by Vivi Holt
He caught her eye and smiled. “Nice day, isn’t it?”
She nodded. “Indeed.”
“I thought we might stop in and see Angus – if that’s all right with you.”
“Yes, of course. That would be lovely.” She knew she’d see his brother and sister-in-law sometime, but after the way the churchwomen had treated her the first time she’d attended First Presbyterian, she had kept to herself.
She gritted her teeth. There was nothing for it but to suffer her way through it. Granted, Angus and Beatrice hadn’t mistreated her – Angus had been polite enough, but she had no way of knowing how they really felt about her – did they take the same unfair view of her as those women had?
Unfair, but not completely incorrect – she had married Kurt in part to have someone to care for her children. She wouldn’t deny it. What other way was there for a woman like her, without a penny to her name, to support her family? She had to marry, and she wasn’t about to apologize for doing what was necessary, nor let her children go hungry if there was some way to prevent it. Those busybodies could go hang for all she cared.
Her brow furrowed as anger burned in her gut. What business of theirs was it? And if Angus and his wife dared to say anything like that, she’d make sure they knew her side of things.
Kurt’s eyes narrowed. “You look like a snake with a frog stuck in its throat. Are you all right?”
She frowned. She hadn’t told him about the churchwomen. He’d likely find out on his own what people were saying about them. That’s how gossip worked – it always slithered to find the people it tore down. But all the same, she wanted to get it off her chest. “Do you remember the first Sunday we went to church?”
He nodded.
“There were some women there who were all in a lather about us. They said I had no right to marry you, like I was preying on you.” Her cheeks burned and her stomach clenched at the memory of their words and the hurt they’d caused her.
“They said that to you?”
“Yes. I guess I’m concerned that your brother and his wife might feel the same way. Seeing as how those people are their friends.” She stared at her hands clenched in her lap.
He coughed to clear his throat. “Well, now, that wasn’t right.” He scratched his beard and looked her in the eye. “They shouldn’t have said anything, seeing as it’s none of their business. And more importantly, they’re wrong.”
“They are?” she asked, hope stirring.
“Of course they are. We married each other because we wanted to. No one was taking advantage of anyone. I knew what I was getting into. And I’m a grown man, aren’t I?”
She nodded.
“So there you have it. I decided to marry you, so I did. That’s all. And if any of them have a problem with it, you can tell them to take it up with me, and you’d best believe I’ll set them straight. Preying on me … hah! As if I was a prairie hen.”
Holly laughed in relief. “Thank you. I’ll make sure to tell you if they say anything else.”
He nodded, his eyes flashing. “You do that. And don’t fret about Angus and Beatrice. They’re not like that – they’re excited to see you. They told me themselves the last time I was in town.”
Holly smiled. “I’m looking forward to seeing them as well.” She took a deep breath as the anxiety that had weighed her down began to dissipate.
Kurt snuck a glance at Holly as they reached Wichita. She seemed to feel better after their discussion earlier – he was glad about that. He intended for them to stop at the mercantile first to get some supplies before heading over to Angus’ house.
The town had grown so much just in the year since he arrived. The railroad brought new settlers every week. Businesses sprouted all up and down Main, Market and Lawrence streets, and new construction sites ran all the way down to the river and even across it. The sights, sounds and smells of the town always struck him the moment he left the peacefulness of the countryside, and every time he was grateful he could leave and go back home to the ranch. He’d embraced rural life the moment he moved away from New York, and happily so.
He stopped the wagon in front of the mercantile and leaped down to the dusty street with a grunt. He tied Sam and Sal to a hitching post and patted Sam’s neck as the horses slurped water from the trough nearby, then helped Holly and Tripp down while the other children tumbled out of the back.
When they entered the mercantile, the children ran around, exclaiming over the barrels of candy, apples, flour, oats and more. There was a display of boots in one corner, some bolts of cloth behind the counter and pocket knives lined up in a small, lockable case on top of the counter. All as he’d hoped – he intended to surprise Holly.
He knew she’d been having second thoughts about staying; heck, he’d suggested himself that she take the children and go home. He wished he could take back those words – they’d driven a wedge between them ever since. He’d just been so upset by the incident with Tripp and the bull, and figured the boy would never accept their new life with him. But Tripp had actually been polite to him since then, and he’d begun to wonder if perhaps the boy’s attitude had changed after all.
He ran his fingertips along the counter as a man wearing a black suit, white shirt and pinstriped apron smiled at him from behind it. “How’re you doing?” he asked.
“Just fine thanks – and you?” replied Kurt. Then he looked closer. “I haven’t seen you in here before.
The man nodded and chuckled. “That’s right. I’ve just bought the place from Mr. Hungerford. It’s my first week – still finding my way around.”
Kurt arched an eyebrow. “Good for you. I’m Kurt Sawyer. Glad to meet you, Mr. …?”
“Brown, Handley Brown. Nice to meet you, Mr. Sawyer. You just let me know if you need help with anything –”
They were interrupted by a fussy-looking fellow standing behind Kurt – Mr. Werner, the postmaster. “Hold on … Sawyer, you say?” he remarked in a strong German accent. “I belief I have a letter for somevon named Sawyer …” He reached into his shoulder bag and pulled one out. “… ja, here it is. Goot thing I was here already delivering Mr. Brown’s mail. It says it is for a Holly Sawyer. One of your relations?”
Kurt grinned. “That’s my wife, over by the candy.” He waved in Holly’s direction.
“Wunderbar – here you go. You can give it to her yourself.” Mr. Werner tipped his hat and bustled out.
“Thank you kindly,” said Kurt to Mr. Werner’s retreating back, tucking the envelope into his back pocket.
“Anything I can help you with?” asked Handley.
“Actually, could I take a look at that blue fabric with the black pinstripes?” Kurt pointed at the bolt leaning upright against the wall.
“Sure can.” Handley lifted it onto the counter.
Kurt rubbed the fabric between his fingers, craning his neck to see where Holly had gone. She was whispering fiercely at Eleanor and Edward beside a barrel of red-and-white-striped peppermint sticks. “Holly? Could you come here a moment?”
She spun around, her cheeks flushed. “Yes, Kurt.” She hurried to his side, nostrils flaring.
“Everything all right with the children?” he asked, glancing over her shoulder to see the two youngest standing on tiptoe to peer into the barrel.
“Yes, it’s fine,” she replied unconvincingly.
“Well, I just wanted to know what you thought of this blue cloth.”
“It’s very pretty.” She frowned, running her hand over it. “But if you’re thinking about a shirt for yourself, it really wouldn’t suit. This cloth is for gowns.”
“I know.” He grinned. “I thought you might like to make a dress for yourself.”
Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. “For me?”
“Yes. Really, I’d like to buy fabric for everyone – we all need winter clothes, and the children are likely to have grown out of theirs from last winter. They’ll need new boots as well. So what do you think of this? I think
it would look just about perfect on you.”
She sounded stunned. “You’re buying us all new clothes and boots?”
He nodded, his hands on his hips. “You’d best choose. Otherwise I’ll have to pick for you – and I’m not known for my fashion sense,” he chuckled
She threw her arms around him with a cry, knocking him off balance. “Thank you!” she mumbled against his vest.
He caught her with one arm and steadied them both against the counter with the other, his heart skipping a beat. “You’re welcome.” When she pulled away, he straightened his vest, his cheeks burning.
Holly was in her element – she examined every fabric in the store, picking out a different one for each child. Then they all tried on boots, and she selected a pair for each of them, allowing some room to grow. She even selected cloth for a winter shirt and coat for Kurt himself, and insisted he get new boots to replace the worn ones with a hole in the left toe that he’d worn every day the past three years.
When they finally made their way back to the wagon with all their purchases, Kurt couldn’t help but feel satisfied at how excited Holly and the children were over their new things. It brought a smile to his face. “All aboard,” he called, donning his hat again. Holly returned his smile, and he offered her his arm as she climbed into the wagon. Her touch on his shirtsleeve made his skin tingle beneath the fabric and his heart sing.
It wasn’t far to Angus’ house – a spacious two-story structure just two blocks from the mercantile. The front yard was built around a large oak, and a rope swing hung from one of its branches over the straggly grass below. Holly studied it as her heart hammered against her ribs and internally she chastised herself. There was nothing for her to worry about – Kurt had told her as much. But she couldn’t help feeling jittery.
Kurt parked the wagon and came around to the other side to help her and Tripp down. She gathered the children around her, and Eleanor and Edward, the youngest, clung to her skirts. “Now children, please mind your manners, and whatever you do, don’t break anything,” she murmured so only they could hear. They nodded, staring up at her.
Tripp, however, was watching the house, his brow furrowed. She hoped he wouldn’t create mischief while they were there. She couldn’t imagine why they were all so anxious – or why she was. Back in New York they’d rubbed shoulders with the richest residents and most well-respected families all the time. But this small town was mostly unknown to her, and that made her nerves twitchy.
Angus answered the door after the first knock and invited them in with a warm welcome. They followed him into the living room and he introduced his wife Beatrice. She sat in an armchair, her feet resting on a hassock, her enormous belly protruding like the prow of a ship on her diminutive frame. “I’m so sorry I can’t get up, but we’re so glad you could come. I do hope you’ll join us for lunch. We’ve been so looking forward to seeing you all. My children are upstairs – Angus Jr. and Katherine, called Kate. With another on the way, as you can see.”
Then she smiled up at Holly and held out her hand. “Please, come here, Holly.” She patted the seat beside her. “Do sit down. I want to know everything there is to know about you. After all, we are sisters now.”
Holly’s cheeks flushed and she sat compliantly beside Beatrice, tucking her skirts around her legs and crossing her ankles modestly. “What would you like to know?”
Beatrice laughed, a warm, pleasant sound. “How about starting with where you grew up?”
Holly grimaced inwardly and cleared her throat. “I was raised in Morgantown, Virginia. West Virginia now, near the Pennsylvania border.”
“Oh … that’s coal country, isn’t it?” asked Beatrice.
Holly noticed a young boy, about Tripp’s age, emerge from another room and wave to Tripp – Angus Jr., presumably. He did resemble his father and his Uncle Kurt. Tripp followed him off into the house, and she smiled to herself. “There wasn’t much to it – there isn’t much to it now, from what I’ve heard. As soon as I was old enough, my sister and I moved to New York. She’s still there.”
“Oh, you have a sister? Kurt didn’t mention that – though I can’t say I’m surprised. The Sawyer boys, you’ll find, are a tight-lipped pair. Getting information out of either of them is like forcing a full horse to drink from a river.”
Holly chuckled. She knew just what Beatrice meant. She looked over at Kurt, who stood beside an upright piano against the far wall, deep in conversation with his brother. He caught her gaze and winked, making her heart flip. “Yes, her name is Eve.”
“You must miss her,” Beatrice replied, her eyes compassionate.
“Every day,” whispered Holly, willing her voice not to break.
Beatrice set a dainty hand on Holly’s. “Well, then, I’m so glad we have each other. I’ve never had a sister and always wanted one, and you’ve left yours behind, at least for now. Though I’m sure you’ll be reunited. Life is too short to spend it entirely out of the presence of those we love, don’t you think?”
Holly nodded, unable to speak around the lump in her throat that always arose when discussing Eve. She’d been all wrong about Beatrice Sawyer – she could tell the two of them would get along just fine.
When they left Angus and Beatrice’s house, the sun was already low in the west, and Eleanor soon fell fast asleep in Holly’s lap, her golden curls spread out and her hands tucked together beneath one pink cheek. Holly admired her and tucked a strand of hair behind the little girl’s ear. She really was beautiful, and Holly was so grateful for her and her sweet personality.
In fact, there were so many things she was grateful for in that moment. She hadn’t thought she’d ever feel peace or hope again after Charles’ death. But here she was, riding on a wagon seat beside her new husband with a smile on her face and hope building in her heart that the future might just be better than she’d thought possible.
Kurt seemed to catch her mood and grinned knowingly. “That went well.”
She nodded. “It did, better than I’d expected. Thank you.”
He raised an eyebrow. “For what?”
“For reassuring me before we arrived. And for checking on me. I noticed you stayed close and made sure the conversation remained positive. I appreciate it.”
He nodded. “They’re good people – they wouldn’t have said anything unfair. Still, I wanted to make sure … you know. I want you to be happy.”
Her heart leaped. That was the second time he’d said those words. He seemed really to care for her, more than she’d believed, much more than she’d dared to hope he would.
“Oh, I almost forgot.” He half-stood and pulled a creased envelope out of his back pocket. “Here, this is for you. Mr. Werner the postmaster gave it to me at the mercantile.”
She took it and read the address in the dimming light. It was from Eve! She bit her lower lip and glanced at Kurt. What she really wanted to do was retreat to a quiet room alone to open it so she could savor every word. But she couldn’t wait until they got home – she had to read it now, had to know what was going on in her sister’s life since she left New York. She’d never been apart from Eve so long before. She’d practically raised her after their parents’ death – and missed her even more than she’d realized she would.
She gently tore it open and extracted five full pages, written on both sides in her sister’s neat script. The first pages were all about her daily life, Rodney and James and James’ new doctor. Then she addressed Holly’s situation in the sweet but firm way she always did:
My darling sister, you never knew what it meant to work at a marriage. Your own dear Charles was so in love with you, he gave you all your heart’s desires and more. You never really argued or had him fuss at you. You aren’t accustomed to marriage being anything other than following your heart. But let me tell you – not every marriage is like that.
Marriage to Rodney requires that I sometimes put aside my own wants, desires and dreams, for the sake of my family and my husband. Do I
wish that I had a husband who catered to my every whim? Yes, of course. But it isn’t so and I mustn’t hold onto false hopes.
And you mustn’t either. You’re married now and you must try to make it work. Kurt is your husband and you should do everything you can to support him. He needs you as much as you need him, and from what you’ve told me so far he’s a good and kind man. Let that be enough for you.
If you returned to New York, you’d find yourself alone and penniless, exactly the state you wanted to escape by marrying Kurt. I’d love to see you, of course, but I don’t wish to watch you fall into the destitution we escaped as children. I don’t think I could bear it.
Will you promise me you’ll try? Give Kurt a chance. I know you don’t think you can love again, but I believe in love and I believe in you. I do hope you’ll let Kurt into your heart. But, if you decide to return home, I’ll support you and do everything I can to help you and the children …
Holly let the correspondence rest in her lap and her eyes wandered to the horizon. She ran over Eve’s words in her mind, considering their weight. She knew Eve was right – and she’d already decided in her heart she wanted to stay, at least as long as Kurt allowed her to. She knew that her and her children’s best chance of building a new life was with him. And she’d grown fond of him besides.
Could she let him into her heart, as Eve’s letter implored her to do? Her stomach clenched at the idea. Vulnerability always resulted in suffering – that much she knew after a lifetime of pain. With her heart still aching from losing Charles, she wasn’t sure she could let down the walls that protected it to allow Kurt in.
Even as Holly pondered, she realized with sudden clarity that she hadn’t suffered the pang of grief that usually accompanied thoughts of Charles. Her eyes widened in surprise – she felt nostalgic and a little sad, but wasn’t overcome by the urge to collapse on the ground in tears. Something inside her had changed.