Before I could object—not that I would have—he stood, grabbed my hand, pulled me to my feet, and led me out of the media room. In the hallway, he faced me. "Something is wrong. I know you're not still mad about this afternoon or you wouldn't have sat with me. Something else is bothering you. What is it?"
His voice emanated power and command. I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted him to reassure me that somewhere I would find an answer, that I would become the beautiful wolf I'd always longed to be. But I remembered the odd looks I'd received when I'd hopped onto the treadmill. Those looks were nothing compared with the ones I'd get if the truth about me came out.
"It's this Bio-Chrome mess." Partly true. "I just wasn't in the mood to watch a movie making fun of what we are. Mason and his dad view us as little more than lab rats to be dissected and studied, and portrayals like that"—I jerked my head toward the theater— "don't help our cause. We're stereotyped."
"No, we're not, Brittany. No one knows we exist. Well, except for Bio-Chrome. The movies are fiction, based on someone's imagination or fears. We know they're grossly inaccurate but we can't be accurately portrayed if we're not willing to come out of the woods."
His words surprised me. "Do you think we should?" I asked.
"Some of us have been talking about it, but you heard the elders. They believe there's safety in secrecy."
"Is that what you believe?"
"I'd rather face the storm." He reached into the tub of popcorn and grabbed a handful. "Let's get out of here."
"Like where?"
"Just walk."
He took the tub I still clutched and tossed it into a nearby trash can. Wrapping his hand around mine, he led me outside. Usually I wasn't so docile, but tonight wherever he led was where I wanted to go.
We reached the edge of the yard, where it gave way to the woods. Leaning against a tree, Connor put his hands on my hips and brought me in alignment with him. My heart thundering, our eyes met and held. Very slowly, he skimmed his hand down my arm, and I hated that I'd had to wear sleeves to hide the bruise, that I couldn't feel the rasp of his touch over my skin. He threaded his fingers through mine, and a spark of electricity shot between us. Then he lifted my hand and began to lick any lingering butter and salt off my fingertips. It was probably the most sensual thing I'd ever experienced. But it didn't feel.. .I don't know. Honest.
"I won't be your rebound girl," I said, pushing the words up out of my throat.
He seemed surprised by my harsh tone. "Lindsey told me that you have the hots for me."
I slid my eyes closed and groaned. She had no right. I opened my eyes to find him still studying me.
"Well?" he prodded.
I gritted my teeth, hoping he wasn't about to make a fool of me. But this was Connor. The Connor who'd gone to school with me. The one on the football field who I rooted for. The one who carried campers' equipment into the wilderness and never complained. The one with the sexy smile. The one who—if I was honest—cared enough about our kind to make sure he was choosing the right person to serve as his right hand. "Yeah, so?"
"How much?"
"It's not something I can quantify on a scale of one to ten." Mostly because what I felt for him was off the charts.
"Was it like you just looked at me one day and bam'—you were struck by lightning?"
"No."
"That's the way Lucas said it was with Kayla. That when you meet your destined mate it's like taking a kick to the gut."
"Well, that's romantic," I said sarcastically. "Why does it have to be like that? Why can't we just gradually fall in love? The way humans do."
"Because we're not human." He pulled me closer until my hips rammed against his. "You let me win this afternoon. You relaxed your hold before I indicated that I was giving up. You know better than to do that."
What I'd misread for desire, I now realized bordered on anger, maybe disappointment that I'd let him win. I swallowed hard. "I figured your ego took a pounding when Rafe beat you. I couldn't do that to you again—not in front of the others."
"You think Rafe beat me?" he asked, slowly enunciating each word as though he found them difficult to comprehend.
"Well, yeah, I know how these things work. A challenge is always a fight to the death, and neither of you died, but Rafe ended up with the girl, which means he won but showed mercy." I realized how awful that sounded, and that I was babbling. So untypical, but I wanted desperately to explain why Pd thrown the fight. "Believe me, if I'd been betting money, I would have bet on you. You're not as in-your-face as Lucas is or as intimidating as Rafe, but you're powerful and strong and I think you're the best of—"
"Just shut up," he growled, right before he covered my mouth with his.
I felt as though I'd waited my whole life for this moment—to kiss Connor. And it was just as feverish and wild as I'd expected. How could it not be when one of us was fortunate enough to harbor a beast inside of him?
My mind stuttered with the reminder that my beast had yet to be released, but I shoved it aside to concentrate on the kiss. My skin tingled where the stubble on his chin abraded mine. There was hunger in his kiss, heated passion, and unexpected tenderness. His strong hands roamed over my back, slipped beneath my shirt, and skimmed across my spine into the curve of my lower back. I moaned softly. I wanted his shirt off. I wanted my fingers trailing over his chest. His hands clamped my hips, and suddenly he was pushing me away.
"He didn't beat me," he ground out. "I walked away because I didn't love Lindsey."
"But—"
"Yeah, I know. Ink on my shoulder. Public declaration she's the one. Well, she wasn't. You don't want to be the rebound girl? Fine, but don't tease me with that fine-honed body either."
Before I could respond, he started to run, discarding his clothes as he went. As he disappeared into the thicket of trees, he transformed into the wolf, the moonlight dancing over his golden fur in the same way that my fingers ached to.
Was he expecting me to strip down, transform, and follow? Was that how I was supposed to prove that I hadn't been teasing him earlier, that I wanted more than kisses from him? By chasing after him?
Breathing heavily, I turned around and placed my back against the tree. What had just happened? Had the test in the gym come about not because Connor had seen it as an ideal opportunity to test my skills, but because…well, because he'd been attracted to me? He'd wanted to get up close and personal—and challenging me had provided him with an acceptable excuse?
He didn't love Lindsey. The words kept echoing over and over in my mind, like a song that I couldn't get out of my head. If he hadn't loved her, there was no rebound. And if there was no rebound—
Was it possible that I could have Connor on my terms?
Yes, right up until the moment when he realized I'd yet to turn into a wolf, that I'd couldn't lope along beside him. That he could hint that I should follow but I still wasn't able to catch up. That, for now, I was only half of what he was.
There was none of the magic that bonded two mates forever. No sharing of moonlight.
I couldn't go on like this. I didn't want to confess it to the elders, but my mom—I could tell her. She'd be back from Europe tomorrow. She might know what was going on. Maybe she was a late bloomer as well.
Dejected by my present reality, I began walking back to the residence. I decided to use the approved front door for my entrance this time. As I rounded the corner, I nearly ran into a couple locked in a passionate embrace. His back was up against the brick and she was up against him. As they kissed, he moaned and she sighed. They reminded me of what I'd just left.
Although I hadn't made any noise, they both suddenly broke apart. Lindsey released a startled laugh. "Oh my God, I thought I smelled Connor."
Without a word, I started walking on. She grabbed my arm and spun me around. "I do smell him," she said. "You've been with him…like, right up against him."
I was beginning to hate how much they could pick up from scent. Nothing
was sacred around here.
"So?" I snapped. "You ditched him. What I do with him is none of your business."
"No. I know. I mean, I think it's great. I want him to move on. I just didn't think it would happen so fast."
"Yeah, well, it's a mixed review."
"What do you mean?"
Rafe came up behind her and slid his arms around her waist and rested his chin on the top of her head. They fit together like perfect pieces for an "Over the Moon" puzzle. Did they have to constantly touch? Could they even begin to understand that as happy as I was for them, it still hurt to see them having what I didn't?
I glared at Rafe, hoping to at least get him to back off a few feet. I wasn't going to discuss Connor with Lindsey while he hovered. Hell, I hadn't even made up my mind if I was going to tell her anything.
She lifted a shoulder. "You can go ahead and talk in front of him. He can read my mind."
"Only when he's in wolf form."
"No, actually, pretty much anytime," Rafe said.
I stared at Lindsey. "Anytime…anything?"
"Yeah, but he's bound by my oaths to keep secrets."
Great. Absolutely great. Eventually everyone would know.
"So what happened with Connor?" Lindsey prodded.
I made a shooing motion. "I don't care if he can read your mind. I can't talk with him looking at me."
I'd expected Lindsey to stay stubborn, so I could be equally stubborn and walk away. Instead she twisted around, reached up, and kissed Rafe on the cheek. "I'll find you."
No doubt with that amazing nose she now possessed. Without a word, Rafe spun on his heel and strode away. Lindsey faced me and waited, while I tried to determine how much to tell her.
"Come on," she finally said and took my hand, leading me over to the massive stone steps that led up to the door. Snarling stone wolves sat on pedestals on either side of them. I didn't know why all the wolves around here had to be snarling. I guessed they were symbolic, indicating we wouldn't take crap from anyone.
Lindsey and I dropped down to the steps. They were hard beneath my butt, which was a good thing because it ensured we wouldn't get comfy and talk too long.
"So…he kissed you?" she asked hesitantly.
"It was"—I sighed deeply with the memory—"amazing while it lasted. Then Connor ran off. He thinks I've been teasing him. Why did you tell him I had the hots for him?"
She appeared embarrassed. "Maybe I was trying to make up for what happened during the full moon. It was awful, Brit. I didn't want to hurt him like that, and I thought if he knew someone else liked him that he might feel better."
I debated how much to reveal. I didn't want to hurt her either, but—
"He told me that he didn't love you."
With her hands pressed between her knees, she leaned forward. "Yeah, he told me the same thing. I thought maybe he was just saying it. You know how much pride these guys have." She looked back over her shoulder at me. "You think he meant it?"
I did, but whatever the relationship between them was then and now was between them. "I don't know." I tapped her arm with my knuckles. "Hey, thanks for not outing me during the meeting this morning."
"I promised to keep your secret, but sooner or later…it can put us in danger."
Talk about trying to be politically correct. I knew she'd wanted to say I—me—would put us in danger. I also knew that I was putting the others at risk. Was I being totally selfish?
"My mom comes back tomorrow. Maybe you're right. Maybe my birth certificate is wrong. Could be a year off or something. I'll talk to her."
"They won't kick you out of the pack if you're…different," she assured me.
"But I can't be a Dark Guardian."
"It limits you if you can't shift," she admitted.
"Yeah, I know. I can't smell who's been making out with whom."
She playfully nudged her shoulder against mine, as though she understood that I was struggling to make light of this dire situation. "It's more than that."
"I know," I said, all teasing aside. "If my mom doesn't have any answers, if during the next full moon nothing happens.. .I'll out myself. Leave the society."
"I don't think you have to go that far. There's bound to be something you can do. Man the computers or something."
"Lindsey, I've been preparing my entire life to be a warrior. I never wanted anything as much as I wanted to be a wolf. It's so hard to be here right now. Tonight when Connor shifted, I had this sense of wonder that he had the ability to transform into this glorious creature and at the same time I felt an overwhelming loss because I hadn't yet experienced that. I'm tired of being just plain, dull Brittany." I stopped there before I confessed that I understood where Bio-Chrome was coming from. They had to be like me, envying what they were not capable of achieving.
I could tell that Lindsey was at a loss for words. What reassurances could she offer? Neither of us knew what was going on with me. I shoved myself to my feet. "Good night."
When I got to my room it was empty. I figured Kayla was either still watching the werewolf marathon or she and Lucas had sneaked out for a little personal time like Lindsey and Rafe had. My money was on the sneaking out. Ah, young love. Gag.
But I wanted it, too.
After getting ready for bed, I stared at the moonlight coming in through the window and studied the patterns it made on my legs. The full moon was gone, heading toward a new moon, a dark moon.
I tried to imagine my skin tingling with the touch of the moonlight, the way it had tingled when Connor had touched it with his fingertips. His fingers were rough and callused from all the outdoor activity he engaged in, but they'd whispered across my back. I grew warm thinking about it, almost as warm as I'd grown when it had been happening. I tried to push him out of my mind.
But when I fell asleep, as usual, he was there waiting for me in my dreams.
EIGHT
The next morning when I went down to breakfast, I saw no sign of Connor. Since I wasn't in a social mood, I took an empty table in the corner. I attacked my breakfast with a vengeance, so absorbed in it that I didn't notice Lucas until he was sitting beside me.
With an arched brow, my only acknowledgment of his presence, I drank down my black coffee, knowing I was going to have to have a session with teeth whitener soon. He seemed amused by my attitude.
But when I set down my cup, he grew deadly serious. "We need to talk."
I shrugged. "So talk."
"Here probably isn't the best place."
I glanced around. Some people were blatantly staring, the polite ones tried to hide their interest. I was probably just getting paranoid, but I felt as though they were all viewing me as the freak I was.
"So where?" I asked, working not to let my discomfort make its way into my voice.
We went to the rooftop. It was strangely liberating up there. When I looked out, all I could see was forest stretching toward the horizon and distant mountains.
"Whenever I forget what it is we're supposed to protect I come up here," Lucas said with reverence. "I think about the summer solstice when our kind gathers here to celebrate our existence. I think about how fragile it is. How much we could lose if our existence becomes known."
So he shared the same concerns as the elders. Not surprising since one was his grandfather.
"Like Kayla, Connor thinks maybe we should reveal our existence," I told him.
He smiled. "Yeah, I know. Maybe they're right. But if they're not, it's not something we'd be able to undo."
The dilemma was similar to the struggle I was facing about whether I should talk with the elders. But without knowing exactly how they'd react, I'd be taking a chance of being relieved of my position as a Dark Guardian. Once I announced that I hadn't shifted, I wouldn't be able to undo it.
I sat on the edge of the short brick wall. "So is that what you wanted to talk to me about—convincing Connor that we need to remain a secret?"
His smile broadened. "No. I doubt Connor's
beliefs can be changed, but I also trust him not to betray us like my brother did." His older brother, Devlin, had told Mason that Shifters existed. Lucas grew serious. "Connor and I talked up here last night. We agreed that I needed to make some adjustments with the teams. I've transferred you to mine."
Slowly I pushed myself off the wall. "What? But I passed that stupid test."
"It's got nothing to do with the test." He furrowed his brow. "Well, maybe it does. Connor thinks it's too distracting having you on his team. I agree."
I swore harshly. "I don't understand. Is this because I wouldn't follow him into the woods?"
He looked taken aback. "I don't know anything about that."
"I'll talk to him, convince him—"
"He and his team left late last night."
I sat back down, welcoming the discomfort of the brick cutting into my legs. I didn't understand. I should have told Connor that I hadn't been teasing him, that I'd realized I wasn't a replacement for Lindsey. If we just had a little more time together, to get to know each other—
"I've assigned Rafe his own team. You'll replace him as my second in command," Lucas continued.
I peered up at him. "Like a consolation prize?"
"It's not like that. You've always been more devoted than anyone in preparing to become a Guardian. You'll be an asset to me."
Any other time I would have been thrilled with our pack leader's assessment of me. But right now, all I could think about was Connor and how I could make things right between us.
"So where did Connor's team go?"
"Back to Tarrant, prowling along the way."
Prowling. Which meant they were traveling in wolf form. Maybe being kicked off Connor's team wasn't such a bad thing.
"They'll probably be at the Sly Fox tonight." The Sly Fox was the local hangout. Bad food and music, but a great atmosphere. "Then I'm sending them on to the lab, to observe it while we prepare."
I nodded. Maybe I'd get a chance to see Connor tonight, to figure out exactly where I stood with him. If nowhere, I needed to know that. If something between us was possible, I needed to know that, too.
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