To Catch A Butterfly You Need A Net

by Gabriele Phillis

  Could anyone blame him? After all, he was only a man and Allie was a beautiful woman, too beautiful to resist. Kevin thought about her hazel eyes, her soft brown curls that he loved wrapping around his fingers, her slim figure and how it had all begun.

  A film of events went past his eyes. Then the lies had started. Every day became harder to explain. Allie had started to ask questions.

  “He knows where you are,” Woods interrupted his thoughts. “Don’t ask me how he found out. The bastard has ESP. Or he knows somebody who gives him the information.” Kevin was under witness protection. The FBI took control of his life since the day he had witnessed the murder in Los Angeles, and had given him several identities since then. They took care of everything. He did not have to worry about food, clothing, or money. It would not last forever, Agent Woods kept promising. Once they found the killer, then he was free to return to his normal life. What life was that?

  It seemed to be a lifetime since he was a teacher at the Senior High School in Los Angeles. He thought about his mother with her heart problem. She would have a heart attack if she saw him all of a sudden. His colleagues and friends had all buried him in their minds. How could he ever face them again and live a normal life?

  Kevin had days when he did not have any emotions at all until he met Allie. She had given him a purpose in life. He had found trust and love in her, strength, and hope. How would he ever live without her?

  He was sick of hiding. That was the real problem now. No matter how hard the FBI tried to hide him, the killer always found out where he was.

  Nobody knew his motives, why he only killed prostitutes. One thing for sure they had to lock him away.

  “Most of the killers are psychopaths,” Agent Woods said as if he could read Kevin’s mind. “He kills for power and control. He carries out careful and methodical murders. As his compulsion grows out of control and dominates his life, he will become careless and impulsive. We are waiting for that moment. He’ll make a mistake soon.”

  “You’ve been after him for so long. When will he make a mistake? You keep saying soon. I’m getting impatient.” “I’m not surprised. Killers take breaks - sometimes weeks, sometimes months. They like to play cat and mouse with the FBI, like a ‘catch me if you can’ game, but they always come back. Generally, the arrogance lets them down. In this case, he had facial surgery and had to wait until he recovered. Whatever it takes, we’ll get him.”

  “I have asked myself so many times whether he will ever make a mistake. Sometimes it seems so hopeless,” Kevin said. “Never think like that. It’s only a matter of time.”

  “I'm wondering, for how long?”

  “I don’t know. There is no answer.”

  “It’s amazing how he could find me; Malanda is not even on the map.”

  “He knew.”

  “You think he has a helper?”

  “I don’t know. Most killers work alone. His exact words were, ‘Your bait might not be sitting for much longer on the verandah in Malanda.

  Kevin’s face went white.

  “This creep knows how to get to me,” Woods continued. “At the same time he reported a woman’s body in the Barron River.”

  “Sicko.”

  There was silence for a moment.

  “Who was she?”

  “Australian Aboriginal, worked as a barmaid at night.” Agent Woods scratched his head with the pen.

  “You can’t tell your girlfriend. He would come after her, if she knew too much. The less she knows the better. Do you understand?”

  Kevin nodded although deep inside he knew he had given up trying to understand a long time ago. How foolish of him to think he could ever live a normal life.

  Woods glanced at his watch.

  “Your flight is leaving soon,” he said. “Don’t look back, Kevin. Never look back.”

  He handed him the boarding pass. Kevin looked at the name written on it, Richard Wilson. Did he have to start a new life again? How long was it this time, one month, a year or until the killer had found him, or until the FBI found the bastard? “Your new identity is in the bag,” Woods said. “An Agent will pick you up from Frankfurt airport. He will take care of everything. All you have to do is to wait for more instructions once you get there - the usual procedures.”

  He looked intensely at Kevin.

  “It is very important that you don’t contact her, is that clear? I cannot point this out strongly enough, Kevin. Do you have any questions?

  Kevin stared at the brown leather briefcase. The FBI worked fast, thought about everything.

  “Everything you need is in it,” Woods said. “So don’t worry.” “You are so determined to get this bastard,” Kevin said. “Have you asked yourself if it is all worth it?”

  Woods cleared his throat.

  “You don’t understand.”

  “You’re possessed with him. It is almost like a personal issue. Wasn’t your retirement day last month and you shouldn’t be here any more?”

  Woods seemed to feel uncomfortable and did not want to answer at first. After several moments he said,

  “It’s worth every bit.”

  “I know he killed your daughter,” Kevin said, “but that doesn’t bring her back.”

  Agent Woods looked at him, his face expressionless. “How do you know?”

  “It doesn’t matter. I understand your anger but don’t you think it’s time to let go?”

  After a while Woods said, “Her body was found in a drainage ditch behind a row of seedy motels. If you had children you would understand.” For the first time Kevin saw pain in the agent’s face.

  “It is eight years today. He knows. Nobody knew about Sarah’s drug addiction. I was too busy working. She fell into prostitution to support her drug habits. It was too late when I found out. I had just lost my wife to cancer, and tried everything to help my daughter but she did not want help. She fell in love with the killer who had promised her the world. What she got was hell. I was on a case exposing a huge drug ring when I found her, dead. She was so young, only eighteen.”

  He swallowed hard. After a few minutes he said, “A preliminary examination revealed there was evidence of struggle. They took a semen sample. The killer was at the same time her boyfriend and had sexual intercourse with her. This confirmed the identity of The Say. He left his trademark behind. Do you understand now why it is so important for me to catch this bastard?”

  Kevin wanted to say something but could not think of anything. For the first time he felt sorry for the FBI agent. “For many years I couldn’t talk about it and I swore that I wouldn’t get off the case until I found him.”

  Kevin heard his flight number called through the speakers for the first time.

  “I am really sorry,” he said. “I had no idea.”

  “I will get him, whatever it takes,” Woods said, handing Kevin the cell phone.

  “Don’t worry about me. I will be fine. It's time to ring your girl friend.”

  This was harder than he thought the worst phone call he would ever have to make.

  “I don’t know what to tell Allie. You’ll have to help me here.” His stomach was left somewhere behind.

  “Think about her safety. That’s all that matters right now.” Kevin was dying inside. There had to be another way but he could not think of any.

  “One day it will be over. You must believe it as I do. You will see her again.”

  With a great effort Kevin picked up the cell phone, took a deep breath, and he began to dial Allie’s number.

  He was going to break her heart.

  Kevin heard the engaged signal and hung up.

  “I can’t do it,” he said, looking at Woods.

  Picking up his briefcase, he got up and without saying another word, he walked to the boarding gate.

  Chapter 6

  vv

  “Come on, Roman, a person doesn’t just disappear without an explanation,” I said to my brother on the phone, frustrated. “You at least leav
e a note or something.”

  “Not if you want to get rid of somebody,” Roman answered. “That’s the easiest way to do it.”

  How could my brother be so rational?

  “Roman! Jules loved me. We planned a future together,” I said, more loudly than I intended.

  “That doesn’t mean a thing,” he said. “I have done it myself. Do you remember that girl from High School? She was so annoying and followed me everywhere. At the end I couldn’t help it and pretended I was with another girl just to get rid of her.”

  “But you were a teenager back then. We all did things like that,” I said.

  “I don’t think I felt any lower than at that moment, knowing I would hurt her, but I didn’t know what else to do,” Roman said.

  “I wish I knew what went wrong. The police cannot do anything. I will go crazy if nothing happens soon.” “Maybe he did go back to his wife and didn’t want to say anything to make you upset.”

  “Why didn’t he take any clothes, then? Everything is still in his house. If he had planned to leave he would have taken some personal stuff with him.”

  “Who knows, Allie, I would not worry about it. He did not want to let you know. You have enough reason to forget him.” Roman did not make me feel any better.

  “If only I knew what to do.”

  I had to pull myself together and not burst into tears. Roman had a point; maybe Jules went back to his wife. Did he fool me the whole time? Why could I not see it?

  “Pack your suitcase and come to Germany, Allie,” Roman said all of a sudden. “Monika and I have decided to get married and we need a bridesmaid.”

  “Married?”

  “That’s right. We are making it formal. We have been together over a year. It's time to tie the knot.”

  He took me completely by surprise.

  “That’s great, Roman. I am happy for you both.

  Congratulations.” Then I started to cry.

  “Oh, Allie, don’t cry. Aren’t you happy for us?”

  “Of course I am happy for you,” I sobbed. “What kind of sister would I be if I wasn’t?”

  “We want to get married as soon as possible. Let me know how soon you can book a flight.”

  “I will, Roman.”

  Jules had been missing for two weeks. I could do nothing. I gave up hope that he ever would come back. Spending some time in Germany would be good for me. Roman was right. He was so excited and we chatted for a while about the wedding. For a moment, I forgot my problems.

  “It would be great if you could help Monika with the wedding preparations. We still have to work to save as much as we can, so that we can afford a trip to Australia for our honeymoon.” Roman was a waiter at a beer house and Monika a nurse at the Saint Vinzent’s Hospital. Both worked shifts.

  A wave of emotions swept through me. That was wonderful news. I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my shirt. “I am looking forward to seeing you both,” I said.

  I could almost see my brother’s face lightening up. “Great! Monika will be so excited when I tell her that you’re coming.”

  After Roman hung up I wished I could be one of these “always in control” people. Nothing ever shattered their world. However, I knew I was not and that made me feel even worse.

  I was a mess. I had not washed my hair in days. It was oily and fell lifelessly onto my shoulders. I looked into the mirror, my face was pale, and my eyes were red from crying. I was still wearing the same top from two days ago. How could I let myself run down so much?

  Was any man worth it? I opened my wardrobe and reached for the Louis Vuitton travel bag. From today on, I was going to change my life. Whatever reason Jules had to leave me it was his decision and I had to accept it and get on with my life. Helping with the wedding would take my mind off my problems and help me focus on other things. There was a life after Jules; I just had to find it.

  The phone rang again. When I picked it up, I heard a female voice.

  “This is Dr. Bergman. Allie, is that you?”

  “Yes,” I said surprised. I had totally forgotten to find out about the blood test I took at the medical centre. I saw my doctor and told her I was feeling tired lately.

  “Is everything okay,” I asked.

  “More than okay,” said Dr. Bergman’s warm voice. “I have wonderful news for you and wanted to tell you straight away. You are pregnant. Congratulations, Allie.”

  Chapter 7

  vv

  Germany, Cologne! The Say took a taxi from the airport and went straight to the Bonsai Hotel next to the Botanical Gardens, where he had booked a room under the name of Max Bauer. It was winter in Europe; cold air was cutting into his sensitive skin. He wrapped his scarf twice around his neck. Memories flooded back, memories he did not want to have. Once he arrived, he took a hot shower, changed into another set of trousers and a black windbreaker, and then called room service. He wanted to celebrate his return with a bottle of Dom Perignon although he knew he should not drink too much. Sometimes he saw strange things. The voices did not like it at all. However, this time he did not care; another victory celebrated, and he had many reasons to be satisfied. The voices were happy with him so far. He had not heard from them for four weeks. Why should they be unhappy now? Today he would bring more misery to Woods’ life than ever before. He had come up with a new game, a new strategy. Woods would be so surprised if he found out. The Say knew that the old fool would not retire until he had solved his last case. The silly old bastard Woods would spend his last lonely days at the FBI chasing him.

  The Say drank his champagne quickly and then filled the glass up again. He could not drink it fast enough.

  Woods had become a real nuisance lately. If Woods did not stop chasing him, The Say would have to get rid of him. He killed his daughter. She deserved it. He did not understand that she was one of them. The bitch had asked for it, as they all did. She wanted heroin. Why did everybody make him the bad person here? After all, he had only given her what she needed. They did not deserve to be alive. When would they finally understand that he was not the bad person? It was he, who was saving the world and not the FBI. He was only doing them a favor.

  He poured himself a third glass of champagne but drank it slowly this time. He wanted to enjoy every bit of it. He felt a little tightness in his throat, a sign to stop drinking. The tingly feeling in his head increased. He hoped it would not wake up the voices.

  Playing cat and mouse with the FBI was interesting. Not many agents put as much effort into a case as Woods did. His daughter would not come back - gone forever but that did not stop him. Woods thought he was smarter than he was. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Nobody was, and the authorities would never catch him. Why did those assholes at the FBI not understand that? Those arrogant punks thought they could control the whole world. No one had been able to figure out The Say yet. He was a never-seen killer. The Say laughed aloud. They lose; I win.

  What a good little girl you are, Allie so innocent. He brushed his fingers lightly over the photograph and shook his head. Do you know that pretty little girls get punished when they don’t listen and don’t do the right thing, I don’t want to hurt you but that depends on how much you know. Couldn’t leave your fingers off him, could you? Women were all the same. She was not an exception, and she would get what shed. He would get rid of her, later and All of a sudden, he heard the voices in his head, first quiet then louder. The Say was angry now, feeling frustrated. They commended to act now. He was wasting their precious time.

  The Say’s head felt like it was going to explode; he held both hands in front of his face. He hated it when they were unhappy with him. He jumped up from his chair and threw the empty glass against the mirror. Both shattered into a thousand pieces.

  “I need more time,” he screamed. Sweat beaded on his upper lip, and he felt panic taking over. His hands started to shake; blood pulsed through his veins faster and his breathing became irregular.

  He stumbled to the bathroom and washed his face in
the porcelain basin with cold water. His chest was hurting. The dizziness increased. “No!” he shouted and covered his face with his hands.

  The voices became louder and louder. It was like trying to walk through a brick wall. Where was his medication? His hands feverishly searched in his suitcase. There it was. He ripped open the packet and swallowed two tablets with the rest of the champagne that was in the bottle. He knew that in five minutes the panic attack would be over.

  “Go away!” he yelled with all his power. Someone next door knocked at the wall, calling something. He threw the bottle against the wall.

  He was on the floor every muscle in his body cramped. After several minutes, the medication kicked in. As if nothing had happened The Say got up, straightened his clothes, and started to laugh.

  Chapter 8

  vv

  I was sitting on my bed, legs crossed, for several hours, with my head in my hands, surrounded by several T-shirts, skirts, and pants. What kind of clothes should I take with me, I asked myself. It was winter in Germany and I had nothing suitable for the climate. Since I had been in Australia, I got rid of all my winter clothes. The thought of buying maternity clothes shot through my mind, but I rejected the idea straight away. No, I would not be the kind of mother who would wear those old-fashioned dresses, no way! When would I start to show? I decided to buy new clothes in Germany.

  The big question was how would I explain to my brother that I was pregnant? I did not want to spoil his wedding, and that would happen if I told him the whole story. He would only be worried about me and I did not want that. I knew my brother. The best thing was to keep it to myself until after the wedding. There was plenty of time to tell him later. He would only try to help me and I did not want his help. It was not fair on Monika, either.