by Georgia Rose
I’d put up with him patiently and politely enough for weeks now, but this evening I was not in the mood for dealing with yet another clumsy attempt to chat me up. He didn’t seem to be able to take no for an answer so before he had the chance to say anything I glared at him and warned, “Back off,” through gritted teeth. Surprisingly he did just that, shrugging and muttering as he retreated to the other end of the bar, temporarily chastened by my reaction, but I didn’t like the look that came across his face when he stared back at me. I turned again to the bar to pick up my tray of drinks, taking the opportunity to glance briefly across at Trent. He was smiling now, and looked pleased, but shook his head as if he didn’t quite know what to make of me. I smiled back, a little embarrassed, and took the drinks over to the others.
Sliding back onto the bench next to Will I told him Trent was there.
“Why does he stay over there drinking alone, rather than joining us?” I asked.
“He will join us, if it’s only us boys drinking, but as soon as it becomes mixed company he takes himself off on his own. Some of the girls tend to start getting all gooey around him and he doesn’t like that for some reason.” Will pulled a face at this incomprehensible thought. “Though I suspect it’s because of his marriage break-up.”
“Oh…I didn’t realise he’d been married.”
“He never talks about it, and I know nothing more, but I believe he had a pretty rough time of it.”
I thought for a moment, deciding to voice my own theory. “Maybe it’s that, or maybe it’s that he doesn’t like women?” I ventured.
Will frowned at this then turned towards Kay and Lizzie sat on the other side of him, bringing them into the conversation.
“What do you think? Do you agree with Emma?”
Both of them looked back at him, bewildered by his questions coming out of the blue at them, so I filled them in on my thoughts.
Lizzie spoke up first. “I’ve never actually seen him with anyone, but then he is very private so maybe he likes to socialise away from the estate, but I’ve never had any reason to think he doesn’t like women,” she answered, seeming bemused that I would have found him otherwise.
Kay was of the same opinion; apparently he’d never been anything other than polite and courteous to her. Must just be me then, I thought.
I enjoyed exercising Monty every day; he was lively and I definitely had to keep my wits about me while riding, and when handling him. Sometimes I schooled him in the arena but the rest of the time was spent exploring the estate – there were so many different paths and routes to take that there was no chance of getting bored, although every chance of getting lost, as I found out on more than one occasion.
One such time was when I found myself riding round the back of the Manor for the first time and was somewhat surprised to spot a helicopter parked there. It was matt-black and bulky, not sleek and shiny like the sort of helicopter I’d seen before, but definitely something more like the military would use. I supposed that was only to be expected with Cavendish’s background; he obviously gravitated to all things military. I’d heard what I’d thought was a helicopter flying over on several occasions, but due to the tree cover I hadn’t actually seen it before and certainly hadn’t realised it came from the estate.
Regan was due to start back in work at the end of June which I’d been looking forward to, but when the time came I found some of my enjoyment diluted as my anxiety levels were rising. The children would shortly be home for the holidays and I wasn’t sure how that was going to go.
I’d not had anything to do with children since Eva, and I was concerned how I was going to react to them. I was especially worried about seeing Sophia and what would happen if she reminded me of Eva. I’d wanted to talk to someone about them, find out what they were like, but I didn’t feel there was anyone I could talk to without them thinking I was a bit odd for getting all worked up about a couple of children turning up occasionally to ride. I would only be able to explain my behaviour by telling them about Eva and I couldn’t do that. I’d never actually had to do that and I couldn’t imagine having to say those words out loud to anyone; they brought a lump to my throat even thinking them. I was so concerned about questions being asked I’d even taken to hiding her photo in the bottom of a drawer every Wednesday morning when my cottage was cleaned. Of those that already knew about her, I didn’t think I could ask Cavendish or Grace about their own children; it felt inappropriate and they’d employed me on the assumption I could deal with them; I had told Cavendish as much. That left Trent, and as I already knew he didn’t want me here I didn’t want to give him more ammunition by drawing his attention to my insecurities. So I was left trying to plan a few activities that I thought might entertain them and I hoped I’d be able to get through our first meeting without having some kind of meltdown.
As it turned out Cavendish and Grace had to go to a charity function the first day they were due to arrive at the stables so it was Trent who drove them over to me. I was feeling nervous anyway and his truck arriving only made that worse. He jumped out and walked towards me. Susie growled at my side as he came closer and I quietened her. He looked concerned as he watched me carefully and I sensed he understood my apprehension as he asked quietly, “Are you going to be okay with this?” I nodded nervously, trying to reassure myself as much as him, as I gazed anxiously towards the truck. The door opened and Sophia jumped out first. I felt myself relax as I exhaled; she looked like a mini Grace, delicate with long blond hair, and thank goodness, held no resemblance to my dark-haired angel. I smiled briefly with relief at Trent, grateful for his support, and nodded again in reassurance that this was going to be all right, my main concern had passed. He smiled gently back.
Reuben, who was eight years old, had now joined his sister, who I knew to be ten. He was completely different from her in looks, having dark hair like his father, and when they moved closer, blue eyes as opposed to her brown. He had a cheeky smile and was immediately distracted by Susie, who greeted them both with enthusiasm, and I could see I was going to have my hands full. The children were both now making a fuss of Susie, giving me a moment to gather myself. I’d been surprised at the sensitivity in Trent’s question; it showed an awareness of my grief, revealing a side of him I’d not seen before, as he’d managed to check I was okay without me putting my guard up, without it feeling as if he was probing. As soon as I’d relaxed he’d seemed satisfied and hadn’t taken it any further, for which I was thankful, and we stood comfortably together watching the children and Susie; then when they’d paid her enough attention they stood there a little shyly looking at me. Trent introduced us, and then, leaving us to it, returned to his truck and drove off. I smiled at the children and indicated towards the stables.
“I bet you’re looking forward to seeing your ponies again.”
They both nodded. They were quite quiet and I thought it might take some time for them to relax with me, and in fact, me with them. We went to have a look over the stable doors at Zodiac and Benjy and the children stroked their noses.
“Okay, let’s go riding,” I said, and we headed to the tack room.
“Now,” I announced, “I have three rules.” I indicated towards the notice board and one of my laminated sheets. “One, if you come into this yard you must wear proper boots. Two, if you ride you must always wear a riding hat. Three, if you want to ride you have to do some of the work involved with that. I’m here to look after your ponies for you but I won’t just have them ready for you in the yard to get on. I expect you to look after your own ponies while you’re here as you’ll enjoy it more. Do you agree with all of that?” I questioned. They did, though were a little wide-eyed, I thought, as to what might be expected of them.
I carried on with a little gentle questioning of what they could do and we set to work getting the ponies tacked up. Both of them managed well, and once their ponies were done I tacked Regan up but left him tied up in the stable as I wanted to see the children ride in the arena
first to see how confident they were. They led their ponies out, mounted and headed for the arena. I warmed them up with a few exercises then watched them go through the paces. They’d been taught well and were correct in their postures and in control of their ponies so after a short while I was satisfied they were more than capable of coming out with me on a hack and they waited while I got Regan out. As I led them out of the yard we were joined by Susie, which delighted the children. I checked back on Monty, who I’d ridden earlier anticipating I wouldn’t have time to later on, concerned he might feel abandoned, but he was tucking into his hay and was settled.
I’d chosen to ride down a path where we could ride three abreast, with the intention of being able to keep an eye on the children but also with the hope of getting them talking. As we rode it became obvious they were less confident and able than they’d been within the confines of the arena. Reuben initially struggled to keep Benjy’s head up as he kept trying to eat the grass and Sophia was startled, squealing when Zodiac spooked at a pheasant that flew up close to her, which didn’t help anyone’s nerves, and as I asked them more about the riding they’d done they told me they’d only ever had lessons so this was all new.
Once they’d got the hang of managing the ponies better in this environment the children seemed more relaxed so I thought I’d try to get them to chat a little, but it had been so long I wasn’t sure what to ask and found myself thinking back to Eva and what had made her open up. I fondly remembered picking her up at the school gates, prompting her with questions about her day as we walked slowly home, enjoying her enthusiasm as she became more animated, filling me in on the parts that were important to her, that had stuck in her mind, such as the time when the best thing that had happened that day, in fact that week, had been that she had been the one to find a frog in the school pond. I looked over at the children hoping the same topic might work.
“So, tell me what it’s like at your school? I’ve never been to a boarding school.”
“We’re not at the same school,” Sophia replied, correcting me.
“Oh, is that because you go to an all-girls school?”
“No, my school has boys as well…”
“And mine has girls,” piped up Reuben, wanting in on the conversation.
“So why don’t you go to the same school then?” I queried, puzzled as to the reason.
“Reuben’s school does a lot of sport and I really don’t like doing any more sport than I have to,” she answered a little dramatically, making me smile.
“Ah, I see, and I’m guessing Reuben does like doing sport?”
“Yes, I love it,” he answered emphatically. “It’s much better than being stuck in a classroom all the time, which is just boring.”
I couldn’t have agreed with him more as I thought back to my own school days. Although, as when I’d talked with Eva, I was fascinated by the enthusiasm they showed as they chatted about their schools and I couldn’t help but think I’d missed out on something in my education.
“What do you like about your school then, Sophia?”
“I get to do more art and music – I’m learning to play the violin.” At which point Reuben mimed sticking his finger down his throat and pretending to gag. Sophia leant over, punching him on the shoulder to stop him; I was hoping playfully, as I didn’t want this getting out of hand. Fortunately, Reuben stopped after snapping at Sophia for punching him and before they had a chance to further the bickering I suggested a trot.
We returned to the yard over an hour later, by which time we were all chatting away and I was pleased to see Monty still looked calm. We’d decided on the ride to turn Zodiac and Benjy out for a couple of hours so once the children had taken their saddles off I suggested they jump back on bareback to ride out to the paddock. They both appeared a bit surprised at this suggestion – it was something they’d never been allowed to do before, but I encouraged them, helping them to get back on, and we wandered out to the paddock. There they slid off and, taking the bridles off, let the ponies loose. We all watched as both immediately dropped to the ground to have a good roll, then got up and shook themselves violently before wandering off to start grazing.
The children had brought packed lunches with them so we went over to the cottage. Making the most of the good weather, I spread a blanket on the ground under the apple tree and Sophia and Reuben sat on this to eat their lunch. I went in to make up a jug of juice and took that, some plastic glasses and my lunch out to join them. When we’d finished we all lay on our backs for a while looking up through the branches of the tree to the sky beyond. As I lay there I thought that this was going better than I’d expected. The children seemed quite happy and I liked them. I’d had a small concern that they might be a bit spoilt, coming from such a privileged background, but there hadn’t been any sign of that, which really shouldn’t have surprised me when I considered how down to earth Cavendish and Grace appeared to be.
A little later we went back over to the stables and I taught the children how to clean their tack, showing them how to strip down the bridle; then using a sponge and water they set to work cleaning the dirt off, then worked saddle soap into the leather, making it soft and supple. I knew it wouldn’t be too arduous a job as the tack was cleaned regularly and as we worked I was reminded of doing the same with Eva, although it hadn’t gone quite as well. Her hands had been too small and she didn’t have the strength to get the buckles undone which she found frustrating, and I remembered her scowling as she struggled one day, refusing to give in and hand it over for me to do. As Eva had grown up I’d often taken her to the stables and it had become clear early on that she’d shared my love of horses. She’d started riding a pony we borrowed at the yard when she was five and I’d been so proud as she’d been coming along so well…I faltered, the warm memory instantly replaced by cold reality, tears springing to my eyes which I blinked back quickly, not wanting the children to see, furious that I’d allowed myself to drift so far into my memories. Forcing myself back to the present I smiled encouragingly across at the children, distracting myself by helping them reassemble the bridles and finish off before we went to get the ponies’ stables ready for the evening. I showed them how to muck out and get the beds ready with banked-up sides. We filled the hay nets and hung them up, then I made the children put their hats on and we went out to get the ponies back in. This time the children put the head collars on and when I suggested they ride the ponies back in they were happy to, already feeling more comfortable riding bareback.
We tied the ponies to the fence and I showed Sophia and Reuben how to groom them from head to tail. Zodiac was palomino, his summer coat a creamy butterscotch colour which contrasted against his flaxen mane, whereas Benjy was the colour of rich, dark toffee and both of them shone under the care of their owners, who were just finishing when Cavendish and Grace drove into the yard. The children proudly showed them the good job they’d done with the grooming, filling them in on the details of what was involved. To finish off they put the ponies in their stables for the night and thanking me, headed off with their parents. Grace smiled gratefully at me.
“They’ve obviously had a good day,” she said. “They won’t be able to come every day, unfortunately, but I’ll give you a call so we can synchronise diaries and you’ll know what’s going on from day to day. Cavendish is hoping to get some time off too so we can all ride together some days. I would like them to come to you as often as possible actually, as Reuben is already driving me mad at home. He keeps disappearing for hours on end. He says he’s only exploring but he worries me sick.”
“I think that’s probably just what boys do but I can imagine it doesn’t stop you worrying,” I replied sympathetically. “Just let me know when you want to come so I can make sure everything will be ready for you,” I added, smiling. They headed off and I returned the waves coming from the car, feeling guilty at the envy that rose up in me at the sight of Grace getting to take her children home.
At the end of the week I
was about to set off on Regan, while leading Zodiac, when Cavendish arrived, saying rather mysteriously that he was taking the lorry and would be back later. I had no idea what he was up to but by the time I returned from my second ride on Monty, leading Benjy, the lorry was back. When I led the ponies out to the field to graze I was surprised to see a set of jumps in the paddock. There was also a set of jumping blocks and poles that would be ideal to set up in the arena to teach the children, as I knew they’d not done any jumping before. I sent a quick thank you text to Cavendish.
The children were coming the following day so I started getting the blocks set up so they could start by jumping down one line first. When they arrived I was pleased to see them head straight for the stables and get to work grooming and tacking up quite confidently. I told them we were going to start in the arena, so as soon as they were ready we headed in that direction, and I saw their little faces light up when they saw the colourful blocks and poles, although Reuben looked a little apprehensive.
We warmed up and I explained that although they were going to learn to jump we’d start slowly by trotting over some poles on the ground, and then I put up a little cross pole fence which they popped over. They learnt quickly, soon getting the hang of leaning slightly forward as they jumped to stay in balance with their pony. Before long I’d put up a line of small jumps along the fence and they were quite happy turning their ponies in and popping through those. However, Benjy, who was a cheeky little bugger of a pony, was not averse to putting in a naughty little buck or two which was a bit unnerving for poor Reuben, although he sat up, stayed on and coped with it admirably. Other than this behaviour from Benjy, it was a confident start I thought, and they’d really enjoyed it, laughing and giggling at each other.