“Let’s go to dinner,” she said.
“I can order in,” he said. “Or go pick something up.”
“I’m okay.” She pushed herself up enough to look at him. She’d kissed him so many times over the past couple of weeks, but somehow doing it now would feel brand new to her. She leaned over and touched her mouth to his. He let her set the pace, didn’t move his hands to cradle her face and twine his fingers through her hair, as he’d done previously.
She kissed him tenderly, almost with gratitude for simply being there with her. Holding her. Letting her take as much from him as she wanted. She felt tender, soft things for him that seemed like love.
Pulling back, she let her emotions roll through her without censoring them. Fear for the future. Love for her parents—and for Bennett? Worry. Doubt. Hope. Joy.
“You’re right,” she whispered. “I don’t want to go out.”
He stroked her hair now. “What do you want? I’m not great in the kitchen, but I can make toast and eggs. Or Dutch pancakes.”
Surprisingly, a giggle escaped Jennie’s lips. “You’ve tried those Dutch pancakes once, Bennett. They spilled over into the oven and then filled the house with smoke.”
“I’ve gotten better at them,” he said, adding a chuckle to the end of his sentence. “Plus, I know how to get rid of smoke now that I’m a firefighter.”
“Everyone knows how to do that.” She gave his torso a playful nudge. “It’s called opening a few windows and blowing a fan.”
“So no to the Dutch pancakes. Grilled cheese sandwiches? Or I can put some hamburgers on the grill. Or I can order pizza.” He stroked his fingers up and down her arm and shifted to look at her. “Tell me what you want, and I’ll make it happen.” He spoke with such adoration and reverence that Jennie’s heart expanded with love for him.
At the same time, her first instinct was to push him away. Keep him at arm’s length. Put up a wall between them, even if it wasn’t very high. So she swung her legs over the side of the hammock away from him, her back to him now. “Whatever you want,” she said, though she wanted a big plate of Chinese noodles and vegetables from Nod to Noodles down the road a ways.
She wouldn’t send him on an hour-long round trip just for her. Because she knew he’d go, and she didn’t want to face that fact right now. Didn’t want to face her own growing feelings for Bennett, didn’t want to be beholden to him for more than a few hours of comfort in his back yard.
“You like the vegetable Alfredo pizza from Jovani’s, right?”
“Yes,” she said, in the mood for anything but pizza. But she let him order it, let him lead her into his spotless house and park her on his couch. She ate a few bites of the piece of pizza he gave her, she leaned into him when he turned on a romantic comedy, and she let him take her home when the hour grew late.
She missed Gemma, especially when her companion became a surly, white cat who hadn’t been fed since that morning. She managed to fill Snowball’s bowl without getting scratched to death. On her way down the dark hallway to her bedroom, the glow from the light on the neighbor’s back patio caught her attention as she passed her art studio.
Pausing in the doorway, she let the astringent smell of the cleaners and paints and glazes she used to create beauty seep through her. What was she going to do when she finished Mabel’s pieces? How could she stay in town? She honestly didn’t think she could. She’d leased this house because of this utility room she’d converted into an art studio, but she’d need more than one job a year to make her life here permanent.
How could she leave Bennett for a second time? She knew she couldn’t do that again, but he’d never left Hawthorne Harbor, even after his divorce. Which meant he didn’t want to live somewhere else, and she couldn’t ask him to follow her until she happened to land somewhere.
Turning away from the studio, she turned off her thoughts too. Her phone rang, and she nearly jumped out of her skin. Her heart pounded, and then started drumming like crazy when she saw her father’s picture on the screen.
“Hey, Dad,” she said, making her voice strong. “How did the tests go? How’s Mom?”
“She’s doing okay.” His voice sounded far away and utterly spent. “We decided to stay in Seattle. Rather, the doctors wanted to see her again in the morning.”
That didn’t sound good, and Jennie said as much. “They want to do another test for a new experimental medicine.” He exhaled. “She’s going to be fine. They can remove the lymph nodes and the mass in her breast. They just want to make sure the cancer isn’t growing anywhere else. It was stage four.”
Jennie didn’t know much about cancer, but she knew stage four was bad. Spreading to other parts of the body was too. “Okay, Dad. I’ll go by the house for Patches in the morning.”
“Thanks, Jennie.” He wore a slight smile in the way he said her name. “We’ll be home by mid-afternoon.”
“I’ll be there,” she vowed. Just like Bennett had set aside all his plans for that day and had just been with her, Jennie could be there for her mom and dad. They’d never said anything, but she knew now she’d probably hurt them with her sudden disappearance from Hawthorne Harbor all those years ago. All the missed holidays. The selfish way she’d pursued her dreams until they’d come true. Suddenly, being an artist didn’t mean quite as much as being a good daughter, and regret laced itself through Jennie’s bloodstream.
“I’m glad you’re home,” her dad said. “I talked to Jason today, and he’s going to take the next couple of days off work.”
“Okay, I’ll coordinate with Kaitlyn for dinner tomorrow.” And by that, Jennie meant she’d offer Jason’s wife some money, as Jennie couldn’t actually cook much more than boiled eggs.
She hung up with her father and continued into her bedroom. Pure exhaustion filled her, but she managed to get things set with Jason and Kaitlyn for the following day before she allowed herself to drift into unconsciousness.
* * *
The next day, she paced in her parents’ living room while Kaitlyn worked into the kitchen. Since their home was on the older side, walls separated everything, but Jennie could still hear the hissing of a pot and smell the delicious scent of roasting meat. How Kaitlyn did half of what she did in the kitchen, Jennie wasn’t sure. But it didn’t matter. She could peel potatoes and chop carrots, so she felt like she’d contributed at least a little bit to the meal.
The front door opened, and Jennie spun toward it though it didn’t make sense for her parents to enter that way when they’d park in the garage and come in that door. Sure enough, Jason entered the house, looking as anxious and tired as Jennie felt.
“Hey,” he said, drawing her into a brotherly hug. “No word?”
“Not since Dad texted to say they’d left.”
“That was almost three hours ago.” Jason frowned. “They should be here by now. I was worried I’d be late.” His blue eyes held the worry, but all Jennie could do was shrug. Jason’s mouth tightened and he moved into the kitchen to kiss his wife.
Jennie’s fingers wound together and pulled apart, her nerves sure to make her explode. Her niece and nephew played in the back bedroom that used to be hers, their chatter just loud enough for Jennie to catch on the fringes of her attention.
“The stew is ready,” Kaitlyn announced, and Jennie left the living room in favor of the kitchen. Not only did Kaitlyn have a steaming pot of beef stew waiting on the counter, but a big bowl of salad and a dozen gloriously browned rolls. Jennie knew those had come out of the freezer, but they were still impressive.
“Should we feed the kids?” Jason asked. “Then if Mom and Dad are tired, we can send them back to the playroom.” He and Kaitlyn could have whole conversations without saying a word, and Jennie had never felt anything but annoyed about it. But now, as she watched them shrug and then as Kaitlyn moved to the mouth of the hall and called her kids to come eat, Jennie wondered what it would be like to have someone who knew her so well that she didn’t even have to speak t
o have her voice heard.
And like lightning had struck her, she realized she had never had that with Kyle. Never. She busied herself with helping her niece get her roll buttered as she thought through the four-year relationship and why she’d never achieved that level of closeness with Kyle.
Because she’d never truly been herself.
The answer was always there, but Jennie had never known it—at least until she’d endured some of the hardest hours and days of her life.
She sat at the bar with the kids so Jason and Kaitlyn could huddle in the living room and talk. Jennie had never felt so complete as she did in that moment, with her family gathered around. A rush of gratitude that Kyle had not shown up for their wedding hit her. She couldn’t imagine being married to him now, living with him, starting a family with him.
No, when she thought of those things, it was now Bennett’s dark eyes looking back at her from across the altar.
The sound of the garage door lifting drew her away from her thoughts, and she hurried over to the door leading outside. She stood in it as her father pulled into the garage. She couldn’t quite see her mother’s face in the dim light, and Jennie pressed her emotions back, back, back. The last thing her mom would want was a blubbering daughter.
“We made it.” Her dad went around the back of the car and opened the passenger door for his wife. “Something smells good.”
“Kaitlyn cooked,” Jennie said as she got her first look at her mom. She looked great. Not too tired. Maybe just emotional and trying to hide it, the way Jennie was. She came up the steps first and Jennie let her into the house before seizing onto her and saying, “I love you, Mom.”
Jason and Kaitlyn joined them, and everyone took a turn hugging Jennie’s parents. Finally her mom said, “I’m starving, and that stew looks delicious.” She smiled at everyone, and they sat down to dinner.
“Tell us everything,” Jason said. So their dad launched into technical medical things Jennie would have to look up later. The main point was what he’d told her last night—the doctors thought they could get her cancer-free through radiation, chemotherapy, and surgery.
“We’ll do the removals first,” her dad said. “Two weeks, we’ll be back in Seattle.”
“Two weeks,” Jason said. “Wow.”
“We’ll be in Seattle a lot,” her dad said. “We’re thinking of getting an apartment up there, at least for the next several months while Mom goes through her treatments and recovers from her surgery.”
A twinge of panic blipped through Jennie. She wouldn’t be able to help much if they went to Seattle. At the same time, something Bennett had said slithered through her mind like a snake in the grass.
Seattle has a big art scene.
Maybe she could check into that. See if there was a studio or gallery that would take her pieces.
Jason asked a question, but Jennie missed it. She did catch, “So you’ve already found one. Wow.” He looked at Kaitlyn and then Jennie. “I’m sure between Jennie and I, we can take care of the house and Patches.”
“I can take Patches,” Jennie said.
Her mom looked at her, only surprise on her face. “He’s a dog, Jennie. You realize that, right?” She grinned, the first smile Jennie had seen on her mom’s face since she’d returned.
“He sheds all over the place,” her dad added. So Jason taking him wasn’t really an option. Kaitlyn was allergic, and while she could come around the house for a few hours, she’d be sneezy and wheezy before they left that night.
The adults all looked around the table while Jennie prepared herself to say what was on her mind. “Bennett will take him.” She shrugged like Bennett was just a casual acquaintance—one she knew well enough to take her parent’s golden retriever at a moment’s notice.
Jason snorted and covered his mouth with a napkin while her parents stared at her. “I’m, um, sort of dating him again.”
“Sort of?” Jason said with much incredulity. “They’ve been dating—full-on—for weeks.”
“Not that long,” she said.
“How long?” her twin challenged, and Jennie remembered all the things about him that annoyed her.
“I’d say maybe three and a half weeks?” Another shrug. “Something like that.”
“And it’s not ‘sort of.’”
Kaitlyn reached over and touched her husband’s hand, shaking her head at him in a silent way of saying Shut up, Jason.
“Well,” her mom said. “I’ve always liked Bennett Patterson. If he’ll take Patches, that would be nice.”
Jennie nodded and put more stew in her mouth so she’d have a few seconds to think before she had to answer her mother’s questions. Because she could see them building up. She’d always liked Bennett Patterson too, but she didn’t have an answer for her mom when she asked, “How fast is this relationship going?”
But she could answer “Are you thinking of staying in town then?” with a “Yeah, Mom. I’m thinking about it.”
Chapter Seventeen
Bennett eyed the friendly golden retriever as it circled Gemma and Uno, sniffing like it had never sniffed before. “Do you think I’m a dog hotel?” he asked, though he’d gladly take Patches—and any other dogs Jennie brought to him.
Jennie just kept watching the dogs as they started chasing each other in his back yard. She’d been distant and busy since her mother’s diagnosis, and Bennett had done his best to simply be there whenever she needed him. Admittedly, it wasn’t as often as he’d like, but she’d always responded to his texts, so he hadn’t pushed the issue. Everyone dealt with grief in their own way. Bennett knew that better than most.
Jennie had shown up that morning with the golden retriever and the words, “My parents are staying in Seattle for a few months, and Patches needs somewhere to stay.”
Bennett sat on the back steps, waiting for Jennie to join him. Sit by him. Say something. When she finally did, she slipped her hand into his and laid her head against his shoulder.
“You okay?” he asked, squeezing her fingers.
“Just worried.”
“Everything you’ve told me sounds like they’re going to be able to beat the cancer.”
She exhaled and snuggled closer. “Yeah, I know.”
Bennett let a minute go by before he said, “So tell me about what you’re working on now.” She’d finished her five-piece collection, but she hadn’t invited him back to her studio, nor had she expounded much on what she was working on next.
“It won’t come together in my mind.”
“The unveiling is next month.”
“I’m aware.”
Bennett watched the dogs as the sun continued to lift into the sky. “I have to go to work soon,” he finally said. “Want to come into the shop for a few minutes?”
“Sure.”
He stood and led the way over to the wood shop. He’d started cutting the pieces for the buffet last night, late after everyone else in town was probably asleep. They were stacked against one wall, but Jennie went straight over to the finished pieces.
“These are so beautiful.”
“I could build you something,” he suggested with a shrug, not wanting to add more to her life when she needed simple.
“Yeah?” Her face brightened. “So you’ll take my parents’ dog and build me something.”
“What can I say? I’m a good boyfriend.” Bennett gave her a playful smile, hoping her mood would improve before he went to work. He’d seen Jennie in his melancholy state before, when she thought she couldn’t afford to go to art school. In the end, she hadn’t been able to let go of the dream—though she’d let go of plenty of other things.
Jennie grinned at him and walked over to him, snaking her arms around his back. “You are a really good boyfriend.” She sobered and looked right into his eyes. “You always were. You know that, right, Bennett? I didn’t leave because I was unhappy with you.”
“I know,” he said, though it hadn’t erased the ache in his chest to know tha
t all those years ago. And she’d never come back, at least not for more than a few days around Christmastime.
“I was lost,” she said. “And it took a long time to find myself.”
Bennett nodded, because he felt like he’d been wandering for a while now—since Cynthia’s departure from his life. Really, since his injury and the long recovery road. Giving up on his dream of playing baseball had been hard, and Bennett didn’t really fault Jennie for leaving town and pursuing her dream to become the artist she was.
“I think I’m going to stay in town,” she said, causing Bennett to flinch with her in his arms.
“Yeah?” Hope lifted through him like helium. “That’s great news, Jennie.”
“I might have to travel a bit,” she said. “I’m going to check out the studios and galleries in Seattle. See if they’ll display my pieces if I’m not local or the artist-in-residence.”
“That’s a good idea.” Just the fact that she had plans, or ideas, or solutions to her future income problems was a good sign to Bennett. Maybe he could keep her in his life this time. “Let me know how I can help.”
She stepped away from him, wiping one hand through her hair and tightening her ponytail. “For now, I need you to take Patches.” She admired the armoire and the tables he’d completed. “And bring me some of those cheddar poppers when you get off work tonight.” She gave him a sly look, and Bennett laughed.
“I can do all of that.”
“Great.” She drew in a big breath and turned to survey his shop. “You haven’t even started the buffet?”
“I cut some of the pieces last night.”
“You know the unveiling is next month, right?” She threw him a devilish look over her shoulder.
“Ha ha.” Bennett swept his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. “I’m aware.” He kissed her neck, glad when she twisted in his arms and pressed her lips to his. And he knew he’d never survive if she didn’t stay in town, didn’t find a way to make her life here…with him.
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