by Georgia Rose
Mondays were usually the horses’ day off from exercise, so once Trent had left I went to turn them out, mucked out the stables and prepared everything for the evening. I returned to the cottage, changed into some clean clothes and made sure Susie would be staying in by locking the cat flap. I drove off in the pickup, turned left out of the yard, away from the Manor, and, passing in front of the cottage, headed for the main gate. I would normally have taken my own car on this trip, but since that had been burnt out by Zoe I had no choice. I knew Cavendish wouldn’t mind, but still didn’t like taking advantage of his good nature.
As I passed through the main gate I kept a look out for Trent and the others, half expecting that they would be there reviewing security, but there was no sign of anyone.
I drove to Crowbridge, pleased to have some time away to think through all that was happening. The revelations made the night before of what Cavendish and Trent were involved in and the consequences their actions were now going to bring to us all certainly gave me plenty to occupy my mind on the journey.
I entered the village of Crowbridge, not allowing myself to dwell on the life I’d once had there, and turned up towards the church. Parking beside another car and picking up the small bunch of flowers I’d quickly gathered from my garden before leaving, I set off for the churchyard.
As soon as I walked through the oaken gate at the entrance I saw him. I paused for a moment, deliberating, wondering if I should turn back, leave him to his privacy. I watched him as he stood, head bowed, hands thrust into his jeans pockets, his arms tanned, his golden hair accentuated in the sunlight. This man whom I’d once loved so much, but who had betrayed me. Finally I decided that this moment was going to come one day, and it was probably best to get it over with.
Walking towards him I didn’t think he’d hear me coming, so I cleared my throat as I approached, not wanting to make him jump. He spun round, his face briefly lighting up with the surprise of seeing me.
“Hi, Em!” His initial enthusiasm disappeared almost immediately, replaced by a wariness I didn’t understand as he looked beyond me, checking out the entrance, scanning the rest of the churchyard.
“Alex,” I replied slowly as I looked round to where he was looking, trying to see whatever it was he was searching for. “Are you okay?”
“Fine, yeah, how are you? What’ve you been up to?” He was edgy and still distracted by our surroundings for some reason.
“I’m fine too.” I left it at that, thinking it was probably best not to mention that I’d been shot and stabbed since the last time I’d seen him. I’d also killed someone – mustn’t forget that.
“Alex..” I could hear the question start even as I spoke his name, “what’s going on?”
He drew his attention back to me. “Are you here on your own or...or is Trent here somewhere?” I could hear an anxious note in his voice.
“I’m here on my own,” I confirmed, puzzled, then even more so as he visibly relaxed.
“Oh, okay...come and sit down then.” And he lifted his hand towards me, not touching but guiding me to the bench he indicated with his other hand. I sat, mystified as to the reason for his behaviour. He joined me, and we were silent for a moment in quiet contemplation of our daughter’s grave directly in front of us. I turned to him.
“What’s going on, Alex? Why are you concerned if Trent’s with me or not?” I could feel my spirits dropping with the disappointment that crept over me, a feeling that I already knew the answers to the questions I was raising but I didn’t want to voice them. He tried to appear as if nothing was wrong, but after our years together I knew he was hiding something and pressed him for an answer, unsurprised when it came.
“He doesn’t want me to see you, to have anything to do with you in fact. He made that very clear.” He watched me steadily. I looked away, deep in thought. When Alex had come to Melton a few weeks back and met Trent in the pub there’d been obvious tension between them, but nothing of this nature had been specifically said and I couldn’t think why Alex would say it now. Suddenly it came to me and I looked back up at him sharply.
“He’s been to see you.” Alex gave a small sigh of relief that I’d come to this realisation.
“He’s been to see me,” he repeated, nodding. “He’s a dangerous man, Em.” He shifted uncomfortably and in this short phrase I could see the difference between them: Alex’s easygoing lightness set against the darkness of Trent. Alex continued, “I thought perhaps you’d sent him...which is what hurt more. But I can see now by your reaction, by the fact that your eyebrows have just shot up your forehead, that you didn’t.” He smiled at my expression of astonishment. I was surprised he would have thought that of me.
“I fight my own battles, Alex, you know that...and now it looks as if I shall have another one to face when I get home,” I muttered, as if to myself.
“I don’t envy him that...if you’re sure you can handle him.” He hesitated. “I don’t like you being with him, Em.”
My immediate thought was that it was no longer his concern, but I realised my reaction had been tempered. A short while ago I would have found his words irritating; now for some reason I found them comforting, knowing he still cared.
“What did he do to you?” I questioned, concerned. He looked uncomfortable and shrugged.
“Nothing actually...nothing physical, anyway...he didn’t have to...it was implied. He made his intentions perfectly clear.” And I knew that Trent would have done; he had that way about him, and knowing my feeling of disappointment hadn’t been misplaced made me angry. Angry that he had done this to Alex, angry because I’d told him Alex was no threat and angry that he couldn’t leave it alone. But my anger would have to wait for the moment as I felt the need to reassure Alex.
“I’m sorry if you felt threatened by him in any way but you don’t need to worry, Alex. I’ll make sure he doesn’t come near you again, and he would never do anything to me, I can promise you that. He’s...a little possessive, that’s all, and he sees you as a threat.”
Alex gave me a small smile, and said wistfully, “I wish I was...then it would be worth taking the beating he was offering to hand out.” Despite his bravado and the fact that he was not exactly backwards in the macho stakes himself, I knew he would be no match for Trent. He probably knew that as well.
“Those days have gone...I told you.”
“I know,” his resignation clear in his tone and he looked away
I moved off the bench then and knelt on the ground. Dampness from the previous day’s rain seeped into my jeans as I started to tidy up the grave.
Alex and I had lost Eva through a sudden illness when she was six. I’d been devastated by her loss, and now, five years later, I’d only just started dealing with it. Alex had abandoned me to have an affair with my then best friend as our marriage crumbled under the strain of our grief and I’d found myself alone, having no family alive to support me. Crushed beneath an unbearable load of depression and guilt, it had been Trent who had helped me. Despite being together only a short while it had been he who’d encouraged me to open up and talk about Eva with him, and this had brought back happier memories, things I could share, and I now had a much healthier perspective on my previous life. I knew Cavendish and Grace were the only other people on the estate who knew about Eva. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to tell anyone else. It was one of the reasons why I’d gone to the estate in the first place: to start again where no one knew my past; where no one took pity on me.
I replaced the dead flowers at the base of the headstone with the flowers I’d brought. When I’d finished I sat back on the bench. Alex hadn’t uttered a word while I’d done this, and we continued to sit quietly until suddenly it came to me. As I sat surrounded by all that I’d lost I knew the reason for the disquiet hanging over me. Loss. Or, more precisely, fear of loss. I knew I couldn’t face losing anyone else from my life, and the impending threat against Cavendish and, by association, all on the estate, a threat approaching a
s surely as the rolling clouds of a storm, seemed certain to bring misery with it.
Rolling my shoulders to release the tension that had built up in them, I felt a certain level of relief as soon as I’d reached this conclusion. I imagined it was the sort of relief experienced by a patient when a diagnosis was made: the prognosis might still be terrible, but at least you knew what you were dealing with. I assumed that knowing what the problem was surely meant a solution could be found. I knew I could never revisit the dark months of grieving I’d gone through after Eva had died. It had been a truly terrible time and, I reasoned, somehow I needed to protect myself against the chance of it ever happening again.
At this distance it felt that the simplest, the easiest, thing to do would be to remove myself from the situation evolving on the estate. Actually, it wouldn’t be the easiest thing to do at all, but if I left what I didn’t know wouldn’t hurt me, and once my thoughts started in this direction I couldn’t think beyond that. Could I walk away? Or was I being naive? Was it because I was at this distance that it seemed like the best option to take? The questions jumbled together in my mind and I couldn’t resolve them now. Knowing what the problem was had made me feel calmer, but I had to deal with other matters first and, pushing my concerns to the back of my mind, I turned my attention back to Alex.
“I’m glad you still come to see her, Alex. I wasn’t sure if you did or not.”
“Of course I do, I’m just not that good at bringing flowers.” He cleared his throat before asking quietly, “Do you ever think about how things might have been for us now, Em, if Eva hadn’t died…if I hadn’t messed up?”
“I used to...all the time...but not any more.” I shook my head slowly. “It made me so miserable constantly thinking about how she would have changed, imagining our lives as they would have been if we’d still been together, imagining doing all the things we’d said we would do with her. It was exhausting and I couldn’t afford to expend any more energy on it. Eventually I faced up to the fact that her life had ended and nothing could change what had happened.” I looked over at him and knew from his expression he’d been in the same place. He nodded, understanding where my mind was at, then stood silently, turning to go before he looked back at me, meeting my eyes as I read the sadness in his.
“Look after yourself, Em...and if you ever need me, just call. I’ll always be here for you.” Without waiting for a response, he walked away.
I watched him leave, and as he went I realised for the first time that I felt genuine concern for him. The bitterness and animosity I’d carried that had eaten away at me like a cancer as it poisoned every thought and feeling I’d had towards him over such a long time had at last gone.
I turned back to Eva, and for as long as I could I allowed my thoughts and feelings to be swamped by her as I told her about my life at Melton. I updated her with tales of the horses, Susie, the simple things. In due course, however, my thoughts returned to the problems I was facing back at the estate. I had two issues to deal with: Trent’s possessiveness and my fear. I was ashamed of the fear. Everyone else on the estate was brave, fearless – I’d seen it in their reactions at the meeting last night. I’d been carried along on the wave of camaraderie, but I was a fraud pretending to be something I wasn’t. I hated to admit that to myself, let alone someone else, and I didn’t know what to do, not for certain. I feared what staying on the estate would bring, and I knew it wouldn’t be easy to leave. Just the thought of it, of what it would do to Trent, of how it’d make me feel, made me nauseous, but sitting here in the peaceful sunshine it seemed the best solution, at least for me. Getting up to leave the churchyard, I passed back through the gate and wondered how I was going to approach this with Trent. Then, thinking back to his overzealous possessiveness, the first prickles of anger started to make their presence felt and I knew my course of action.
Chapter 3
My thoughts as I drove back were confused, flipping to and fro on whether to stay or not, weighing up the pros and cons of the choices before me. By the time I arrived at the main gate, narrowly missing a dark blue car that was pulling away, its tinted windows obscuring its occupants, I was none the wiser on the route I would take, but my anger, caused by Trent’s possessiveness, had intensified to a level that I knew I could use. I wasn’t so selfish as to interrupt his work at this time, but deciding I needed to tackle him about that issue sooner rather than later I thought I’d see if he was available. As soon as I passed through the main gate I stopped and, facing the road that led straight to the Manor, checked my phone which I’d put on silent. There were several unread messages and missed calls from him. I sent a text asking where he was. He called immediately in response, sounding grumpy.
“About time – I’ve been trying to contact you. I asked you to stay in touch.”
I wasn’t about to react to that. “Where are you?”
“I’m in the woodland, the other side of the Manor.”
“Are you busy?”
“I’m about to finish...we’re cutting back some trees for sight lines. Are you...”
I cut him off, then turned away from the route to the stables and drove along the other lane until I saw his truck parked, partly hidden, among the trees. The red pickup was there too, but from the road I couldn’t see who else was around. I pulled over, got out and headed towards where I could now see a small group of them working. They’d removed some branches from nearby trees and were busy cutting them up. There was a small bonfire going which, from the amount of smoke it produced, was disposing of the greenery.
Trent looked up, silent, when he saw me approaching, and I felt him study me, his eyes narrowing as he frowned, trying to gauge my mood which he must have guessed wasn’t good. The sleeves of his red checked shirt were rolled up over his strong forearms, his jaw clenched as he watched me with his unwavering blue-eyed stare, his dark and unruly hair made me want to be running my fingers through it – but I firmly banished that thought from my head.
I walked towards him purposefully, not losing eye contact, not wanting to say anything in front of the others. Fortunately they were occupied; Carlton wielding a chainsaw, Hayes stacking logs into the back of the pickup and Josh Turner manning the bonfire. I walked straight past Trent and carried on going, deeper into the woods. For a while I didn’t think he’d followed and started to wonder what my next move should be, but then I heard the snap of a twig.
“Where are we going?” he asked.
“Out of earshot.” He stayed behind me, presumably considering why that would be needed. When I thought we’d gone far enough I stopped, pausing for a long moment, and then, taking a deep breath, turned back towards him. He’d stopped at the same time as me and there were now ten feet or so between us. I wanted, very much, to keep my anger in check.
“Is there anything that you think you should tell me?” My voice was quiet, calm. He looked puzzled as he cautiously answered.
“I don’t think so. What’s the matter, Em? You’re worrying me.”
I held his eyes. “Trent...I want you to think very carefully about what you say next.” I paused. “Think about where I’ve been today, and think again about whether there is anything you should tell me.”
I watched him closely, waiting for the reaction that I knew would come. I saw the realisation hit along with a flash of anger across his face. He exhaled loudly as he exclaimed, “You met with him!”
Don’t rise to the accusation, I told myself firmly.
“I didn’t meet with him...we bumped into each other.”
“How very convenient,” he retorted.
“We share the common ground of our daughter’s grave, Trent.”
At this he did at least have the grace to look abashed. I gave him some time before I continued, “What did you do to him?”
“Nothing. Why? What did he tell you I did? Come running to you with his tales of woe, did he? And why would you be upset about me doing anything to him anyway?”
“He described you as da
ngerous.”
“You already knew that.”
“How dangerous, Trent?”
“You know I’m capable of killing with my bare hands – how dangerous do you want me to be?”
I did know that, it being the reason he was no longer in the RAF, but I had wondered on the drive back if there was something else; something Alex had seen in him that I hadn’t, but as I didn’t think I was going to get him to elaborate on this now I moved on.
“I’d already dealt with him, Trent, there was no need for you to do anything. I told you that, but you wouldn’t listen to me, wouldn’t leave it alone. Now he’s concerned that I’m with a ‘dangerous’ man, and he’s not at all happy about that.”
“I couldn’t care less whether he’s happy or not.”
“Well I could...I don’t wish him any harm, Trent. I just want him to go and get on with his own life.”
“I’ve seen what he did to you, Em. I’ve seen how much he hurt you. And as you did not make it clear, at least not clear enough for me, what I was to you, I wanted to make sure that he understood, that we were on the same page and that he was going to keep away from you.”
“What you are to me can change, Trent,” I snapped, instantly regretting those ill-chosen words as I saw the hurt on his face. By his reaction I knew that if I decided to go it was going to be harder to put into practice than I’d first thought.
He gathered himself for a moment before continuing in a more conciliatory tone, “I don’t understand how you can feel so equable towards him.”
“I’ve given him a hard time for far too long. Losing Eva...what we went through together was more terrible than you can possibly imagine, and we failed to come out of it complete. I’ve spent a lot of time and far too much energy ruminating on what he did to me...and now I’m here...” and I paused, hesitating over my next words.