To Catch A Butterfly You Need A Net

by Gabriele Phillis

  “Do you want anything else, Allie?” Roman asked. “No, thank you. I couldn’t fit any more in.”

  “What about you, Moni?”

  “Same here,” Monika said looking admiringly at my brother. “To get a husband who is a cook as well - I must say I feel extremely lucky.”

  We all agreed. She squeezed Roman’s hand. “But I promise not to take advantage of it. I’ll cook sometimes, too.” “Well, what a big relief,” he laughed.

  I offered to help with the dishes but Roman said he would do them so that we girls had time for a talk. Monika and I moved over to the lounge. Here we go! The relaxing time was over back to reality. I sat next to Monika who loaded at least half a dozen magazines on my lap.

  “I want you to have a look at these, Allie,” she said. “Tell me which gown do you think suits me best.”

  Somehow, I had the feeling that this was the beginning of a long and boring night for me. As much as I could, I tried to stay focused and keep my eyes open but could not suppress a yawn now and then. Monika did not seem to notice. The next two hours passed slowly. When I glanced at my watch, it was after midnight.

  We had looked at every damn wedding gown in the magazines and Monika still could not decide which style she liked best. I suggested going to a few shops tomorrow, and try on a few styles, hoping she would find something she liked. Roman went to bed. I did not know how much longer I could keep myself sitting up.

  “I am not sure what I want,” Monika said disappointed. “I am so glad you are here to help me.”

  For the last time I decided, to put on a happy face.

  “Let’s go to bed,” I said. “You’ve had a long day and look tired. So am I.”

  Please, call it quits, I prayed.

  Monika sighed. “You’re right. It is after midnight. You look tired too, Allie.”

  Thanks for noticing.

  I got up and stretched my back. My whole body was stiff. “It’s already starting to stress me out. We have to choose the flowers, the music, the venue, and who knows what else.” “Don’t make it sound like that, Moni. A wedding is something special and planning it should make fun. You’ll get there, once you’ve started.”

  “I know, you’re trying to encourage me and I am so grateful for that, Allie. I don’t know what I would do without you.” She gave me a big hug. Monika talked constantly as she went through the magazines. I did not understand why she could not pick a style. Although we had a lot in common, both of us growing up in an orphanage, she was very indecisive, the opposite of me.

  “I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning,” she said and collected the magazines. “I won’t stay tonight. I have to get up early.” Her apartment was ten minutes’ drive away from here. I watched her while she slipped into her black ankle boots. She looked very young in her short black skirt and black and white striped jumper. On the other hand, was I the one who was looking old? Her green eyes looked at me urgently. “Do you think we will have enough time? You are only here for a few weeks,” Monika objected.

  “I’ll stay as long as you need me.”

  She looked relieved.

  “We’ll have plenty of time,” I said. “Don’t worry.”

  My life as a wedding planner, I thought. It could not get any worse.

  “Roman told me you were married before. What was your wedding like, Allie?” Monika asked all of a sudden. Please, do not go there, Monika. That was the last thing I wanted to talk about right now.

  “That was a long time ago,” I said.

  “How long were you married for?”

  “It was only for a very short time.”

  Monika’s mouth widened.

  “Did he abuse you?”

  She put her arm across my shoulders.

  “No, nothing like it,” I said, “We didn’t spend much time together. We were too young.”

  I did not want to talk about Chris.

  “He didn’t deserve you, Allie.”

  I saw she felt sorry for me.

  I wished Monika would stop talking about Chris

  “Never mind,” I said. “That was then; not a big deal any more. We all make mistakes and learn from them.”

  “I am really sorry.”

  I remembered the Tutatchamon exhibition where Chris took me. That was the only time we did do something together. Watching some old mummies in a sarcophagus could not have been more boring than watching grass grow for an eighteen year old. Today I could not understand why I felt attracted to him. We had nothing in common. I guess I was lonely back then and wanted to share my life with someone. Chris could be very charming.

  “Roman and I always do nice things when we have time off together. We went to a concert last week,” she said. I was sure that the two of them would have a long happy life together. How much had I hoped to have that with Jules, too! I thought I could keep a man like him. I must have been kidding myself. “You’ll find the right person one day, Allie; just believe in yourself. It will happen.”

  “Oh, I am not worried about it. I am perfectly fine as I am.” That came out a little too quickly.

  Monika had a smile on her face as if she was thinking of something.

  Monika suddenly asked in an excited voice, “Have you thought about the internet, an on-line meeting?”

  “No, Moni, no way.”

  She smiled broadly. “I have a friend, she…”

  I interrupted her. “I appreciate your help, but really, internet dating is not my cup of tea.”

  I could see in her eyes that she wanted to talk about it some more but I yawned and said, “It was a long day for both of us. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Finally, she gave in.

  I walked her to the door.

  “All right, Allie. I’ll call you as soon as I finish work.” “Good night, drive safely.”

  I locked the door behind her, glad it was over. It felt strange, being pregnant and nobody knew about it.

  I knew the next day would be tiring. Monika had a long list of places she wanted to visit. I could not get out of it. What was I thinking that I could possibly go through this? I was getting the picture now, and did not like what was happening. Better get on with it, I told myself. After all, that was the reason why I came here.

  It was hot in the apartment. I opened the window and a cool breeze rushed in.

  The traffic had slowed down at this time of the night. I did not want to wake up Roman and decided to have a shower tomorrow. My eyes all of a sudden felt as heavy as bricks. This complete wedding business was already getting on my nerves. Why could people not just make up their minds what they wanted and do it? I had no idea how I would get through the next days without showing Monika how I felt. It crossed my mind once what kind of wedding Jules and I would have and what dress I would be wearing. Maybe we would a garden wedding under the rain trees. That would never happen now. I could not imagine falling in love ever again, not to mention getting married. That was something I would never have to worry.

  The thought ran through my mind to call the police station in Malanda and ask if they had heard from Jules. Maybe he was at home looking for me. I should have left a note. Well silly me.

  I wanted so badly to believe that. I did not know what to do. It was not that I was mad at him, but – well, maybe I was angry. I had accepted the fact that he was gone and did not want to get my hopes up and then get disappointed again if he was not there. I sat on the lounge very quietly.

  I heard steps behind me. Roman was standing in the door in his grey flannelette pajamas.

  “Has Monika left?” he asked in a sleepy voice.

  “Yes, a minute ago. Did I wake you up?”

  “No, I was thirsty.”

  He went to the kitchen and came back with a glass of water. “Is everything all right?” he asked.

  “Yes, why do you ask?”

  “You were sitting there by yourself, looking like you are thinking about something.”

  He sat next to me.

  “I am thinking ab
out the wedding.”

  “It didn’t look like it. You had a big frown when I came in.” He knew me pretty well.

  “I was thinking about wedding dresses.”

  At least it was half the truth.

  “I am going to bed,” I said and got up. “And you should do the same. Didn’t you say you have an early shift?” Roman got up too.

  “You’re right, good night, Allie. I am glad you are here.” He walked back to his room.

  After I made sure Roman had closed door behind him, I took my cell phone and dialed the number of the Malanda police station.

  Chapter 13

  vv

  Next morning came far too quickly for me. At twenty to ten, I jumped up from my bed when I heard the shrill ring of the phone. It took a while before I remembered where I was. Last night I spoke to the police in Malanda, they had not heard from Jules. I cried myself to sleep.

  The phone kept ringing. Was that the police in Malanda? I gave them Roman’s and my phone number. The whole situation hit me hard. I tried to stay calm when I picked up the phone.

  “Hello?” I said and held my breath.

  “Good Morning, Allie. I am calling from the hospital,” I heard Monika’s voice at the other end. “Did I wake you? You sound like you’re still in bed.”

  Disappointment flooded through my body. How could I have ever thought it was good news about Jules?

  “I am I mean I was. What is the time?”

  “It’s nearly ten o'clock. I finish work around lunchtime and will pick you up after.”

  “I’ll be ready when you get here. See you then.”

  Although I was wide-awake I went back to bed for and stared at the white ceiling. The sound of traffic increased. The phone rang again. Had Monika forgotten something? When I answered it, nobody was there. I hung up. Maybe it was a wrong number.

  I got up and reached for my denim skirt and the new cashmere jumper. While I pulled the skirt on, I felt a little tightness around my stomach. The pregnancy was already showing; there was a little bump. The feeling overwhelmed me.

  I bought a couple of fresh bread rolls from the bakery at the corner and spread one with liverwurst and mustard, the other one with mayonnaise and peanut butter. Now I understood why pregnant women had those cravings. My craving for peanut butter was immense.

  The phone rang again. Who was that now? I answered it, but the line went dead.

  Half another hour later Monika came. She was wearing a floral Laura Ashley dress and shiny black ballerina shoes. She hugged me fiercely. She seemed a bit stressed but promised once we got going she would be fine.

  You look lovely,” I said. It was hard to imagine she was already twenty–seven. She looked more like a seventeen-yearold.

  Monika wanted to go to “Sweethearts Bridal Boutique” first, one of the more prestigious wedding stores in town. She parked her car in the shopping centre car park. Excitement was all over her face when we entered the store. Her dark eyes were glowing and a big smile was on her face. Although I had prepared myself for a long day, I felt already bored when Monika talked about the wedding. I asked myself the question whether it would have been different if I were the bride and not her.

  Do not be ridiculous, I told myself. Where is that coming from? Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Not everything was about me. I hated myself that I could not give Monika my whole attention. She really deserved better.

  “I am so glad you’ll be my bridesmaid, Allie,” she said and tucked her arm under mine.

  “No problem,” I said. It was not the truth but the answer she expected.

  “You know, I haven’t got the time to encourage friendships because of my shift work. That’s why I am so grateful you’re helping me out, coming all the way from Australia.” “Thanks, Monika. I love helping you with the wedding. I felt uncomfortable lying but I tried not to show it. Monika pointed at a breathtaking wedding gown displayed in the window. It had several layers of chiffon, lace, and silk, covering with sparkly diamantes at the bust. It reminded me of Lady Diana’s wedding dress.

  “Isn’t that gown stunning?” Monika called out. The price was probably stunning, too.

  “The sales person has no idea what she’s got herself into,” Monika giggled. “I’ll give her something to do and try on every single wedding dress.”

  My mood sank. Surely, they would have a chair for me to sit on while I waited.

  The tall dark-haired sales person’s name was Elke. “Good morning,” she greeted us, smiling. “Have you come for your appointment?”

  Monika’s face dropped.

  “What appointment? No, I didn’t know I had to make one,” Monika said, disappointed.

  Elke looked in her book and said, “Oh, someone cancelled this morning. You are very lucky; I can fit you in.”

  “How long is a consultation?” Monika asked.

  “It is approximately two hours.”

  Two hours, what was I going to do in that time? Monika looked relieved.

  “That’s fine. We have plenty of time.”

  You may, but I do not, I thought.

  “We have over two-hundred and sixty-five bridal designs to choose from. I am sure we will find the perfect one for you. Please follow me.”

  Monika smiled all over her face while she followed Elke. I sat down on the white soft leather couch.

  That was an awful lot of dresses to get through. I counted the magazines on the table; they would help me pass the time. I wondered why Monika actually needed me here.

  The next half an hour, I spent by myself, half of the time flicking through the magazines, and the rest of the time watching the people through the window.

  Then Monika came back, wearing a short wedding dress. The expression on her face was not very happy.

  “You won’t believe how many designs they have: A Line, Ballroom, Mermaid, Empire gowns. The list goes on. I am already confused. I tried this one on, but I don’t like it, do you?”

  The dress was short in the front, long at the back. It reminded me of a piece of curtain, all ruffled together. In her hair was a white dangly artificial flower.

  “I don’t mind it,” I said.

  “I don’t like it,” Monika said, turned around, and went back to the fitting room.

  The next dress she tried on was strapless. Monika had only a small bust line, and it fell off her shoulders. A few dresses followed, but she did not like any of them.

  I had flicked through all the magazines and started to get bored. It did not look like Monika would be finished soon. I had better come up with something else to do if I did not want to go insane.

  Everything was moving excessively fast for me. A few weeks ago, I had a boyfriend who said he loved me and then from one day to the next he disappeared. All of a sudden, I was spending time with the police trying to find Jules, finding out I was pregnant, and now I was organizing my brother’s wedding. What was happening to me? No wonder I had problems concentrating.

  The next gown Monika tried on did not fit her either. She looked as she was drowning in it. It was more for a person with a bigger bust.

  She tried on several more gowns but none of them suited her. I saw the disappointment in her face. The dresses were too big, too small, or too long. Elke offered to alter the dresses but Monika wanted to take one home with her that day. Elke ran her hand through her neatly combed hair, a sign of nervousness. She probably thought Monika would leave the store without buying anything. Monika was getting more and more upset by the minute.

  “If you ask me, I think the Mermaid style looks beautiful on you. What do you think?” Elke asked me.

  I had no idea which one was the Mermaid style. To be honest, I had not given it much attention.

  “When I was a child I had a Barbie doll with had a dress like that,” Monika said and pointed at the gown in the window. “I hated it but it was the only one my foster parents could afford.”

  I looked at the gown. It was beautiful, a little shorter than the others, with
little cap sleeves, a black velvet tie under the bust, made of pure silk with embroidered roses. I thought it would suit Monika well as it was not as long and dramatic as the others were and complemented her petite figure.

  “I think that one would look very nice on you, Moni,” I said. I started telling her how lovely she would look in it, but I had to admit that it was a little selfish of me. I wanted her to buy something so we could leave the store. Monika was very indecisive and pointed to the mannequin in the display window.

  “I would like to try that one on,” she said to Elke.

  “The Silk Duchesse, of course! Why did I not think about that before?” Her face lit up. She rushed to get it.

  Monika could not be serious. That was probably way over her budget and more suitable for a large wedding party. Why did Elke not tell her that?

  I sat for such a long time and got up, stretched my legs, waiting for her to come out of the fitting room.

  Monika returned. I felt that lightening struck me. Meters of shiny material covered the floor. She was hardly noticeable. It was embroidered all over the bust, a large number of pale pink silk roses was sewn onto the lace, encrusted Swarovsky crystals on top of it, and a large bow at the back. She looked like a duchess in a painting from the eighteenth century. That is where it probably got its name. I caught a glimpse of the price tag and nearly choked.

  “The Silk Duchesse is our best-seller,” Elke explained. She should have said most expensive seller.

  “It’s stunning,” Monika whispered. “I like it. What do you think, Allie?”

  Neither Elke nor I said a word. Was that the gown? Elke and I had something in common for the first time: she wanted the sale; I wanted to leave; and we both wanted the same thing. “The gown is exquisite couture,” Elke whispered.

  “I see,” Monika said.

  “Nothing will beat it.”

  “I believe that.”

  “This gown is made for a dream wedding.”

  “Like mine. It fits perfectly.”

  “You look like a princess in it,” Elke said.

  She looked more like a princess from the last century. “I’ll take it,” Monika said all of a sudden.