by Nick Bruel
For all teachers
everywhere
Page 83, The Battle at Bunker's Hill, George Edward Perine after John Trumbull, courtesy of
Emmet Collection, Miriam and Ira D. Wallach Division of Art, Prints and Photographs,
The New York Public Library, Astor, Lenox and Tilden Foundations
Copyright © 2013 by Nick Bruel
A Neal Porter Book
Published by Roaring Brook Press
Roaring Brook Press is a division of Holtzbrinck Publishing Holdings Limited Partnership
175 Fifth Avenue, New York, New York 10010
mackids.com
All rights reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Bruel, Nick.
Bad Kitty school daze / Nick Bruel.
p. cm.
Summary: "When Kitty's owners have finally had enough of her bad
behavior, it's time to ship her off to obedience school"— Provided by
publisher.
eISBN 978-1-4668-3591-7
[1. Cats—Fiction. 2. Pets—Training—Fiction. 3. Humorous stories.] I.
Title.
PZ7.B82832Bao 2012
[E] —dc23
2012015359
Roaring Brook Press books are available for special promotions and premiums.
For details contact: Director of Special Markets, Holtzbrinck Publishers.
First edition 2013
Printed in the United States of America by RR Donnelley & Sons Company,
Harrisonburg, Virginia
1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2
• CONTENTS •
CHAPTER ONE
ONE FINE DAY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
CHAPTER TWO
THE NEXT FINE DAY . . . . . . . . . . .17
CHAPTER THREE
WELCOME . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31
CHAPTER FOUR
CIRCLE TIME. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .42
CHAPTER FIVE
ARTS + CRAFTS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68
CHAPTER SIX
SHOW + TELL. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .86
CHAPTER SEVEN
STORYTIME . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .106
CHAPTER SEVEN
GRADUATION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .118
EPILOGUE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .144
A BONUS. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .152
•CHAPTER ONE•
ONE FINE DAY
KITTY! STOP THAT!
MEOW!
WOOF!
WOOF!
MEOW!
KITTY! PUPPY!
STOP!
MEOW!
WOOF!
BOTH OF YOU, CUT IT OUT!
MEOW!
WOOF!
STOP THIS BEFORE
SOMEONE GETS
HURT!
Oh, dear! What happened, Baby? Did you fall down? How did that happen?
The cat did this? Well, I’m not surprised. Tsk, tsk, tsk. The way those two were running and horsing around. But I’m sure it was an accident.
Kitty, it’s time for us to have a little talk.
Kitty, I’ve had enough of your SCREAMING and HISSING and FIGHTING. It’s time we did something about your behavior, your nasty temper, and the fact that you never seem to listen.
And that goes for you too, Puppy. That drooling problem of yours started all of this.
That’s why I’ve decided it’s time for both of you to go
to . . .
SCHOOL.
•CHAPTER TWO•
THE NEXT FINE DAY
HEY, KITTY! I just got back from the store, and look at all of the super-cool school supplies I bought for you! They all feature your absolute FAVORITE . . .
Love Love Angel Kitten
Backpack
Love
Love
Angel
Kitten
Notebook
Love Love Angel Kitten
Eraser
Love Love
Angel Kitten
Pencils
Love Love
Angel Kitten
Bowling Ball
Pink
Light Pink
Deep Pink
Reddish
Pink
Pinkish
Pink
Love Love
Angel Kitten
Crayons
Love Love Angel Kitten
Calculator
Love Love
Angel
Kitten
Gym Shorts
Love Love
Angel Kitten
Tractor
Tire
Love Love
Angel Kitten
Cinder Block
Love Love
Angel Kitten
Ruler
Whew! That’s a lot of
stuff! Oh well . . .
Let’s put it all into
your backpack.
Awww, look at you! All ready for school.
And so is Puppy! Did you pack your bandana, Puppy? I hope so, because you’ll need it if you start drooling again.
We better hurry. You guys don’t want to be late for the school bus!
HERE IT COMES!
And look who’s driving! It’s good ol’ Uncle Murray!
Hi, Guys! Got
any questions?
WHY DO DOGS
CHASE CATS?
Hey, don’t
blame the
dog for
this!
Dogs don’t just chase cats. They chase lots of things, because that’s what dogs like to do most.
Herder dogs like border collies are bred to chase sheep and keep the flock together. Hunting dogs like hounds and dachshunds are bred to chase foxes and rats. Police dogs like German shepherds are trained to chase criminals. And dogs chase all of these things not just because they like to do it, but also because
they’re so very,
very good at it.
When a dog
chases a cat, it’s not chasing because it’s being mean. It’s chasing the cat because of instinct. “Instinct” is that part of an animal’s brain that controls how an animal is going to act. Birds can fly because their instinct
*Albert Einstein once said that "Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be
achieved by understanding."
tells them how. Fish can swim because their instinct tells them how. And dogs chase other animals because their instinct tells them it’s an important thing to do.
So when a dog sees a
strange cat for the first time,
his brain tells him that he MUST begin chasing the cat. It doesn’t help that dogs are also very territorial, which means that if the cat is anywhere near something the dog thinks he owns, like his bone or his backyard or his house or even YOU, then he will feel compelled to chase that poor cat away.
Cats, by the way, have the same instinct as dogs. Cats are extremely good at chasing other animals, only they chase animals much smaller than they are, like mice and rats. Most dogs are bigger, sometimes
MUCH bigger, than cats.
So cats do not generally
chase dogs.
Dogs, however, do not have the same sense of caution as cats and will often chase things much, much bigger than them. That’s why they’ll sometimes chase cars.
I like dogs,
but they
better not
chase my
school bus!
All right, ya goofy cat, move on to the back of the bus and you can meet some of your new classmates!
Bye, Kitty! Bye, Puppy! I’ll see you at the end of the day!
•CHAPTER THREE•
WELCOME
All right, you guys! Everybody off the bus
and welcome to . . .
See you
later!
LOVE LOVE ANGEL KITTEN! I just adore LOVE LOVE ANGEL KITTEN, dont you?! I can tell that we are going to get along so well.
Well, pets, my name is Diabla von Gloom. But I want you all to call me Miss Dee. Welcome to my school! School, as you may know, is a place where you go to learn something new. So, I really hope that you all learn something new today.
Let's step into the classroom! And as you all head inside, I want you to understand one thing . . .
I dont believe in naughty or confused or bad pets. I believe you are all GOOD pets, and I want you to know that.
Even you.
•CHAPTER FOUR•
Circle time is how I get to know all of you, and for all of
you to get to know each other.
Lets start with you, Petunia. Tell us whats on your mind.
Excuse me, little bunny! But we dont interrupt each
other in this classroom!
But I’m Dr. Lagomorph!
I’m a diabolical mutant
supervillain!
Thats no
excuse.
Sit down,
please!
Go ahead, Petunia.
I hate cats.
But why, Petunia?
I just hate them! I hate them so much!
I hate their eyes! I hate their noses! I hate
their goofy-looking whiskers! When I see
them, I just want to punch them!
PUNCH!
PUNCH!
PUNCH!
I . . . I . . . just want to bite their heads off
and chew their faces like gum! CHEW!
CHEW! CHEW! I want to pick them up
and throw them all into active volcanos!
I want to write them nasty letters that
will hurt their feelings! I . . . I want to . . .
I think thats enough,
Petunia. I hope this
doesnt mean that
youre going to have
any trouble with other
students in this class.
Uh . . . What do you mean
by “other students” . . .
I hear ya,
cow sister.
NO! That is not acceptable! You have to wait your turn
just like everyone else! Do you understand?!
But I’m . . .
But I'm . . .
No ifs, ands,
or buts, little
bunny. Sit
down, please!
Its your turn, Puppy, but I cant imagine what problem a sweet little puppy dog like you could ever have; although I wonder what we can do about that little drooling problem of yours.
No one tells
Dr. Lagomorph,
mutant supervillain
extraordinaire, that
he can’t go first. It’s
just not fair. I’ll bet
that accursed Captain
Fantasticat put her
up to this.
A BANDANA! What a wonderful idea! That will help to
collect all of that drool before it gets too messy!
And he looks absolutely adorable wearing it, too!
Ummm . . . Miss Dee, is it my turn
yet? May I go now?
Yes, you may, little bunny. And thank you
for asking so nicely.
WHEW!
Huff
Puff
Huff
Puff
That was very nice,
little bunny.
Well now, last but not least . . .
I see from our report that you
have a bad attitude and often
have trouble controlling your
temper. Is that true?
Do you have
anything to say
for yourself ?
Okay, then. You dont have to answer the question if you dont want to, but that does not give you the right to be rude to me.
When youre ready to tell me why youre so angry, Ill be listening.
Not cool,
cow sister.
Not cool.
WHY DO DOGS AND
CATS HATE EACH OTHER?
Stop blaming
dogs! This is
all the fault
of goofy
cats!
The problem between dogs and cats isn’t so much that they hate each other . . . they just don’t understand each other. Let’s think about how dogs and cats are different from each other.
Dogs are very social. They live in packs and usually enjoy the company of other dogs. Dogs like to play by wrestling and biting. When a dog first meets you, he likes to sniff you (especially in places where you may not like to be sniffed).
When a dog likes you, he expresses it by licking you. When a dog is happy, he wags his tail.
Cats, on the other hand, are not social animals. They lead independent lives and usually do not seek the company of other cats. Except for when they’re young, cats do not play with each other and especially not by wrestling or biting. Cats don’t sniff things nearly as much as dogs. Cats generally only lick
themselves, and then only to clean themselves. And cats only shake their tails when they’re feeling nervous or angry.
Now imagine what happens when a strange dog and cat meet for the first time. The dog runs up to the cat with its tail wagging, expecting to sniff her, lick her, and play with her. But the cat meanwhile sees the dog’s running as an attack. She sees the wagging tail as a sign of anger. And the last thing the cat wants is to be sniffed (especially in a place where she doesn’t want to be sniffed), licked, and played with. So the cat either runs away or attacks, neither of which the dog expected.
So now the dog has a perception that cats just aren’t friendly. This isn’t going to encourage the dog to be friendly with any cats in the future. And so begins a cycle of misunderstanding that can sometimes lead to a real mess.
Okay, so maybe
the dogs are just
kinda sorta partly
to blame.
•CHAPTER FIVE•
I want each of you to make me something that depicts what youre thinking about right now!
What are you making there, little bunny?
Dr. Lagomorph.
I am making
a sculpture of my
arch nemesis,
Captain
Fantasticat!
Once it is complete, I shall use it
for performing dark and hideous
experiments. Perhaps I will give it
life! Yesss . . . LIFE! I shall build an
entire army of evil
Captain Fantasticat
clones who will exist
only to serve me in my
fiendish goal to rule
the entire world!
THERE! It is done! Soon the whole
world will tremble before my army
of evil clones as they sweep across
the planet conquering each town, city,
and country one by one! No
one will be shown mercy
from my wrath, for
my cruelty will be
infinite!
Its very nice.
Thank you.
How about you, Petunia? What are you painting there?