by Georgia Rose
I saw her.
I knew who was coming.
I’d always known.
I’d seen her in my dreams before, but had been unable to tell anyone in case it was taken as a fanciful notion. Our little girl. I didn’t see her as a baby, but as a little girl. I saw her as a two-year-old, standing in her nursery at the cottage, dark curly hair, piercing blue eyes, and right behind her this time was my Eva, forever six, smiling and encouraging her little sister forward as if to meet me. Then Eva looked up at me, smiling, her eyes never leaving mine. She was right there with me in this other world and I knew she was all right.
I pushed down hard and then there was nothing else.
Time stopped.
There was no Trent.
No tree house.
No estate.
No enemies.
Only me.
And my world stood still, suspended as if the universe had contracted, every star converging into a tiny pinprick of time and space, and all of it, all of it compressed in that one single moment and concentrated on me. My body screamed with the intensity of the pain, but I bit down harder and turned those screams inward, willing them on and pushing them down and into the very core of my body. I gave it everything I had, not wanting to have to go through another contraction; not knowing if I could go through another one.
And then…and then…the reward for my hard work. Barriers thrown aside as one clear hanging note of searing agony claimed me, a pain so sharp it took my breath with its ferocity, leaving in its wake churning waves that gradually receded. My body left a trembling wreck with the exertion as my surroundings came back into focus. Breathing heavily, I blinked at a shocked-looking Trent.
“Jesus!” he exclaimed, leaning in to kiss my cheek. “That was incredible.” He glanced down: “The head is out.” I smiled weakly, knowing the job was only half done, and I was damned determined to complete it on the next contraction, not knowing if I’d survive another after that. I barely had a moment, hadn’t even caught my breath again before the next one was upon me, bearing down like a tidal surge.
“Get ready for her,” I gasped, and this time we both looked down. I leaned up on elbows so weak they barely supported me but I had to see her. Trent released my hands and cradled her head in readiness. As the tension ripped through me again I tried to concentrate on the fact that this was going to be it, the last one, and aimed to gather myself in readiness, but I was too far gone for any kind of preparation. My thoughts scattered. My body, as if possessed, reacted to the forces of nature that controlled it as I felt the urge to bear down grow again. And I did, long and hard, making every effort to bring this new life out into the world. Pain peaked, but nothing like before. I breathed through it, focusing only on watching our daughter arrive. Once the shoulders were through, she slipped out into Trent’s waiting hands and I collapsed back, exhausted and overwhelmed with relief. Complete and utter relief. It was over.
I took a moment to steady my breathing, to clear my head, and then I suddenly realised.
I couldn’t hear anything.
Though this was a good thing in our situation, Eva had come into the world screaming. I pushed myself back up in alarm, experiencing the first, the very first of what I knew would be a lifetime of surges of anxiety that haunt every parent, every moment of every day.
But there she was, lying in Trent’s hands, safe and well, jerkily stretching unused arms and legs into the unaccustomed space as she stared up at him. He in turn gazed back at her, transfixed. I watched him, unable to look away, his features softening, his heart melting as he fell completely, utterly and irrevocably in love with her. Tears sprang to my eyes.
“Hey…” I verbally nudged him softly back into the here and now. He looked over at me and I could only describe his expression as one of awe.
“You are amazing, Em. I never imagined…I never thought I would feel like this…”
I was thrilled for him, obviously, but my impatience was growing. I wanted to see her properly. I yearned to touch her, to hold her, to smell her, to feel the same as he did.
I smiled at him. “Can I?” Pushing myself back so I could lean against the ironwork of the bedstead I held my hands out towards her.
“Of course, sorry,” and we rather clumsily transferred her from his hands to mine. She was warm and soft, though messy and wet. I was afraid of her slipping from me so I held her close and gazed down into blue eyes that stared back at me calmly. She was beautiful. I know every mother thinks the same, but she truly was. Dark hair covered her head, long enough that I could see the start of a curl to it. Daddy’s girl. I smiled. A perfect little nose above rosebud lips and rounded cheeks like soft peaches. I felt it then, as I’d done once before: a feeling of contentment flooding through me, warming me, filling spaces that I’d known since losing Eva had been horribly empty. The feeling of complete fulfilment reassured me that this was going to be all right.
“Hello, Baby,” I whispered, “we’ve been waiting to meet you for a long time.” I looked over at Trent, who was watching me closely. He smiled too when he saw my big tearful smile. “Thank you for giving her to me.”
He raised an eyebrow. “It was the least you deserved after all your hard work.”
“No.” I shook my head, wanting him to understand. “Thank you…for her…” and then he did.
“Anytime, Em,” and he kissed me. Sadness and joy mixed in our tears until we parted, wiping our eyes. He grinned a little bashfully. “Do you think we should cut the cord?”
“Yes.” While he reached for the scissors and string I organised her on my lap. I had no idea how this should be done and we had nothing sterilised or antiseptic that we could use, so Trent tied the string round the cord a little way from her belly then cut the cord above it. She was starting to get more active now and small mewling noises were coming out of her, so to avoid a full-scale cry possibly drawing unnecessary attention, I made myself a little more comfortable, opened my shirt, undid my bra and held her to my breast. Her head turned towards me and her mouth started seeking comfort. I remembered from Eva how to encourage her to latch on, which fortunately she did. After such a fast and relatively easy birth, Baby had been born full of energy – and with an appetite. I felt her drawing on the milk from my breast, which was a huge relief given our circumstances.
I’d already taken another towel and wrapped it around Baby’s rear end, anticipating with her feeding that something was likely to start happening there, but I was also conscious of her getting cold.
“Can you sort out something to wrap her in? We need to keep her warm or she’ll start crying.” Trent went to check in the cupboard and came back with some more towels and a blanket which he cut in two.
“You know we don’t have a name for her. What are we going to call her?” He sat watching me, I think half expecting me to have a name ready, but I didn’t.
“I don’t know. I couldn’t allow myself to think we were going to have a girl so I seriously haven’t thought of a name. We shall have to stick with Baby for a while longer.”
“Sounds good to me.” Then he excused himself and went to make some calls.
“We didn’t distract him for long, did we,” I murmured down at Baby, who had begun to lose interest in drinking any more. I cradled her as she lay contentedly full in my arms and thought through the practicalities of our situation, just as I knew Trent was doing. It would be better if we were with the others on the estate, and the Manor was the most secure place to be, so I thought we should head there. With that in mind I started making plans.
Sure enough, Baby had been rather unpleasantly busy. I started by cleaning her up as best I could, momentarily wishing again I had my case with me which would have made all of this so much easier. I fashioned a nappy out of a small towel and wrapped it around her. She was engulfed by it, but I tucked the ends in to make it as secure as possible. I took a larger towel, laid her on it and folded it across her one way then the other. It supported the back of her head, bind
ing her arms close to her sides, and I enclosed it around her legs to give her as snug a feeling as possible before laying her on the bed beside me. She was a contented little thing, at least for the moment, and on the verge of falling asleep, which was good because I needed to sort myself out.
I only had my shirt covering up my dignity and had to get dressed if we were going to get out of here. I didn’t seem to be bleeding too much so eased myself off the bed and tried to stand. It was at that point that I realised how exhausted my body was. My legs, as weak and wobbly as those of a newborn foal, struggled to hold me up; my body was battered, bruised and aching. I reached for my jeans and made my way to the bathroom, intending on using the facilities to clean up a little before dressing. I’d have loved nothing more than to have been able to sink into a warm soapy bath and pull on clean clothes after, but I was conscious of the time pressures and our need to get to safety, so I made do with stripping off and washing myself down to freshen up a bit. Feeling pretty feeble I had to clutch the edge of the basin a couple of times for support, but I knew there was no option other than to pull myself together and get ready to go. I used a towel again to protect against the aftermath of childbirth, tried to ignore the fact I felt like my insides were falling out and pulled up my jeans, which fortunately, being elasticated, stayed where they were despite there being no Baby to hold them up anymore.
I walked back into the bedroom, checked on Baby, who was now fast asleep, and pulled all the towels we’d used into a big bundle which I dumped in the bath. I then collapsed gratefully back onto the bed, my body feeling like it had run a marathon. I gathered Baby up into my arms, and as I watched her sleeping I wondered what Trent was up to.
He came back into the room a short time later with some water for me which I drank quickly, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, not realising how thirsty I had been. He sat next to me on the bed, checking on Baby before he murmured, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” But now that the drama of Baby’s arrival was over I was anxious about what was coming next. “What’s going on outside, Trent? How are we going to get out of here?”
“It’s all quiet at the moment, but we think they’re still on the estate. We have no reason to believe they’re not so I’ve enlisted some help in getting us back to the Manor.” He hesitated, then, looking me fully in the eyes, he spoke carefully.
“Emma, please remember that what I do now I’m doing for the best of reasons.”
I felt the ripple of apprehension run down my spine.
“What are you doing?”
I could feel him tense as he left my side. “You’ll see in a minute.” I watched him leave and wondered what he had planned. Whatever it was he already knew I was not going to be in favour of it.
I listened carefully now in case he made any calls, but instead I heard the front door open and close, hushed whispers, someone making a fuss of Susie. Then Trent appeared back in the doorway and I looked at him, waiting. He cleared his throat.
“Er, Em, I’ve brought someone to see you, to meet Baby,” and he carried on into the room. I watched as Carlton followed him in. My eyes flitted anxiously from one to the other. Something was up.
“Hi, Emma.” Carlton spoke softly, as if wary of waking the baby, and acted as if he was cautious of approaching me with whatever it was he and Trent had cooked up. Then he came closer, bending over to feast his eyes on Baby’s peaceful face for a moment before kissing me on the cheek. He sat on the bed facing me, casting a glance at Trent.
“Congratulations, you two, she’s gorgeous. Emma, are you all right?”
“Thanks, Carlton, I’m fine.” There was an awkward silence. I looked between him and Trent. “So, what is it you’re not telling me?” I asked impatiently.
Trent inclined his head at Carlton, telling him to move out of the way. Trent took his place. “We need to get to the Manor, Em, and Carlton is going to take Baby there now…ahead of us.”
“No,” I said, “absolutely not. She stays with us.”
“That’s not the safest thing.”
“I can’t be separated from her, Trent.”
He closed his eyes. “And I can’t carry you both, Em.”
“I don’t need carrying.”
“Yes, you do. You’ve only just given birth and we need to move faster than you’re going to be capable of.”
“Then we’ll just stay here until it’s safe.”
“No, you need to get checked out medically, and we’re splitting the manpower with us out here.”
“Then let Carlton carry me. You take Baby.”
I saw his jaw clench before he responded, “No.”
“This is no time for you to be possessive, Trent. Carlton can take me.”
“I’m not being possessive, Emma.” He exhaled in frustration. “There’s no easy way to say this but you’re putting Baby in danger if you keep her with us. Orlov is after you first and foremost, then, to a lesser degree, me. He doesn’t know about her yet and we need to keep it that way. Don’t you see, Emma? We have to put some distance between us and Baby to keep her safe.”
And I did see. I saw it all now: I saw the choice my father had had to make in one moment of time oh so long ago, doing what he had to do in order to keep his daughter safe, putting the distance between him and me. Our situation now an echo of his from all those years ago.
Trent saw the realisation hit as I gasped, my hand coming to my mouth. He reached out to wrap me in his arms. “I know, I know,” he repeated, murmuring softly as he rocked me.
“Oh my God, Trent, I didn’t understand…and I’ve given him such a hard time.”
“I know, but you can sort it out with him once this is all over.” I nodded into his shoulder. I knew now exactly what I was going to have to do. Trent released me and I looked down at Baby. I couldn’t believe I was going to let her go after everything I’d said, and although I knew Trent was right I still had some questions.
“Why is Carlton going to be alone? Why don’t we get more people round her to protect her?” I thought it was a fair argument. Trent put his hand on mine, resting on top of Baby. I could feel his warmth.
“We believe we stand a better chance of getting Baby back to the Manor unnoticed if it is just one person. Carlton can move fast, doesn’t have to rely on anyone else. He’s our best option, Em.” Then he went one step further. “He’s had my back on more than one occasion. I trust him completely.”
I glanced over at Carlton. “Come closer, I need to talk to you.” Trent relinquished his place and sat on the chair nearest the bed, watching intently.
I couldn’t believe I was going to do this, but I did know I would do whatever was needed to keep Baby safe, even if deep inside I still thought the safest place for her was with me. Who better to protect a child than their mother?
Carlton sat in front of me. “I have something to ask you, Carlton.” I glanced over at Trent who confirmed his agreement. He knew what was coming. We had spoken of this, though never expected to be saying it in these conditions. “Firstly I want you to understand how precious Baby is to us.”
“I do understand, Em.” He was totally serious yet I didn’t believe he had a clue – how could he? However, all I could do was continue on this track.
“Okay. This is the most important thing I will ever ask of you: if something happens to us we want you and Greene to bring her up as if she were yours, okay?”
He didn’t hesitate. There was no need to ask Greene; he knew his partner, and he knew what she would say. “Of course we will, we’d be honoured.”
I tried to smile, but there was more chance of tears coming now.
Carlton implored, “Emma, let me take her. Let me get her to safety. I’ll look after her, and I promise whether it’s for today, or forever, I will protect her…” I’d never seen him so serious as he placed one hand on his chest, “…with my life.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak for a moment as I looked down into Baby’s face and kissed
her forehead. “Be a good girl for Carlton. We love you and we’ll be back with you soon.” Though she heard none of that, being fast asleep, I passed her into Carlton’s waiting arms.
He leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. “I love you, Em. See you soon, yeah?” That might have been inappropriate, but it felt good.
“Yeah, see you soon.” I tried to sound more light-hearted than I was feeling but I was going to make sure it was very soon. Choking up, I watched Baby leave in Carlton’s arms. Trent followed and I could hear them talking quietly in the kitchen for a few moments, then the door open and close again. They were gone.
I felt like crying but stifled my sobs. I needed to get after her and there was no time for me to fall to pieces now.
Trent came back in the room, all business. I watched him as he checked his gun, re-holstered it and got himself ready. I was anxious to get going, but he told me we had to wait at least ten minutes to allow Carlton to get away.
Ten minutes.
It was the slowest-moving ten minutes I ever remembered experiencing.
I would usually have paced during this waiting time, but with my body exhausted I tried to rest instead, needing to bring some energy back into muscles that had been wrung out of all their vitality.
And with anxiety overriding all my emotions I counted the minutes.
At long, long last it was time and Trent helped me off the bed and out into the kitchen. Susie came through from the sitting room where no doubt she’d made herself comfortable on the upholstery and I bent to give her a cuddle, feeling sadness wash over me again at the thought of having to leave her behind but knowing she would be safest here.
“We’ll be back for you soon, Susie,” I promised, hoping I was going to be able to keep it, suddenly nervous at the prospect of what lay in store for us.