This couldn’t be happening. Nothing had gone right since they started on their trek. Felix must be devastated. His face was pale as he stared past her. Confusion mixed with grief coated his expression, tugging on her heart more.
“Oh, Felix. I’m so sorry. Carlos was a good man. He didn’t deserve...” She held back her tears as she stroked his hair. She slowly pulled his head toward her neck.
With a heavy sob, he fell into her, burying his face in the crook of her neck as his body shook with silent cries. Inside, her heart wrenched, making it harder to breathe.
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and he tightened his hold on her. It was her turn to rock him as she tried her best to comfort. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she gently stroked his hair and neck.
“It shouldn’t have happened,” she said in quiet sobs. “I should have seen it. I could have stopped it.”
Felix lifted his head. His tear-filled eyes gazed deeply into hers.
“Why do you say that? How could you have known? None of us did.”
Her gut twisted. She must tell him the truth. Then again, would he hate her for not saving his friend? Or worse...would he think she was crazy because of her sights?
She licked her dry lips. “I...I have a special gift, Felix. Ever since I was a little girl, I have received forewarnings.”
His forehead creased in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
She took a deep breath and slowly released it. “Felix, I’ve seen a few things on this trek—before they happened.” She paused, waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t. “I had a forewarning about our kiss. I also knew something was going to happen before Suzette screamed when the ants covered her. Do you not remember me asking if you’d heard someone scream?”
Slowly, he shook his head.
“I also had a premonition about you getting hit with a poisonous dart. Well...I think it was poisonous. All I know is that you get hit with a dart.”
“And the fruit?”
“Yes. That’s why I’d acted the way I did when I slapped it out of your hand. In my premonition, I saw you taking a bite and falling over dead—like the monkey.”
There was a long stretch of silence between them as she studied his expression. So far, he wasn’t looking at her as though she was crazy. However, he still didn’t appear to believe her story, either.
“What about Carlos?”
Frowning, she shook her head. “I didn’t get any forewarning. I don’t know why, either. If I had seen it, I could have stopped him.” Her voice broke, so she stopped. Tears stung her eyes again. “I’m sorry, Felix. I really wish I could have stopped it.”
His confused expression left as sadness took over. His eyes watered as he lowered his gaze. “There’s no use living in the past. We must move forward.”
Her heart broke again and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling his face back to the crook of her neck. “I’m here,” she whispered. “I’ll always be here for you, Felix.”
Although she probably shouldn’t have said it, she couldn’t stop herself. She loved him, and at this moment, she wanted to share in his grief. She wanted to share the pain of losing a friend.
THIRTEEN
Felix pushed his group—whose number was diminishing each and every day—faster. His mind had been in a haze since the croc killed Carlos. And, since Katrina hit him with that shocking confession.
How could he believe her? He’d never heard of such a thing. And yet, during those times she’d mentioned, he did recall being suspicious of her. Especially, with the banana. Had she really seen what might have happened to him if he had taken a bite?
Felix didn’t want to believe, but every instance made him more curious. She didn’t appear to be a person who was out of their mind insane, which left him to think that maybe, just maybe, she had received those visions, even as remarkable as it sounds.
Inwardly, he grumbled as he pushed his fingers through his damp hair. He really didn’t need more on his conscience. Wasn’t it enough that he couldn’t figure out what was going on in the jungle? Wasn’t it enough that they all relied on him to get them to safety? He glanced up at the sky, thankful they were at a point in the jungle where the canopy trees didn’t block the sun. Soon it would be night, and unfortunately, they weren’t at the rubber tree plantation yet. Tomorrow, for certain.
He found another clearing so they could set up camp. His men were devastated over the loss of their friend, Carlos. Nobody had spoken a word since they’d left that area earlier. It broke Felix’s heart to lose such a trusted friend, but what disturbed him even more were those crocodiles. What were the reptiles doing out of their element? Crocs didn’t like rushing water. They lived in calm waters.
Nothing made sense. Not anymore. At times, he wondered if the herbs that they were substituting for the quinine even helped at all. He’d had jungle fever only once since coming here three years ago, and it was the worst thing he’d ever experienced. The confusion and strange dreams had made him feel invincible. He’d been dizzy for days, and talked to people he thought were there, but were not. It was as if he walked through clouds of fire—everything around him was hot, but he felt as if his feet couldn’t touch the ground. Now that same confusion filled his mind. Perhaps he did have the fever after all.
Without much talk, the men set up camp and started a small fire. Katrina assisted them by putting up her own tent. They kept the tents close together. Felix still wondered if they should make a large tent and have everyone sleep inside, but then he quickly decided against it. Instead, he’d set up a night watch. Hopefully, that would work better.
Felix didn’t have to issue assignments. The men knew to gather wood and what food they could find. He worked diligently on erecting his own tent. When it was completed, he stood. Immediately, he searched for Katrina...but she wasn’t by her tent. His heart clenched, and he moved in the direction he’d last seen her, scanning his gaze quickly over the small area. If something happened to her, he didn’t know what he’d do. He couldn’t take losing another person he cared about.
Then he saw her. She stood away from camp, facing the waterfall that, thankfully, wasn’t very close. Her head tilted up toward the sky. Sunset settled on the land, bringing beautiful shades of yellow and orange mixed with black and billowy clouds of purple. Even as many times as he’d seen an Amazon sunset, he would always be in awe of the magnificence God had created.
Was she really crazy? An ordinary person would have thought so, and yet, he’d gotten to know her. She might be a headstrong female, and stubborn to fault, but she did have a kind heart. He’d seen it. He’s seen her strength. Perhaps she did have a gift from God, after all.
Suddenly, he wanted to share the sunset with her since he knew she’d never seen one in the Amazon before. It had been too long since he enjoyed such simple pleasures with a woman. Not once had he held a woman and felt content to just stare at the sun as it descended into the horizon.
He closed the distance between them and stopped behind her. She didn’t move, and he wondered if she’d even heard him. He didn’t want to startle her by announcing his presence, so he waited for a few awkward moments, hoping she’d realize someone was behind her.
“It’s very lovely. Breathtaking, in fact,” she said softly.
He breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that she was aware of his presence. “Indeed, it is.”
“Strange to think, I have never taken the time to watch the sunset. I have never taken the time to look around me and appreciate God’s creations.”
He rested his hand on her shoulder, and caressed it gently, but she remained still. “Your life probably flashed before your eyes when that croc came for you.”
“It did,” she whispered.
“Usually when situations like this happen, one realizes those things that are normally overlooked in life.”
She folded her arms, rubbing her palms up and over her elbows. “Yes, that’s what happened.” She took a deep b
reath and blew it out slowly. “I didn’t like what I saw.”
“Are there things you wish you could do over?” He continued to caress her shoulder.
“Plenty of them, but then what I wanted to do requires money. My mother and I were very poor. There was only so much we could do.”
Sadness laced her voice, and tugged at his heart. He really couldn’t think of anything to say. Yet there was so much he wanted to ask. Instead, he spoke the first thing that came to his mind. “You are an amazing woman, Katrina Landon. Never have I known anyone like you.”
Finally, she turned and faced him. Her eyes were wide and teary. “Wh—what did you say? That I’m amazing?”
“Indeed, you are, my dear. After all you have been through and all you have overcome in your life, especially out here in the jungle, I believe you are truly amazing.” He smiled. “And to have the kind of gift that you have and use it to help people, that, in itself, is remarkable.”
A tear slid down her cheek and her lips trembled when she smiled. “I cannot believe you said that.”
Using the pad of his thumb, he swiped away a tear. “Why? Do you not think I appreciate brave women?”
Chuckling lightly, she shook her head. “First, I’m amazing, and now I’m brave? However did I manage that?”
He smiled. “Indeed, you are both, my dear.”
“Thank you.” Her voice lowered. “No man has ever said such things to me.”
He took hold of both of her arms, loosely. “So tell me, dear Katrina, besides being raised poor and having forewarnings, is there anything else about you that I should know?”
The shade of her face turned pale and her eyes widened. Once again, he witnessed her panicked expression. His chest clenched. What else would she tell him? He was almost sorry he’d asked.
DREAD WASHED THROUGH Katrina. Just as she was seeing that her poverty didn’t bother him, she was certain this new bit of information about her past would make him turn away from her for good. She was quite sure he’d run as fast as he could in the opposite direction.
She really didn’t want to tell him about that part of her life—those few times as a child when her mother forced Katrina to steal from others just to have enough money to put food on the table. Whenever the tavern was slow, she and her mother always went without a meal or two. Sometimes Katrina just couldn’t take it any longer, and wandered out into the cold night to find something—anything she could steal to sell for money.
She’d only done this for a few months, until she couldn’t take the guilt any longer. Stealing wasn’t the way to get what she and her mother desperately needed. Not long after that had happened, the owners of the tavern moved her from the kitchen into the serving room. Only there had she made more money and never had to steal again.
When Katrina had thought the crocodile was going to kill her, parts of her life had flashed in her memory that she now wished had stayed hidden. This was something she had prayed that would have never happened to her.
Men didn’t want to court women with sordid pasts...or scandals that had been in their family.
She wasn’t saying that Felix wanted to court her, but she had certainly been thinking differently about him lately, and she really didn’t want him to know what she had done. Yet she knew she had to tell him.
He sighed and cupped her face gently. “Katrina, you can tell me anything.”
“I fear this little secret may make you think differently about me.”
He shrugged. “I’m sure many people have had bad things happen in their lives. We all move past them.”
“How about you?” She cocked her head, keeping her gaze with his. “Have you done bad things in your life or things you feel ashamed about?”
Chuckling, he dropped his hands to his side. “Yes, I have.”
She arched her eyebrows. “Do you wish to share them with me?”
A lazy smile stayed on his face the more he looked at her. “I suppose it’s only right.”
“Yes, it is. If I’m telling you secrets, you should tell me secrets.”
“Very well, then.” He nodded. “I have not been entirely honest with you about my identity, either.”
She hitched a breath, anxious to hear what he had to say and hoping it wouldn’t be terrible news.
“My father was the Earl of Blackwood. I was the second son, and therefore expected to become a vicar or enter the military. I wanted neither. I was the son who was always in trouble, mainly because I didn’t want the life that was being forced on me.”
“What sort of things did you do?”
He shook his head. “Let’s just say I was an embarrassment to my family. At the age of eighteen, after I was out of school, I fell in love.” His gaze moved away from her toward the sky. “Well, what I thought was love. Back then, I would have done anything for Eva.”
Katrina wished he would continue, but right now he seemed lost in thought. Patiently, she waited, hoping he’d tell her more about the woman he thought he was in love with. Within moments, a frown claimed his face and he looked back at her.
“Eva and I had known each other for years, but soon we didn’t see each other as an awkward girl or foolish boy. She was the spoiled daughter of an earl, and she had many men vying for her hand in marriage. Eva knew my feelings for her, because like a fool, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.”
When he grinned, she chuckled. “For some reason, I can’t see you blurting out your affections for her.”
“I was a different man back then, young and extremely unwise.”
She nodded. “Please, go on.”
“Eva led me to believe she had feelings for me. Little did I know that all she wanted was a quick lesson in passion.”
She sucked in a breath. “Really? A woman of quality?”
He nodded. “Yes. I’m sure it would shock you to know there are women in England like that. Anyway, I met her in secret a few times, and I really thought she loved me and wanted to be my wife. Within a week, I discovered she had been betrothed to a marquess. When I confronted her with it, she sneered in my face and treated me as if I were so far beneath her that she wouldn’t even step on me to cross the street.”
Even as the sun was setting and shadows played over his face, the evidence of his pain was etched in his expression. After all these years, the woman’s betrayal still left a mark on his heart. Katrina wished she could take him in her arms and comfort him, but she remained still and allowed him to finish his story.
He took a deep breath and slowly released it. “So, now here is the part where I tell you what I did that I was ashamed of and I wish I had never done.”
“Go on.”
“Eva hurt me and humiliated me so much I wanted to strike back at her in any way I could. I wanted her to experience what it felt like to have her heart ripped out of her chest and crushed. I didn’t want her any longer. But I didn’t want any other man to wed such a vicious woman, either, so I spread rumors that I had seen her and another man together on several occasions. I also mentioned that she was with child.”
“Oh, my.” Katrina put her hand to her mouth. “That is bad.”
“Indeed it is. After all, what gentleman of quality would want a woman like that? Gentlemen don’t like their love interests to have such disgrace in their lives.”
“You are correct. However,” she touched his chest, “it’s probably something I would have done, too. Nobody hurts me like that and gets away with it. Revenge is sweet, is it not?”
After she said it, she held her breath. Silently, she cursed her own inability to hold her tongue instead of voicing her thoughts before thinking them through. He would definitely think poorly of her now.
But instead of seeing accusation in his gaze, his eyes widened and soon a loud laugh followed. “Oh, Katrina.” He slid his arms around her waist, and pulled her closer. “What a gem you are. Your thoughts of revenge are just as wicked as mine.”
She laughed. “They certainly are. That’s my temper showing. I’m
truly trying to work on that flaw.” She stroked the side of his face. “I’m sorry you still hurt from what that evil woman did to you. If I could take away your pain, I would—”
Before she could say anymore, his mouth swooped down and covered her in a searing kiss. Her heart slammed against her ribs and for a moment, she lost her breath. Heat from his passionate kiss poured through her, making her limbs weak.
Excitement rushed through her like never before. He was kissing her! Actually kissing her, even though he knew her background.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, mainly to hold herself up, but there was no way she would swoon due to his tight embrace. He kissed her like a man starved for love, the same way she responded to him. For indeed, she was starving. There wasn’t anything that she wanted more than his love and acceptance.
Happiness overwhelmed her and she relaxed in his arms. She threaded her fingers through his hair, holding his head to hers as she answered his eager kisses. Love bloomed deeper inside her chest, and she didn’t want to stop it this time.
But she must. She hadn’t told him about her younger years of stealing.
As hard as she could, she tried to build the wall around her heart once again. When she told him the truth, he would not want her. In his very own words he’d said about Eva, what gentleman of quality would want a woman like that? If Felix’s friends and family ever discovered Katrina’s past, she would bring shame upon him. She couldn’t bear that kind of rejection.
But she didn’t want to stop the kiss. Never had she felt such contentment. But she had to end it before her heart became anymore involved. He would never want a woman with her upbringing. They were literally from two different worlds and could never be together.
Turning her head, she broke the kiss. “We should return to camp. It’s getting too dark to be out here without a light.”
He kissed her forehead. “You are correct, my dear. When I kiss you, time seems to stand still.” He stroked her cheek. “But then you seem to do that to me quite a bit lately.”
Her heart clenched, wishing he wouldn’t say such sweet things to her when she knew he’d take those words back soon.
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