by Anna Brooks
“Really?” She pushes past me and walks down the hallway.
When I see she’s headed toward my room, I chase after her. I don’t get there in time because she’s already reached in my nightstand and pulled out my Glock. She laughs then sets it on my bed. Then she opens two of my dresser drawers and reaches in and pulls out my Sig, setting that on the top of the dresser.
“What’s your point? I like to have protection.”
“Yeah, okay.” She walks back past me and the silverware clangs around in the drawer in the kitchen. By the time I get there, she’s got another of my guns out and is setting it on the counter. “Protection?”
Fuck. “Yeah.”
“Why are you lying to me?”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. I know it was you. I saw you. You think I wouldn’t recognize your fucking eyes?”
Her fists tighten, and I step closer to her. “You thinkin’ about my eyes?”
She backs up and bumps into the counter. Instead of an answer, she licks her lips and grabs the edge of the granite that’s pressing into her back. When I’m an inch away from her, I stop and tilt my head. “What else do you think about, Lisa?”
Her eyes trail up from my chest and connect with mine. “Nothing.”
“Hmm.” I reach past her and grab the gun. With the back of my hand, I pat her hip so she scoots to the side and then I put it in the drawer.
“Want a beer?”
“Sure.”
I graze her wrist when I hand the longneck to her and her eyes shoot up to mine, the confusion and fire burning bright. “I know, baby.”
She sits next to me, and I toss the remote at her, but she leaves the channel where it is and leans back in the couch. “Why were you there?”
“Lisa …”
“I saw you.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to know.”
“Oh, I see.” I kick my feet up on the coffee table and dangle my beer from the tips of my fingers. “You finally decide to stop ignoring me, so I should be thankful and kiss your ass, right?” I close my eyes and lean my head back. “I was just doing my job.”
“Your job.”
“Just leave it alone, all right? Nobody knows, so I’d appreciate it if you kept it that way.”
The couch creaks, and as I’m opening my eyes, she straddles me and grabs the sides of my face to slam her lips to mine. The heat between her thighs rubs against me, and before my dick gets too hard, I push her away, even though it’s the last thing I want to do. If I had a choice, I’d hold her in my arms to reassure myself that she’s really here, that she came to me. And then I’d claim her and mark her so deep she wouldn’t be able to run … because she wouldn’t want to. “Don’t start something you can’t finish. I’m not in the fuckin’ mood.”
Her answer is to remove her shirt, and when she reaches behind her back to take off her bra, I flip her so she’s under me. I’m not a saint, and if this is what she needs, then who am I to deny her? “You sure you wanna do this?” I use my index finger on each hand to toy with her nipples. They eagerly rise, and she presses up and grinds herself on me.
“Yes, I’m sure. Fuck me, Nik.”
I pinch her nipples and she moans, the sexy sound coming from deep in her throat. Without wasting time, I pull her jeans and underwear down at the same time and drop to my knees to eat her. The second my lips touch her bare pussy, her hips shoot off the couch. I move with her, letting her ride my face as I suck on her clit and add a finger into the mix, pumping it in and out of her to get her ready for me.
“Holy shit, Nik.”
Instead of responding, I nip at her and add a second finger. She tightens around me and screams, her sweet flavor filling my senses and entwining through my nerves. Not wanting to miss any of it, I replace my fingers with my tongue and clean her up.
Her lashes flutter open and she smiles, a sight that makes my lips twitch.
I take my shirt off and pull my wallet out of my pocket to grab a condom. As I’m unzipping my jeans, I ask her again, just to make sure she wants me like this. “Good?”
“So good.”
After I slide the latex on, she rolls to her stomach, but I want to see her. “Turn over, baby. I want you lookin’ at me when I’m inside you.”
Her hair shakes back and forth. “It’s okay. Just fuck me.”
I drop back so my ass is on my heels, take the condom off, and toss it on the couch so it lands by her face. She whips her head back. “What are you doing?”
“Not doin’ you like that.” I pull my jeans up and reach down to grab my shirt off the floor.
“Like what?” Her soft voice is laced with confusion.
My arms land on the couch on either side of her head and her eyes chase mine as I memorize every inch of her beautiful face this close-up. I slide some strands of her hair between my fingers before tucking it behind her ear. “I want you to know it’s me inside you. Your eyes will be on mine, and when you come, it’ll be my name on your lips because I’m the one who made you feel like that. And I won’t have you pretending otherwise.”
Chapter 6
Lisa
HE THINKS HE KNOWS. He thinks he can read me.
“You think you know me?” I pull my shirt on sans bra; he can have it as a parting gift.
“In this case, I do.”
“Well, you’re wrong.” I pull my jeans back on and grab my shoes, then stalk to his door barefoot. “You don’t know anything about me.”
“Oh, yeah?”
I turn back around. “Yeah!”
“Keep tellin’ yourself that, Lisa.”
“I’m not telling myself anything, Nikolas.”
He laughs, and the bastard’s face is even more handsome when he smiles, damn it. “I know more than you think.”
“Oh, like what? Super-secret sniper man can read minds now too?” My arms flail as I yell at him. “Tell me. What the fuck am I thinking now? Please.”
“You’re pissed as hell because you know I’m right. You’re mad at yourself because you’re trying to avoid a relationship again, and as much as you pretend to deny it, you know you want more than sex with me. But most importantly,” he reaches over for my purse and hands it to me, “you’re furious because your stubbornness ruined your chance of getting fucked tonight.” My mouth falls open as he lightly grabs me by the shoulders and turns me toward his door then pats me on the ass. “See you at work tomorrow.”
In order to keep some of my dignity intact, I march out and make sure to slam the door to show my distaste. I throw my shoes and purse in the passenger seat of my mom’s car and peel out. My mom let me use her car until tomorrow because she went away with a few women for a quilting retreat overnight. Thank God, I don’t have to deal with his stubborn ass lecturing me about walking.
I’m still livid by the time I get home, and when I make it to my bedroom, I throw myself on my bed and pound my fists on the soft pillowtop. He’s right. And he knows it. I know it. I’m just too damn stupid to admit it.
What am I afraid of? Why can’t I let him in? Well, I’m afraid of getting my heart ripped apart again for one thing. Losing someone you love changes your outlook on life, and I’ve come to the realization that I don’t want to put myself in the position to be destroyed a second time. I’m thirty-three years old; I’m smarter now than I was years ago.
Then this sexy asshole comes along and shatters every ideal I brought with me. I said no men at all and that included sex. Period. I was going to become a born-again virgin. And one look at him, his muscles flexing with every movement, and I was like a bitch in heat. Damn him.
I was doing a good job of pushing him away, too. Then I was watching the news and saw the psycho with a gun to a woman’s head. She looked like me, and for a brief moment, I wondered how I would feel if that was me. I’d get to see Brad again, so maybe I’d be at peace. But then I thought about
Nik and how much I’d miss out on with him. He’d not only take care of me in the bedroom, but he’d protect my heart, and it’s so fucking fragile I’m afraid to admit how much I need that.
I’m too strung out and overly emotional to get up, so I pass out, only to be woken up by footsteps. I scramble to the back of my bed, lean over, and quietly pull my .38 out of my nightstand. Then I curse under my breath for being such an idiot. When I came back here, I stormed in and didn’t lock the door, and then I left my purse in the kitchen — with my cell phone — because I threw it on the counter.
A large shadow appears in my door frame, and I raise my shaky hands, pointing my gun in the general area.
“Lisa?” Nik takes a step into my room and turns my light on. “It’s just me.”
My arms are frozen mid-air and when the relief overtakes me, my arms shake so hard the gun bobs up and down.
“Whoa.” Nik walks over to me and pries the metal from my fingers then sits down and pulls me into his arms. “You okay?”
I nod into his chest. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry.” He kisses the top of my head. “I called and you didn’t answer, so I got worried, and when I got here, your front door was unlocked.”
“I forgot to lock it when I got home.”
He grunts and rubs my arm for a few minutes. My body finally starts to calm down and I sit up, smoothing my hair down since it’s a hot mess right now. “What are you doing here?”
“I felt like an ass for kicking you out, and fuck, I’m messing this up with you so bad.”
“You’re right, and you and I both know it.” His mouth tilts up in a smirk, and I slap his shoulder. “Don’t be cocky.”
“Why do you have a gun?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
He shrugs as an answer, and I take a deep breath. “Brad, my husband … or ex, I never know what to call him. He was a gun enthusiast. He taught me how to shoot and wanted me to be able to protect myself when he was gone.”
Nik nods. “We should go to the range together. You probably need the practice, and by the looks of it, you need to focus on steadying your arm when you’re gonna shoot.”
He smiles and leans over to kiss me. “I care about you, Lisa. I care if you’re upset or scared or happy or sad.” His face softens, and I put a hand on his cheek, rubbing the stubble with my thumb. I melt into him, letting him take all of my worries away. He shifts his body over mine and grabs my chin, tilting it up to expose my neck. The warmth of his tongue leaves a cold trail in its wake, causing the hair on my arms to stand up. He nips at the shell of my ear. “Wanna try this again, baby?”
“Yes. Very much.”
“You gonna look at me?”
“I am.”
He sits up and reaches behind his head and pulls his shirt off. I bend at the waist and pull mine off too and giggle because I forgot I didn’t have a bra on. “Oops.”
“Less to get in my way. Lift up.” He pats my thigh and I raise my lower body a couple of inches so he can slide my pants and undies down.
As soon as the rest of his clothes are gone and he rolls a condom on, I spread my legs so he can fit between them. He leans over me and the tip of his cock bounces against my sensitive flesh.
“Ready, baby?” He rests his forehead against mine.
“Yes.”
Applying his weight on one forearm, he uses the other and aligns himself perfectly, then with one thrust of his hips, he’s inside me, the smooth skin of his heavy sack rubbing against my ass.
“Fuck,” he mutters the same time as I moan, “Oh, God.”
“I’m not going to be able to go slow.” He kisses me as he pulls all the way out to the tip then slams back inside on a grunt. He does it again. And again. And again. “But know that I tried.”
My lips smile against his, and when he begins to pound into me, I lose the air from my lungs as an acute full-body orgasm hits me out of nowhere. My eyelids flutter closed, and I open my mouth to scream in pleasure, but nothing comes out.
“Look at me,” he pants.
I comply, but when a whole new wave flows through me, I turn my head to try and get my bearings. At this point, I’m beginning to become lightheaded, and I suck in some air as the wave transforms into a hurricane inside of my chest, causing my lids to slam shut.
“Look at me, Lisa.” I can hear him in the distance, but for some reason I can’t acknowledge him. “Look at me,” he snaps louder, and when I open my eyes, they land on a picture of Brad. My Brad.
“Stay with me, baby.”
I’m a horrible person. An unfaithful wife. I don’t deserve to be happy. Tears fall from my eyes and Nik stills, yet the swirling in my stomach remains an imposing force I can’t fight.
“Damn it, Lisa. Look at me, baby. Look at me.” The fullness between my legs is suddenly hollow. His fingers grasp my face and urge it toward him. I get a glimpse of the ceiling before his face clouds my vision. “Hey.” The softness of his voice is something I’ve never heard from him before, and the heavy breath I take makes me cough. “There she is.”
I regain my composure with a few more deep breaths, and open my mouth to say something, but I don’t know what because I have no clue what just happened.
“You need anything?” He hasn’t moved an inch, but I’ve watched as his eyes darted across my face, looking for signs that I was all right. Watching me with concern and … and love.
“No,” I whisper. “I just need to go to sleep.”
“Okay. Whatever you need.” He kisses my forehead and gets off the bed, pulling the throw blanket over me.
He walks out of the room and returns a minute later, puts on his boxer briefs, and then pulls me into his arms. “Sweet dreams.”
A new set of emotions clogs my throat because he makes me feel things I never have before. Things that Brad never did. Things that I didn’t know even existed. And if I get in too deep, if I dive in any further, if I lose those things, I’ll surely drown. I can’t be washed away in his current; the only way to make sure I stay above water is to get away from the pull he has on my heart.
Chapter 7
Nik
SHE FALLS ASLEEP IN my arms, and even though the one underneath her is numb, I leave it there because I’m afraid to wake her. While I was inside her, if she felt just a little bit of the intensity that I did, it’s no wonder she almost passed out. I guess there really is something to be said for the difference between fucking and making love.
I’m glad I followed my gut and came here to check on her. Maybe it was a dick move to kick her out, but I couldn’t take it. I know she lost her husband, fuckin’ sucks, but he’s not here anymore and I am. I want to be with her, and she wants to be with me, but I won’t live my life in the shadow of another man. If she can’t at least give me her eyes while I’m inside her … I deserve better than that.
I must have fallen asleep because when I wake up, she’s not in bed anymore. Damn, I haven’t slept that soundly in a long time. The house is silent, so I pad to the bathroom to take a piss, noting the empty condom that was in her trash can isn’t there anymore. No way could I have finished when she was so upset.
“Lisa?” I walk around and don’t see her anywhere, but a piece of paper on the counter catches my eye, so I grab it. Had to run some errands.
Without another option, I make sure to lock the handle of her door and go back home to change and head to the gym. After a workout, I take a shower, do some laundry, then visit with my dad for a bit before I go to the pub. When I walk in, Lisa’s back is to me, so I put a hand on either hip and kiss her neck.
Her body stiffens and she turns. “What are you doing?”
“I can’t kiss you now?”
“What did you think, Nik?” She leans in closer to me. “We fucked, that’s all.”
To hide the knife in my gut, a humorless laugh flies from my throat and I cross my arms. “You fuckin’ with me or are you really just that much of a bitch?”
Her eyes
narrow, and she points a finger at my chest. “Stay away from me. I told you from the beginning I couldn’t do this. I. Don’t. Want. You.”
I bite my lip and nod. “Fine. But don’t come cryin’ to me when you realize what you let walk away ’cause, baby, you ain’t gonna get anyone who’d take better care of you than I would.”
“I don’t need you to take care of me.”
I raise my hands in surrender. “That’s right. I forgot.”
“Good.” She wipes her hands on her jeans. “Glad we cleared that up.”
“Yup. Me too. It’s a shame, though, ’cause for every doubt you had about what could be, I had that many more reasons to prove you wrong.”
I grab the ice bucket and head to the back room and slam the door. My fist collides with the wooden door a few times before it splits open. “Fuck!” I holler then steel my spine and get what I came in here for and walk back out to the bar.
For the next couple of months, we do a bang-up job of avoiding each other. Every time we bump into each other, it takes everything in me to back up instead of grab her. When our eyes connect, I fight the urge to beg her to let me in. When I’m not at the bar with her, I force myself to stay busy so I stop thinking about her.
It’s a pretty busy night, and I finally got a second to get away and piss, and when I come back to the bar, Lisa’s leaned in close, giggling with Pierce.
“What the fuck?”
The rumble of my pissed-off voice makes Lisa jump, and Pierce squints his eyes at me in confusion.
“Hey, man.” He smiles at me, and Lisa scurries away, abandoning whatever conversation they were in the middle of. “Got it bad, huh?” His tone is light, but when I step into his space, he straightens his back and raises his eyebrows. Bros before hoes, except with her. I’d knock Pierce on his ass if he ever even tried.
“Stay the fuck away from her, Pierce.”
He sets the juice on the counter and holds his hands up. “Not even on my radar, Nik. But I must say, it’s fun seeing you like this.”
I run my hands through my hair and look back at Lisa. She’s leaning over the bar serving a customer who is staring right at her chest. My fists tighten, and I look back at Pierce. “Fun? You think this is fun. You ever wanted a woman so fucking bad you can’t even breathe without your fucking chest hurting? This is not fun, Pierce. It’s fucking brutal.”