.”
“Mmm, pancakes. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had pancakes.”
“Mom used to make them all the time for Sunday breakfast, but she stopped a few years ago.”
“Wow,” I say as I gaze out the front window. “It really sounds like you have the perfect all-American family.”
“I do. Mom and Clara are perfect.” I like how he holds his mom and Clara in such high regard. It means a lot to me. He has such strong values. It only takes three more Johnny Cash songs to arrive at iHop. Tobias pulls into a parking spot and we both head inside. “Hi, we’d like a quiet booth please,” Tobias says to the host before he has a chance to greet us.
“This way,” he announces as he holds two menus and leads us toward the back of the restaurant. He stops in front of the most isolated booth I’ve ever seen. There are people at the front, and to the sides, but no one is in this section. “Your server will be with you soon.” He waits until we’re both in the booth, hands us the menus and leaves.
My heart races and I begin to stress. What if, after tonight, Tobias is no longer in my life? What if we’re really not meant to be together? Every bad possibility enters my head, and it’s freaking me out.
The waitress brings us some water, then asks if we know what we’d like. I order my pancakes, bacon, and a side of hash browns, and Tobias orders the same. She leaves, and Tobias and I are left in an awkward silence.
“How are you doing?” he finally asks while playing with my fingers.
“I’m okay. How about you?”
“I miss you, Ivy. And I want us to move ahead beyond what’s stopped us.” He looks me straight in the eyes, and I know he means the words he’s spoken.
“I miss you too. But we have to talk about this. I pushed you in the hospital because I was trying to understand you. Your walls went up and you tried to deflect. I was honest with you, Tobias, and you weren’t honest with me.”
“I was honest.”
Clenching my jaw, I shake my head and quickly move my hands from his. “Really? You were honest with me? You clammed up and were dancing around in circles. That’s not being honest with me. That’s skating on the verge of being dishonest because the fact is, you were trying your hardest not to answer anything. That’s lying by omission.”
“I wasn’t lying.” He rakes his hand through his hair and glances away. “It’s just that what I have to say is bigger than just me.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s not just me this involves, it involves a lot of people.”
“What are you, in the witness protection program?”
“Not exactly.”
Huh? “You’re not under witness protection,” I say. It’s not a question, but I’m confused.
“No, not exactly. Look, if it’s important for you to know, then I have to speak to Mom and Clara. And then, if they agree, I promise I’ll tell you everything.”
“Why do you have to talk to them?”
“Because they’re involved. And I’ve promised them if I ever want to tell someone, I’ll ask them first.”
“But why?” I push.
“I need to protect them. Please understand.” I’m angry at his response. Everything inside tells me to walk away and never look back. “It’s the best I can do right now. But I promise, I’ll tell you once I talk to them.”
“This isn’t how I was expecting tonight to go. I wanted some answers about what’s going on. If it’s important to you, why haven’t you talked to them already?”
“I really wasn’t sure how tonight was going to go. I was hoping tonight we could just enjoy each other’s company. And if, after tonight, you’re willing to give me a chance, I’ll have the conversation with them, regardless of how difficult it’ll be.”
“How are we supposed to enjoy ourselves when you insist on keeping secrets?”
“Please, don’t say that. I’m not keeping secrets, I just need to talk to Clara and Mom first. Can’t you see, they’re the ones who…” He stops himself before he says something he shouldn’t.
“The ones who what?”
Tobias lowers his chin and takes a deep breath. With his head still lowered, in a small voice he replies, “The ones who’ll need to pick up the pieces when you leave me.”
“Jesus, what can be so bad?”
He lifts his gaze to me. “Just give me some time, Ivy. That’s all I’m asking, a few days, a week at most.” His fingers run over his tattoo, tracing it absentmindedly. “Please,” he begs.
“Okay, I’ll give you some time.”
“Thank you,” he whispers.
“Here are your meals. Anything else I can get for you?” the server asks as she places the plates down in front of us.
“No, thank you,” I answer. And Tobias shakes his head.
“Excuse me?” I look up and to my side where an older woman stands beside me with an older man standing beside her. “I’m sorry to interrupt your dinner, but aren’t you the girl from that shooting?”
My throat tightens as I struggle to form a cohesive sentence. I nod without saying anything.
“My husband and I want to say that we read in the papers what happened at your school. We saw your picture and read about what you did. We’re so proud of you.” She pats me on the should
er.
I try to smile, but I know it’s rigid. “Thank you,” I answer stiffly.
“We just had to tell you how proud we are of you for rushing over to help that poor teacher.”
“Mrs. Richards,” I say.
“Sorry, dear?”
“The teacher’s name is… was Mrs. Richards.”
The woman steps back and I think she can see how uncomfortable I am with her. “Well, enjoy your dinner.” She feigns a smile. Maybe she’s embarrassed, or maybe she thinks I’m rude. Either way, I just want her to leave me alone. What I did was not heroic, and no one should be praising me for it.
As soon as she leaves, I begin to ring my hands together nervously. I can’t get my mind right, the woman had good intentions, but I’m sure she wouldn’t know how much hurt and anguish she’s stirred up inside me.
“You okay?” Tobias asks.
I take a moment to get myself back into a safe headspace. Clutching my fork, I start picking at the pancakes. “I’m okay.”
“Then what is it?”
“I know she said she was proud of me, but I don’t feel I deserve it. I don’t feel like anyone should be telling me they’re proud of me. I let down everyone.”
“You have to stop beating yourself up over something you had no control over. It’s going to consume you, rip you apart. You’ll never be able to move on.”
“I’m not going back to school. I’m transferring,” I spring on Tobias. “I can’t go back there. It’s too hard.”
“Where are you going, and when do you start?”
“I’m transferring to Lakewood High, and I’ll go when I’m ready.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I’ll transfer too.”
“Don’t transfer because of me. We don’t have that much time left in school, and soon we’ll be going to college. Sacramento State, here I come.” I pretend to be happy as I let out a small cheer.
“Is that where you’re going?”
Edge of Darkness Box Set Page 81