Chapter 18
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That night Roman came home late from work.
I woke up at seven after a restless sleep and worked out a plan for the day, threw on a pair of jeans and my new cashmere jumper, a dash of Chanel No Five. Roman was still sleeping. That was good. I did not have to explain where I was going. I tried not to make much noise and left the apartment without breakfast. I wanted to go back to the Hercules building. I walked faster as it started to rain. When I arrived at the building, my clothes were wet. The jumper started to make me itch.
I stood for a little while opposite the building, watching the people enter and leave. Then I entered the building, hoping a different attendant at the reception worked today. I did not want that he thought I was a stalker and kicked me out. Yesterday, my nerves took over and I panicked. That would not happen today. I felt more relaxed and more than ever determined to find out the truth.
The same man sat behind the reception. As soon as he saw me, he pushed the button, the door opened.
“Are you still looking for your friend?” he asked.
I lifted my head up and gave him a thin smile.
“He is very important to me,” I said. “Do you mind if I ask a few people?”
“The lucky guy, I wished somebody would chase me, good luck.”
He did not ask any more questions and buried his head in his book. I relaxed. Step 1 achieved. To find the man was like finding a needle in a haystack; I was aware of that. There was a little chance; too many people lived in the building. When the elevator door opened, I could not believe my eyes. Could I be that lucky?
I saw the man with the beard. He was not alone. A woman was with him. She laughed and whispered something in his ear.
I froze. A man pushed me aside to get past, mumbling something. I stumbled. As soon as I got my balance back, I turned around. Who was the woman?
There was no time to think now. They seemed to be very much in love.
After my first shock, I was not sure what to do next. I decided to follow them. Out of the corner of my eye, I observed everything that they did.
I ignored the cars, beeping at me when I crossed the road and the police officer telling me to be more careful, my eyes only glued to the couple.
The woman was beautiful. She had a body that was every woman’s dream.
All of a sudden, I felt frumpy and ugly. When I looked at her beautiful long hair that fell in soft waves down her back, I was jealous. The way she walked was sexy every move she made indicated that she was in love with the man.
My entire world crashed down on me. Had Jules put on a show for me the whole time in which he was in Australia? I could not be sure, of course, but if he did, I would not let him get away with it, no way! For now, I had no reason to believe it was he.
They crossed the road. I was right behind them. They looked like they did not care what was going on around them. I wondered what they were talking. His arm was around her shoulders. She laughed and pushed her body against his. I turned away from them as the pain in my chest increased. In a fraction of a moment, I felt so alone. What was I doing here? Turn around, Allie, I said to myself. I was following a couple who were in love. I was good at making a fool of myself. They went to a busy shopping district with Designer Boutiques.
I did not know what to think and was angry with myself and confused. I did not expect to see him with a woman. I could have accepted the fact that Jules left me because he did not want to commit himself but what I could not accept was that he left me because of another woman, if that was he. I really believed he cared for me! It felt like a sharp knife.
Calm down! You do not know if it is he yet.
They stopped at the Gucci boutique. The woman pointed towards a dress in the window. I could not believe it; straight away, he reached for the wallet in his pocket and gave it to her. She bent her head back slightly to the side and he kissed her neck.
Jules used to kiss me like that and my heart stopped. I felt like screaming, but no sound came out of my mouth. Instead, tears were building up. I fought them back and leaned against a window, my mind shifted back and forth, my body slowly slid down the cold glass.
An elderly man stopped and asked me if I needed help. I needed all the help in the world but how could I explain that? I shook my head.
“I felt dizzy for a moment,” I said and got up.
“Do you want me to call an ambulance?” he asked. “No, I am fine.”
Where were they?
I waited for them in an alley, feeling like a child who stole an apple from the neighbor’s garden, and caught any moment. My situation got more unreal by the minute.
A few minutes later, they left the shop. He carried a bag in his hand.
I followed them to the Sion’s beer house and frowned. That was not good. Did they want to go inside? He was hesitating. Did Roman have an early shift? I did not think so. He worked late last night and it would be unusual to start early again next morning. It would be awful if I ran into him. I convinced myself he was probably at home. I waited until they were inside then I entered, too.
I saw the waiter approached their table and the couple ordered. I sat at a table close by and ordered a glass of lemonade. I was exhausted and thirsty from the long walk and wanted to collect myself before I approached them. I had no idea yet what to say, but I was sure to come up with something.
I could not see Roman anywhere and relaxed a little. The man leaned back in his chair. The woman moved closer to him. Now I was going to find out for the last time. My legs were a little shaky and weak when I got up but I ignored the feeling. Nothing was more important for me than to find out whom the man was who reminded me so much of Jules. I approached their table.
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“Do exactly what Juliet says. Do not ask any questions. Don’t look behind you,” Woods had said to him before. “She is a professional and knows what she is doing. Trust her.” That was easy to say. Kissing his psychologist, telling her that he loved her was far beyond his wildest imaginations. He was not an actor; he had no experience in this area.
The first time when she told him to put his arm around her shoulders felt strange but to tell her he loved her was ridiculous. He had only said this to Allie.
Juliet tried everything she could to make him feel comfortable. She knew a lot about him, while he did not know much about her except that what she had told.
The moment they stepped outside the elevator, Kevin was not himself, his emotions switched off. The whole time he saw Allie’s small face in front of him, her beautiful face, surrounded by her gorgeous brown hair. How much pain she went through right now?
“How long have you been working for the FBI?” he asked Juliet.
“Five years, but it doesn’t seem that long. Time goes so quickly.”
“Is your husband looking after your kids when you are on a job?”
“We make sure that one of us is always at home, but it’s not always possible. Sometimes we need a babysitter.” “That must be hard.”
“It’s only for a few more months; I resigned last week. It’s too much strain on my family.”
“Who do I talk to if you’re not here any more?”
“I hope your case will be closed by then.”
“A miracle has to happen, but I wish for that, too.” “I don’t know any more what’s real and what isn’t,” he said, frustrated.
“I am sorry your life has become so complicated, Kevin. I hope you problems come to an end soon.”
“I hope so too.”
Kevin was silent for a while, and then he asked, “Where did you meet your husband?”
“At high school all the girls had a crush on him.”
“I thought you met him through work?”
“He has not always worked for the FBI.”
“When are you going back to LA?” Kevin asked.
“In a few weeks, I hope.”
Juliet ordered two glasses of champagne.
Kevin felt her warm lips on his. All of a sudden, she was not serious any more and went into the acting part again. He closed his eyes for a moment and imagined it was Allie. He turned his head slightly.
“Hold yourself together, Kevin. You are doing fine we are nearly there. She’ll have enough soon,” Juliet said.
“I am not so sure. It looks like she is waiting for something.” Both knew Allie watched every move they made. His heart was bursting in his chest. He was so tempted to turn around and tell Allie what was going on but Juliet’s expression reminded him of the danger Allie was. It all depended on him. The Sion Beer House with its long wooden benches and matching tables would have looked inviting for him under normal circumstances, but not now.
“Look relaxed, we’re in love, don’t forget,” Juliet whispered. Kevin had never felt as uncomfortable as when he laid his arm around Juliet’s shoulders like a bad actor in a bad movie. The situation felt unreal.
Woods said something to Juliet. Kevin’s eyes widened when Juliet said to him, “She is on her way to our table.”
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There was no backing off now. I had to do what I thought was right. I was looking at the man and the woman sitting at the table, enjoying each other’s company. It was time to get clarification.
My head was spinning. Just then, I almost ran into my brother.
“Allie!”
“Roman!”
“What a surprise! I had no idea you were coming.” I did not know who looked more surprised, him, or me. Roman was wearing his waiter uniform, black pants, white shirt, and long blue apron.
“I thought you were still at home!” I exclaimed.
“I have an early shift today.”
Roman was the last person I wanted to talk to right now. “I need every penny I can get before the wedding.” He was standing between the couple and me.
“What are you doing here so early?”
I did not know what to say.
“I didn’t see much of you last night, so I thought to pay you a visit.” I said my expression tight.
I could not see the couple any more and panicked inside. “Do you want anything to eat or drink?”
“No, thank you.”
Roman was still standing in front of me and I tried to look past him, blocking my view.
“No, I don’t want anything. Sorry, I have to go.” I walked past him.
“You’re acting a bit strange, Allie. Is everything all right?” I did not want to make him suspicious and sat down again, shooting a glance at the couple’s table. They were still there. I relaxed.
“I am a bit exhausted from the walk, that’s all,” I said. I was hot and took off my jumper, wiped the perspiration off my face with a paper serviette. Sweat was running down my back. Roman sat next to me.
“How are the wedding preparations proceeding?” he asked. “Monika said she bought the dress.”
I did not answer. Instead, I turned my head away from him, my eyes fixed on the couple and said, “Move over, Roman. I can’t see them.”
“Can’t see whom?” Roman looked in the same direction as me.
“Do you know them, Allie?”
“Be quiet, Roman. I can’t hear what they are saying.” “Who are they?”
“I don’t know yet. Don’t ask any questions, not now.” He looked confused.
“I don’t understand.”
“It doesn’t matter. I have to go now.”
“Go where? Sis, you’re making no sense.”
“Roman, please.”
“Now you’ve got me curious. What’s going on?”
“Don’t you have to work? Or do you get paid for sitting?” I did not want to be mean but had no other choice. I knew it came out a bit too harsh and hoped Roman did not feel offended.
“Allie?”
I knew Roman. He would not shut up until I told him. “All right then. Promise you won’t get angry with me, if I tell you.”
“Promise”
“I think the guy sitting next to the woman is Jules,” I said. “I am lost here. Who is Jules?”
“I told you about him. He left without any explanation.” “Do you mean the guy from Australia, you were dating?” “That’s right.”
I knew I did not make sense. There was no time to explain it to him now.
An elderly couple sat down next to my table and looked at Roman. He had no other choice than to take their order. “We’ll talk about this at home,” he said and shot me a disapproving look before he left.
I did not know what to say or think when I pulled myself up but all of a sudden, I felt a slight cramp in my stomach. I had not eaten anything today. My blood sugar was probably right down.
I felt dizzy, closed my eyes, seeing yellow and blue flashes. I did not have the strength to stand up. Where was Roman? Nobody noticed that I was struggling to stand up. I had to talk to the man with the beard.
When I opened my eyes, the flashes had disappeared and so the couple.
“Where did they go?” I asked the waiter in a panic. “Where did who go?” he asked.
I pointed at the table where the couple was a moment ago. “I mean the man and the woman over there at that table.” “I’ve just started my shift and didn’t see anybody, sorry.” I rushed outside, so what now? I stood there for a moment, my chest tight, looking in every direction where they might have gone but there was no sign of them. How did they disappear so quickly? If I walked back the same way then maybe, there was a chance to see them.
On my way, an old Abba song played. The music came from a parked car. I walked past it. The man sitting inside was smoking, and blue clouds of smoke blew out of the window. The smell was disgusting. I felt sick and started coughing. The rain increased by the time I arrived at the Hercules building my clothes were drenched. There was no sign of the couple. They definitely did not walk back the same way. This was not going to work. I had to go back to the apartment and change into dry clothes first.
I was so angry that I almost cried. If Roman had not shown I would have probably known by now, if it were Jules or not. Why did he have an early shift today, for heaven’s sake? Monika left several messages for me on the phone to call her back. She had to wait. After I changed into my tracksuit and ate a ham and cheese sandwich, I felt a little better and stretched my legs out on the couch. I needed to rest for a while, and turned the television on. After a few minutes, I nodded off. When I woke up again I heard the news, a prostitute brutally murdered in Cologne. I sat up straight. Everybody heard about the Say, who committed murders all over the world. The authorities could not catch him. The police strongly advised all women to be extremely careful, even though prostitutes were his target. Most of them were addicts, needed the money for their daily drug supply, and were very careless.
I rang Monika and apologized that I did not ring her back. She said she was worried about me. It was too late to do shopping now, as she had to go to work. I felt guilty that she waited for me so long and promised I would make it up to her. At two o’clock Roman came home.
I was just about to leave.
“I brought fish and chips. I hope you haven’t eaten yet,” he called as soon as he walked in the door.
“Are you meeting Monika?”
“No, I want to go for a walk.”
He put the fish and chips on the table and studied me. “Do you want to have lunch first?”
“I have already eaten, thank you.”
He looked disappointed.
“I bought four pieces of fish.”
“I really don’t want anything. I am not hungry.”
I felt bad. He looked out for me and I did not appreciate it. “Is something wrong, Allie?”
“Can’t I just go for a walk?”
It was hard to lie to him.
“I want to talk to you about this guy you think is - what was his name again?”
“Is that the reason why you came home?”
“Yes.”
“There is nothing to talk about. You woul
dn’t understand anyway.”
“To understand what”?
I have to go, Roman. I have lost already too much time.” “Allie, wait.” He took my arm when I grabbed the keys. “Sit down, and explain it to me.”
“There is nothing to explain,” I said.
“Do you think the guy you saw this morning was Jules?” I nodded.
“How sure are you?”
“Not one hundred percent.”
“Allie, Allie, I was hoping you were over him. My God, what is it about this person? He left you. Get this into your head. You cannot possibly still think about him. Do not waste any sleep over him. He did not want to be with you. There are a lot of nice guys out there who would love to be with you.” To talk to Roman would not get me anywhere. I knew exactly what he thought.
“What would he be doing in Cologne? C’mon, be realistic, Allie.”
Roman was right. It did not make sense, not to me or to him. I tried one last time.
“I can’t stop thinking about him. When I saw him first he reminded me so much of Jules.”
“What do you mean when you saw him first?”
“It was at the bridal shop. He was there.”
“He left you because he didn’t want to commit. That is why. Don’t even give him another thought,” he said.
I felt strangely emotional and vulnerable. Since I left Australia, I had been like that. Was my pregnancy responsible for my emotional state? I started to cry.
“Forget him. If I were you, I would not waste any tears on him. That is the only advice I can give you.”
He took me in his arms as he used to do when we were kids to comfort me. It did not help. We were not kids anymore and responsible for our own actions.
“You don’t have to say that. You do not have to be sorry. I understand what you mean. I get it.”
“Would you like a piece of fish now?”
I was still sobbing.
“Give me only a small piece,” I said to make him happy. We ate and did not say much to each other.
“Do you still want to go out?” he asked.
“I want to buy a wedding gift for you. What do you want?” “I haven’t really thought about it, yet. Maybe a Rolls Royce would be nice.”
To Catch A Butterfly You Need A Net Page 9