by Max Walker
He turned from me again. His chest and back were getting red, too. The emotion inside him was rising to a breaking point.
“We can buy some time, Nick. I’ll find the leaker, and that’ll buy you time to figure things out.”
“I have figured things out! That’s the thing, Shy. I know what I want. I’m just too fucking scared to get it.”
Words got caught in my throat. With his voice raised, Nick’s demeanor shifted. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but I also didn’t want to say anything at all. “You can overcome that fear. You can push past it.”
“I thought I could. I really did. That’s why I broke up with Cristella. That’s why I kissed you, why I followed you and handed you a ChapStick that wasn’t even yours. I have moments of strength. But, at the end of the day, I’m a coward. One ruled not by crown but by fear. I’m scared of a fucking photo. How pathetic is that?”
He had his back to me, but the way his voice cracked made it feel like he had dug a stake through my heart. He raised his hand and wiped at his face before turning back to face me.
“That morning, the day I broke up with her… fuck. I haven’t told anyone about this. I haven’t even said it out loud, not to myself.”
Nick’s face cracked, and his lips shook before he covered them, turning away from me. It felt like I was helplessly watching from the shore as a tsunami crested on the horizon. Frozen in place and wrought with fear, I couldn’t say or do anything. I wanted to reach for his hand and pull him out of the dark, cold waters he was struggling not to drown under. Instead, I wrung my hands together, my head spinning.
He gathered his strength and said, “I almost jumped.”
Those three words hit me like a semitruck slamming into a sedan.
“I walked to the highest point,” he continued, his voice cracking, reflecting the same cracks I felt over my heart. “I walked up there. It was early; the sun hadn’t come up. No one was around. I remember a single bird, don’t know what type, but it chirped and landed right on top of a lamppost. I remember everything else being covered in silence. And I said to myself, ‘This is—’” His voice lilted, taking on a higher pitch. I didn’t hold myself back this time. I reached out. I grabbed his hands in mine, held his gaze. I let him know I was here with him, that I was listening and absorbing his every word. My lip quivered, but I held strong for him, wanting to serve as his anchor.
He didn’t take his hands from mine. He straightened his back and sniffed a few times. “I said, ‘This is it.’ I didn’t want to keep living a lie. I knew I couldn’t. Every day had been a new torture. And I didn’t see a way out of it, I just didn’t.” He shook his head, taking a hand from mine only to wipe at his cheek. “And then something happened. Something clicked. I was looking down at the dark water, about twenty meters below me, and I realized that, as badly as I didn’t want to live a lie, I also didn’t want to end on the lie. I didn’t want to die and not give myself a chance at something better. I’d be robbing myself. And I would have robbed everyone around me. It was like an ‘aha’ moment, just like the ones on TV, except this one ended up saving my life. I realized I was making a huge mistake. I stepped back, away from the banister. The bird flew away when I did, singing a song. I’d never heard a bird sing so early in the morning.
“Nick…” I had trouble speaking past my heartache. “I’m so sorry. I feel… fuck. I’m sorry. You should never have to feel like that. I never want you feeling like that. You’re such a bright soul, and I mean that, Nick. You really did light up my life in a matter of days. I can’t imagine how dark the world would get without you in it. Thank you for being strong.”
He mustered a smile. There was a shining trail that went down his other cheek, catching the light. He rubbed at it with the back of his hand before returning it to mine. “It was hard, I can’t lie. But I’m so happy I walked away that morning. Meeting you confirmed it for me. It was the exact right choice. Just like following after you was the right choice. Kissing you was the right choice.”
I looked into Nick’s deep blue eyes, sensing the pain that was in them floating away, like flotsam being dragged out by the tide.
“If you ever feel like you’re back in that headspace, talk to me, okay?” I wanted to make sure Nick knew he’d never be alone. “No matter where you are or what time it is, call me.”
“Thank you, Shy. I don’t see myself slipping backward, but I do really appreciate it.” He moved a little closer to me. This had gotten so intense, I barely realized how close we were standing.
“Okay, good,” I said. “I’ll always be here for you.”
“And I’ll need is your support, especially when I come out to the world.”
“You’re going to come out? Nick, you’d change so many lives if you do.”
He nodded, his smile stronger than before, the glint in his eyes beginning to return.
“I don’t know exactly when or how, but I know now that it’s what I’ve got to do. I don’t want anyone thinking the same thoughts I did that morning at Hightower. And I think I can do that by coming out, showing kids that being out and proud is possible, even if you happen to be next in line for the throne… I’ve just got to tell my parents first. I think they deserve to hear it directly from me.”
“I agree.” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “How do you think they’ll take it?”
“Honestly? No idea. It can go both ways. But I can’t keep hiding it from them, especially not when I plan on kissing you nonstop.”
“Nonstop, huh?”
“Yup.”
“Well,” I said, feeling the mood begin to soar, “good thing we’re standing in this spot, then.”
“Huh?”
I motioned above us, wearing a cheeky grin. Everything about this trip felt like it’d happened how it should, and us landing directly underneath a mistletoe seemed to prove that point. And the way Nick had just opened up to me, bared his soul to me, it pushed me into a whole new territory. I looked into Nick’s blue eyes and felt deeply connected to him, like our souls had been tethered together and only now were finding each other, tugging on the invisible and unbreakable rope between us.
And then his lips were on mine, connecting us in an entirely different way.
15 Nicholas Silva
Because of course there was a mistletoe directly above us. Because of course even the spirit of Christmas was trying to push us together.
I didn’t think twice about it. I was done overthinking. I was done dreading every single moment. The outburst and revelation had pushed a thorn right out of my side, one that had been prodding me for far too long. I grabbed Shy, not caring we were in public, and I pulled him in, kissing him with abandon. His warm chest pressed against mine. Heat flooded me. His tongue slipped into my mouth. I grabbed the back of his head, holding him, kissing him.
Claiming him.
I felt so fucking alive. That photo Luna had shown me got me pissed, but speaking about my darkest moment with Shy had reminded me what this was all about.
Fuck it all to holiday hell. If someone wanted pictures, they could get it. Videos? Sure, go right ahead. Just make sure you tag me.
Shy fed me a moan, one I swallowed greedily. I wanted more, and judging by the growing length beginning to push against me, I wasn’t the only one.
“Let’s go to my room,” I said against his lips, hand still on the back of his head, my eyes locked with his.
“Let’s.” He gave me a playful lick before we broke apart, both of us flushed pink with heat. He started to leave the room. I reached for his hand and grabbed it. The both of us froze for a moment, voices starting to drift in our direction from the hall. Instead of letting go, my fingers found better purchase between his. He looked at me, his brows tipped downward. Worry was clear on his face, but I didn’t feel it. After talking to Shy, bringing up Hightower, bringing up the hardest fight of my fucking life, it made me realize I would never throw in the towel, and that meant grabbing my man by the hand and walking through the cruise ship to
gether, toward my room where I planned to wreck him until neither of us could see straight.
In the hall were a few other people, all headed to the foam party, none of them paying us any attention as we walked past, hand in hand. I found it a little comical. Sometimes in life, the freshly out-of-the-closet prince of Spain could walk right past you and you’d be none the wiser. As we walked down the hall, we passed the theater, which was currently getting ready to show The Nutcracker. People were lined up on the side of the wall, waiting to get in, and we had to walk past all of them, wearing our little swim trunks with our flip-flops flapping, our hands twined together. Here I could feel some eyes land on us. I couldn’t tell if the stares were people checking us out or judging us, if anyone knew who I was or didn’t.
And yet the bottom line was, I found that I didn’t give any cruising fucks. I looked to my right, Shiro walking confidently with his chest out and his head up, a cocky little grin on his face. He didn’t care either.
The elevator we got into was empty, which was perfect because I couldn’t keep my lips off Shy any longer. I kissed him for a moment as the doors shut, barely able to wait until we got to my room. If the wall behind us wasn’t pure glass, I would have dropped to my knees and started to blow him.
“Are you ready?” I asked, kissing him again as we rode the elevator up to my floor. “Because I want to worship you until the sun comes up.”
“Oh, I’m not planning on sleeping.”
I laughed, kissing him again, not caring that the glass elevator didn’t hide any of my affection from anyone watching.
“There’s a saying in Spain. We call Christmas Eve: Nochebuena. And the saying goes: Esta noche es Nochebuena, y no es noche de dormir.”
“Okay, I got ‘good night,’ but that’s about it. You speak Spanish so fast!”
“Tonight is the Good Night; it’s not a night for sleep.”
“Ahh, now I got it.” This time Shiro kissed me, leaning up, his smiling lips pressing against mine. “Well, I’m glad we’re doing Nochebuena right then.”
“We’re doing it very right,” I said, almost purring, feeling myself getting carried away. Thankfully, we weren’t in the elevator any longer because I’m sure the glass would have started to steam up any second. The doors opened on my floor. We got out, hands locked together again. My swim trunks were tight against my growing bulge. I shot a glance downward and saw that the head of my cock was clearly outlined against my thigh.
“Someone’s excited,” Shy said, having followed my gaze. I licked my lips as we stopped in front of my door. I moved his hand so that he cupped my erection.
“Isn’t this what you asked for for Christmas? A hung prince from Spain?”
“I thought that was confidential! Fucking Santa, always blabbing shit.” Shy shook his head, laughing as he gave me a few gentle strokes. “It’s not even Christmas morning, though. Shouldn’t I wait to unwrap my gift?”
“We open gifts on Nochebuena,” I said, kissing him again, making my cock twitch in his grip. “So let’s go unwrap yours.” Still kissing him, I managed to take out my key card and press it against the lock. The sound of the heavy dead bolt sliding open filled the hall.
Inside my room, I dropped my trunks, revealing nothing underneath except for my already rock-hard cock. Shy didn’t waste any time either. He untied his trunks, still a little moist from the foam, and dropped them, also revealing he had gone commando. I grabbed his hips and tugged him in for a kiss, our cocks crossing like two dueling swords, his soft shaft sliding against mine. I thrust, rubbing myself onto him.
“I’m done being scared,” I said between breaths. I had to let it be known. Here, when the two of us were naked and connected, I needed Shy to know that I was done. “From this point forward, I’m living my life the way I want to live it.” I kissed his smiling lips.
“I’m proud of you, Nick. You deserve to be happy.”
“You showed me that, Shy. I hit rock bottom when Luna came to me with that photo. But you pulled me out of it.” Another kiss. I felt him throb between us, causing me to do the same. “And you deserve to be happy, too, Shy. You should never have to search for fake friendships or fake relationships ever again.” I cupped his head with a gentle hand, pushing a rogue strand of hair from the side of his forehead. “And you certainly don’t deserve to find yourself with another potato-chip-addicted bum.”
“Who do I deserve to be with, then?” His amber brown eyes pierced through me.
“You deserve to be with a prince.”
We collided again, like two comets smashing into one another, creating an explosion big enough to wipe out a planet.
Before the kiss consumed me entirely, I separated from him and turned us around, walking us over to the bedroom. The curtains were all drawn wide open, giving us a stunning view of the moonlit ocean from every room, the balcony wrapping from the living room to the bedroom.
Inside the bedroom, I grabbed Shiro’s cock and stroked him a few times, spreading the slick precome up and down his shaft. I loved watched him as his eyes rolled back, the pleasure rocking through him as I thumbed over his wet slit. His knees shook, his lips parted. I fucking loved it.
And I wanted more. Tonight, I wanted it all.
“Bend over.” My command cracked like a whip through the room. Shiro didn’t take a moment to hesitate. He turned away from me and bent over, placing his hands on the bed, his ass up in the air. His cheeks were spread, exposing him. My arousal rocketed to uncontrollable levels. I reached out and rubbed his cheeks, squeezing them. My cock throbbed in the air, painfully hard, but I ignored my own needs, focusing solely on Shy and his delicious-looking ass.
I gave his left cheek a light slap. “Oooh,” he said, moving forward before moving back, giving his ass a wiggle. “Do it again.”
Another slap, this one on his right cheek. It wasn’t hard and barely left a mark, and Shy seemed to love it. He dropped his head to the bed, arching his back and sticking his ass out even farther. I crouched down, holding both his cheeks. I started to kiss him, nibbling on the sensitive flesh. Shivers rocked through Shy’s body—I could feel them as I held on to his thighs.
I wanted to make his entire body quiver, and I had an idea of just how to make that happen.
I spread his cheeks farther apart, his tight hole just begging to be licked. I collected some spit and let it fall down, sliding down his hole, over his balls. I fingered the wet trail, pushing it back up to his hole. Shiro moaned as I thumbed him, feeling the soft ring of muscle clenching.
And then I replaced my thumb with my tongue. Shy jerked forward, gasping in surprise. I grabbed his ass and pulled him back onto my tongue, sliding my tongue up and down his crack.
“Ohhh, Nick! Fuck. Oh, fuck.” Shiro had his head down on the mattress, his hands forward and gripping onto the bedsheets. As I ate him out, I reached between his legs, found his stiff cock, and held it tight in my grip.
His entire body spasmed as I prodded him with my tongue. The sensation of holding his hard cock and tonguing his hole almost sent me over the edge, and I hadn’t even been paying any attention to myself. I had to pull back because I felt like I was close to coming; it was that intense.
Shiro collapsed onto the bed when I let him go. He started slowly grinding on the mattress, asking for more without saying any words.
I dropped lower in my crouch, letting my knees hit the floor. I lifted him slightly and grabbed his hard dick, and then I brought it between his legs, making sure I didn’t hurt him. Judging by the throaty “ohs,” I wasn’t hurting him in the slightest.
With his dick pulled between his legs, I licked the head, lapping up at the constant flow of precome that leaked out of him. I let his cock go and returned my attention to his hole, licking and lapping, thumbing and prodding.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get inside him. I had to fuck him into the goddamn mattress.
But first, I needed something else. Something from Shy.
I stood up,
leaving Shy a twitching wet mess on the bed, and walked over to my suitcase. I dug through my underwear and found the bottle and box I was looking for. Shy watched me as I set the lube on the nightstand and tore open a blue condom wrapper with my teeth.
“Mhmm,” Shy said as I walked back to the bed. He stuck his ass farther out in the air, and I ached to be buried inside it.
Not yet, though. Instead, I sat down on the bed, Shiro looking at me in surprise.
“I want you to fuck me,” I said, pushing the condom in his direction. His eyes opened wide before he flipped over on the bed, grabbing the condom, a devilish glint in his gaze. “Is that all right? Or are you, you know, strictly a bottom?”
This was all new to me. I wasn’t totally sure how it all worked. All I was sure about was that this was the hottest fucking thing to have ever happened to me.
“I’m vers,” Shy said as he rolled the condom over his considerable size. “So yes, it’s very all right.” He laughed as he climbed onto me, kissing me, sucking on my bottom lip, using his teeth to graze the skin. He throbbed against me, and I suddenly realized I asked for that entire size to go inside me.
“You’ve gotta go slow,” I said as Shy trailed his way down my body with his tongue, kissing my pubes, running his tongue around the head of my cock.
“Let’s start with these,” Shiro said, lifting two fingers in the air. He reached for the lube. I held my cock as I watched him spread the lube around his fingers. He lowered his hands between my legs and slipped the pads of his fingers over my hole.
I twitched backward, surprised at the sensation but immediately wanting more. I closed my eyes as Shiro explored me, rubbing his fingers up and down, getting me nice and slick and ready. It wasn’t long before I could feel myself opening up, my muscles relaxing. He told me to take a deep breath, and I did, releasing it the moment his finger slipped inside.
My eyes shot open. “That okay?” he asked, voice gentle.
“Yeah,” I said. “Go deeper.”
And he did, sending fireworks flying through my vision. I let my head fall back onto the bed as a moan bloomed through my chest, spurred by the sensation of Shy’s finger curling inside me, as if coaxing me to come. My cock throbbed in agreement, leaking onto my pubes, my balls tightening against my body.