by Georgia Rose
The rest of the school holidays flew past. The children came several times a week and we did many different activities: plenty of bareback riding and having fun, learning to play gymkhana games, jumping round a full course; the whole family even went off one day to a local horse show, successfully coming back with a few rosettes. Reuben had fallen off whilst jumping and found that small boys bounce very well; I’d fallen off playing gymkhana games and found older women didn’t!
Eventually though, our final day came, and we went to the beach to take the horses in the sea, galloping across the stubble on the way there, racing each other in a way I thought might have Trent bursting a blood vessel, although it would have been worth him catching us when I got to see the excitement on the children’s faces. When we returned to the yard we had a picnic under the tree as always and finished off all the jobs before Cavendish and Grace arrived to pick them up. The children had come so far this summer, learning to love and cherish their ponies, learning the joy that could be had riding. As they said goodbye, both thanking me, Sophia surprised me by wrapping her arms round my waist, hugging me to her. I was taken aback and tears came to my eyes. It had been a long time since I’d received that kind of hug and I was unexpectedly filled with a pang of sadness and longing I’d not felt so powerfully for a while. I smiled happily but when I looked up at Grace and Cavendish I knew my eyes were shining, my emotional state not being lost on them.
Chapter 9
Life settled back into its steady routine once the children had gone and I missed having them around the yard. Autumn progressed through September and into October and I watched the changing colours of the season as it did. It became gradually cooler, though the weather kept mostly fine and made for good riding, and the views around the estate, accentuated by the vibrant colours of the trees, were spectacular.
Trent caught me on the stubble again. This time I was on Monty and going considerably faster. He was travelling along the road while I raced him on the other side of the hedge. He didn’t stop this time, but as he drove off I could see him shaking his head as I grinned, hoping he was looking in his mirror.
Some days Grace came to ride and we would occasionally ride out together. I found her easy company to be with, and to talk to. We chatted about the latest news from the children, and although I could tell how much she missed having them with her from the way she spoke, she never mentioned it, thinking of me and of how thoughtless it would seem. The more I got to know her the more I realised that she was the heart of this estate, that she cared for everyone on it and spent a lot of time and effort trying to make everyone’s life that little bit easier, that little bit more comfortable.
It had been agreed that Greene could ride out with me if she wanted to on her days off, so occasionally she joined me. I put her on Regan initially as he was an easier ride, but once I was confident she’d be able to handle him I let her ride Monty, as he was better suited to her size. I found out she was relatively new to the estate, like me, having only started work a couple of months before I arrived. We both agreed at the outset not to talk about our pasts. She already knew I was divorced, and she’d come out of a painful break-up with her long-term partner that, like me, she did not want to be reminded of. She appeared to know nothing of Eva and for the moment I chose to keep it that way. Eva was a subject I couldn’t discuss with anyone.
Greene was trying to start again, and with this common ground we started to become closer friends. Although I’d initially been cautious and hesitant about encouraging that after my experiences with Amy, I tried to put my mistrust to one side and over time found I enjoyed it; it felt good having female companionship again.
The horses were going to be hunted occasionally over the winter so my main concern was in making sure they were fit and ready for that. Their winter coats started to come in and I clipped out Regan and Monty in a full hunter clip, which meant they had to be kept warmly rugged up and exercised every day as they wouldn’t be going out in the paddock.
Zodiac and Benjy became paler in colour as their winter coats grew in, though I only clipped them under their belly and neck to help keep them clean, adding rugs as it got colder. The ponies still went out in the paddocks for a few hours each day, and I spent a lot of time and effort changing stable rugs for waterproof ones when they did. When it rained it was a challenge to get the field rugs dry again for the next day and I seemed to be constantly rotating wet rugs for dry ones and adjusting the horses’ stable rugs so they didn’t rub anywhere, adding more layers as the temperature dropped.
With all the exercise I got at work, as well as my almost daily trips to the gym, I was feeling fit and confident about my body, probably for the first time. I’d toned up, but more than that I was strong and flexible. As my confidence had grown I’d invested in new gym clothes, now working out in three-quarter-length sporty fitness trousers and fitted tee shirts which were lightweight and considerably more comfortable. I tended to pull tracksuit trousers on over the top, plus a sweatshirt, and then jog to the gym as a warm-up, using the walk back as a cool-down.
One evening in mid-October I was late finishing work because the farrier had delayed the evening stable routine. By the time I hit the gym a lot of the people I usually met had already gone. I greeted those that were there, being mostly from the farm, plus Hayes, Carlton and Trent. Stripping off my sweatshirt and tracksuit trousers I started on the programme I’d originally put together, which worked well for me, although as time had gone by I’d gradually increased the number of repetitions.
The guys from the farm left when I was about halfway through my workout, and the gym was then about the emptiest I’d known it since the first time I’d been in there. I’d ended up having to leave the cross trainer until last this evening, as they’d all been in use when I first arrived, so I was on this and nearly at the end of my workout when I looked up to find Trent standing in front of me, watching. I could tell he’d been working out hard from the sweat-darkened patches on his grey tee shirt and the curls of his hair which lay damp against his forehead. The look I gave him questioned why he was there without the need for words.
“I noticed you hadn’t increased the number of repetitions you do recently and thought I might be able to offer some assistance in putting together a slightly more challenging workout for you if you liked?” he said.
I felt my eyebrows shoot up in surprise as I then frowned at him before answering, “Are you suggesting I’m not working out hard enough?”
At this point Carlton came past Trent, clapping him on the back and muttering, “Good luck with that,” before grinning at me. I scowled back at him then turned my concentration firmly back to Trent, waiting for his response.
“No…I only thought you might want to push yourself a little harder, that’s all.” Even as he said this I could sense his discomfort as it occurred to him, far too late, that he might be on shaky ground, probably gauged from the look on my face.
“So you don’t think I’m fit enough? Or that I work hard enough? Because I do have a physical job you know, riding three hours a day, managing four stables plus all the other yard duties,” I countered, and at this he ran his hands through his hair in exasperation and, I imagined, was probably wishing he’d not started this conversation.
“You do look perfectly fit enough…I just thought I would offer my help,” he ended weakly, clearly floundering and at a loss as to how to go about extricating himself from this situation. Astonishingly, I thought I would help him out.
“Oh…you want to offer your help,” I clarified, feigning surprise, as if I’d only just then understood and that this explained his interference perfectly and made it acceptable, then I thought for a moment. “There is something you could help me with actually,” I added sweetly.
“Excellent, what can I do?” he asked, clearly encouraged.
“You could come and hold the punch bag for me while I get in a bit of practice. It’s more stable that way,” I explained, leading the way to the corner
, pulling on a pair of gloves and taking off my trainers and socks as he took up position on the farthest side of the bag. I started by warming up with a few punches, practising moving lightly on my feet before warning Trent I was going to move on to kicks. These were more powerful in comparison to my punches, which no doubt he’d thought were feeble.
I heard yelled goodbyes from Hayes and Carlton as they were leaving and raised my hand in reply. Trent acknowledged them then adjusted his position slightly to take hold of the bag more firmly. I started with some front kicks and then side kicks, changing between the two, practising keeping balanced. I moved onto a roundhouse kick, slamming the front of my foot into the bag as I swung round. I was starting to swing round to deliver another when I heard the gym door open and Carlton yelled at Trent, “I forgot to tell you that I can make nine in the morning after all.”
Trent turned towards him, distracted for a moment, answering that was fine as my foot slammed into the bottom of his rib cage which was now where the punch bag had been moments earlier. Trent exhaled harshly, groaning as air was forcibly expelled from his lungs. Shit. Letting go of the bag he put his hands on his knees, gasping as he tried to drag air back in.
Realising Carlton had already gone after hearing Trent’s response, the door swinging closed behind him, and that no one else was around, I stood, frozen for a moment; then tearing the gloves off, I moved towards Trent, not really sure what I should do. Where he’d bent over his tee shirt had risen up, exposing the area I’d kicked, and tentatively I reached out to put my hand there. I wasn’t sure why I did that, but had some vague childhood recollection of injuries being rubbed to make them feel better. When my hand touched his skin, however, it was as if I’d been hit by an electric shock and I gasped, along with Trent, and rapidly pulled my hand away. I stared at him in alarm. The effect of my touch had made him stand up quickly and he looked down at me, meeting my eyes with a look of concern, his breathing heavy as he struggled to control it, confusion clouding his eyes.
“I…I’m sorry,” I stammered. “I was already moving, and you turned…I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” He continued to stare at me for a few moments, his breathing starting to ease. I could feel the charge crackling between us and suddenly I was too close to him, much too close. Needing to get away I turned, bending down to grab my socks and trainers, flustered, and trying to get them on as quickly as possible. I could feel he was still watching me but I looked down, concentrating on what I was doing, not wanting to meet his eyes. Eventually he spoke.
“I’m fine…thanks, just winded,” as pausing he then continued quietly, “I’d hate to think you did that on purpose though.”
I looked up at him, alarmed that he thought I might have done that, but he had a look of amusement now across his face, clearly teasing me.
“If I’d meant it, you’d no longer be standing,” I replied with a smile, managing to relax slightly.
“Always so challenging, Grayson,” he said as he tenderly felt his ribs, wincing slightly.
“Do you need me to do anything before I go?” I asked, feeling awkward.
“I don’t need you to touch me again, that’s for certain,” he muttered darkly as I blushed with embarrassment. He made a move to pick up his things so I didn’t think I could just walk out, and we ended up leaving the gym together, albeit as quickly as possible, awkwardly mumbling our goodbyes.
He wandered off in the direction of wherever it was he lived and I set off home. On the walk, and feeling shaken, I tried to process my thoughts. What the hell had just happened? I was confused by what I’d felt when I touched Trent, by what I could only describe as an awakening…an awakening in my body to a primal need that even now I could feel coursing through me, a need which had been dormant for so long. I’d been caught unawares, shocked by the attraction that had been sparked. I didn’t feel like that about him at all – at least I didn’t think I did. Though it now sounded as if I was trying to convince myself of something I hadn’t even been consciously aware of half an hour ago. There was no doubt of his superficial attractiveness but we struggled to spend any time together without becoming antagonistic towards each other, so how could I be drawn to that? Clearly he felt the same way judging by his final comment. That was fine with me, I decided, as I had no intention of going somewhere I didn’t want to go; even the thought of opening myself up to the intimacy of a relationship that would bring with it all sorts of emotional anxieties I was incapable of dealing with, filled me with apprehension.
My mind settled on my course of action, my resolve strengthened. I made sure I kept well away from Trent wherever and whenever possible over the next few weeks. I got to the gym early, did my workout and left. When we had to talk about any estate business I kept it short and sweet, well, apart from the remonstrations against anything he tried to impose that I disagreed with.
As November progressed the mist at the beginning of the month thickened into fog which descended over the estate. Eventually this broke up and the weather became dank, drizzly and damp, with it seeming to rain during some part of every day. Morning and evening stables were done in the half-gloom as the days gradually became shorter and on some days it barely seemed to get light at all. My time, and energy, was spent trying to keep the horses, and all that went with them, clean and dry.
The family were due to go hunting one Saturday and although I’d decided to stay in on the Friday evening because of the early start, Carlton had insisted I come out as it was his birthday. I didn’t take much persuading but said I’d drive so I wouldn’t drink, and could go home early. On the way there I realised how far I’d come; I was actually looking forward to the evening, something I wouldn’t have thought possible only a few months ago. I got to spend a lot of time on my own with the horses, which I needed, but I also enjoyed having my friends around me and was really feeling I had the best of both worlds. I was calmer generally, confident I could do the job and that I’d managed with the children over the summer. I was looking forward to seeing them the next day, and as they’d both taken to occasionally texting me or sending me photos from school it made me think the affection I had for them might not be only one-way.
The evening turned out to be fun, as it always was when Carlton was involved, and it was actually just what everyone needed to lift their spirits with the weather being so miserable and depressing. Carlton was a popular person on the estate so almost everyone had come out to share a birthday drink with him, including Cavendish and Grace who had popped in early on. It was also a rare occasion as Trent joined in with the gathering, presumably only because of the birthday boy, and I’d seen first-hand what Carlton had meant as several girls were only too obvious in lavishing their attention on him.
As I was not drinking I’d been up to the bar several times getting drinks for the others and had had to endure Gary’s attentions, which I’d brushed off, as usual. I delivered another tray of drinks back to the table before announcing I was going to leave. Carlton tried to get me to stay but I insisted as I had an early morning to deal with the next day. I made a quick trip to the ladies and when I came out, said goodbye to all and left.
Walking round to the car park at the back of the pub I had just got the key in the door of my pickup when from the corner of my eye I spotted the glow of a cigarette and became aware of Gary, emerging from the shadows at the back of my vehicle and coming towards me. Uh oh, I thought, this could be trouble, the prickling sensation on the back of my neck alerting me to the danger. He came right up to me, too close, and this time it felt intimidating. I recoiled from his breath which, as always, stank. He dropped the butt of his cigarette on the ground, grinding it out with his foot and started speaking softly.
“I’ve been watching you tonight, Emma, as I do every night you’re here. I wanted to catch you before you left ‘cos I want you to be friendlier to me. I want us to be friends,” he mumbled creepily, slurring his words slightly and, bringing his hand up, he made a clumsy attempt to touch my cheek but I moved my head
away, warily. I answered calmly, keeping my voice steady.
“I don’t want to be friends with you, Gary. I thought I’d made that perfectly clear.”
“You don’t know what you want,” he said, anger creeping into his voice. “You keep pushing me away, ignoring me. I don’t get a chance against all those boys on the estate, you girls are all the same. But now I’ve got you alone…and I want a kiss from you.”
My hackles stood fully to attention now. Fear trickled uncomfortably down my back like a rivulet of water and there was an unmistakable edge to my voice this time.
“Don’t tell me what I do or don’t want. You’re making a big mistake if you think I’m going to kiss you. Leave me alone, go back into the pub and we’ll forget this ever happened.”
“I don’t think so,” he slurred, his voice sounding more menacing. “See, I’ve got you on your own. None of the boys are around to protect you and I think you’ll find you can be nice to me…”
“I’m warning you,” I said more firmly this time, pushing back the fear I felt, having no time for that now as my anger rose, “if you come any closer to me, if you touch me, you are going to regret it.”
“You think you’re too good for me…but do you really think you can fight me off?” As he finished he grabbed me round the waist, slamming his body into mine as he pushed me hard up against the pickup, lunging in to try and kiss me. I’d twisted slightly to one side as he grabbed me, in readiness, and now brought the heel of my boot down hard on the top of his foot. Startled, he moved back fractionally and I brought my arm back, aiming a punch and catching him hard, high on his cheekbone. Pain jarred through my hand as he cried out, both hands coming up to protect his face, which gave me more room and I clasped my hands together before swinging them round and into his stomach. As he doubled over I landed a double-handed blow to the back of his neck, bringing my knee up into his stomach, driving out the remaining air in his lungs. He collapsed to the ground, rolling onto his side as he clutched his stomach, gasping for air and groaning.