Finn nodded. "I did know that. How cool is that?"
"What if I got you a chance to shadow him for a day? You know, not because you like him. Just to see what he does. It would give you an excuse to talk to him, to get to know him."
"I don't know... I..."
"He'll do it," Shelly said, speaking for her brother before turning to him. "Stop being such a dummy. You know you want to. This is the chance you've been yearning for ever since that time I caught you watching him go in and out of his spire."
"It wasn't like that!" Finn said. "You make it sound like I'm some kind of peeper or something."
"Well, aren't you?" Shelly asked.
"Not in a creepy way!"
"Children," Cordelia said. "Behave. The queen is our guest."
"I'm here as a friend," I said. "But as queen, yeah, I can make things happen. I'll set it up. Finn, meet me at the royal spire tomorrow. I'll make sure Titus lets you in. You can start shadowing Evan right away. Besides, if you like the job, I could use more people I can trust on map duty."
"An important job," Finn said.
"It is," I said. "The security of the whole kingdom depends on it."
"Means a lot you'd consider me," Finn said.
I shrugged. "You'd have a lot of learning to do, but you have to start somewhere, right?"
"It is a great and honorable opportunity," Eldonis said. "It would certainly make us proud."
"Thank you so much, Joni!" Cordelia said.
"It's my pleasure," I said. "So, are any of you performing in the talent show?"
"I am!" Shelly said.
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to do magic!"
"I thought I'd do a farting show," Finn said. "You know, because it's a natural function. Like magic is for Fomorians."
"He's kidding," Shelly said. "And I'm not using our natural magic. It's an illusion show."
Finn was still giggling to himself, presumably imagining what a farting show might look like.
"I think your talent would stink, Finn," I said.
Finn busted out laughing. "No kidding."
"You should sing, Finn," Cordelia told her son."
"Nope," Finn said. "Not going to do it."
"He has a great voice," Cordelia said. "But he won't sing in front of people."
"He isn't just shy," Shelly said. "Also has a case of stage freight."
"I understand that," I said. "They say one way to get over that is to picture everyone in the audience totally naked."
"You could picture Evan in your audience, Finn!"
"Shut up, Shelly!"
I giggled. "The point isn't to excite you. It's to make you feel like everyone else has more to be embarrassed about than you do."
"Still not going to do it," Finn said.
I nodded. "Well, I hope to make these galas a regular occurrence. Perhaps, next time."
"Yeah, maybe," Finn said.
CHAPTER THREE
THE TALENT SHOW was a hoot. Shelly's magic tricks were fun. Nothing like you might see from David Copperfield or Criss Angel, but she did manage to make a small squid disappear out of thin water. Tahlia's dance was good though I wasn't sure it was exactly family-appropriate. The mermen seemed to love it. I didn't have anything planned for myself. I was the center of attention all the time. This was supposed to be about them, the people. Though, Agwe was slated to perform. I clapped my hands as he took the stage. Didn't make much sound clapping underwater. But, you know, old human habits die hard. Agwe intended to serenade me with song, and I was eager to hear what he'd been practicing.
I thought it was a sweet gesture. Until he opened his mouth. He wasn't singing. Not exactly. More like rapping.
"I like big tails, and I cannot lie. You other mermen can't deny..."
I shielded my face in embarrassment. Holy hell. Of all the human songs Tahlia could have taught him.
I thought he'd finished and lifted my face from my hands. Then, he started a second number.
"All I wanna do a zoom a zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom! Just shake your tail!"
"Dear Lord," I said, shaking my head. Shelly and Finn were giggling. "He told me he was going to sing something romantic."
Shelly was laughing so hard now that she snorted. "I hate to tell you, but I don't think your husband would know romance if someone smacked him across the face with it."
"Don't tell him that," I said. "He'll probably take the whole face slapping thing as if it were a literal romantic gesture."
Agwe was the only rapper who took the stage. We did have several other singers. Most of them, of course, were average. But it wasn't like we were putting on an episode of Fomoria's Got Talent. No Simon Cowell to rip them apart afterward. No one was going to get a red x. it was all for fun.
Finally, Titus took the stage. I almost forgot he had a comedy act prepared.
"What kind of song should you sing when you're swimming with the fish?" Titus asked, introducing his first joke. "Something with a good tune-a!"
I cocked my head—but the whole crowd roared in laughter. I suppose a sense of humor, what people find funny, is culturally conditioned.
"What do whales have for dinner?" Titus asked, telling another joke. "They eat fish and ships!"
I furrowed my brow—but people were slamming their hands on their tables, bellowing raucous laughs at his unfunny hokes.
"Thank you, thank you," Titus said. "So, why are fish so easy to weigh? Because they have their own scales! Did you hear about the fish that blushed? It saw the ocean's bottom! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!"
I'd never heard so much laughter in my life. Not since my dad forced me to watch a binge of Leslie Nielsen movies—but then, he was the only one laughing. A few of Titus' jokes made me chuckle a little. But the crowd's enthusiastic response was a bit more than I thought was warranted. Still, I was taking mental notes. Apparently, lousy kid jokes struck the Fomorian funnybone.
As the evening went on, I moved from table to table, doing my best to have meaningful conversations with as many merfolk as possible. I was making progress. Between my home visits and galas like this, it felt like I was connecting with the people in a meaningful way.
But I still was antsy. Maybe it's because I went from defeating the voidbringer to taking on a zombie shark apocalypse in rapid succession. I'd grown accustomed to having the weight of the world—not just the weight of my merkingdom—on my shoulders. It's why I needed a good thrill ride on wyrmback from time to time.
Don't get me wrong. We'd had nearly a year of peace. The people were happy. If they took polls, I was pretty sure my popularity ratings would be through the roof. My relationship with Agwe wasn't exactly satisfying—physically or emotionally—but he treated me well, and he certainly meant well. I had great friends. I missed my son, of course, but I'd get there. Once I grew the balls to go back to land and face this whole vampirism issue that I'd been avoiding.
What had me on edge wasn't a longing to see my son—though I'm sure that contributed to it—it was almost like I'd grown accustomed to chaos. I was addicted to the thrill of traveling through time, facing off against dangerous baddies on sea and land. I didn't want to be Fomoria's peace-time queen. I wanted to be their war-time heroine. Not that I'd go looking for fights. I knew the costs of war. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hooked on the thrill of it. And there was at least one looming threat out there. We expected it to come after us sooner than later.
A ship of soul-sucking, time-traveling, ghost pirates. Now, accompanied by Nephtalie, who brought with her incalculable quantities of Fomorian power. She'd siphoned the power from me. I siphoned it back from her in an unending, amplifying loop. It was how I stopped the zombie sharks. But she took the power she'd gained from our exchange and boarded the ghost ship. She gave them exactly what they wanted.
Nephtalie, of course, was one of my ancestors. Her father, Henry Campbell, intended to abort her to avert a curse that was declared to fall on any female Campbell h
eir. I knew all about it because as a Campbell, the first female raised in the family plantation in centuries, it fell on me. I dealt with it. It sucked. But when I went back in time to seek answers to help end the zombie shark apocalypse, I prevented Henry from aborting his daughter. Nephtalie was abducted by Odette, a now-deceased caplata (she was eaten by a wyrm), and taken to the future. Since I was technically a Loa now, she'd harnessed my aspect and tried to manipulate me to rule the seas via undead sharks. They failed. We won. And I expected Nephtalie would want revenge for the death of Odette, who'd raised her. Partnered with the ghost ship of pirates, I assumed she'd come for us sooner rather than later.
But she didn't. A whole year and no sign of the ghost ship. With as much Fomorian magic that Nephtalie brought aboard, it was out of the question the ship could have evaded our detection. The beacons we had scattered throughout the gulf, which, in turn, powered the enchanted map I had held in the royal spire, would detect the ship if it was anywhere nearby. So far, though, Evan and the team of watchers he supervised hadn't seen squat. An occasional human vessel might trigger the beacons—they were sensitive to electricity as well as magic. But that was it. Nothing that posed a threat. It was a good time, I supposed, for Finn to apprentice.
It had also been an excellent time to train more wyrmriders. The adolescents, Nammu's children, were growing in strength and power. It wouldn't be long before they'd start reproducing themselves. Eventually, the Fomorian Wyrmriders would be an incomparable force. We'd rule the seas. I knew, eventually, we'd need them.
CHAPTER FOUR
I THINK AGWE was expecting his rendition of "Baby Got Tail" would get him some nookie later that night. He genuinely thought that since I told him singing me a song would be sweet, he could sing anything, and I'd start to swoon. I had to admit, though, that he was so naive about how to romance a woman that it was almost cute. He came to me, wide-eyed with anticipation, as if he was desperately hoping that he'd finally given me what he wanted.
"You sang me a song about butts," I said.
"I changed it!" Agwe said. "It was about big tails."
I rolled my eyes. "You need to pick something that expresses your genuine feelings for me."
Agwe scratched his head. "But I do like your big tail."
"Be that as it may, it doesn't speak to the heart. You need to go deeper than that. Think hard not just about what you like about my body, but what attracts you to me as a person."
"Such a difficult thing to do," Agwe said, shaking his head, not even realizing that he was basically admitting that he just wanted me for my body. I knew that wasn't what he meant. He had a good heart. He did love me, or at least he cared about me very deeply. But he didn't know how to define his emotions, much less how to communicate what he felt. Unless, of course, it had to do with his feelings about big tails.
He left, his head hung low, dejected. I felt bad. I wasn't trying to reject his attempts at romance. I was trying to communicate my needs. He just had the hardest damned time interpreting what I was saying and applying it in a meaningful way. He didn't sleep much. Even if he'd stayed and tried to cuddle up with me, it would have been a step in the right direction. But he left to sulk. Again, not attractive.
We didn't have doors in the traditional sense in Fomoria. Tahlia knocked on the edge of the opening that led into my quarters. It was a duller, echoey sound that resonated when someone knocked her than it was when someone on land knocked on a wood door. Still, I appreciated knocking. Not something most Fomorians expected. But I'd been taken off guard more than once.
"What's wrong with Agwe?" Tahlia asked.
I sighed. "I feel bad. I tried to explain to him, again, what I need. I wasn't trying to reject his attempt."
Tahlia snorted. "Sorry. I taught him that song."
I shook my head. "Maybe, but did he tell you he intended to use it to romance me?"
Tahlia giggled. "No, he said to give him a song from the human world you'd know. He wanted to sing something that made you feel at home. Because he wants to be your home, Joni."
"Dammit," I said. "Now I feel bad. That is kind of sweet now that I know what he was trying to do."
"But those were the only songs I knew by heart," Tahlia said.
I nodded. "I think 'Baby Got Back' might be the most commonly memorized song in the human world. Not surprised."
"He wants you to be happy, Joni."
I sighed. "I know he does. I try to tell him what I need, but I don't want to tell him exactly what to do, you know? If he wants to romance me, it has to come from the heart."
"Singing that song for you did come from his heart," Tahlia said. "Even if it sounds more like it came from his merdick."
I giggled. "It really does. Oh my God, I was so embarrassed."
"I noticed. Those lights totally brought out the red in your face when he started rapping."
"I wish he knew how to speak my love language," I said.
Tahlia cocked her head. "Or, you could learn to better translate his love language, Joni."
I snorted. "It's hard to do. Can you blame me? It's tough to hear 'I like big tails and I cannot lie' and interpret it as though he was whispering me sweet nothings."
"Don't look at exactly what he does, Joni. Think more deeply about it. Consider how much work he must've put into trying to learn a human song for you. Think about why he'd go to such effort, even if his execution isn't perfect."
I nodded. "I know, you're right. But do you realize, shortly before the gala, he asked me if I wanted to go for a ride on his merstick?"
Tahlia giggled. "Honey, if you're going to turn that down, can I move in on it? Don't tell Titus."
I shook my head, chuckling under my breath. "I wasn't turning him down. I tried to tell him that I needed more wooing than that."
"And then he took your advice and came to me to pick up a song that he learned in a matter of hours. I don't know much about human men. Still, I suspect there aren't many of them who, after they got turned down by their woman, would immediately focus on trying to give them what they said they wanted."
"I suppose you're right," I said. "Most men would probably go out with their guy friends and complain about their bitch of a wife after that."
Tahlia smiled. "You have a good one, Joni. You just need to give him a chance. Try to see the good, the sweetness, behind what he's trying to do for you."
"I feel like such a bitch," I said. "If he did go out with his other demigod buddies and complain about me, I wouldn't blame him."
Tahlia gave me a hug. "You aren't a bitch, Joni. You're trying to tell him what you need. There's nothing wrong with that. But he's trying. Are you willing to try, too, to meet him in the middle?"
"I'm willing to try."
"As hard as he's trying to please you?" Tahlia asked.
"I guess. I mean, I am. You know, it hasn't occurred to me to ask what it is he wants."
"It's simple," Tahlia said. "He's never been in a real relationship like this. He doesn't have any expectations. He wants to experience the most that a loving marriage can offer."
"You know, the best moments we've had together were in the middle of battle. When we took out the Voidbringer. When he thought I'd died, after Mercy bit me, and he brought me back. It's like when we're fighting side-by-side, we're in sync. When we're just here, free to focus completely on each other, it's like we're totally different people."
Tahlia shrugged. "It's your thing. I think every couple has some things that they enjoy, things that bring them together."
"Yeah, but it isn't like I can just go unleash the Kraken or something, so we have something to fight."
"Well, you could," Tahlia said. "But I wouldn't recommend it. The Kraken is a bit of an asshole."
I snorted. "You've encountered the Kraken before?"
Tahlia grinned ear to ear. "Not exactly. But I know it's a real thing. I've heard the stories."
"There are stories?" I asked. "When, exactly, was the Kraken a real threat around here?"
/>
Tahlia shrugged. "I don't know. I think it was a few hundred years ago, really. And not around here. Used to sink a lot of ships. Then, it just disappeared. Who knows. I'm guessing it eventually got old and died."
I pressed my lips together. "Thanks for the talk, Tahlia. I think I'm going to go find Agwe."
"Always glad to help!" Tahlia said.
"What brought you up here anyway?" I asked. "It's getting late."
"Oh, it's nothing. I was here hanging with Titus since he's on guard duty. We were celebrating how he killed it on stage, and I thought I'd stop in to say hey to my girl."
"Well, I'm glad you did. I feel a little better now."
CHAPTER FIVE
THAT WAS IT. I knew how to travel through time. Sure, I'd have to face my fears and go back to the French Quater. Marie Laveau had a way to do it. But what if Agwe and I could go on adventures in the past? What if we could take on things like the Kraken and come back to the present still feeling the thrill of the fight?
Yeah, I know any time you go back in time, you might screw things up and create a lot of problems. But if we were careful, if we found legends, like that of the Kraken, and inserted ourselves into the adventure in a non-consequential way...
Tahlia said it. No one knows how the Kraken died. What if it was because Agwe and I came from the future and killed it? It was just an idea. Agwe probably wouldn't go for it. But what the hell. Why not ask? We needed something to help us get past this hump in our relationship. Why not the Kraken?
I found Agwe at the top of the royal spire. The highest spire in Fomoria. Only Agwe and I had access to the area—it was guarded, protected by a shell of its own since anyone in Fomoria could swim up and go in if they wanted to otherwise. The old royal spire, which was destroyed during the fight with the voidbringer, had one like it. King Conand had locked me up there once to keep me out of the way. That seemed like an eternity ago.
Wyrmrider Justice: An Underwater Magic Urban Fantasy (The Fomorian Wyrmriders Book 3) Page 2