To Catch A Butterfly You Need A Net

by Gabriele Phillis

  “You are unbelievable.” I gave him a half smile. “When I get home tonight, I want to see a happy face, promise?”

  More tears burnt at the back in my eyes, but I did not let it show.

  “I’ll try.”

  vv

  The Say had followed Allie for the last half an hour. She stood in front of the Sion Beer house. What was she doing? Finally, she walked inside. The Say did the same. Her brother worked here. Was she visiting him? She looked more and more upset by the minute. He knew she tried to find that idiot. Was he in the beer house? He would find out soon.

  The Say rubbed his stubbled chin. That was going to be interesting and bring the game into a completely new perspective; give him something new to do. Why did he not think of that earlier? The voices would be happy with him tonight when he told them about his plans. She could not have made it any easier for him. That was the solution. From now on, he had to watch her more carefully. Although women were easy to judge, you could never be sure what they would do next. The best thing that could have happened was just watching her.

  He took a table at the back, ordered a beer, and paid straight away.

  Nothing happened. Allie sat at the table, watching a couple. She talked to her brother. Why did she cry? He was wasting his time finished his beer, and got up. She got up, too, not looking very well; her face was pale. She sat down again, leaned back, and held her stomach with one hand. The Say waited a while, wondering what she was going to do next. She talked to the waiter. After a minute, she left in a hurry. He followed her towards Luise Street, where he had parked his rental car.

  She sat on a park bench. Obviously, she was not feeling well. He walked past her. In his car, he turned on the radio and waited. They played an Abba song. He liked it and turned up the volume, lit a Havana cigar and leaned back in his seat while he blew out the smoke through the window. He could do anything he wanted - no rules, no limits. The world was his.

  He saw her coming. His eyes were as sharp as a falcon. Oh, Allie, you are so naive and innocent. You have no clue. What am I going to do with you?

  She came closer and walked past. In what a mess did you get yourself? Why did you not stay in Australia? They were all the same, sticking their noses in things, they should not. Then they wonder why they get into trouble.

  He saw her brain ticking over. Did she not find what she was looking for? Next time, you will, do not give up.

  She turned her head slightly in his direction. He slumped down in his seat.

  Maybe I should give you a little fright, to give your little head something to think. Let us play, shall we?

  vv

  My feet were aching and my back was sore. This was nothing new for me. Since I had been pregnant, these symptoms seemed to be normal. Why did nobody ever tell me this? I changed into my new pair of jeans and a T-shirt.

  The phone rang. That was probably Monika.

  “Hello, Moni,” I said when I picked it up.

  There was no answer.

  “Hello?”

  I could hear breathing.

  “Who is this?”

  “I’ll hang up if you don’t answer me,” I said when I heard a muffled voice.

  “Hello, Allie.”

  “Who are you?”

  There was silence.

  “Wondering who I am? I am a friend with a message for you.” The voice sounded creepy.

  “What message?” I held the phone closer to my ear. I did not have any friends. Most of them had moved away. Nobody knew I was in Germany.

  “It is very important to listen what I say,” the voice said. Did I make a mistake to encourage him? He caught my attention, too much had happened to ignore things like that. Could it have something to do with Jules? I hung on every bit of information I could get.

  “I am listening?” I said, holding my breath.

  “Don’t believe what they say. They are all lying, Allie.” “Who is lying?”

  “Keep looking, follow your instincts.”

  The line went dead. What did he mean when he said follow your instincts?

  I stared at the phone, unable to move. Was it only a crank call or was more to it? The last thing I needed right now was one of them. I wondered if Roman had received calls like that before.

  I put the phone down. It took a while before my heartbeat returned to normal. I felt as if something was about to happen. I should be here to relax, but instead everything had turned into a nightmare.

  The mystery caller alarmed me. Why did he call and how did he know my name?

  After several minutes, the phone rang again.

  I did not say anything when I picked it up. Monika’s voice was at the other end.

  “Hello, are you there, Allie?”

  “I'm sorry Moni. I thought it was that guy again.”

  “What guy?”

  “Somebody rang, said he had a message for me. He knew my name.”

  “That’s strange. Do you have any idea who it could be?” I thought for a moment.

  “Not anybody I can think of.”

  “Well, if he had a message for you what did he say?” “I should follow my instincts and don’t listen to what the others say.”

  “I would ignore it. It is not worth thinking about. I used to get many of those calls. When I started to ignore them, they stopped. That is the best thing to do. ”

  I was not quite convinced and thankful that Monika tried to cheer me up. She always had a positive outlook. I needed some of that.

  “You’re right. I’ll ignore it.”

  “Take it easy, Allie. You are a bit uptight. Is everything all right?”

  “Everything is fine. Let’s hear what plans you’ve made for today.”

  “I’ve made an appointment with the priest in an hour. I will not need you for that only for the next one as he’ll explain what you have to do as a bridesmaid.”

  I was glad Monika did not need me today. That would give me time to work on my plan, going back to the Hercules building.

  “I hope it’s not too boring for you stuck in the apartment all day,” Monika sounded concerned.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll find something to do.”

  “I’ll see you later, Allie.”

  “See you then.”

  I made up my mind. I wanted definitely to go back to the Hercules building, even if it meant I had to wait all day and night to see him again.

  Monika deserved a better bridesmaid than me. I should help her, instead, I only listened half to that what she said and was more concerned about myself. She could not have chosen a worse bridesmaid, than me.

  I did not know how long I sat there, but when I finally wanted to leave the apartment, the phone rang again. Was that Monika again? Had she changed her mind and wanted me to come to meet the priest? I hoped not.

  “Hello?” I said, expecting her. It was the same breathing as before. I squeezed the phone tightly in my hand, heard the sharp intake of my own breath.

  “What are you still waiting for, Allie? Jules is expecting you.”

  Chapter 23

  vv

  Just as I was about to leave, Roman came home, carrying half a dozen grocery bags.

  “Are you going out again?” he asked, when he saw me standing there, wearing his long oversized grey raincoat, an umbrella in one hand. He dropped the bags on the floor. “Only for a little while,” I answered.

  Since the last anonymous phone call, I had paced through the room, wondering who that person was who knew about Jules. “It’s raining heavily,” he said. “Where do you want to go in this weather?”

  “I need to see somebody.”

  “I thought we could have a nice dinner tonight - you, me, Monika and Michael.”

  “Who is Michael?”

  “He works with Monika at the hospital. He is very nice.” I closed the door behind him. The last thing I wanted was to meet another man.

  “Take the raincoat off, Allie, and pour us a drink. Wait at least until it stops rain
ing.”

  He took out a bottle of Chateneuv de Pap, my favorite red wine.

  To drink alcohol was out of the question. How did I explain that to him?

  “Remember the wine, Allie?” My brother smiled all over his face.

  “Of course I do. Thank you, nice of you to think about it.” “I knew you would like it and hope it will cheer you up.” He reached for two glasses.

  “You didn’t have to buy it only for me.”

  “Nothing is good enough for my sister. Wherever you wanted to go can wait. By the way, how come that each time I come home you are leaving? Do you not like the apartment? I guess living in a pole house in the rainforest is better.”

  I knew he was only joking.

  “Don’t be silly, Roman. You know I love spending time with you, and the apartment is lovely.”

  He was right. Each time he came home I was about to leave. I glanced out of the window. The sky was grey and it did not look like the rain would stop soon. It beat hard against the windows. Staying home would be better, at least for a while longer.

  I opened the bottle and poured the dark red wine into the glasses. Memories flooded back.

  “We should wait until Monika and your friend arrive,” I said. “No, let’s have one glass now,” he said.

  Would half a glass of wine be bad?

  “What’s wrong?” Roman asked when he saw me hesitating. “Nothing, Cheers.”

  “Cheers.”

  We tapped glasses. The wine tasted bitter. How could I have once loved the taste of it?

  Roman started to peel potatoes while telling me about Michael who was also a nurse and single. Hang on! This was going somewhere. Was he trying to match-and make? If he was, I had to disappoint him. No man in the world could ever replace Jules.

  I tried not to think about him and chopped up onions for the salad, which made me cry. The whole time he talked about Michael - what a nice person he was, reliable, honest, and good-looking. My thoughts drifted off to the anonymous caller. He knew about Jules. Follow your instincts, he had said. My instincts were to go back to the Hercules building. Roman asked me something. What was it?

  “What do you think about it?” Roman asked

  “Think about what?”

  “Were you even listening to me?”

  “You said how nice he is.”

  “We could go out for a drink one day.”

  I could not hear another word about Michael how wonderful he was.

  ”If your friend is so wonderful why is he still single?” “He had a girlfriend. I do not know why they broke up. I think she was taking him for a ride.”

  I did not want to spoil the evening and changed the subject. “How many people have you invited to the wedding?” “Not many, only a few of Monika’s friends. We want to keep it small.”

  “It’s a shame her foster parents can’t make it. How does Monika take it?”

  “She has never been close to them. She will be all right. It will be a really small wedding party.”

  I wondered if Roman knew how much the wedding dress cost.

  “Will Monika move into the apartment or will you be looking for a bigger place?”

  “For now, yes, but later we’ll move into a bigger place in the country, get a dog maybe.”

  “What about your jobs?”

  “We’ll take the train or the car. City life is so stressful believe me. You should know.”

  He was right. I could not imagine living here any more. Roman baked a lemon meringue pie for dessert. We talked about our childhood and the German shepherd we had once.

  For the first time I, felt relaxed. It was like in old times when we were kids, helping our mother in the kitchen.

  She taught us one day how to make a lemon meringue pie. After all those years, Roman still remembered the recipe. We had a great time back then. It was so much fun, except the fact that I always ended up cleaning the kitchen; Roman disappeared at that time. Our mother never said anything. We never had any secrets from each other then, but today everything was different. I had to tell him the truth. He told me when he had his first crush on a girl at school, and I confessed my first kiss from the boy around the corner when we were sitting on swing chairs in the tiny backyard. How embarrassed the boy was when I pushed him off and he landed in the mud! So much had changed since then. Today we were not kids anymore; we were responsible for our actions. We made choices and had to live with the consequences.

  It was the moment to tell him I was pregnant and that he was about to become an uncle. I took a deep breath.

  “Roman…”

  The doorbell rang.

  “That must be Michael,” Roman said and opened the door. There stood a tall, good-looking man in his late twenties with a winning smile. He walked in.

  “Michael, this is my sister. Allie, this is Michael.”

  “Nice to meet you. I heard a lot about you,” I said, taking off the sunglasses. We shook hands. Monika was right behind, carrying half a dozen bridal magazines. She placed them on the kitchen table. If I thought I was going to have a relaxing evening, I was kidding myself.

  “Allie, why don’t you sit down with Michael? Monika and I can finish the rest,” Roman said smiling.

  If Roman worked for a dating agency, he would be doing very well. I understood his good intentions but was a little annoyed that he did not tell me about it and would have set him straight, telling him that I did not come to Germany to find a husband.

  Monika poured herself a glass of wine and sat next to me. “I hope you don’t mind that we asked Michael to come for dinner,” she whispered. “He is such a lovely person.” “As long as you know I am not interested in a relationship.” “I know how you must feel, Allie.”

  Did she really know?

  “You are the best sister-in-law I can wish for and I am very lucky to have you,” Monika said with a smile.

  “Thank you Moni. I am lucky myself.”

  She could be so nice that I could forgive her for the tapes and magazines.

  The night ended in a success. Michael had a good sense of humor. We had a lot in common. He had visited Australia twice and could understand what I liked about it. We looked at each other from time to time, as if we had an unspoken understanding that helped us to get through the night. I almost forgot my problems.

  He was vegetarian and ate only the cannelloni stuffed with ricotta and spinach, Roman cooked for him. We ate the roast chicken. He had passion for nursing and loved his job at the hospital - especially the nurses he joked.

  After dessert, I helped Roman clear the table and followed him into the kitchen.

  “What do you think of Michael?” he asked straight away. I closed the door behind him. I wanted to come right to the point.

  “What the hell were you thinking? The poor guy must feel like he’s in an escort agency, not to mention my feelings, Roman!” “I was just trying to help…”

  “I am not interested in anybody, Roman. I don’t like it that you didn’t tell me why you’d invited Michael.”

  “We wanted to surprise you. You had such a bad day yesterday and thought you need some fun.”

  “I appreciate your help, but I don’t want to get involved again. I am still getting over my last relationship.”

  Roman hugged me, his way of saying sorry. He only meant well.

  “He is nice, yes, but that doesn’t mean I want to be with him. So please, Roman, do not encourage him. Promise me that.” He sighed. “I wanted to ask him one day…”

  “No.”

  “You are a fool, Allie not to go out with him. He is perfect for you.”

  “No, Roman. Don’t you dare, that’s my last word.” The door opened and Monika stuck her head in.

  “Hey, guys, what’s going on? I thought you were making coffee?”

  Neither of us said a word.

  “Did you have an argument?”

  “Coming right up,” Roman said.

  Monika looked at me.

  “We had a misu
nderstanding, but sorted it all out, right Roman?” I said, taking four mugs out of the cupboard. We walked back with our coffee into the living area and settled in front of the television, Monika next to me with the magazines on her lap, Roman and Michael at the other end. I sensed deep down that Roman got the message. Our eyes met over our mugs: there was an understanding between us, at least for now.

  Monika and I looked through the magazines. She made some notes, but after half an hour, she was too tired to go on. We decided to watch a movie instead and the magazines had to wait.

  Then we all had a pleasant evening.

  Chapter 24

  vv

  Next morning Roman scribbled a note for me with a Smiley face on it. The note read do you mind cleaning up. I looked at the kitchen table, covered with dirty dishes from the night before.

  The kitchen looked as if a bomb had exploded, dirty saucepans, dishes and plates everywhere.

  I reached for the cornflakes and milk, too lazy to make a sandwich. Today I needed all my strength. To clean up would take to long. I could not waste any more time. I did not know if the man with the beard was still in the building. I felt panic. I wanted to go back to the Hercules building this morning. Instantly a shiver ran down my spine when I thought about it. Would I be luckier today?

  The phone rang. That had to be Moni.

  “Hello,” I said.

  I heard the same breathing as last time. That was not Monika. I nearly choked.

  “Hello, Allie.”

  I was up from my chair faster than ever before.

  “Who are you? What do you want?”

  “Aahhh,” said the man. “Now I have got your attention.” This time I was in perfect control.

  “The truth is not far away. You must go and find Jules.” I was acting calm but my heart drummed in my ears. How did he know?

  “Do you know where he is?”

  “He is not far away.”

  “Can you tell me if it’s him I saw?”

  I held my breath.

  “Are you still there? Hello?”

  He hung up, before I could say anything else.