by Ellie Dean
She shot a scathing glance at Eileen before she took Mary’s hands and smiled. ‘And then you were born on the tenth of October,’ she said on a sigh. ‘You were so perfect, so beautiful, and I fell in love with you from that very first moment, wanting to bundle you up and carry you straight home. But of course you had to stay in the hospital for ten days until the doctors were satisfied that you had no underlying health problems, and all the formal paperwork was completed for the adoption.’
Rosie’s chuckle was sharp-edged. ‘I came back here in a terrible state of frustration and anxiety. Ten days felt like a lifetime and the solicitor refused to be hurried to get the paperwork in order. I also had to run this place, so there was very little chance of being able to visit you every day, but I moved heaven and earth to see you when I could.’
‘What happened to change things?’ asked Mary softly.
There was a hitch in Rosie’s voice as the painful memories returned full-force. ‘Tommy came to visit a week after you’d been born and told me Eileen had changed her mind about me adopting you, and had already spoken to the adoption people about giving you to someone else.’
She ignored Eileen’s instant denial and talked over her, her voice sharp with anguish. ‘He said she was adamant she didn’t want the baby to stay in Cliffehaven because she was already settled here and didn’t want you being a constant reminder of her shame every time she walked out of her front door.’ She licked her lips and shot a venomous glare at Eileen. ‘Her flat is just a few steps away from here in Camden Road,’ she said.
‘Tommy then said that he too was reluctant to have you living with me, as it was bound to cause gossip, and if his wife heard about it – which she would have – she’d have started questioning him and soon got to the truth.’
Rosie ran her fingers through her hair and swallowed the lump in her throat as she remembered that awful night. ‘I begged and pleaded with him for hours, but he wouldn’t budge – and he eventually just walked out of the door leaving me and my shattered dreams behind.’ She blinked back her tears and took a shuddering breath. ‘And when I went to the clinic the next day to try and persuade Eileen to change her mind, it was only to find that she had made some private arrangement over the adoption and discharged herself.’
‘Lies,’ barked Eileen. ‘It’s all lies.’
Rosie ignored her as she held Mary’s hand and looked into her wan little face. ‘I was in despair, Mary. So low that I just wanted to crawl away and die. But when I went to Eileen’s flat, desperate for an explanation, there was no sign of her – or Tommy. I came back to the Anchor, bolted the doors and stood in the nursery as my hopes and dreams lay in tatters about me. Then I climbed into bed and stayed there, too heartsick even to care what happened to me or what day of the week it was. It wasn’t until Peggy and Ron broke in to see what was happening that I started to recover. But I didn’t see hide nor hair of Eileen or Tommy for months afterwards.’
She gripped Mary’s hand, desperate for her to understand her pain and anguish at having lost her. ‘They broke their promises to me and betrayed me to the point where I can’t forgive either of them,’ she said brokenly. ‘But I want you to know, Mary, that I loved and wanted you so much that the pain of losing you still lives in me, and when October comes round every year, it’s almost unbearable.’
Mary released her hand and put her arms about her. ‘I do believe you, Rosie,’ she murmured against her cheek. ‘Thank you for loving me so much, and I wish with all my heart that things had turned out differently.’
The sound of a slow handclap drew them apart. ‘Oh, well done, Rosie,’ said Eileen with heavy sarcasm. ‘You certainly know how to cover yourself in glory, don’t you? That was a masterful piece of story-telling. But you seem to have forgotten one rather important detail that I’m sure everyone would like to hear.’
Rosie frowned. ‘What detail?’
‘The fact that it wasn’t me who broke their promises. It was you.’
Rosie immediately stiffened. ‘You’ve got a brass neck, Eileen Harris,’ she said coldly. ‘You sit there and accuse me of such a thing when you know full well it was you who broke that promise and took my baby from me.’
‘Flora wasn’t your baby,’ replied Eileen icily. ‘She was mine and Tommy’s, and once you’d gone back on your word, Tommy did the only thing he could. He took Flora to the adoption people, who had a nice couple lined up to have her.’
‘But he didn’t do that, did he?’ broke in Mary before Rosie could retaliate. ‘He took me to Carmine Bay where he made a private arrangement with Gideon, who he knew was moving away to Sussex and a new parish the following day.’ She sat forward on the couch. ‘And I have proof of that, Eileen. It’s in the agreement, and in my father’s diary.’
Eileen’s aggression withered and died as she slumped back in the chair. She chewed her lip, her eyes suddenly bright with tears. ‘But he told me,’ she said plaintively. ‘He swore blind you were with the adoption people.’
Mary regarded her with growing pity, for she was obviously as gullible as Gideon had been. ‘Didn’t you find it odd that you weren’t asked to sign any formal papers? Or that the adoption people didn’t get in touch with you?’
Eileen slowly shook her head. ‘I didn’t know what was going on,’ she said in a voice barely above a whisper. ‘But Tommy said … He swore that …’ She fell silent, her expression confused and woeful.
Mary resisted her natural urge to comfort her, for although she felt sorry for her, there was something about her that she couldn’t warm to. ‘When I found out about the agreement between Tommy and Gideon, I went to the library and looked into the adoption process, Eileen,’ she said softly. ‘And believe me, there’s a great deal of legal paperwork involved – unless you’re Tommy Findlay.’
‘I’d already signed one lot of papers just after you were born,’ Eileen managed, the tears streaking her make-up. ‘I didn’t know there should have been more, because Tommy and Rosie dealt with all of that.’
‘Without signing that last document you’d withdrawn your permission to let me be officially adopted,’ said Mary flatly. ‘Tommy lied to you, just as he lied to everyone else.’
‘But why? I was happy for Rosie to have you, because after I’d got to know her better, I knew she’d be a good and loving mother. I was ready and very willing to go back to my family in London, because I didn’t want to watch you growing up with someone else – it would have been much too hard.’
‘I think my brother has a natural aversion to legal bits of paper,’ said Rosie. ‘He knew that if Flora was legally adopted there would be a trail which would lead to you and him. I know the laws are strict on adoptions and that it’s incredibly rare for children to be able to trace their parents, but it has been known, and he certainly wouldn’t have wanted to risk her turning up at some stage and making trouble for him.’
Mary nodded. ‘I think you’re right, Rosie,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘His agreement with Gideon was under a false name, with no mention of my mother – so he’d effectively cut off any search.’ She glanced across at Eileen. ‘And as it was highly doubtful that you would come looking for me, or even know where to begin to find me, he’d got it all wrapped up.’
Eileen sat forward on the couch, her face streaked with tears, her hands open in supplication. ‘Whatever you might think of me, Mary, I did come to love you very much in those few days I had with you. I’d never imagined how strong that bond between mother and baby could be, and when Tommy came to take you away, it broke my heart – really it did. And even to this day I’ll never forget the awful moment when he walked out of the door for the final time with you in his arms. It was the hardest, cruellest moment of my life.’
An awkward silence greeted this statement, broken only by the sound of Eileen’s quiet weeping. Rosie’s attitude towards her began to soften, and yet the hurt that had been caused was too deeply rooted, had had too many years to fester, to be entirely dismissed by sentiment and tears.
She watched as Peggy went across to Eileen and drew her tenderly into her embrace, murmuring that it would be all right and that they believed her. Peggy was soft-hearted and loving, and Rosie wished she could be so easily forgiving.
Mary shifted on the couch next to her, and Rosie reached for her hand. The poor child had been bombarded with it all and was still clearly struggling to come to terms with the fact that Eileen and Tommy were her parents. It was one heck of a thing to have to face, and she wondered how long it would take for her to really absorb it all.
Eileen eventually managed to stem her tears and get her ragged emotions in check. She looked at each of them as she used Peggy’s clean handkerchief to mop her face, but when she spoke, her voice still held the fragments of her hurt and despair.
‘I met Tommy in London when I was barely seventeen,’ she began. ‘He was handsome and sophisticated and so much older than me that I was dazzled and flattered into thinking I was in love. I was a young, silly girl and left my family to come down here to be with him, thinking we’d get married.’
She fluttered her hands helplessly in her lap and forced a rueful smile. ‘Then I found out he already had a wife and two children, and I would have gone back to London if I hadn’t suddenly discovered that I was expecting a baby. I was frightened and didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t go home, my father would have thrown me out for disgracing the family – and I hadn’t had the chance to make any friends here, so there was no one to turn to for help.’
She sniffed back her tears and lit a cigarette. ‘When I told him I was pregnant he denied it could be his – then he offered to pay for an abortion.’ She shot Mary an apologetic glance and quickly looked away. ‘I refused to do that – I simply couldn’t have gone through with such a terrible thing. So I blackmailed him to make him take responsibility, and he found me the flat above the bakery. I realised it would cause a terrible scandal if anyone found out about my condition, so when Rosie came up with the offer of taking the baby and setting me up in another town until she was born, I jumped at the chance.’
She paused to sniff back her tears. ‘Rosie and I became close friends over those months, and I trusted her and Tommy to keep their promises. I knew it would be hard to give my precious baby away – but at least I knew she would be loved and wanted and given a wonderful home.’
She swallowed the hard lump in her throat as she remembered that awful morning when Tommy had come to see her in the hospital. ‘When he told me you no longer wanted to keep Flora I was so shocked I couldn’t think straight. I’d trusted you, grown to really like you, and now you had betrayed not only me, but my baby girl. So I let him take her, believing I was doing the best thing for her.’ She blinked back her tears as she looked from Mary to Rosie. ‘But in the end, it was Tommy who betrayed us all, wasn’t it?’
‘He certainly did,’ said Rosie with a deep sigh. ‘Oh, Eileen, I’m sorry I didn’t give you the chance to explain years ago. I know you tried, but I was so hurt I couldn’t bear to face you.’
Eileen nodded. ‘I can understand that now, and I’m sorry too – for being such a fool to believe that you really had changed your mind when I knew how much you loved my little Flora.’
Rosie accepted her apology, but there were still things that niggled her. ‘But where did you go? Why didn’t you come back here and ask me why I’d changed my mind? I would have done if the shoe was on the other foot.’
Eileen’s smile was sad. ‘I wasn’t as sure of myself back then as I am now, and I was too hurt and angry to face anyone for a while, so I used the money Tommy had been giving me to pay for a room in a boarding house in another seaside town and stayed there until I felt strong enough to come back here.’
‘But why here? Why not go back to London?’ asked Mary. ‘Surely you must have realised it would be awkward with Rosie just across the street?’
Eileen shrugged. ‘I had the flat and the rent was paid for several more months. There was a good job going in the Council offices and when I applied for it I got accepted immediately. I couldn’t face going home, not after what I’d done, so I decided to keep out of Rosie’s way and just get on with things the best I could.’
‘Well, you’ve got a nerve, I’ll say that,’ said Rosie with a touch of asperity. ‘I don’t suppose it ever occurred to you that I might not appreciate bumping into you again?’
‘Don’t let’s fight any more,’ said Eileen wearily. ‘We both know we’ve been victims of Tommy’s twisted mind, so let’s leave it at that and try to start again – for Mary’s sake, if nothing else.’ She got to her feet, her gaze steady as she reached out a hand to Rosie. ‘What do you say, Rosie?’ she murmured.
Rosie saw the genuine appeal in the other woman’s eyes and knew that to refuse this offer would be both churlish and unkind. She stood and went across to take her hand. ‘I’ll be glad to give it a try, Eileen,’ she murmured. ‘We were good friends once, and I’m sure we can find some way to be so again.’
Eileen nodded. ‘Thank you, Rosie.’
Rosie knew it would take time to heal those deeply seated wounds, and that perhaps the friendship wouldn’t be as strong as it once had been. But they had taken that first, difficult step on the long road to recovery.
Mary watched this rather touching scene and tried to come to terms with everything she’d learned today. She was heartsore and weary from it all, and not at all sure how she felt about any of it. There was little doubt that she’d been loved by both women when she’d been born, and although Eileen was her real mother, she felt more drawn to Rosie. There was a warmth to Rosie that was lacking in Eileen, a softness and genuine kindness which she suspected Eileen did not possess.
And yet as they both turned to look at her, she knew they expected something from her – a word, or a smile – or even an acknowledgement that would ease some of the pain that Tommy had caused all those years ago through his lies and machinations.
‘I’m glad you’re friends again,’ she said as she moved from the couch to stand awkwardly by them. ‘And of course I don’t blame either of you for what happened. But this has all come as a bit of a shock, and it will take time for me to come to terms with it.’
‘So you’ll forgive us, Mary?’ asked Rosie, once again on the brink of tears.
Something shifted in Mary’s heart, and she realised it was up to her to repair the damage that had been caused, and to help all of them to start to heal. ‘There’s nothing to forgive,’ she said softly as she took their hands. ‘Eileen, it’s clear to me now that you didn’t abandon me and only wanted the best for me. And Rosie, I know you loved me very much and I wish with all my heart that things had worked out differently for you.’
Mary looked into their tear-streaked faces and gave them an uncertain smile. ‘We all suffered because of one man’s lies, but I want you to know that I will never regret the fact that I had Gideon for a father, so something good did come out of all this.’ She squeezed their fingers and then stepped back, unable to offer more than kind words and perhaps a fledgling friendship.
‘But you’ll stay in Cliffehaven, won’t you?’ pleaded Eileen.
‘We couldn’t bear to lose you now we’ve found you again,’ said Rosie tearfully.
Mary regarded them and realised with sudden, painful clarity that she couldn’t give either of these women what they so clearly yearned for – and that there was really only one place she wanted to be right at this moment. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said softly, ‘but I really can’t stay – not now.’
‘Then come home to those who’ve always loved you,’ said Barbara Boniface as she stomped up the last few stairs and entered the room.
Mary flew into her open arms and felt the warmth and love of her familiar embrace enfold her. ‘Oh, Auntie Barbara,’ she sobbed in relief. ‘How did you know I so longed to be with you right this minute?’
‘Because you gave Peggy my number in case of emergencies and she telephoned me this morning. I’ve been standing on the stairs lis
tening for the past ten minutes,’ she replied as she kissed Mary’s tear-stained cheek and lovingly smoothed back her hair. ‘And because I have loved you since the first day I held you in my arms, and knew that this search of yours would inevitably lead to you needing me.’
Mary wrapped her arms around Barbara, realising now that she’d had no need to search for her mother – for she’d been there all the time. And that knowledge brought her the deepest sense of peace. The circle was closed, the past set aside, and the unbreakable ties that bound her to Barbara were sealed with a loving kiss.
Chapter Sixteen
TOMMY SAT ON the stairs and blearily tried to understand what on earth was going on in Rosie’s sitting room. He could barely think at all, for his body was throbbing from the agonising pain that the effort to get here had caused – yet to see Eileen and Rosie in the same room and embracing tearfully was something he never thought he’d witness.
The fact that Mary and Peggy – and the fat woman he’d seen coming in earlier – seemed to be involved in this display of tears and overwrought emotion was really confusing, and his sluggish brain simply couldn’t deal with it. He knew the reason behind the enmity between Rosie and Eileen – it was of his making, after all. But what the hell had happened to bring such a turnaround? And why were Peggy and Mary involved in this ridiculous carry-on?
He closed his eyes and tried to clear the fog in his head, but that only made him feel giddy, so he quickly opened them again and clung more tightly to the banister. The sheer effort of getting up those narrow stairs had almost killed him, and he was trembling from the effort of trying to hoist himself up onto his one serviceable leg, distressed to discover that his nose was bleeding again.
At least they hadn’t heard him, and were too occupied with their tears and their talking to spot him lurking on the stairs. He battled to regain his strength in those few minutes, knowing he would need every ounce of it if he was to see his plans through.