by Vivi Holt
Katie tried to stand, but the ankle was too painful. She cried out and fell back to the ground.
“No, I don’t think so.”
“OK, hold on.”
Kristoff lifted Katie’s arms to place them around his neck, then he drew her into his arms and carried her quickly from the woods and back into the clearing. The bees gave up their pursuit, and the couple collapsed relieved onto the picnic rug.
“Well, that was exciting,” said Katie.
Kristoff laughed, “I’m glad you thought so. Are you ready to go back home?”
Katie nodded, “Yes, I think I’ve had enough adventure for today. I only hope I’ll be able to walk down the aisle tomorrow.”
Kristoff frowned, “I’m so sorry, Katie.”
She lifted her hand to cup his cheek gently. “Never mind, Kristoff. I will be fine, and I’ve had the loveliest time.”
“I’m looking forward to many more fun picnics in our future, minus the bees and the twisted ankles, of course,” Kristoff grinned at her ruefully.
“Me too,” said Katie.
“Well, let’s get you home then.”
17
Katie lifted her foot and lowered it gently into the wooden bucket filled with water and chunks of ice purchased in town by Kristoff and delivered, as quickly as he could manage, to the Hutchins’ farm. Katie grimaced as her swollen ankle sank into the frigid water. She lifted her dress out of the way, to keep it dry. She was sitting on the bed in her bedroom at the Hutchins’ farm, and Mrs. Hutchins hovered over her with concern written across her round face.
“How does that feel, dear?” asked Mrs. Hutchins.
“Cold.”
“Well now, while you’re sitting there, I have a few things to show you for the wedding.”
Mrs. Hutchins opened the closet door and her upper body disappeared into it as she foraged around on the top shelf for something. She soon emerged with a long package wrapped in brown paper.
“Here it is,” she said with satisfaction.
She lay it on the bed beside Katie, and then returned to the closet. She pulled out another package, this one smaller than the first, and lay it on the bed too.
“What’s this?” asked Katie.
“My wedding dress and veil, I thought you might like them.”
“Oh, do you mean that I can wear them for my wedding?” asked Katie, her mouth dropping open in surprise.
“Yes, that’s what I was thinking. If you’d like to. Mind, the dress will be a bit big for you, dear, but I’m sure you’ll look beautiful in it, just the same.”
“I would like to. In fact, I would love to. Oh, please can I see it?”
Mrs. Hutchins beamed, and reached to open the package. She tore it open gently, and pulled a long, cream dress from within. The dress had a high waist, and a low neckline. The bodice was decorated with fine lace and hand-sewn pearls. The skirt was full, and swept down to a short train. Katie gasped, and threw one hand to her chest.
“It’s wonderful! Oh, I can’t wait to try it on.”
“Yes, well it may need some adjustments, but I think it will work quite well for you.”
Katie’s eyes filled with tears, and she took Mrs. Hutchins’ hands in her own.
“Thank you, Mellie. You have no idea how much this means to me. I thought I’d have to wear my green velveteen dress, or the brown corduroy one. And even though I wouldn’t have minded that so very much, having a proper wedding dress to wear – well, it makes everything more real, don’t you think?”
“Yes I do. I’m glad you like it, dear.”
“I do. I love it. And I’m so grateful for your friendship, Mellie. I don’t know how I would have coped with all of this if you weren’t here. Thank you.”
Mrs. Hutchins ducked her head, and her cheeks flushed pink.
“Well, well. It’s nothing at all. We’re glad we can help you, my dear. And dear Kristoff as well.”
Katie held the dress up in front of her, and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She almost didn’t recognize the woman staring back at her. The rich food and relaxed, outdoors lifestyle of the past days in Sacramento had filled out her cheeks and brought color back to her face. Her hair shone, and her eyes sparkled. Even as she regarded herself, she felt a pang of guilt over her deception. Tomorrow, Katie would be walking down the aisle to become Kristoff’s wife. And yet he still didn’t know that she carried Nicholas’s unborn child. How could she go through with it? How could she wear this beautiful dress, and say those ardent vows in front of all their guests, knowing that she wasn’t being honest with Kristoff? She watched in the mirror as her eyes clouded over, and her face grew glum.
What would Hannah think of her? Keeping this secret from Kristoff was a betrayal to him, but also to Hannah. She sighed, and lay back on the bed, her foot going numb in the cold water. What could she do? If she told Kristoff the truth now, he might back out of the wedding. Now that she had gotten to know him and care about him that was the last thing she wanted. She was afraid he wouldn’t want anything more to do with her, and she couldn’t bear the thought of it. She was so confused, and each passing day seemed to muddy the waters more and more. She had to go through with the wedding, there was really no other option. And when she told Kristoff her secret, she could only hope he would be understanding.
18
The day had arrived and she was sitting in her small bedroom on the second floor of the Hutchins’ farmhouse. Katie sucked in her cheeks and blew out a full breath. She was feeling anxious, and her stomach was in knots. It was her wedding day, and Kristoff was waiting for her at the chapel with a host of his friends and colleagues. The only problem – she was having a crisis of conscience. She didn’t want to marry Kristoff without telling him the truth. She dreaded seeing his face after the wedding when she revealed her pregnancy to him. He would feel betrayed, and rightly so. The thought of causing him any pain was making her dizzy with worry.
Did she really want to be married to someone who felt as though he’d been tricked into it? What if he held it against her for the rest of their lives together? Or worse still, what if he abandoned her and the baby – tossed her aside and sent her on her way? She had to face him and come clean about the whole situation. Her timing certainly could have been better. Sixty of Kristoff’s closest friends were crammed into the small chapel, no doubt excited about the coming nuptials. Katie closed her eyes to picture them, chattering and laughing, the women scrutinizing each other’s gowns, hairstyles and hats, the men discussing the weather or their latest business deal.
Fanning herself with her hands, Katie glanced at the white gown hanging behind her bedroom door. Mrs. Hutchins wedding gown was beautiful. They’d made a few adjustments the previous evening after Katie had tried standing on her sore ankle and found it bearable. Then, Mrs. Hutchins had helped her into the dress. A stack of pins between her lips, she’d pinned here and there until the dress fit perfectly, and then they’d sat before the fire together while Mrs. Hutchins finished working on it.
The style was old fashioned, but becoming to Katie’s fine features. She was grateful for the larger size and the high waist. When she got up this morning it seemed as though her bump had grown overnight. It bulged outward through her thin nightgown, unable to be concealed any longer. She wore a shawl over an old housedress at breakfast, even though it wasn’t nearly cold enough in the well-heated farmhouse. After breakfast, she ascended the stairs slowly, savoring her last minutes living in the Hutchins’ farmhouse. They had been so kind to her, she was sad to leave, although she knew she’d see them often since they lived so close by.
After breakfast she wandered back into her room and sat on the bed. The window was pulled shut, to keep out the cold night air. She leaned over to open it, and felt the brisk breeze fan her face. She turned to look again at the wedding dress hanging on the back of her bedroom door. Its short train brushed against the floorboards, and the lace bodice shimmered in the morning light.
“It’s almos
t time to go, dear,” called Mrs. Hutchins from her bedroom down the hall.
“Yes Mellie.”
Katie stood and removed her shawl and housedress. Standing in front of the looking glass, she studied her protruding belly, rubbing it gently with her hands. She felt a sudden rush of butterflies.
That was odd.
There it went again. Almost as though something were tickling her from the inside. Sudden realization dawned. It was the baby. She was feeling her child moving within her. Katie’s hand flew to her mouth, and she gasped with pleasure. Tears shone in her blue eyes, and her face broke into a large grin.
What a special gift for today.
Katie narrowed her eyes to regard the corset hanging on the end of the bed. She stood and shook her head, then slid it back into a drawer in the dresser. There would be no corset worn today. The thick petticoats Mrs. Hutchins had given her to go with the gown slipped over her head easily and she managed to fasten them in place thanks to their roominess. Next, she reached for the dress. When it fell into place around her, she again studied her reflection and saw that the high waist and full skirts hid her secret well. She smiled with satisfaction, and fastened Hannah’s locket around her neck. Then, remembering the task ahead of her, she slumped back onto the bed, crushing the back of her dress.
Mrs. Hutchins bustled into the room carrying a bouquet of wild flowers. Delicate milkmaids, wild pink roses and burnt orange poppies were pushed together in a vibrant bunch, their scent wafting about the small room and filling Katie’s sensitive nose with their smell.
“Now, my dear, are you ready to go? Oh dear, you’ll wrinkle your dress. Up you get. Let me do up your buttons.” She helped Katie to her feet, and nimbly buttoned the back of the gown. Katie felt morose, as though the wedding was a farce, since Kristoff didn’t know the truth about her situation. And the idea of facing him, of telling him the truth, saddened her. She sighed, and reached to smooth her hair back into a braid that twisted elegantly around her head and settled into a full bun. Mrs. Hutchins helped her secure it with pins, and before long the style was complete, giving Katie an air of graceful poise.
Mrs. Hutchins lifted Katie’s chin with one finger and peered into her blue eyes with her own grey ones.
“What is it, child? It’s your wedding day. You should be full of joy, yet look at you. As though the cat stole your breakfast. Tell me, what is wrong?”
Finally, Katie could contain her secret no longer. She burst into tears, blubbering without restraint. In between gasps and sobs, she told Mrs. Hutchins about her troubles. When she finished, Mrs. Hutchins wrapped her arms around Katie and shushed her crying.
“There, there. Everything will work out in the end. You mark my words. There, there. No more crying now.”
When Katie had finally calmed down and Mrs. Hutchins had wiped her face clean of tears, she said. “Katie, I know it will be difficult but you have to tell Kristoff.”
“What if he doesn’t want me anymore?”
“So be it. You aren’t without friends, my dear. Mr. Hutchins and I won’t allow you to go hungry. You can stay with us for as long as you need to.”
“Truly?” Katie’s tears welled up again as she hugged the older woman tightly, and cried into her shoulder.
“Yes, yes. Don’t you fret, my dear. What matters most is that a kind and good man is waiting, with all of his friends, for you to marry him. You have to tell him the truth. You don’t want to marry him with this hanging over your head. Whatever you decide to do though, you have my support.”
“Thank you, Mellie. You’re right,” said Katie, taking a deep breath and setting her face toward the door with resolve.
Katie walked into the hall, and turned to smile at Mrs. Hutchins through watery eyes.
“Thank you again, Mellie. You’ve been so kind to me.”
Then, she descended the staircase, finally ready to face her fears, and Kristoff.
19
Kristoff stood at the front of the church, his hands crossed solemnly in front of him. The chapel was packed to the brim with townsfolk dressed up in their finest suits and gowns. He smiled grimly at the crowd, and turned to face the back of the church. Where was she? Where was Katie? What was keeping her? He hoped she hadn’t changed her mind and run off somewhere.
Just then, Katie came slinking through the door in a beautiful white dress. The bodice was covered in fine lace and pearls, and settled on a high waist. The skirt was full and voluptuous, tumbling to the floor like a waterfall, and ending with a short train. Her neck was delicate and white, graced only with a simple silver locket. Ringlets of blonde hair framed her stunning features, and a veil fell daintily over the back of her head. Kristoff’s breath caught in his throat as he watched her. He coughed, and held his hand out to her as she moved toward him. That was when he noticed her blotchy face and red-rimmed eyes full of unshed tears.
“What’s wrong, my darling?” he whispered gently, pulling her toward him. He stared deep into her eyes, and saw the pain there. She was vulnerable beneath his gaze for the first time since she’d arrived, and he wondered what was causing her so much angst.
“I have to speak with you.”
“All right.”
“Outside, if you please,” she said, walking to the back of the church and out the door. The crowd murmured as Kristoff passed them, no doubt wondering what was happening.
“Back soon,” he called to the group with a forced smile, then followed Katie out the door and into the sunshine.
It was a beautiful day. Spring was almost upon them, and had come early to California this year. Flowers were blooming all about them, birds were singing as they went about their day, and new buds of grasses and scrub were shooting forth to greet the season. Katie stood to one side of the church, her head bowed and her nose buried in the bouquet of flowers she held in her hands. She turned to watch him approach. He stood apart from her, waiting in silence for her to speak.
“I have something to tell you,” she began. “As you know, I was married when I lived in Boston.”
“Yes, I realize that.”
“Well, there’s something you don’t know. I’m pregnant.”
Katie stopped, waiting to see what Kristoff’s response would be. He stared at her, shock registering on his face. Then his features clouded over with anger.
“You’re pregnant?”
“Yes.”
“And you didn’t think you should tell me that?”
“I did – I mean, I wanted to. But I was scared.”
“Scared? Of me?”
“Scared that you wouldn’t want to marry me if you knew.”
“Regardless, that’s the kind of thing that people who are about to embark on a life together share. Isn’t it?” Katie could see torment written all over his face.
“Yes, of course it is. That’s why I’m telling you now. I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. I had to tell you. Even if it means you walk away from me. Even if I lose you. I just couldn’t marry you without being completely honest.”
“Well, thank you for that. But it’s just a bit too late. I knew you were keeping something from me, and I asked you over and over to tell me what it was. But you refused. How can I marry someone who would keep something so important from me? All I wanted was for you to trust me, to open up to me. I tried so hard to get to know you, but you kept pushing me away. You don’t trust me. Do you trust anyone?”
Katie stood in silence, unable to answer without choking on her words. Her throat was tight and full of tears, and she felt a sob rising in her chest. She held it back and stood quietly, watching Kristoff’s distress, unable to do anything to comfort him. Just then, he turned on his heel and strode off into the scrub, disappearing from view.
“Kristoff, wait!” cried Katie, but he didn’t turn back.
She dropped to the ground, covered her face with her hands and finally let the tears run freely down her cheeks. He didn’t want her. She knew this was how it would go. It was why she had w
aited, not saying anything, wanting to hold on to him for as long as she could before he turned her away. She realized then that she’d never truly had him – that it had all been a lie. She had lost him completely now; completely and forever.
As she cried, she remembered something – Mrs. Hutchins had offered her and the baby a place to stay. She didn’t need Kristoff to take care of them. And yet, her heart was grieving over losing him. The pain that welled up from the depths of her soul, the sorrow she was feeling – she loved him. She didn’t want to let him go. It wasn’t because she needed him to take care of her and the baby, it was because she loved him. She wanted to be his wife, and for him to be her husband – loving each other until they were old and grey. She wanted to share her life with him; she wanted to be his everything.
Leaping to her feet, Katie gathered up the skirts of her wedding gown with both hands and ran after him, limping on her tender ankle. She was sobbing hard. Great racking sobs that tore at her body, and filled her lungs with pain. Tears slid unhindered down her face, dropping from her chin as she ran.
“Kristoff,” she whispered, her throat hoarse. Then again, this time more loudly, “Kristoff!”
There he was. Standing in front of her. He turned to face her, his shoulders slumped in defeat.
“Kristoff, please don’t leave. I need you. No, I want you. I want to be your wife. Please. I love you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You’re right – I don’t trust anyone. I never have, ever since my parents died. I haven’t been able to trust people, even the people I love. But I want to start trusting again – I want to trust you. I do trust you. Please, can’t you forgive me?”
She stood before him, her gown dusty and her hair falling from the pins that had secured it in place, dropping long tendrils about her face. Her cheeks were covered in red splotches, her nose was running and her eyes were red and watery. Kristoff walked toward her, his blue eyes filled with anger and pain.