But the words I’d spent hours practicing last night disappeared, as a fierce wave of protectiveness nearly drowned me, and the strict words came out of me instead.
“Did you go out last night?” I asked suspiciously.
Her eyebrows rose and she followed to where my fingers were gesturing at the clothes tossed onto the floor. I tried to gauge her reaction, as her every emotion was so open. Easy to read. Panic, and the sudden fumbling of her mouth could only mean that she was about to lie to me.
“I—I mean—no—”
“You’re lying.” It was a brusque accusation that had her freezing. I was aware of what that tone did to her. I knew it made her strive for perfection, to be more like the princess I used to compare her with. I tried to soften my voice. “Why did you go out?”
Maisie bit her bottom lip but didn’t speak. Frustration swelled through me at that.
“You still don’t trust me,” I whispered. Her eyes were guarded, but the flash in them spoke more than words ever could. No. And that hurt. “Why?” I asked. My voice was cold steel, so as to not betray the real emotions I felt beneath.
“I—”
I didn’t let her finish before I was taking a stroke towards her, startling a gasp from her mouth. I didn’t mean to frighten her. It was the last thing I wanted. I willed my shoulders to loosen, and when my hands reached out to cup her shoulders, I did so lightly.
“I would do anything for you, Maisie,” I promised. “I said I’d protect you with my life and I will. But how can I keep that promise if you don’t trust me? If you don’t tell me things?” I was sure she could hear the insecurities dripping from me, and I wondered if she was disgusted. For a brief moment I didn’t care.
Her gaze averted away from me, before travelling back slowly. Something in her black eyes glossed over. “I do trust you,” she whispered.
I wasn’t sure if it was a lie.
“I just want you safe, Maisie.” And because I couldn’t help myself, I had to lean forward. Even if she pushed me away, at least her feelings would be clear enough to keep me away the next time. But I took the risk, and pressed my lips to hers. It was slow and soft to give her a chance to decide if she wanted me or not.
Before, on the balcony, and here in this room in front of Elias and Kai hadn’t counted. The first time had been anger and vicious desire, the second time I’d been coerced, and she’d been used at the behest of the Black Blade.
I wanted this time to be more real. I wanted her to feel how much I cared. Without anger, or anyone else in between us.
So I kissed her, and when she opened her mouth to accept me, my heart thundered and I pulled her close so she could feel it. Our tongues met in the middle. We gave and took in equal measure. A soft exploring of lips, that didn’t quell the desire building in my stomach.
I pulled her closer, needing to feel every inch of her. My hand slid up to cup her cheek, and she gripped the lapels of my jacket tightly. She tugged, as if the space between us was just too wide. Like she planned to breathe me into her very soul. If she did I wouldn’t have minded.
I wanted her.
Maisie Fauna of Lagoona, waitress at Tides’ Tavern, who had yelled at me for knocking her over, who had slapped my hand and swam away, who had led me onto gator grounds and had swung a kitchen knife at me in self defense. Who had gone from waitress to princess, saved criminals and challenged royals all because she thought it was right.
She was the one I wanted.
I conveyed this as best as I could. Not with the words I had practiced, but with my body, with the movement of my hands and with the touch of my lips. I could only hope she understood. And with the way she responded meant she wanted me just as much as I wanted her.
Maisie pulled away and struggled to catch her breath. Her chest rose and fell against mine in rapid little movements. I searched her eyes for regret, and there was none. Her hands slid up to my shoulders, and she gave a soft little sigh that made me want to take her mouth in mine all over again.
“I do trust you,” she repeated firmly.
I nodded. “Then please, don’t leave the palace without me. I—” I took a breath. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you. Something I could have prevented—”
“It’s okay.” Her hand came up to pat lightly at my cheek. “I promise, it won’t happen again.”
I didn’t ask why she’d left the palace, as I doubted she’d tell me anyway. Maybe she’d gone to see Elias. If that were the case, next time I saw the Black Blade, I’d have to have a few words with him regarding Maisie’s safety.
“Well, thanks.” I cleared my throat, suddenly feeling very awkward. I wanted to kiss her again, but duty was calling. I took a stroke away. “You should get ready for the day,” I suggested. “There’s much to do.”
Maisie smiled at me, and I didn’t wait for her dismissal or give her a goodbye, as I whirled away and left the room. Once I was out, I could finally breathe and see clearer. I hadn’t told her what it was I’d wanted to say, but my actions seemed effective just the same.
CHAPTER THREE
Maisie
“WELL, HE seems as stiff as ever.”
I hadn’t noticed the moment Odele had swam out of the bathing room and plopped herself down on the bed. She laid against it casually, and was giving me a knowing, sarcastic look that I fought to ignore.
“Even when he’s trying to be romantic, he sounds so… rigid.” She laughed mockingly, and my annoyance with her flared.
“You know he cares for you, right?” I snapped.
Odele’s eyebrows rose. Her lips twitched. “It seems like he cares for you.”
I growled, forgetting she was a princess. I glared at her, mer to mer. “He was in love with you, Odele.” I don’t know why I threw it out like an accusation. Perhaps I wanted some trace of emotion from her, to be reminded that she wasn’t just a crown and the jewelry she wore. To get a glimpse of the vulnerability underneath, at the mermaid who cried while locked in a bathing room after confronting the mer who had killed her mother. I wanted to see that mer. Not this doll, not this princess. I wanted to see a trace of the mer that Tiberius had fallen in love with. The lonely, vulnerable mermaid he’d wanted me to believe she was.
“I know that,” she replied, clearly annoyed.
I tried to control my angry breathing. It was hard, so hard to not to want to reach across the space that separated us and throttle her. I settled for a question instead, one I had to know. Even if the answer could threaten to destroy me entirely.
“Did you ever love him back?”
Odele paused as she stared at me, read me. I didn’t squirm; I just lifted my head in a confidence and defiance I didn’t truly feel. Inside, I felt weak.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she replied. “No. I never loved Captain Saber.”
Something in me eased but a fraction. “Why not?” I knew it was a silly question as soon as I asked it. She could ask me why I loved Elias, Kai, and even Captain Saber, and I’d be able to answer thoroughly, but I doubted she’d understand just how deep the depths my feelings for them ran. The heart wanted what it wanted and mine tore me into three different directions, not forcing me to choose, but wanting them all at once.
Odele shrugged and leaned forward, hugging her tail, expression suddenly serious. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I guess… I mean… I watched you both just now.” My cheeks heated at the admission, but she didn’t say it to shame me. “You do something to him, something I was never able to do.” She shook her head back and forth. “I’m not explaining this right… You challenge him, cousin, and he challenges you, but me and the Captain? We never had that. He never questioned me, or defended himself when I was rude. That’s how I know it wasn’t love. That maybe, he never really loved me in the first place.”
We were both quiet after that, both lost in our thoughts, seeming to contemplate the words she’d just said. I wondered if it could be true, if Captain Saber had never real
ly loved her. Maybe she’d known, and that’s why she never reciprocated those feelings. Because they weren’t meant to be.
But if Odele and Captain Saber weren’t meant to be, than who was he supposed to be with? Was it selfish of me to want him, Elias and Kai? Probably. I wanted them all regardless.
“So now what?” I asked after a while.
Odele looked up at me with curiosity. “What do you mean?”
I shrugged. “You heard him. There are things you have to do today. What should we do? Should we tell everyone you’re back or…” I let the sentence trail off; let her fill in the blanks. Even if I loathed what she might say.
Odele’s eyes widened before she made a face of disgust. “Oh, gods no.” She stuck out her tongue. “Do you know what would happen if we told anyone I was back, cousin?” I’d had an idea before, but hearing her say it aloud, solidifying it, making my whole body tremble. “My step-mother, the evil barracuda, would have us both killed.”
“You think?”
“I may be rich and vain, but I am not daft. You think I haven’t figured it out? Why my step-mother didn’t want me in the royal records room, who is the one who has benefitted from all these deaths, and who is trying to keep me from uncovering the truth?” She shook her head furiously. “It’s her. I know it. And if she knew I was back, the attacks on both of our lives could get more aggressive.”
The mercenary had said that someone—the Queen, most likely—had discovered the truth of who I was, and wanted him dead for not being able to finish the job. It would explain her not so veiled threats towards me. Because she knew who I was, and the threat I posed to her throne. The threat both Odele and I posed to her. She’d do anything to keep the throne and she was capable of anything, like killing her cousins, and trying to kill her cousin’s daughters.
“We have to keep this a secret,” Odele urged. “For both of our sakes.”
I agreed with a nod of my head but looked at her with narrowed eyes. “So where will you be? Come to think of it, where have you been?” I doubted she’d been staying at shady night inns.
“I told you, I got the blueprints to the palace. That means I know routes and secret passageways no one else does. I know how to stay hidden.”
I blanched at that. She was telling me that she’d been hiding in the palace this whole time, right under everyone’s noses? I had the sudden vague flash of memory, of her in this room one night, lingering by the shelf of coral that held her little trinkets.
I grinded my teeth together to hold back my frustration, it hadn’t been a dream at all. It had been real.
She’d played us all for fools.
I crossed my arms over my chest with annoyance. “What if I refuse to do your duties?” I snapped. All she’d done this whole time was sit back and watch as I suffered through her royal life. Through Percival’s beatings, the poisonings, and the Queen’s threats. And she’d done nothing to help, nothing to stop it. And now she would sit back and let me continue through this, while she was tucked safely away, hidden from the mer who wanted us both dead.
Odele’s eyes twinkled. “You could, but you won’t refuse. You forget, dearest cousin, I’ve been investigating for months, and have been observing for just as long.” She leaned back on her palms, kicking her tail out carelessly. “For as much as you claim to despise royal life, I can tell that you actually love it.”
My whole body jolted, as if I’d been stung by a jellyfish. I uncrossed my arms, clasping my hands in front of me. “You’re wrong,” I replied weakly.
She snorted, telling me how much she disbelieved me with a simple sound. “You don’t have to hide it from me. I recognize that look in your eye. You enjoy the privilege, the lavish life. You enjoy having my Prince—and apparently a guard—to yourself. It’s okay to admit it, you know.”
Captain Saber had said much the same thing. Words I didn’t want to believe. I didn’t enjoy getting almost murdered at every turn and I didn’t enjoy not having any power to protect anybody. How was any of this enjoyable?
“My life is in danger,” my voice cracked. “I’m out here taking arrows that are meant for you.” And she didn’t seem like she cared one bit.
“My life is in danger, too,” Odele argued. “And those arrows weren’t just meant for me. But as long as you keep pretending to be me, she won’t harm you fully.”
“What, because she hasn’t harmed me at all thus far?” I scoffed.
Odele shook her head. “The attacks have ceased, at least for now. Why do you think that is?” When I shrugged, Odele went on. “Because the public loves you now, Odalaea. She wants to keep you in line for now. And she also wants to find me. The minute she has us both together, she won’t hesitate to take us out. That’s why my appearance has to be kept a secret. If only to buy us a little more time.”
“Little more time for what?” I nearly shouted, waving my hands in the water with exasperation.
“To take down my step-mother, and to place you on your throne.”
Those words, once more, dawned on me. She would not let this go. She wouldn’t let me rest until I accepted what she said as truth. Until I sat on that throne, whether I deserved it or not.
“Why do you want me on that throne so badly, Odele?” I asked, not caring if I was speaking to her with familiarity. We were past propriety now, each of us knowing hidden aspects of the other to give us that right of speech. “I’ve seen your conches down in that cove. I’ve seen you prepare yourself to be Queen of Thalassar.”
My question made Odele’s careless movements suddenly freeze. Her jaw clamped closed, and the expression in her eyes shuddered into one that was almost unreadable. Then, she loosed a small breath, and tried to assume that same blithe spirit as before, flicking floating tendrils of hair over her shoulder. Her movements just came out terse.
“The throne belongs to you, Odalaea…”
“No, it doesn’t,” I snapped sharply. She glared at me, and I did not back down from her stare. “Even if Dorian and Odessa’s marriage was legitimate, there was a contract promising her to another. They both broke that contract, and Thalassar wouldn’t recognize them, or their child, as heir to the throne. You know this. So why are you pushing it?”
There had to be a reason she was doing this. I wanted to believe what she’d said last night. That she had gone through such lengths to find the missing royal—to find me—because of her sense of honor, her sense of family. But I knew her. I’d seen her personality shine through in the silver-gold glow of secret conches. I’d seen cruelty in her, and shallowness as well.
Odele must have known that. For all the secrets she kept, for all she claimed to know me, I knew her too. And like Captain Saber, I wanted to see the good in her. The vulnerability. I wanted to see the mer who cried behind closed doors. A mer who didn’t hide what she was feeling.
But Princess Odele let out a sound of eternal exasperation, her voice suddenly a tone more serious when she replied, “I told you last night, cousin. You and me, we’re the closest things left of our mothers. I searched for you, because I wanted family, a friend. Do you think Jessinda is that for me? She’s not. She gossips, and talks behind my back. At least you’re brave enough to say what you think to my face. That’s what I want. I want what my mother had. A sister.” She paused, like she was letting those words sink in for a moment. “But I can tell that you don’t feel the same.”
She got up then, ever the image of grace and refinement. She smoothed out the nightgown she wore, pushed back her tendrils of hair until they stayed. Every movement was precise, holding an edge of finality, and I couldn’t help but feel like every swipe of hand, and finger, was equivalent to the swing of a blade, readying to come over my head.
“If you don’t want my royal duties, that’s fine. I know they’re not ideal, they may not be what you imagined when you came to Eramaea, so I won’t burden you with them any further.” Her narrowed eyes focused on me intently. “Just do me a favor when you leave, do it secretly, and get as far
away from Thalassar as possible. Even if you don’t care about me, I care about you. I want you safe.”
A lump had caught tightly into my throat. I couldn’t swallow past it; I couldn’t do anything but stare at her, breathe her in. Compare us once more.
Over the years, there were things I’d learned while living a lonely life in Lagoona. When my grandmother had died, I felt more alone than I ever could have imagined feeling. All my family was dead, what did it matter if I died, too? But then Josiah had pulled me up from my sinkage. He’d been the only father figure I’d ever had in my life. And it was thanks to him that I realized family wasn’t just about blood.
And here was Odele, a Princess of Thalassar, claiming a blood right that neither of us had known existed until recently. Claiming me as hers, wanting me as I was, limp and all.
I saw it then. Saw that her desperation for a family to call her own was an equal match to my own desires. Not a family who was dead, or the murderers, but actual blood. That loved with honesty, with their all. She was offering it up to me, and I was pushing her away.
“I—” the word came out a rasp. I cleared my throat, and tried again. “It’s hard for me… to accept all of this as reality,” I explained. Her eyes were on me cautiously. “It’s obviously easier for you, but I’ll need time, okay?” She opened her mouth to speak, no doubt to tell me we didn’t have time, but I spoke over her. “I cannot accept the throne, or the crown and riches that comes with the Malabella lineage. But I can try to accept you. As family.”
One moment stern, and the next, alighted with happiness, Odele squealed loudly and rushed to me. Her arms enveloped me in a crushing hug of strength that was surprising. It took a moment to push past the incoherent screeching to realize that she was speaking words in her excitement. I floated numbly in her arms, unsure of what to do at first, before I slowly wrapped my arms around her, and gave her an equally strong squeeze.
Death Beyond the Waves Page 3