by Claire Frost
‘That doesn’t sound very helpful,’ Bell observed. ‘Did you go in to see the head, too?’
‘Yeah, which was interesting. One of the other mums grabbed me at the gate at morning drop-off and said she’d heard Zach had been accusing Wolf of hitting him and asked if he was okay. I tried to pretend everything was fine, but I could tell she didn’t believe me and then she said, “You do know who Zach’s dad is, don’t you?” I obviously shook my head and then she proceeded to tell me Duncan Dyer is a parent-governor at the school, as well as owner of Dyer’s Tyres, who just happen to have donated a large sum of money for the school’s proposed new computer suite.’
‘No! Bloody hell. Well, that explains a few things, doesn’t it,’ replied Bell, sticking her shades on top of her head. ‘Did you ask the head about it when you had your meeting?’
‘Funnily enough, yes! She assured me the school treats all pupils equally, but they had a duty to make sure both Zach and Wolf were happy and healthy and maybe it just wasn’t the right school for Wolf.’
‘Christ! Could she be any more blatant? Although maybe she’s right – if that’s going to be their attitude, maybe Wolf is better off in a different school. There must be another one nearby that’s got a good Ofsted rating and has a spare place for September?’
‘I wouldn’t be so sure,’ said Millie gloomily. ‘The only other one that isn’t in special measures or at least doesn’t “need improvement” is hugely over-subscribed. I’ve sent them an email enquiring about spare places for next term, but I’m not holding my breath. And Louis keeps mentioning a private school he’s found in Birmingham. Apparently loads of his teammates’ kids go there and it’s supposed to be brilliant,’ she added miserably.
‘But Louis would never take Wolf away from you, surely?’ Bell reasoned. ‘For one, that would mean he’d have to look after him during the week, and from what you’ve said, I can’t see that happening.’
‘I know, you’re right. But I know his mum is desperate to be a more hands-on grandma, so I’m sure she’d love to help Louis out with childcare.’
‘I’m sure she’s great, but Wolf doesn’t need his grandmother, he needs his actual mother!’ Bell stormed. ‘Look, I’m sure that deep down Louis knows that and he wouldn’t jeopardise Wolf’s happiness. And there’s a huge difference between him seeing his son for a fun weekend once a month and looking after him day in, day out, even if his mum is involved. I’m sure it won’t come to that, but even if it did, we’d just get you a fuck-off lawyer who would tell Louis to do one!’ she added fiercely.
Millie was a bit shocked at the ferocity on Bell’s face and found herself trying to placate her, instead of the other way round. ‘You’re probably right, it’s just a bit of bravado from Louis. I’m sure it will all be okay. And at least he said he’d come to the fair.’
‘That’s the least he can do,’ she spat.
‘Look, Bell, he’s not that bad. He’s a good dad when he wants to be and as you said, I’m sure it won’t come to that anyway. God, I think I’ve spent too much time in the sun today, I’m knackered. Do you mind if I head on home?’
‘Shit, sorry, Mills, I didn’t mean to go off on one at you. I just care about you and Wolf and don’t want to see you upset. Look, tell me to butt out if you want to, but if you do get a sniff of an in at that other school, I don’t mind coming with you to look round it if Louis can’t make it. Or if there’s anything else I can do, just let me know.’
‘That’s so kind, Bell, thank you, I really appreciate it. And I’m sorry if I went on at you about Ben earlier. I just think he’s a lovely guy and could be just what you need right now – someone to take care of you while you’re taking care of everyone else.’
Bell had to smile. ‘He is a lovely guy, you’re right. But, well, we’ll see,’ she added reluctantly as Millie punched the air with glee.
‘Ha, I am so holding you to that “we’ll see”! Right, please let me know if there’s anything else I can be doing for the committee, won’t you. I kind of need a bit of a project to take my mind off all this Louis stuff.’
‘Are you sure?’ Bell glanced at her shrewdly. ‘Okay, well, we need to start handing out leaflets and getting the word out about the fair. Anything you can do on that front would be brilliant.’
‘How about I call the local paper and radio stations and see if they’d be up for covering it?’
‘Erm, that would clearly be amazing, but do you really think they’d be interested?’
‘Definitely. Everyone loves a local story about the community coming together. We should get them to interview some of the oldies and the uniform brigade together and pitch it as an across-the-generations story.’
‘You are actually a genius!’ Bell sprang up and gave her a hug. ‘Although if Rita ever hears you call them “oldies” she’ll have something to say to you!’
‘I’ll definitely watch what I say around her, then. Obviously I can’t promise anything with the local media, but why don’t I put together a press release and email it over to you and you can let me know your thoughts? Ooh, and I’ll have a think about a hashtag we can use, too.’ She rubbed her hands together and could feel a bubble of excitement in her tummy.
She needed this, she realised as she sipped a bottle of water on her sweaty walk home. She needed something to make her feel less like a failing mother and more like a capable, successful woman who could make things happen. Because right now, when it came to her family, she seemed to be looking failure full on in the face.
Chapter Twenty-three
Bell
Bell was woozy from the heat when she made it home – via the supermarket to pick up something for dinner. The journey seemed to have sapped her of all her energy and despite the cloying smell of chlorine that meant she should really take another shower and scrub her skin with expensive shower gel to wash it away, she decided to head to bed with a book.
As she turned on the fan and flopped onto the bed, she allowed herself to luxuriate on the soft, cool sheets and think about how much she’d enjoyed her day at the pool with Millie. Except when her friend had pressed her about Ben. She hadn’t been ready to confess about the growing closeness she could feel between the two of them, or the fizzing in her belly she got when she thought about him, or even that he’d asked her to go for a drink. For now, she was content for it to be something she kept in a box in her own brain, which she was able to open and peer at when she wanted, but also close and put away when she didn’t. And that just wasn’t possible if she told Millie or, god save her, Suze, how she really felt.
She knew there were things she should be doing right now, like checking her emails and practising taking amazing pictures on her camera, but it was Saturday evening and she’d lounge around if she wanted to, she thought happily.
She was just drifting off into a blissful doze when her phone began vibrating against her chest where it had fallen from her hand as she entered snoozeville.
‘Suze?’ she answered groggily. ‘You okay?’
‘I’m more than okay, as it happens,’ her friend replied, her voice sounding like she was on the edge of both laughing and crying. Bell pulled herself up to sitting position, with her pillow resting against her back, as Suze continued. ‘Um, Els just asked me to marry her and I said yes!’
‘What?! Ohmygod, that’s amazing!’ The next few minutes was filled with a succession of screams and tearful shrieking as Bell managed to establish that Suze had tried to sit Els down for The Talk as she’d told Bell she was going to, except Ellie had got in there before her and explained that she’d been a bit funny lately because she had something to ask her and she wasn’t sure what she would think.
‘At that point I had absolutely no idea what she was going to say,’ Suze told Bell happily. ‘I really thought it was going to be something awful, and then she just came out with it, didn’t you Els, and of course I said yes immediately.’
‘Well, not quite immediately,’ Ellie piped up. ‘It was actually th
e first time I’ve seen you lost for words in the whole time I’ve known you. And then you said yes.’
‘I can’t imagine you speechless, to be honest, Suze,’ Bell grinned. ‘Oh, I am so happy for you both, you’ve totally made my day. It’s just the best news. Have you set a date yet? Hurry up, I want a massive party!’
‘Give us a chance! Though I don’t think either of us want to wait too long, so we were thinking maybe January. Everyone’s so miserable after Christmas and New Year so we thought we’d give you all something to get excited about.’
‘Excellent idea. Dry January can totally do one!’
After a bit more shrieking, Bell ended the call and allowed her ears to adjust to the abrupt return to silence. She swiped her arm across her eyes and tried to examine how she was feeling, before realising that, actually, she wasn’t in any way jealous of Suze’s engagement, when just seven months before she’d been expecting one of her own. All she felt was joy and relief that Suze was happy and her future with Ellie was more secure.
Finding that she was suddenly wide awake, Bell headed to the kitchen, mixed herself a large G&T and decided a Saturday dinner of prawn cocktail crisps was entirely permissible: another perk of being single.
*
The next few weeks were a blur of work, worrying she had no idea how to use her camera despite weeks of Sheila’s guiding hand and both Ben’s and Ade’s help, and organising the fair. But somewhere in the midst of it all, she and Ben managed to sort an evening they were both free for a drink, and Bell was able to admit (in her head only, obviously!) that she was looking forward to it.
Despite telling herself it was just a glass of wine in the pub and definitely not a date, the morning of the non-date she struggled to decide what to wear. It didn’t help that the weather was literally blowing hot and cold one day to the next, so when she looked out the window at 7am and realised the sun was very much shining, she dithered for a good twenty minutes before reaching for the sunshine-yellow sundress she’d admired on the rail in the office many months before. Suze had been right, cork wedges would go really well with it, but they’d also look a bit try-hard for a laid-back non-date, so she went for her trusty Converse instead.
‘Someone looks happy today,’ Suze commented when she saw her. ‘I knew that dress would look amazing on you.’ She nodded in satisfaction. ‘Doing anything nice this evening?’
Bell was about to finally admit to her non-date, when her phone lit up and she saw she had a message from Ben. ‘Hold on, let me just read this,’ she replied.
Hi Bell, I’m so sorry to do this, but I’m going to have to cancel this evening I’m afraid. Sadly, my neighbour who I walk the dog for had a massive heart attack overnight and passed away. His son lives up in Scotland so hasn’t been able to get down here yet so I need to look after Graham and sort some stuff out with the funeral people and social services. Can we rearrange our drink for sometime next week maybe? I’m really sorry to cancel, hope you understand, Ben x
Disappointment streaked through her body, but she tried to keep her face neutral as she glanced up at Suze, who was waiting expectantly for her answer.
‘Oh, no, I’m not up to anything this evening, just thought I’d make the most of the sun and wear this dress while I can,’ she replied as nonchalantly as she could. As she then thumbed out a reply to poor Ben, she could feel Suze’s eyes on her, but she didn’t really have the head space to get into a conversation about her non-date-that-had-turned-out-to-be-an-actual-non-date. Plus, she was taking the following morning off work to look round Wolf’s possible new school with Millie, so she needed to focus on work stuff as much as she could.
‘Whatever you say, Bell.’ Suze raised her eyebrows, but let the matter drop for the moment as she too had a mountain of reports and meetings to get through.
*
Bell was a little early so she loitered outside the school gates waiting for Millie to arrive, hoping she didn’t look like some kind of dodgy woman that would be picked up on the school’s CCTV before she and Millie had even had a chance to charm the headteacher. She knew Millie was pinning all her hopes on this being the right school for Wolf, and that they would have a spare place for him in Year One come September. So gone were all thoughts of flirty summer dresses, and instead Bell had chosen her most conservative slim-leg trousers and a simple ruched top that had a small cut-away on each shoulder but was otherwise as non-offensive as possible. Now she was worried she looked like she was here for some kind of corporate business meeting.
‘Bell, sorry I’m late. Thanks so much for coming with me this morning.’
Bell hugged her friend and kissed her cheek, then gave a little sigh. ‘You’re not late, I was early. But how do you always manage to wear exactly the right thing and look amazing in it? I work for a fashion website, for god’s sake, and still never nail it like you.’
‘What, this?’ Millie glanced down at her floral maxi-dress that screamed grown-up yet not too mumsy and her bejewelled sandals that glinted in the sunlight.
‘Yes! And don’t you dare say, “What, this old thing, I found it in the back of my wardrobe.” ’
‘Erm, that is actually what happened!’ she laughed. ‘Although I have to admit the sandals are new. I couldn’t resist them – I’m like a magpie when it comes to shiny, pretty things and they were only a fiver from the supermarket.’
‘Do you know, I should really hate you,’ Bell said. ‘But luckily you’re far too nice a person. And I still need all your help with the fair so I can’t ditch you until after then, at least! Come on, let’s get this over with. You’re going to wow them, I promise.’
As soon as she walked through the gates and headed to the reception area of the school, Bell was instantly transported back to being six years old and trying to tag along with Cosette and her friends in the playground. She’d been roundly laughed at by the ringleader of the group and called nasty names, then been forced to watch forlornly as they all played a game of skipping that she was desperate to be part of, while Cosette kept trying to give her apologetic looks. She’d largely enjoyed her school days, but she’d never forgotten how much she’d wanted to play with the older kids instead of with her own classmates and how upset she’d been when she was told she was too young. Of course, soon she was one of the older kids herself and had probably done the same to the younger ones, but she was painfully aware of how Wolf must feel when Zach and his cronies ganged up on him.
‘Ms Morley? I’m Mrs Anderson, pleased to you meet you.’ A kind-looking lady with silvery short hair walked over to them and held out her hand.
‘Hi, I’m Millie and this is my friend Bell, lovely to meet you.’ Millie smiled a little shyly. ‘Thanks for finding time to show us round.’
‘Not at all, we’re always happy to show off our school. Now, shall I give you a quick tour and then we can have a cup of coffee and a chat? Right, well, we have two classes in each year, but we’re pretty strict about numbers as we want to make sure we’re creating the right learning environment for our children.’
As they walked round the various classrooms, art department, assembly hall and sports facilities, Bell was very taken with the displays of the pupils’ work and she could see that Millie was practically salivating at the prospect of seeing Wolfie blossom in the nurturing and creative arms of the school. And once Millie saw the football pitch, she couldn’t help but exclaim, ‘Wait till Wolfie sees this, he’s going to be in heaven, won’t he, Bell!’
Mrs Anderson smiled indulgently and led them back to her office. Once they were seated and had hot drinks in front of them, she launched into a speech about the pastoral side of the school and how it supported its pupils.
‘Wolf’s been having a hard time with some of his peers, I think you said, Millie? Well, our anti-bullying policy is extremely strong and we teach our children about inclusivity and that not all families are the same,’ she said, smiling widely at both Millie and Bell, who suddenly realised how her accompanying Millie to this
appointment might look.
‘I’m sure Wolf’s dad will also be pleased to hear that, won’t he, Millie?’ she said, subtly nudging her friend in the ribs.
‘Oh, yes, of course,’ Millie agreed quickly. ‘Thankfully, Wolf is fairly well adjusted to Louis’ and my separation – he’s barely known anything else because it happened when he was young. And he understands that he has a mummy and daddy who both love him very much but aren’t able to live together and hasn’t ever really questioned that.’
‘Good stuff,’ Mrs Anderson smiled, though Bell still wasn’t sure what she thought she was doing there. ‘Well, I’m pleased to say that if you do decide Wolf would like to come here in September, we have a place for him in our Year One intake. Obviously, most of the children will be coming up from the reception class so they do all know each other, but there will be a couple of other new pupils like Wolf, and hopefully he will settle in well. Do you want to discuss it with Wolf’s dad and then send my secretary an email next week with your decision? Excellent. Well it was lovely to meet you, Millie, and you, Bell.’
Minutes later they were back outside the gates and Bell was trying not to giggle. ‘Do you think she thought we were together?’ she chuckled as they headed off down the street.
‘No! Well, maybe at one point, but I’m sure she sees all sorts of families in a job like that. Anyway, it looked amazing, didn’t it? And Mrs Anderson is so nice. Now all I need to do is convince Louis.’
‘Yeah, it does feel like a lovely school,’ Bell nodded. ‘And I’m sure when you’ve spoken to Louis and told him all about it, he’ll be on board, too. He’s got Wolf’s best interests at heart, after all.’