by P. L. Camery
“That won’t do anything except make us look like the bad guys,” Lawrence felt as if he had repeated this statement a hundred times, Maybe, 101 is the charm, “If the public hates us, we’ll never get anything done.”
“We don’t need the populous to like us,” Perry argued, “We just need the government to give in.”
“But what’s the point if you have no support! It’s already human nature to resist change; if the public doesn’t even like our mission there’s no way it’ll be accepted.” the boy countered.
“Those who are against us are our enemies.”
“But those who are too ignorant to know better are not the enemy,” Grant cut in. “Agent Richardson is right, we cannot change a country that does not want or is afraid of change. We will redouble our efforts to convince them, restraining from violence except when absolutely necessary. Gain more support.” Most nodded in agreement, “When we have more support, we will be more prepared for change. I want each of you to refocus the recruitment effort in your respective counties.” He looked to each council member for a yes sir then finished, “Good, council dismissed.”
Sighing, the boy made his way out the building and back above ground, into Hassdrin. The boy was sidestepping a mother helping her toddler strap on a pair of virtual reality glasses when he felt his phone vibrate. Lawrence walked a few more paces fingering the device in his pocket. Finally, he racked up the courage to open her latest message: Fine whatever. His heart constricted as each word pierced it. Gripping the phone in his hand, Lawrence took a deep breath then broke into a sprint.
*****
As she walked, the faint hum of the overhead street lamps gave Hassdrin the atmosphere of a dully lit empty room, devoid of people and sleek buildings so far in the background of her perception they seemed reduced to posters plastered on the walls. Running on autopilot, Mavis glided across the sidewalk, a ghost detached form the world. As if conjured into the realm of the living, the girl straightened at the sound of her name.
“Mavis, wait up!” She turned and saw Lawrence running up from behind her.
Remembering his earlier conduct, she submerged the instinct to smile and instead replied, “What? Have you come to annoy me more? Well mission accomplished, goodbye.”
The boy’s smile depleted, and he began, “No, no, that wasn’t my intention. I just wanted to apologize-for earlier.”
“What part,” Mavis countered coldly, “the part where you made my good aim contemptible, the part where you walked out without much explanation, or the part where you didn’t answer my texts when I asked what was wrong?”
Though his posture was that of a turtle retracting, his tone was hopeful, “D, all of the above?”
Mavis turned away from him, “Wrong answer.”
“No! Wait,” he ran in front of her, blocking her path with outstretched arms, “Okay, so how I acted was completely inexcusable.”
“Why thank you, Captain Obvious.”
“But I want you to know my reasoning.”
“Why? So, I’ll forgive you?”
“No, so you’ll understand me.”
Mavis faltered then narrowed her eyes, appraising him. “Walk with me, you have until my complex.”
After a brief smile Lawrence shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at the ground ahead of him as he walked.
“Well?” Mavis asked.
“Hold on, let me collect my thoughts.”
The girl rolled her eyes, “You’re wasting time Lawrence.”
“I know, and I had my speech ready but in front of you it seems ridiculous.”
“Just spit it out,” Mavis threw up her hands.
“I was already upset going into shooting.”
“What a shocker.”
Lawrence shot her a glare then continued, “Destiny and I were arguing before and I was feeling,” he paused, considering his word choice, “inadequate. I felt I wasn’t as good of a person or have as much ability as I thought I did. And the fact that your aim was better than mine proved in my mind that I wasn’t good enough of a…”
“Lawrence,” Mavis cut in, “someone was better than you, it’s going to happen. Get over it! Just because you’re not the best that doesn’t mean you’re suddenly a bad shot.”
The boy laughed, “I guess, but it just didn’t seem like that in the moment, it was like the confirmation point that I’m not good enough.”
“Good enough in what respect?”
“In every respect! As a brother, as a friend, as a rebel, as an upper cast boy. What if I’m not good enough for any of it?”
Mavis stopped walking and crossed her arms, watching as her friend turn and faced her, “Where is this coming from?”
The boy tilted his head, “How do you mean?”
“What were you and Destiny arguing about earlier?”
“She, she had been having a bad day and I asked her to tell me about it. Then she refused and went off, mostly saying how she didn’t want my help.”
“And?” Mavis pressed.
Lawrence shrugged, “That’s about it.”
“You sure?” The boy nodded. “Positive?”
“Yes, Mavis.”
The girl narrowed her eyes then she continued walking, “Okay, we’ll come back to that. So why do you think she doesn’t want your help?”
“Because I’m not good enough.”
“Not that again!” Mavis exclaimed, throwing up her hands. “Give me a real answer.”
“But, that is my real answer.” Mavis glanced over at him, searching his eyes. He believed it.
She sighed then said, “Am I going to have to start giving you therapy sessions?”
“I’m afraid so,” though his tone was solemn, his eyes brightened at the suggestion.
Mavis laughed, “You’re an absolute joke, Lawrence Richardson.”
The boy smiled, “At least you find me funny. If I amuse you then there is some level of interest.”
“And then that big head comes into play and kills it.”
“It’s only so big because I’m thinking so much.”
“Yeah, over thinking,” Mavis retorted, “and all of that over analyzing is what gets you in trouble.”
Lawrence feigned offence, “So what do you suggest? I simply not think?”
“Well…”
Mavis was surprised to see his eyes darken, “I thought of all people you’d care what others were thinking.”
She blinked, “I was just joking Lawrence.”
He appraised her then offered a half smile, “You sure there wasn’t a hint of truth in what you were implying?”
Mavis laughed, “Not in reference to you. Some people are so annoying I don’t give a damn what’s going through their heads, but you’re interesting.”
“Oh?” he replied, beaming at her, “Please, explain.”
“There’s just so much going in that big head of yours,” she said, ruffling his hair, “who wouldn’t be interested?”
“A good majority of the human population.”
“Aye, don’t exaggerate,” Mavis rolled her eyes and gave him a shove, “I bet even the government is dying to know what’s going through your head.”
“Oh you know it,” he gave her a wink, “but it’s probably not my original thoughts they’d be after.” Mavis shot him the slightest of glares. He pretended not to notice and asked, “So Mavis, tell me about your boyfriend.”
The girl tilted her head, “Wait what?”
“Roland, Stripes, whatever you call him, tell me about him.”
“Well this is a drastic change of subject.”
“You wanted to know what’s on my mind, right? Right now, its curiosity; so please, tell me.”
Mavis shook her head but replied, “What is it you want to know?”
“I don’t know, personality, background, whatever makes him attractive to you.”
Mavis glanced at him, “Hmm, do I detect a hint of
jealousy?”
“Of him? No, I’ve already decided he’s an asshole, I just want to confirm my beliefs.”
The girl smiled, “I don’t know if I’m the right person to do that.”
“Don’t you worry, I’ll twist- I mean interpret it to suit my needs.”
“Okay then,” Mavis chuckled, “Let’s see. He’s smart, excellent with math and technology, he wants to supervise regulations for training new army recruits and things like that, he’s a star Risk player, he’s funny and witty, he gives me a lot of attention…”
“So, then he’s cruel.”
Mavis knitted her eyebrows, “What do you mean?”
“He’s cruel to be oh so wonderful to you yet choose not to be yours.”
“Well it’s not like he has much of a choice,” she said defensively, “if he did he’d choose me in a heartbeat.”
“He said that?”
“Yes.”
“Then what’s stopping him?”
“He- his girlfriend.”
“And why can’t he break up with her if he’s so in love with you?”
“She won’t let him, he’s scared to…”
Lawrence crossed his arms, “So he’s a wimp?”
“No, it’s just that…”
“Mavis,” he cut in, “if I held your attention the way he does, I would not string you along and waste my time with some other girl.”
“But you’re not in his position, are you?” Mavis retorted defensively. She was surprised to see him flinch but finished her statement regardless, “So how do you know what he should do? What he’s feeling? What’s best for him?”
In the silence that followed Lawrence averted his gaze to the ground in front of him as he walked. The girl’s heart clenched, longing to reach over and hug him, but she refused to be the first to relent. Finally, Lawrence said, “I’m sorry Mavis, I know this isn’t my place. I just don’t think you should be treated like that.”
Mavis watched him, debating over how to respond. Too soon they arrived at her complex and Lawrence gave her a halfhearted smile, “Well, here we are. Guess my time is up.”
He turned to leave but Mavis caught his arm, “Lawrence, wait.” She steadied herself with a breath as his gaze fixed fully on her. As she stared, she marveled on how she had never before noticed the intense green of his gaze, green like a thick forest, boundless and steady yet carrying something fundamentally human and thoughtful. She took another breath then said, “What you were saying about Roland, the criticisms, well, you were right.” The boy tilted his head, unsure of what to say. “I mean, I agree with you. I must have thought the same at least a thousand times. It’s just, when you said it out loud, it felt like you were attacking me not him.”
“Mavis, that wasn’t my…”
“I know,” she continued, “but it felt like it. Because to some extent I know this is stupid. And I want to stop being stupid.”
“But I never said you were stupid, just that he’s an ass.”
Mavis smiled, “Don’t worry, you’ve convinced me.”
Lawrence broke into a grin, “Good.” Then he surprised her by stepping forward and encompassing her tightly in his arms. She allowed herself to surrender to the safety of his warmth, leaning on his chest and smiling to herself. She struggled not to protest when he pulled away, giving her an awkward wave with a childish smile.
As he walked away, Mavis released a small sigh. If only you could like me as much as Roland says he does.
*****
Entering the enclosed metallic room, Lawrence punched in his desired settings on the side of his optical simulator. One of his parent’s most intricate projects, this device was shaped in an arc which completely consumed the user’s vision, emerging him in the world of virtual reality. The simulator not only let you seed the virtual world around you but interacted with the metal room, configuring the climate and shape of the room to match what you saw in the simulator. Originally designed as an interactive training center, Lawrence had modified his own optical simulator to a continuously morphing fantastical setting which he coined, the game room.
The boy put on the simulator and watched as the world materialized around him. Surrounding him on all sides was a vast plain of yellowing grass brushing back and forth at knee height. The plain was encompassed by a looming dark mountain range. Lawrence squinted and a smile appeared when he saw the swarm of little black creatures hobbling towards him, “Looks like it’s the trolls today.” Then he extended his right hand in front of him and closed it as a gold hilted sword materialized. He brought the sword up, gripping it with both hands, and silently charged forward.
The creature only reached his waist, but it was large like a wrinkled hairless ape. Its wrinkled features snarled at him and the swam behind it mirrored its expression. As it leapt, Lawrence swung and sliced it across the stomach, causing the being to burst into pixels and drop to be lost within the grass. From then on, he never stopped moving, slashing and jabbing troll after troll. Then he planted one foot in the ground and spun around, clearing a small space around him. He paused a moment to catch his breath then threw his sword, letting it fly like a circular disk slicing through six trolls. Lawrence broke into a sprint after it, and as troll began to fill the gap of their lost counterparts, he turned around and sprang into the air. He peaked well above their heads and executed a back flip to land back on his feet besides his weapon.
Lawrence bent down to pick it up then did an upward slash at the nearest troll, but his eyes widened to see his hand gripping empty air. The troll pounced him, knocking him to the ground. Winded, he threw the creature off and reached for the golden hilt. Then panic overtook him as his fingers phased through the metal hologram. Within a heartbeat trolls were piling onto him, kicking, scratching and biting at him.
Just remember, it’s only a program. This isn’t real.
He squirmed and writhed, gritting his teeth and trying to push them away.
This isn’t real. This isn’t real. Then why does it feel so damn real!
There was a scream. Lawrence jerked his head up and he paled. A figure stood before him, his mother, being subdued and tormented by the trolls.
No, no, this isn’t real!
He slammed his eyes shut, and when he opened his eyes the figure was replaced with that of his father. “No.”
He closed his eyes, Cal, again, Destiny. There were now tears streaming from his shut lids as he tried to block the images out, fearing to open his eyes again. There was another scream. Lawrence opened his eyes as the trolls brought Mavis to the ground before him, making terrible claw marks on her face.
“No!” He made a desperate movement with his torso and his simulator flew off, clattering to the ground before him. For a moment, Lawrence could only stare into the empty space, panting and drenched in sweat. Then he let his head fall to cold metal floor and focused on breathing. Why do you do this to yourself Lawrence? It’s not the game, it’s you. Stop seeing things. Stop thinking about it. He closed his eyes and the imaged of his loved ones returned to him. He clenched his hands into fists and fought back tears. I won’t let it happen again. Never again.
With a newfound determination he pushed himself to his feet and picked up his simulator. By the time he had replaced it in his lab, his breathing had regulated but the images remained. As he emerged however, he was distracted from his thoughts.
A few paces passed him, Mavis walked pensively with her head down. Lawrence smiled to himself, so alive, so beautiful, so… melancholy? He tilted his head, appraising her. Well I’ll just have to do something about that. Silently, he closed the distance between them and pounced.
Lawrence pulled Mavis into a crouching position. “Look out Mavis, we’re under attack!” The boy made a gun with his hand and began shooting at invisible thugs. “Run, I’ll hold them off!”
“No!” Mavis yelled back in amusement. “I won’t leave you.”
“But you have to,” the boy
pulled Mavis out of the way of imaginary gun shots then took a step forward and punched the empty air. “You’re the key to this whole operation and it’s harder to keep you safe if you’re in the middle of the line of fire.”
“I’m not leaving!” Mavis ducked then bounced back up with an uppercut. “I don’t care what you say, I don’t want to…” then she feigned a scream then dodged to the left.
Then Lawrence ran forward and brought his hand down like a hammer on her adversary but immediately pulled his hand back, clutching it in wide eyed horror. “Awe shi…” Then the boy jerked as if he had been hit in the temple then made a dramatic show of staggering to one side then collapsing to the ground.
Mavis delivered a back-swing kick to the attacker’s head then “Lawrence?” she began, gently shaking him. “Lawrence, Lawrence, wake up. Lawrence!” The light shake grew into a violent jarring and the boy had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Then Mavis returned him to the ground then slapped as hard as she could. Lawrence bolted upright and stared at her in bewilderment. The girl shrugged and gave him a sly smile, “Don’t ever scare me like that again!”
Lawrence rolled his eyes and asked, “Did you knock out the thugs?”
“Of course, I did! I’m not helpless Lawrence.”
“Of course not,” came his sardonic response. “Either way you were still too valuable to risk. But oh well, as long as you’re safe now.” The boy motioned to give her a hug but quickly flinched away and cradled his hand. “But see what you did, if you would have left, I wouldn’t have broken my hand!”
“It’s not my fault you hit too hard!” Mavis smacked him playfully on the shoulder. “A little softer would have knocked him out just the same. Now come on,” she took him by the arm and pulled him upright. “We need to go to a doctor and get you checked out.”
The boy’s eyes went wide, and he quickly pulled away from her, “No, don’t worry about it. It doesn’t even hurt much. I’ll rest it for a day and it will be fine.”
She turned on him, “A day? You’re going to tell me one day!”
“Fine,” Lawrence sighed, “I’ll make it a day and a half.” When Mavis said nothing, he appraised her with concern, “two days?” The girl glared at him for a moment longer then turned to walk away. “No! Wait, don’t go!”